WORKBOOK SMASHING LIMITING BELIEFS - everywoman

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SMASHING LIMITING BELIEFSWORKBOOK

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CONTENTS

About this workbook 3

An introduction 4

Section 1. Unblocking the barriers 6Limiting beliefs 7

Critical self-talk 12Fear of failure 13

Lack of courage 16Selling yourself short 18

Section 2. Dare to dream 19Envisage the possible 20

Further reading 23

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ESTABLISHED IN 1999, EVERYWOMAN works to advance all women in business.

Having worked closely with many women and organisations we have seen the amazing things that can be achieved when we smash through our limiting beliefs.

Often, the obstacles of working to our maximum potential are the internal blockers we put in place ourselves, they keep us safely within our comfort zone. By working at removing these obstacles which tend to be ‘limiting beliefs’ about our abilities, we are able to develop a mindset that will help us deliver outstanding results.

The definition of delivering outstanding results is unique to each of us and depends on our starting point. Often, where there is no external feedback, you will need to benchmark what success looks like to you and then consider, honestly, if you are delivering to that level. If you are not, what is stopping you?

How near are you to achieving that success? What, if anything, is getting in your way?

If you are like many people who feel like they aren’t quite reaching their potential, then this workbook is for you. We’ll explore the key blockers that get in the way of delivering outstanding results and provide a range of tips and exercises to help turn this around.

Developing the mindset to deliver outstanding results, becoming the person relied upon in the business, and the ‘go-to’ person for your wide ‘perception of the possible’, will put you on the radar of people who can expose you to desirable opportunities that may propel your career or business.

So let’s get started.

ABOUT THIS WORKBOOK

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AN INTRODUCTION

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An introductionBELIEFS ARE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT OURSELVES and the world around us that we hold onto as absolute truths.

Positive beliefs navigate us through our lives and enable us to achieve real success, we can count on them, and they give us support. They also act as a best friend, guide and mentor.

But there are other beliefs – ones which can debilitate us and stop us from making a first move. They stand between us and success. We call them ‘limiting beliefs’ and these are all too common.

We’re going to explore the key blockers that get in the way of delivering outstanding results and provide a range of tips and exercises to help turn this around. We’ll cover:

• Limiting beliefs

• Critical self-talk

• Fear of failure

• Lack of courage

• Selling yourself short“Performance equals Potential

minus Interference.”

W. TIMOTHY GALLWEY, THE INNER GAME OF WORK

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SECTION 1. UNBLOCKING THE

BARRIERS

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1. UNBLOCKING THE BARRIERS

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2. DARE TO DREAM

Limiting beliefs

How are limiting beliefs formed?

In short, they are formed through life’s experiences and some of the most powerful ones are developed in childhood. They start in our interactions with others – such as when we are pulled up for doing something wrong, or for not doing something in the way people expected of us. We attribute meaning to such events and this can lead to a physiological, psychological and emotional reaction.

Because, as humans, we like to prove ourselves right, we seek evidence which substantiates the beliefs we have about ourselves. In time, we only see the evidence we want to see and fail to see the many examples when that limiting belief was not true. Over time the limiting beliefs are reinforced and become stronger and stronger – so strong that we start to think these beliefs are reality. They start to give us a sense of certainty about how to act and what to avoid, we forget it is just an interpretation – and an interpretation often of a single event.

Example limiting beliefs:

“I can’t because I am too young. People won’t take me seriously…”“I can’t because I am too old. People will ignore me…”“You’ve got to work hard for success”“I’m not creative”“I’m not good at maths”

ONCE YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE NOT ABLE TO DO SOMETHING, your ability to do it is reduced as you make tentative efforts. This then leads to poor results and negativefeedbackwhichREINFORCESthebeliefyouheldinthefirstplace.Byturning around your belief; you can turn around your performance.

Bad experience

Confidenceeroded,couragereduced

Tentative efforts Negative feedback

The cycle of poor performance

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2. DARE TO DREAM

We call beliefs that debilitate us and stop us from making a first move ‘limiting beliefs’; they stand between us and success.

You can identify your limiting beliefs in a number of ways. One is looking at circumstances or situations you are uncomfortable with or in, but that you tolerate. Somewhere in there is a limiting belief. For example; you would love to go to the Caribbean on holiday but can’t afford it, might be the limiting belief that you are only worth the income you are receiving, which is not the case. Everyone and everything is worth what someone else will pay for them or it.

Another way of identifying your limiting belief would be to pay attention to the language you use. For example, “I’ll never be able to give up smoking” or “I could never deliver a presentation to 20 people”, indicate your personal limiting beliefs could be about your level of will power or your ability to take a risk and put yourself out there.

EXERCISE

Step 1: Explore and write down some of your limiting beliefs.

Which ONE seems to be stopping your success right now? Write it here:

Belief 1:

Belief 2:

Belief 3:

Belief 4:

Belief 5:

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2. DARE TO DREAM

Step 2: Find counter examples

StarttoshakethefoundationsofthislimitingbeliefbylookingforONEspecificexamplewhere your belief was not true. For example, perhaps you can think of an occasion where someone DID take you seriously irrespective of your age. Or, for the belief “I am not creative”, you WERE complimented on your novel idea.

Thisstepintroducesthepossibilitythatthereareflawsinthebelief.Thatitispossibleto shake it enough to knock it down.

Write your counter example here:

For really deep seated beliefs, you may need to search hard for the counter examples. Keep looking – the example may be outside of work. If they don’t come, just go on to the next step.

What does holding this belief cost you? Write down examples of how this limiting belief has held you back. How has it hurt you and your progression?

Write down what your limiting belief has cost you here:

Step 3: Counting the cost

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2. DARE TO DREAM

Step 4: Use your imagination

Experiment by putting your limiting belief on hold for just one week. Write your limitingbeliefonapieceofpaper,folditupandfileitaway.Thenactasifitdoesn’texist. What could you do whilst your limiting belief is on hold? And what will you do?

Set out your actions below:

1.

2.

3.

Commit to these actions – ensure that they are ones that take you towards your goals.

Step 5: Put your limiting belief on hold

Imagine if your limiting belief simply disappeared. What impact would this have on what youcouldachieve?Askyourself;‘ifIknewthatIcouldeasilydeliverapresentationto20 people, what would I do?’

Write your ideas here:

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2. DARE TO DREAM

Step 6: Smash your limiting belief

Sincebeliefsaresoinfluentialanddriveourbehaviour,ausefullaststepistoreplacethe old limiting belief with a new empowering belief. This needs to be in the present tense. For example, “I am a natural communicator”.

To reinforce this, write down 3-4 statements which support this belief such as:

“My boss has given me feedback to say I am clear and concise when I speak”

“I get compliments on my presentation style”

“My team tell me they know what is expected of them as I am explicit when setting objectives”

Write your empowering belief here:

And your supporting evidence here:

1.

2.

3.

4.

After one week review the progress you have made and the difference in your thinking.

Commit to keep the limiting belief on hold for a further week, then a month. When youareready,findthepieceofpaperwiththelimitingbelief,tearit up and throw it away!

Step 7: Write an empowering belief

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2. DARE TO DREAM

Critical self-talk

”You can’t do that. That won’t work. You’re not supposed to be doing that.”

It’s surprising how tough we can be on ourselves. Can you imagine working with a person who actually said this to you! You wouldn’t tolerate it, and yet so many of us allow our own critical voice airtime.

Here’s one way to turn off that critical self-talk:

Step 1: Think about a situation when you have been critical of yourself.

Remember it as if you were there – what did your internal conversation sound like (tone, tempo, rhythm etc)? For example, “What a disaster, I’m dreadful at presenting”.

Step 2: Ask yourself when the statement has ever been proven.

Unpick the statement and any situations that have proven the statement to be true.

Step 3: Work out strategies to ensure future success.

Once you have logically pulled the statement apart and drilled down to the absolute reason for your belief, work out strategies to ensure future success. For example, thestrategyfor‘youaredreadfulatpresenting’couldincludepreparation,practice,speaking with your mentor or line manager, or seeking out personal development.

ONE OF THE PERVASIVE BARRIERS TO DELIVERING OUTSTANDING RESULTS is critical self-talk. This is where you give yourself a constant dialogue such as:

EXERCISE

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2. DARE TO DREAM

Fear of failure

Of course, it is virtually impossible not to go through life without experiencing some kind of failure. Successful people see failure as feedback; it can be an incredible learning experience that propels us forward. Some of the most successful women have achieved great things on the back of failure.

Marilyn Monroe’s first contract with Columbia Pictures expired because they told her she wasn’t pretty or talented enough to be an actress.

Vera Wang failed to make the U.S. Olympic figure-skating team. Then she became an editor at Vogue and was passed over for the editor-in-chief position. She began designing wedding gowns at 40 and today is the premier designer in the business, with a multi-billion dollar company.

J.K.Rowling was unemployed, divorced and raising a daughter on social security while writing the first Harry Potter novel. She is now internationally renowned for her seven book Harry Potter series and is the first person to become a billionaire from writing.

When children learn to walk, they fall frequently. Fortunately, they don’t see this as failure and so just pick themselves up and try and try again.

Simply embracing the fact that you might fail can help move you forward.

AS YOU LOOK AT THE SUCCESS YOU COULD ACHIEVE, what is your fear? For many, it is the fear of failure. Such a fear may be driven by limiting beliefs, or

may manifest itself in a reluctance to try new things and have new experiences.

“The greatest mistake you can make in your life is to be continually feeling you will

make one.”

ELBERT G. HUBBARD

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2. DARE TO DREAM

Analyse the alternatives – when making decisions, consider all of the alternatives. Set time aside to look at pros and cons. Ask for input from others when you don’t know.

Look at the worst case scenario – often we fail to take the right action, or any action, because of our fears over what might happen. When these are generalised fears, it is hard to dismantle them – so get specific! What is the worst case scenario? How likely is it that it would happen? Is it really that bad – or could you manage it?

Check in – too often failure comes from having set off down one path and then blindly following it until the end. When you set out on a car journey you don’t just check the starting point and end point; you have milestones along the way. If you don’t see ‘the pub on the left’ or the ‘fork in the road’ you will stop and take action because you know you have probably gone the wrong way. By taking corrective action early you can avoid failure. The same is true in business.

Take control - focus your attention on the resources you do have, rather than the ones you don’t have. That way, whatever life throws at you, you will be able to handle it.

Have goals - we are regularly told the importance of goal setting and how successful people have well-defined, written goals, and that’s great for people who are confident in their beliefs and aren’t fearing the worst.

For people who are just turning around these self-limiting beliefs and fears, this can seem a challenging exercise. It doesn’t need to be if you set out attainable goals that are short-term and focus on just the next step you want to take.

“You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for

this thing that we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the

staying down.”

MARY PICKFORD, CO-FOUNDER UNITED ARTISTS

Of course, no one wants to fail deliberately! You can minimise your likelihood of failure by following these simple steps:

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2. DARE TO DREAM

EXERCISE

Write down your goal and then work out the key steps you need to get there.

Your goal

Step 1

Step 2

Step 3

Step 4

What will you do?

What will you do?

What will you do?

What will you do?

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2. DARE TO DREAM

Lack of courage

To help you move beyond your comfort zone and into the s-t-r-e-t-c-h zone where you learn, grow and some would argue live, try out the following ideas:

Behaving‘as-if’

This is a good way of ‘trying things on for size’.

Identify a situation you are unsure of. Think about how someone who is performing well in that situation would behave and act. Then do the things that the confident person would do, and you will actually feel more confident yourself. And remember, we don’t just communicate with our words, but also with our tone, pace, rhythm, and body language.

Examples:

At a networking event, talk to the first person you meet as-if you are going to have a good, comfortable and useful conversation.

When giving a presentation, talk as if you are happy, confident and have mastery of your subject.

WHEN WE HAVE BEEN PARALYSED BY FEAR OF FAILURE or thwarted by our own limiting beliefs, the idea of entering the unknown can send us into a spin. If we have played it safe for too long, our comfort zone retracts and the smallest step can

feel like a giant leap.

Panic zone

S-t-r-e-t-ch zone

Comfort zone

“People cannot discover new oceans until they have the courage to lose sight of the

shore.”

ANON

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2. DARE TO DREAM

EXERCISE

Complete the following and keep it to hand so you can refer to it regularly.

I like the fact that I ...

I am proud of myself for …

My skills and strengths are …

I love being myself when …

I feel great when …

The best moment in my life was when …

Positive stock-taking

It’s all too easy to forget what you are good at and it’s good to remind yourself regularly.

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2. DARE TO DREAM

Selling yourself short

As you squash your limiting beliefs and banish your fears, you will start achieving so much more. And it is YOUR job to let others know about it because if you don’t, no one else will.

How often have you been asked, “So, what’s going on for you?” and you find yourself struggling to say the positives for being drowned out by problems you are grappling with?

This is an opportunity to sell yourself. To help make the most of these opportunities in future, PREPARE.

NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN YOUR OWN CAREER AS MUCH AS YOU ARE. Not even your manager, not the organisation, no-one. In order to be successful you have to be in the driving seat.

EXERCISE

Make a list of your achievements over the past few weeks or months. What are the outcomes you are most happy with? List them here:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

And then keep this list current by reviewing it EVERY week.

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SECTION 2.DARE TO DREAM

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1. UNBLOCKING THE BARRIERS2. DARE TO DREAM

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Envisage the possibleWHAT WOULD YOU DARE TO DREAM IF YOU KNEW you could not fail? If you knewyouwouldfindtheanswers,overcomeyourfears,andtrulybelieveinyour own capability, what would be possible? And what if you had the courage to step beyond your comfort zone?

EXERCISE

Develop,inyourmind,amovie/pictureofyouridealdayinfiveyearstime.

‘Step’intoitandtaketimetoreallyliveitasifyouwereactuallythere.Noticewhatis going on around you.

How will you be behaving what will you be doing? Notice:

•Where you are living

•Who is with you

•What is important to you

• How you earn your living

•What you love about your job

• The environment you work in

•What car you drive

•Where you holiday

• How you spend your evenings and weekends

• How you are managed and how you manage

• Anything else that is important about this time.

Take a few minutes to imagine such a time in the future.

Step1:Imagineyouridealday,fiveyearsfromnow.

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Step 2: Record your perfect day

In whatever way seems appropriate to you, make a record of what your perfect day is like. For example, you might want to write a vivid, detailed account as if you were telling a story, or you might want to draw a mind map or collage using pictures to denote what is important to you. Think about videoing yourself on your smartphone or tablet, that way you can play it back frequently and easily.

Step 3: Walk backwards through time

•When you are ready, take a step back from your perfect day to four years from now.

•Again, really live it. Notice how you know what you need to be doing in order to reach your goal. What is going on around you and how this feels. Make a few notes to remind you what needs to be true at this stage in order for you to reach your goal.

•When you are ready, take a step back to three years from now, and again really live it before making a few notes of the milestones to be reached.

•Take a step back to two years from now, then one year, then six months, then threemonths,thenonemonth,thentwoweeks,thenoneweekandfinallytomorrow.

For each stage spend a good amount of time really living that time and noticing what you notice, feeling what you know you will be feeling and being clear on the steps you will need to take to reach your goals.

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“Come to the edge. We might fall.

Come to the edge, It’s too high!

Come to the edge!And they came, and he pushed

and they flew…”

CHRISTOPHER LOGUE

Step 4: Actions

Write down a list of actions, insights and milestones to guide you to your future.

Take time to enjoy and celebrate your successes every day and remember to revisit these exercises regularly, smashing your limiting

beliefs. Changing your mindset takes time and perseverance,but it is well worth it in the end as you’ll deliver outstanding results.

advanc ing women in bus ines s

everywoman Expert

In her work as a leadership development consultant, Kate Turner has gained valuable insights into the mind-set of high performers and their motivators, and the impact of both of these factors upon personal success.

She is qualified in numerous personal effectiveness tools and psychometrics,and people management (MCIPD) and has worked with ITN, JP Morgan, Fidelity Investments, HSBC and many other organisations.

•W. Timothy Gallwey, The Inner Game of Work. Overcoming Mental

Obstacles for Maximum Performance (Texere, 2000)

•Susan Jeffers, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (Vermilion, 2007)

•Rick Carson, Taming Your Gremlins – A Surprisingly Simple Method

for Getting Out of your Own Way (HarperCollins, 2003)

•Martin E. P. Seligman, Learned Optimism – How to change your

mind and your life (Free Press, 1998)

Go to everywoman.com/development for more personal development

workbooks, tools and a schedule of our online seminars.

Further reading

Copyright

© 2013 Everywoman Ltd. All rights reserved worldwide. This publication is protected by law, and all rights are reserved, including resale rights: no part of this publication may be reproduced and you are not allowed to make copies and distribute or sell this workbook to anyone else. You may only use it if you are a member of the everywomanNetwork and have downloaded it from www.everywoman.com

No responsibility for loss caused to any individual or organisation acting or refraining from action as a result of the material in this publication can be accepted by Everywoman Ltd or the authors/experts.

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This workbook has been produced and edited by everywoman, with content commissioned from associate expert Kate Turner. It is part of the everywoman portfolio of resources that have been specially created to support and develop women as they advance their careers and businesses.

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WORKBOOK SMASHING LIMITING BELIEFS - everywoman