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ENG 1020

December 10, 2013

Reflective Argument & Portfolio

 

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Table of Contents

1. Reflective Argument (Pages 3-10)

2. Appendix A-Reading Response 3 (Pages 11-12)

3. Appendix B-Annotations on Marcorie (Pages 13-14)

4. Appendix C-Reflection 1 (Page 15)

5. Appendix D-I-Search (Pages 16-21)

6. Appendix E-Library Research (Page 22)

7. Appendix F-Reflection 2 (Pages 23-24)

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When I signed up for this course, I was confident in my skills as a writer. I have always

done well in my English courses, and I wasn’t expecting that I would learn much more than I

already knew. But, of course, I soon realized that I was very wrong. This course introduced me

to many new ideas and methods of writing, and, through the process of reflection, I have

developed a better understanding of myself as a writer, researcher, and reader. After completing

many assignments that focus on these areas, I now feel confident in my ability to continue

strengthening my skills.

Throughout the semester we have been assigned numerous texts and articles on a range of

topics. Reading them has helped me improve my critical thinking and analysis skills. A few

weeks into the semester, we were assigned an article called “What’s Worth Knowing” by Neil

Postman and Charles Weingartner, which discussed the flaws of our current school system and

some of their ideas for how to reform it. Previously, when assigned a lengthy academic text in

my AP Language class, I would wait until the last minute and quickly go through it, not reading

as deeply as I should have. With this text, I decided to do better. I skimmed the text once, and

then went over it again with a pen and a highlighter, highlighting key points and writing down

my thoughts and questions in the margins. I really engaged with this text by relating it to my own

experiences and using critical thinking. I demonstrated this by asking these questions at the end

of Reading Response 3: “A lot of [the questions the authors asked] seemed exclusive to English

classes. How can this type of reform be applied to other classes, such as science, or the arts?”

and “Recognizing 1) that the schools receive money based on the scores of their students on

standardized tests, and 2) the failures of standardized tests to evaluate the real progress of

students, what kind of system could we develop to decide where we allocate money?” (Page 12)

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These questions, along with my reading response and my annotations, accurately speak to the

degree that I was engaged with the text.

Along with the text by Postman and Weingartner, we read another by Marcrorie to lead

us into our work on Project 2. Reading Marcorie’s text was very inspiring to me, because, as I

explained in Reading Response 3, “[the i-search paper] encourages students to delve into

something that interests them, rather than fulfill some silly benchmark set by some far-away

person (Page 11).” I was totally engaged and inspired while reading the text, which can be seen

in my annotations, especially at the end of the text. Next to the sentence that encouraged readers

to write about something that they really want to know about, I wrote “I’m excited! BRAZIL. Or

the DIA? Gardening in Detroit? (Page 13)” Annotating while reading gave me a way to

concretely keep track of my ideas and allowed me to reference back to them much later. Often, if

I do not annotate while reading a text, even though I am inspired and have lots of good ideas, I

forget them all once I put it down. And then when I need to use that text later on for a project or

a discussion, I have to spend the time reading through the whole the text again, trying to

remember my ideas. Of course, when this happens I do not remember them all, and as a result,

my work is not at the level of quality that it should be.

Annotating Marcrorie’s text also helped me to understand the unusual genre of the

narrative research paper.  In the example i-search paper that he included in the text, I took notes

on the author’s process; where she had to adapt, where she used humor, what kinds of sources

she used, the depth of her narration, and her analysis of the experience (Page 14.). My

annotations of this paper played a big role in helping me begin writing my own i-search paper. In

my past writing experiences, I’ve struggled a lot with finding inspiration for a topic and, once

finding one, figuring out how to organize a paper about it. But after going through the process of

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reading, annotating, and analyzing the Marcrorie text, I not only had a firm idea about how I was

going to write the paper, I was also really excited about the topic.

In both Project 1 and Project 3, I used blogs as a source of information. My reading

process was very different with these blogs than with the academic texts. In Project 1, we had to

create an About Me page on our blogs. Because I was unfamiliar with this genre, I looked up

numerous blogs’ About Me pages for guidance. I did not read these as deeply as I did with the

texts, rather I took note of their purpose, which varied with each blog. Some focused on

information about a company or an organization, some focused on a person’s professional

accomplishments, and some focused on a person’s personal life. Noticing this pattern lead me to

consider my purpose while writing the About Me page, which was to get my classmates to know

me. In my first Reflection, I described some difficulties I encountered. “The final product made

my life seem so simple, when really there are so many more things that make up who I am that I

couldn’t fit them all in. For example, my exchange year in Belgium…I could write hundreds of

pages on that, but only ended up writing a few sentences. Remembering the genre of About Me

pages though, I tried to be concise (Page 15).” Here, I demonstrate how my familiarity with the

genre helped me to finish the project.

I used some blogs to find information about the perception of the city of Detroit in

Project 3. One blog that we used contained a motivational video that gave a bunch of little facts

about Detroit, which was an entertaining way of obtaining relevant information. While watching

the video, I wrote down notes and my thoughts on how I could relate it back to the project.

Another blog that we used showed the results of a study that gathered information about peoples’

perception of the city of Detroit. I skimmed through this blog, only taking notes of the relevant

information, which was mostly statistics and conclusions about the statistics. While reading both

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of these blogs I remembered to keep in my mind that they were biased, and that while they

contained exactly the information I was looking for, I had to back up their claims with credible

sources.

The work I completed in Project 1 also helped to bring out my voice in Project 2. In

exploring the genre of the blog, I got to experiment with a more informal kind of writing, which I

discovered I really enjoyed. In my first reflection I wrote, “Adding funny bits and photos to the

page is something that I don’t think I’ve ever done before in a school assignment, and I felt that

it helped to bring out my voice, which is something that I always struggle with (Page 15) In my

previous writing assignments, I would always focus more on sounding “professional,” which

ended up sounding very stiff. I think this is because I didn’t think a lot about the reader. With the

more informal genre of the blog, I became more relaxed in my writing. Because my purpose was

to get my classmates to get to know me, I felt comfortable using more colloquial language and

adding humor. This carried on into the narration aspect of Project 2, the i-search paper. Thinking

about the reader, I used familiar language that would bring him into my searching process--I

used language to convey my emotions. When I wrote about the excitement I had upon finding an

interview, I said, “She seemed pretty excited to talk to me about her experience! I emailed her

back right away and told her when I was available…Now another week has gone by and she still

hasn’t replied. I guess college students are pretty busy (Page 18).” After completing these first

two projects, I feel that I have grown a great understanding of assessing a genre, and how to

write within its confines.

For Project 2, I chose to write about Wayne State’s study abroad program to Brazil,

because I was in the process of applying to it at the time.  After a few days discussing the project

in class, we spent a day in the library learning about Wayne State’s databases. We were

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instructed to use them to find articles about our topics. I didn’t think I would be able to find

anything relevant to my topic because it was so specific, but I had to do something. So I typed in

“study abroad” to the CQ Searcher. I didn’t find anything, so I searched for “foreign language,”

where I found an article about the future of language. I wasn’t planning on writing about foreign

languages, but I liked the article, so I kept the idea in the back of my mind in case my original

plan didn’t work out. In my blog post about that experience, I wrote about my next steps, “I then

moved on to Academic OneFile. Using the Advanced Search, I typed in some keywords such as

“Study Abroad”, “Foreign exchange”, “Youth exchange”, and “university.” There were

thousands of articles that came up, and after browsing through some of the titles, I realized that

the engine was showing me results for foreign exchange rates. So I made my search more

specific by deleting “foreign exchange.” Then, I was able to find titles more relevant to my

subject (Page 23).” One of the articles I read asserted that study abroad programs market

themselves mostly to middle class white kids, and another article claimed that the majority of

American students do study abroad to have a year off and drink. These articles were really

interesting, and even if they weren’t what I had set out to find, perhaps I could find a way to

incorporate them into my project. During this day in the library, I realized the importance of

word choice when searching for specific information, but, equally as valuable, I learned how to

find inspiration in results that I found, but was not looking for.

I learned a lot about the interviewing process in this project as well. Unfortunately, the

first topic that I chose ended up not working out because I could not get an interview with

anyone. My first lesson in this process was to accept that things were not going to go the way I

had planned, and my second lesson was to be creative in finding a solution. I decided to stay on

the subject of Study abroad, and use the articles that I had found to create some more questions

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for exchange students.  In my i-search paper, I wrote “These articles inspired me to ask students

what had convinced them to participate in the program, and if their expectations were met. I also

decided to include the students’ ethnic and economic background if possible (Page 18).” I

decided to post some broad questions in a Facebook group with over 20,000 members: “I’m

wondering what influenced you to become an exchange student? Was it something you had

always wanted to do? Did you do it for the language? To get to know the culture? If you’re

American, is it because you wanted to drink? Were your expectations met? (page 18)” I learned

from the Merriam text that it was important to ask questions that would not illicit a ‘yes’ or ‘no’

answer, but rather focus on asking interviewees to describe their interpretations of past

experiences. While I did get some quality responses from the facebook group, I also wanted to

get more in depth. I explained in the paper, “I messaged some of my friends with more specific

questions regarding their expectations before leaving, what influenced them to participate, their

goals throughout the year, and what accomplishments they were most proud of (Page 19).” I

knew that my friends would take more time to answer the questions than the people on the group,

so I wrote them in a way that would elicit a deeper explanation.

   Various assignments throughout the semester have lead me to reflect on the

effectiveness of my writing processes. After reading Elbow’s text on reading aloud as a form of

editing, we were instructed to do so with our i-search papers. I had never done this exercise

before, and it seemed strange at first. The first time I tried it, I mouthed the words to myself and

found a few errors, but not a lot. Later that day however, I decided to read it aloud to my friend.

This was really effective in helping me to focus my writing, especially because I heard my paper

through her ears, as Elbow suggested would happen. What I found was that my paper was pretty

wordy and had a lot of run on sentences. In Reflection 2, I considered why I had such a problem

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with them, “I finished this paper in a hurry. I didn’t get a chance to edit it a second time. I think

that this is why I had a high number of unclear, run on sentences (Page 24).” I often find myself

approaching the deadline for a project with a lot of work left to do in a small amount of time,

which means that I give myself less time to go through and make sure that my work is clear and

concise. By reflecting on this exercise, I realized that the root of a lot of my problems with

writing is time management.

I had a breakthrough with time management in Project 4. Working through Project 4 was

challenging in a few ways, with the most difficult task being organization. Because it was a

group project, we had to figure out the best way to divide up writing tasks, communicate, and

make sure that everything was done on time. This project forced me to break my old habits,

because I had responsibilities to the other members of my group. After some reflection, one of

my partners, Natasha, and I decided that the best way to organize ourselves would be by writing

down the goals of the paper and then creating an outline and a calendar. This proved to be an

incredibly helpful tool, because it kept our writing and our ideas consistent, and gave us some

perspective on the amount of work that we had to do in a certain amount of time. I think I will

continue this practice for my future writing assignments (and in fact--I’ve used it on this final

project).

After completing this course, I feel equipped to navigate myself through unfamiliar

rhetorical situations. I have also learned that a great way to address problems that I often

encounter in my writing, reading, and researching is through reflection on the effectiveness of

my processes. I learned that simply taking an hour to write about my work after finishing it can

make a huge difference in how I approach and work through my next projects. I also learned the

importance of being adaptable while completing an assignment, which is a skill that I will carry

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out of English courses and into my day to day life. Ultimately, I found this course was very

enlightening and useful, and I am excited to use the skills I have learned in this class in my

future.

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APPENDIX A: Reading Response 3

Both texts proposed a reform of our current education system that fulfills standards based

on the realistic needs of students, and humanity as a whole. Postman and Weingartner wrote

about changing the purpose of questions we ask students in school. They point out that the

questions we ask students in today’s education system seem totally arbitrary and irrelevant to

their learning needs. Instead of teaching children how to learn, and how to engage in their own

learning (a skill that they will use for the rest of their life), we are teaching children how to

satisfy their teachers’ requirements; we neither value, nor recognize the ability (or the needs) of

children. A lot of what we teach children in school is redundant and irrelevant to their future.

The primary example in both papers is that of requirements for essays. Marcorie says “Other

teachers and I have given so many instructions to students about the form and length of papers

that we’ve destroyed their natural curiousity.” That’s just it. Students nowadays have no

curiosity. There are so many kids who hate school, and it’s because for them, school is mind-

numbingly dull; they are not engaged in their lessons, and their teachers are not interested in

them. They have not been taught to cultivate their creativity or curiosity, which could be

considered as some of the most essential qualities of the leaders of the future.

That’s why the i-search paper is such an intriguing idea. It encourages students to delve

into something that interests them, rather than fulfill some silly benchmark set by some far-away

person. After reading Marcorie’s paper, and realizing that I was about to do this assignment, I

got really inspired. The first thing that came to mind as a subject was the study abroad program

to Brazil (which I’m currently in the process of applying for). It’s something that I’m intensely

interested in and excited about. But then I began thinking about other things I am passionate

about, such as art, the environment, vegetarianism, or the importance of learning foreign

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languages. Researching any of those subjects would make me so happy that it’s hard to choose

only one (maybe I’ll find a way to do all of them). I like the idea of going to experts in those

areas and actually having a discussion with them. Often, I think, young people think of

themselves as powerless and incapable of having an intelligent conversation with adults, but this

project challenges that notion. I’m excited!

Question for the authors:

A lot of these questions seemed exclusive to English classes…how can this type of reform be

applied to other classes, such as science, or the arts?

Recognizing 1) that the schools receive money based on the scores of their students on

standardized tests, and 2) the failures of standardized tests to evaluate the real progress of

students, what kind of system could we develop to decide where we allocate money?

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APPENDIX B: Annotations on Marcrorie

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Appendix C-Reflection 1

Writing the About Me page was very enjoyable. I especially appreciated that I could write

informally, compared to other writing assignments I’ve had to do in the past. Adding funny bits

and photos to the page (such as the bra-burning) is something that I don’t think I’ve ever done

before in a school assignment, and I felt that it helped to bring out my voice, which is something

that I always struggled with. I also appreciated that the assignment encouraged a different kind of

self-reflection than I’ve previously had to engage in. Rather than reflecting to find a thesis, I had

to reflect on my own life experiences and how they have led to the life I’m living today. I

haven’t ever had to do that so explicitly for school, nor have I encountered many situations in life

where I’ve had to. This is why I was glad for the guidance from Gee’s text on Discourses. While

reading his text, I kept relating it back to my own life, and was happy that I could use this

assignment as a medium to make those ideas more concrete. However something that I found

difficult was tying my experience as a writer into the piece. After trying a few different paths, I

eventually found a way to do it that didn’t seem too awkward. I started with my experiences as a

child, with my best friend Theo, and then moved from there to my school experiences. Since I

don’t have a lot of writing experience outside of school, I had to leave it at that. I also felt

uncomfortable leaving so much of my life out. The final product made my life seem so simple,

when really there are so many more things that make up who I am that I couldn’t fit them all in.

For example, my exchange year in Belgium…I could write hundreds of pages on that, but only

ended up writing a few sentences. Remembering the genre of About Me pages though, I tried to

be concise. Overall I really enjoyed this assignment.

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APPENDIX D: I-search

I spent the last year studying abroad in Liege, Belgium, which was one of the most

incredible experiences of my life. I learned French, traveled all over Europe, and made many

meaningful friendships. Ever since I got back I’ve been itching to leave again. So, of course, I

looked up which Study Abroad programs Wayne State offers. I was pleasantly surprised with the

number of options available. There are so many countries and programs to choose from, and they

can last from one week to one year. I was looking for a program in either South America or

Europe that lasted at least one semester, and would be relevant to my major of Environmental

Science. I narrowed my options down to either France or Brazil. If I went to France, I would stay

for two semesters in Tours. There, I could perfect my French, visit all my family and friends in

Belgium, and see more of Europe. If I went to Brazil, I would stay a little over one semester in

either Florianopolis or Belo Horizonte. I could learn a new language, discover South America,

and visit my Brazilian friends that I’d met during the past year. I decided to apply to the program

to Brazil because I have already seen a lot of Europe, and want to explore other parts of the

world. And, I figured that I would be more desirable to future employers if I had experience in

both parts of the world and was trilingual rather than bilingual.

I began some preliminary research by contacting the program director. Unfortunately, I

didn’t know about this project when I met with him, and so I did not record the meeting. He told

me about the program, and after he was done explaining it to me, I found that other than

questions about price, credits, and housing, most of the questions that I asked him would have

been better answered by past participants. I was wondering how the students did with the

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language, if they struggled a lot in their classes, if they had the opportunity to travel, if they had

made good friends, and so forth. So he gave me a long list of their names’ and email addresses. I

sent them all a friendly email with a little bit of information about myself, and explained that I

was both in the process of applying to the program, and writing a paper about it. I added that it

would be great if we could meet in person, but if not, we could always talk over the internet.

About a week after sending out the email, I (finally!) got a (single) response. It was from

a student named Rosio. “Oi Cheyenne, I'm glad to hear that more and more people are getting an

interest in studying abroad. Not to mention that Brazil is an awesome country to visit! I would

love to meet with you and share with you the ‘gotta knows’ and the ‘must knows’ what times

work best for you?” She seemed pretty excited to talk to me about her experience! I emailed her

back right away and told her when I was available…Now another week has gone by and she still

hasn’t replied. I guess college students are pretty busy.I got kind of bummed out when I realized

that I wouldn’t be able to do my paper on the topic I had originally wanted to. Upon being

assigned this paper, I immediately knew that I wanted to do it on the program to Brazil. It’s

something that I’m genuinely curious about and something that, as an applicant, I’m really

invested in. The thought had never crossed my mind that I wouldn’t have anyone to interview…

And I couldn’t think of an interesting way to write about the program without the participants.

So, now with less time, I decided to broaden my question to include any student who had

participated in a study abroad program. I was certain that I could get lots of responses from

exchange students from all different walks of life, so I wouldn’t have the same problem as I had

had with my previous question. The only issue I had was that I wouldn’t be able to meet with

these people face to face. I think that an in-person interview has better results than an interview

over the internet, because the interviewer can modify questions as the interview goes along, and

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can delve deeper into the subject according to the interviewee’s responses. So I had to modify

my questions a little bit to be more appropriate for an online interview by shortening them and

making them broader. I had also recently looked through an article about the way that study

abroad programs tend to market themselves to middle to upper class white kids, and another

article which claimed that many American students participate in study abroad because they

want to drink alcohol. These articles inspired me to ask students what had convinced them to

participate in the program, and if their expectations were met. I also decided to include the

students’ ethnic and economic background if possible.

I’m a member of three exchange student groups on Facebook, which gives me a very

broad audience to work with. I posted these questions in each of the groups: “I’m wondering

what influenced you to become an exchange student? Was it something you had always wanted

to do? Did you do it for the language? To get to know another culture? If you're American, is it

because you wanted to drink? Were your expectations met?” I wasn’t totally sure about the

quality of the responses I would get, but while I did get quite a few unhelpful responses such as

“My mom gave me de idea and I was like ‘yeah why the hell not’. No. No. No. Yes. Yes.

(Masson)” I also got many interesting responses. A girl from Ohio named Izzy Pulido responded

saying, “When senior year came around, I knew that I couldn't afford to go to college

immediately and needed a way to keep myself busy.” She soon found out about the Rotary

Youth Exchange (RYE) through a presentation given by an RYE officer who had done an

exchange himself in South Africa during the apartheid. She said that it was impressive that he

had been able to experience that, and it was equally as impressive that 30 years later he was still

invested in the program. She added that she has always been interested in languages and different

cultures. “I’m an immigrant from the Philippines, so I'm not a stranger to different cultural

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expectations, but I think the big key to participating in the exchange was the travel portion for

me.” She said that her expectations were exceeded and that she would recommend the program

to any qualified student. Her statement counters the idea that exchange programs market

themselves uniquely to white middle to upper class students. It’s interesting that part of her

motivation to participate in the study abroad program was that she was financially insecure, and

the other part was her desire to travel as a result of being an immigrant. (Pulido)

Other responses I received through the Facebook groups showed that many students’

motivation was to learn another language. A middle class American student, Kendra Barton, told

a small anecdote about a trip to Germany where she had met a woman who didn’t speak English,

but was really interested in this group of Americans, and tried so hard to communicate with

them. “That really inspired me to travel more and learn more languages and cultures. (Barton)”A

student from Mexico, Shelsy Mv, said that her neighbor who had just gotten back from a year in

France inspired her to apply to the program. “I did do it for another culture, to become

independent in a way, but most importantly for the French. (Mv)” These responses I was getting

were great, but I wanted to get more in-depth. So I messaged some of my friends with more

specific questions regarding their expectations before leaving, what influenced them to

participate, their goals throughout the year, and what accomplishment they are most proud of.

Almost every student that I talked to wanted to be sure that I was aware of how happy

they were with their exchange years, and that all of their expectations were exceeded. Kyla

Jenkins, my close friend and fellow American, said that her inspiration to go on exchange was

her two best friends who had done it and raved about it. Even though she didn’t end up getting

her first choice of country, Switzerland, she was more than happy with the country she got,

which was Belgium. “I honestly think that it doesn't matter what country you choose, it's more

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about the exchange itself, the people, and the culture.” She said that her goals before she left

were to travel a lot and learn French, but as time went on, her focus shifted to developing

relationships with people. “My goals were met, but halfway into my exchange i didn't really have

any goals but to make every minute count. The experience became more about the connections I

made than anything else. (Jenkins)” One of my Chinese-Canadian friends, Katrina Li, had a

similar revelation. Her goals in the beginning were to learn a new language and become more

confident in herself and her choices. She said that both of these goals were met, but “as time

went on during my exchange I was more focused on having the most memorable year by doing

everything I could.” Katrina was also similar to other students who had responded to me in that

her motivation to go on exchange was to escape her environment at home. “I was sick of living

in a small town. I really wanted something completely new. I guess I've been wanting to do this

for about four years. (Li)” Many students that I talked to said that they had been wanting to go on

exchange for many years. A good friend of mine, Leah Genge, from Canada, explained that

when she was 12, she befriended a Korean exchange student at her school who got her interested

in Rotary Youth Exchange. When she told her dad that she wanted to do this, he forbid her to

apply because he knew that he would not be able to afford it. Keep in mind that RYE is a

relatively low-cost program. Because each student is placed in a family’s home, they only have

to pay for the plane ticket, insurance, and living expenses (but Rotary provides each student a

small allowance each month to help with that), which amount to about $5,000. That’s not bad for

a year in Europe. Leah decided that she could make the money herself, and would apply to the

program despite her father’s disapproval. “I finally accomplished my dream after having worked

for three years to get the money and head out on my own. (Genge)”

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The results of these interviews show that most students participate in study abroad in

search of adventure, to learn a new language, and to gain independence. And in most cases, the

student was not influenced by the marketing of a study abroad program, but rather by people that

they know who have gone on study abroad. Also, many students that I talked to were either low-

income, or non-white, countering the idea that study abroad programs market themselves

uniquely to middle to upper class white students. I really enjoyed talking to all these students and

learning about their experiences, and I think I have a lot more insight into the reasons why

students participate in study abroad.

Works Cited

Zamudio, Rosio. October 2. 2013.

Pulido, Izzy. Personal Interview. October 7. 2013.

Barton, Kendra. Personal Intervew. October 10. 2013.

Mv, Shelsy. Personal Interview. October 8. 2013

Jenkins, Kyla. Personal Interview. October 10. 2013

Masson, Renan. Personal Interview. October 10, 2013

Li, Katrina. Personal Interview. October 11, 2013.

Genge, Leah. Personal Interview. October 13, 2013.

Library Research

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Appendix E-Library Research

Knowing that I would not find any articles about about my topic (because it is too

specific), I decided to just research Study Abroad in general. I tried the CQ Searcher, but didn’t

find anything about Study Abroad. I tried searching for foreign language, and found one article

about the future of language that might be helpful (http://guides.lib.wayne.edu/content.php?

pid=62407&sid=570588). I then moved on to Academic OneFile. Using the Advanced Search, I

typed in some keywords such as “Study Abroad”, “Foreign exchange”, “Youth exchange”, and

“university.” There were thousands of articles that came up, and after browsing through some of

the titles, I realized that the engine was showing me results for foreign exchange rates. So I made

my search more specific by deleting “foreign exchange.” Then, I was able to find titles more

relevant to my subject. I clicked on one of the first ones

(http://search.proquest.com/docview/1326333536/140DA5949F91051168E/1?accountid=14925)

and realized that I could use it to create interesting interview questions and to make more in-

depth observations about the way that Study Abroad programs market themselves, and why

students decide to participate in the program. I found this tool helpful and I think I will use it for

this project!

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Appendix F-Reflection 2

The first time I tried this exercise, I just mouthed the words to myself because I was not in an

appropriate setting to read it out loud. I found a few grammatical errors, but not much else.

However, once I had the time, I read my paper out loud to my friend.  This time, I found many

more things that I could improve. I think it helped that I read it to a friend, because I heard my

paper through her ears, as Elbow had suggested would happen.  I was generally satisfied with the

way that my paper sounded. I thought that my “voice” (whatever that means) showed throughout

most of the paper, particularly through my use of language. For example, little colloquialisms

such as “bummed out” as well as side notes in parentheses, “About a week after sending out the

email, I (finally!) got a (single) response,” help to convey my feelings.

I noticed that I had used some wording that I wouldn’t use in regular speech, but sounded natural

on paper. So when I read these sentences out loud, they sounded bizarre. For example, I wrote “I

was pleasantly surprised with the number of options available.” I would probably never say “I

was pleasantly surprised” in a normal conversation, but I think in this paper, it strengthens the

narration by expressing feeling.  Elbow writes about this on page 9, with a quote from Peter Pan.

He explains that sometimes a sentence will please “the tongue and ear,” as well as the reader, but

is not something that one would say in conversation. I don’t think this happens a lot in my paper,

but I definitely noticed it from time to time! However, I am not sure if the language I used would

be considered “fluffy” and unnecessary, or “pleasing” language.

I have always had a problem with run on sentences, and so it was no surprise that I struggled

with them in this paper. I hadn’t really noticed how many I had until I read it out loud. For

example, the sentence “He told me about the program, and after he was done explaining it to me,

I found that other than questions about price, credits, and housing, most of questions that I had

asked him would have been better answered by the students who had participated,” definitely

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needs to be clarified by breaking it into a few different sentences. There are a few other

sentences like that that I will have to change. What happens most of the time is that I will write a

paper, quickly edit it, and then I need to get some distance from it before coming back to edit it a

second time. Because I finished this paper in a hurry, I didn’t get a chance to edit it a second

time. I think that this is why I had a high number of unclear, run-on sentences.

Overall, I found this exercise very helpful in the revising process. If I hadn’t read it out loud, I

think I would have looked over a lot of opportunities to improve my paper.

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