Writing to Describe Paper 2 Section B

Text structure when writing to describe

Mechanical paragraphing

- when the writer seems to have thought “Oh – probably time I should start a new paragraph!”

Bnbbh jjhjkujj jjjhujk jj jwjwjw, jd djwjd wejdb wjdwj dj down the arcade ejjqq12e korj hw jkwei hgehk eheje2veh2u3vijrihvu3jhrwewe the Macdonald’s.

Ljnd wkkd kwsdwh cucumber q whe jqwh jqqjw hjqw ujhduj bad temper eehuwrh urh uhrru hr. Urh rurhr ur my English teacher! He edwewe rwwre utterly amazed.

Nsdfhbwsj wedjwdhjwfr bgasjtydjn dghrf.. Jedgwegwer hghh hbweh jhwghehghwer. Unfortunately, g e e ejhhgwe j. I bwerh werghbgrh werghhj jkjh never again.

Writing to describe

Paragraphs can simply organise text: mechanical and simple paragraphing shows

• a change of time, or • a change of place, or • a change of topic, or • in dialogue, a change of speaker.

Mechanical paragraphing

- is something like this and is rather boring…

I got up in the morning and the sun was shining. I put my clothes on and went outside. There were people everywhere. I went to the beach and I looked around. There was no space on the beach so I went on a bit. I walked for ten minutes and I came to a place where there was nobody else. I settled down and enjoyed the sun.

It got hotter and hotter. Soon I was sweating and I decided to look for some shade. I found a place near the rocks and settled down. It was better there and I stayed there until twelve. Then I got hungry and decided to go and find some food.

Mechanical paragraphing (Cont.d)

There was a chip and burger stall at the end of the beach. I had burger and chips with some sauce and a can of coke. Then I decided to go back to the beach but I met someone I knew and we decided to go for a swim.

When we had our swim we went back to the beach and had a lie down. We put some sun tan oil on because it was really hot. Kelly said there was a disco in the evening so we decided to go. We stayed on the beach until five o’clock. It was a good day.

Writing to describe

Much better are paragraphs to organise & manipulate text and reader –

COHERENT paragraphing and paragraphs to ENHANCE MEANING

Coherent paragraphing

The golden strip of the shore disappeared into the far-off blue. There was no-one but me around. Seven o'clock in the morning the beach was mine. Soon, it would be different. The people who take photographs for postcards would get there before anyone else to take those shots of miles of sand with no-one about that you couldn't believe when you were defending your towel territory against the family from hell, the dogs who were forbidden to be on the beach and the 53 white cardies on a day trip from Birmingham.

Coherent paragraphing (cont.d)

Later the beach would be heaving with human life, but I liked it the way it was for a short time each morning. No beer-bellied Dads dribbling pickle down their chin as they burped their way through another can of larger. No strutting posers eye-ing you up behind their cheap Armani-lookalike shades. No white beach hulks turning pink because it's there first day and they wernt going to be ripped off by paying that price for some sun-tan oil.

Paragraphing to enhance meaning

I woke up to bright sunshine, blue sky and the music of birdsong all around. A whole day of blissful holiday freedom lay ahead. Sun, sea, sand and who knows what - company, laughter and Romance, perhaps…

I picked my way over yesterday's scattered socks and knickers and jeans towards the kitchen and sat at the table. Before me lay the mainly empty tinfoil packs of last night's Chinese takeaway, and in the sink the plates that had been left for someone else to do in the morning. Someone else was nowhere to be seen. Again.

Paragraphing to enhance meaning (Cont.d)

Escaping the scene of wreckage in the kitchen, I opened the door to greet the new day. Outside, life was stirring on the camp site. The inviting smell of bacon wafted across the grass, in the distance I heard the tide caress the crumbling castles on the beach, and the Great Dane from the next caravan had done it again, right in front of our steps, a real monster, steaming gently in the early morning sunlight.

Paragraphs in Writing to describe

Describe the room that you are in (mechanical paragraphing)

The room I am in is a big hall in my school. It is full of people doing their English exam. Everyone is very quite and trying to do there best. There are teachers walking up and down invigiliting. I can see my friends concentrating.

The room is quite warm. Because there are lots of people in it. Most people are wearing shirts because it is warm. There is some fresh air coming in from the window.

The room I am in is the school hall. It has a stage at one end which is used for plays and things like that. We had a band here when we had the year 11 Christmas party.

Paragraphs in Writing to describe

Better…

The room I am sitting in is full of silent people working on their English exam. Everyone’s face looks serious as they try to write as much as they can and not make any spelling mistakes. All the people I’ve known since year 7 are in this room as well as some I remember from primary school.

We never thought in those days long ago that all these years at school would end up in a hall like this. We used to think real life was far away and never thought about how we would be judged on what we had learned over all that time.

In the future we may remember this room as the place where the rest of our lives was decided. No wonder everyone around me looks serious.

Paragraphs and Writing to describe

The clock ticks, the teacher’s shoes shuffle and the desk in front of me squeaks as its occupant desperately tries to cram as many adjectives as possible into two and a half sides of lined paper.

Outside, there is birdsong and the swaying of green leaves in the breeze. Cars pass by and people go about their business, oblivious to the fate of those imprisoned here. They pause to chat, they enjoy the day. Outside is Life. Inside is something else.

Imprisoned in silence, held by invisible chains to our desks, we slaves obey the orders of our master. Chief Geeseyessy rules here, and no one dares to rebel. Heads down, we do as his instructions order us. Today’s order is To Describe. So, dutifully, submissively, we, his underlings turn our attention away from Life outside to concentrate on our determined task.

Paragraphs and Writing to describe

Best of all!

You learn a lot about sex in an English GCSE exam.

Well, perhaps I mean gender, not sex.

I’m sitting in my GCSE English exam and, lookingaround, I can’t help noticing that most of the girls inthe hall have some sort of lucky mascot on their desks.Some have purple haired trolls and others have littleanimal key-ring attachments. The boys don’t have any good luck charms.

Paragraphing and Writing to describe

Why is this? Why do girls, even the bright ones who havebeen getting A* all year, feel they need good luck on their side? Is it because girls don’t believe in themselves? And why don’t boys need good luck charms? Is it because they think “I’m a bloke. I don’t need luck. I’ve got testosterone”?

It seems to me that boys need good luck more than girls. Who is it who turns up to a writing exam and has to borrow a pen? Why is it that in an English exam where you need an Anthology, the only people who turn up without one are male?

Paragraphing and Writing to describe

•Think beyond the obvious. Don’t just describe the object – think beyond or behind it, or think semiotics (what does it symbolise?)

•Use devices to draw in your reader and “hook” them, e.g. questions, withholding information

•Paragraph for effect, varying the length of paragraphs. One sentence paragraphs – used effectively - wake up examiners and really get them excited!

Writing to describe (an event)

Chronological accounts (…and then…) with simple paragraphing: will usually get you C/B

A time when I was very sad

The winter of 2002 had been a bit of a disaster because we had moved house and I had started at a new school and I was missing my friends. And to make matters worse, I was so ill with tonsillitis that I couldn’t eat or drink without pain and everything seemed miserable. I felt really sorry for myself and resented the fact that I was having a bad time and everyone else seemed to be enjoying life to the full.

Writing to describe (an event)

After I had my tonsils out, things got better. I made lots of friends and two in particular, Emma and Natalie or Nat for short (which she isn’t, by the way – she’s five feet ten). I was starting to like my new school which didn’t have as many problem kids as my old one and my parents said I could go on the Easter skiing trip as a reward for putting up with so much grief. I was looking forward to going with Emma and Nat and a certain other person who had sent me (Emma told me) a Valentine card. We were due to set off on Saturday and I had all my ski clothes packed plus some new tops for glam evening appearances the night before.

Writing to describe (an event)

I wish that Saturday had never come. I knew when my Dad dropped me at school that something was wrong. The teachers weren’t looking as if they were going on holiday. They told us all to go in the hall and then Mr Holden told us the news. We couldn’t believe it. We didn’t want to believe it. Emma had been in a car accident late on Friday night. The boy who was driving her home had been killed and she was in hospital with head injuries and broken ribs.

Writing to describe (an event)

Non-chronological, “big picture” account with paragraphs for effect

When I was very happy

I suppose the time I was happiest was when I was about 11 and in my last year of primary school. This is not because anything really wonderful happened like going to Florida or meeting Tom Cruise or winning the Year 6 three legged race. It’s just that life then seemed so calm and unstressful.

Writing to describe (an event)

There were stresses, of course. There was the worry about leaving my comfy small school and starting at XXX, where they put the heads of year 7s down the loo, we were told. There were the SATs and your parents being worried about what levels you’d get. And there were the Health talks about puberty and sex and so on. But for me, these were not big worries. The most I worried about was that Hamish, my hamster, was getting old and may die, and getting told off for “borrowing” my sister’s fave CD and scratching it.

Writing to describe (an event)

Compared with now, life was bliss. Starting sixth form college means new people and new teachers judging your clothes and your first essay. Before getting there, there’s GCSEs, the most important exams of your life, and only eight of them, too. And Health talks for the last few years have been about STDs, cancer and obesity. That’s without global warming, September 11 and the world AIDs crisis.

Writing to describe

•Keep your content appropriate to a GCSE essay, and check the audience (intended reader) and context (purpose) so you get the tone right – but, apart from that, think BORED examiner! •The person marking your essay will have hundreds of scripts to mark, so make yours memorable. Keep your writing as legible as possible and watch your spelling, punctuation and grammar – keep him happy – but then try to entertain him.•Vary your vocabulary, and use devices to involve your reader – his poor, desperate examiner.•Vary your sentence structure and length, and your paragraph length. Paragraph for effect. That will help keep the examiner awake to read and mark your essay.