The Yellow Issue1/4/2011

Vol. 1#4

4 The Yellow IssueBatman versus Bear Grylls

To our disappointment and misfortune, fiction and reality don’t really over-lap. While we spend years reading about various concepts and people, fer-vently wishing them to life, the staunchest of believers must admit that the likelihood of any of it ever coming true is very small.

Bear Grylls:But every once in a while, something in fiction, while not crossing into real-ity, steps close to the line. And a product of one of these misadventures is Bear Grylls. For those of you who were raised on the McDonalds that is the popular television behemoth, Discovery is the health food. Sometimes they show us how cheetahs mate in the wild, which, while entertaining, doesn’t apply. But then, sometimes they give you things like Man vs. Wild, in which Bear TOTALLY FREAKS OUT, MAN.

The show usually goes like this:1. Bear jumps out of a plane. Parachute optional. 2. Lands on snowy crag/desert/ tropical forest3. Robinson Crusoe time.

He jumped to fame as Edward Grylls when he set the (former) record for the youngest person to climb Mt. Everest at 22. He wrote a book about the experience, named Facing Up, after which he legally changed his name to Bear, which is a straight up badass thing to do. He then got a contract with Discovery, where he pretty much tries to find the slowest method to kill himself and then backs out. Kind of like an emo James bond villain.

Batman versus Bear Grylls

- Krushna Dande

5The Yellow Issue Batman versus Bear Grylls

The Zebras most feared predator since 7th June 1974.

After various iterations of the show where he survived in the Sahara de-sert, Himalayas, Siberian tundra and other assorted wastelands, Discov-ery decided that nature wouldn’t find a chink in the guy’s armour, so they decided to slow things down for him. And by that I mean send him ca-reening down a hill with a car with no brakes.

True story.

Advantages: 1. British accent.2. Actually exists.

Disadvantages: 1. Despite his black belts and show on how to survive thug attacks, there is no evidence to prove the theory that he dresses up in a cape to inflict carnage on goons.

6 The Yellow IssueBatman versus Bear Grylls

Batman:Variously called the caped crusader, Dark Knight, and the guy with the pointy ears, Batman exists on the other end of the fiction spectrum. Created by Bob Kane, the original Batman went through numerous iterations before it reached the present brooding badass. But even if he isn’t played by Christian Bale, he’s still the only superhero real enough to actually exist.

Batman is a vigilante by night and playboy by day. He roams around the city in his batmobile to avenge his parents, who were killed by a street criminal. Unlike most other superheroes, he does not rely on superpowers or excessive technology to fight crime; he’s just a martial artist in fancy dress.And when he’s not busy doing either of the aforementioned, he is busy mak-ing the slickest weaponry that you will ever see. Tazers, spiked gauntlets, bat-shaped spikey things, to the epic Batmobile; Batman knows how to kick arse in style.

Advantages: 1. Awesome gadgets: Batmobile, Batarang, Batsuit, Batshit insane.2. He’s a ninja.3. Eats criminals for breakfast. Also lunch, dinner, and midnight snack.Disadvantages:1. Frequently outclassed by the Joker in terms of flat out crazy.2. Subverted in the recent adaptations, but running around in tights with an underage boy? Let’s just say a little closeted.

No. Just… no. - Krushna Dande

A Saahil Dama, Ishan Dabri, Krushna Dande production.