YOU WÿLL LEAR_ÿ ,,, TÿS TQ LEARÿ,,,The difference between verbal and nonverbalmessages.

How your body language sends messages toothers.

The importance of written messages incommunication.How to recognize roadblocks to communication.Ways to be an active listener.Ideas for improving your communication skills.

assertivebody languagecommunicatione-mailnonverbalcommunicationrapportverbal communication

• .. you've been upset with a friend for weeks. You've heard your

friend has gossiped about you to others, and you don't know how to:express your anger without a fight. You care about your friend, but

time you're together now, you act cold.

How does your manner express how you feel?" How could you express your feelings

Without a fight? ,,

What would happen if you said,' rlOthing?

131

mS COM UNIC NON?How do you express to others what you need and want,

and what you feel and know? nicationis thepro<iÿ!cess o[ Sending messages to--_-_and receiving meslsages =ÿomÿothl

. erS.;Messages include,ÿfacts;:opinions, and feelings, You Syndmessages in what,you say aiid-h6¢ :yoh say]ÿ: YooYeceivemessages when you listen.

erbal Cdmmunication::fÿXpeaMng.to:coNNunicate. A,message sent without words is calle nÿerbal c- ' •

:cation.ÿ Communication is usually a mixture of both verbaland nonverbal messages. ÿd,q2 i ÿ', .... ,

?-

Although communication involves more than just talk,you need to use words effectively to communicate an accu-

rate message. Whether you're speaking to a friend or in ÿ:ÿtront of your entire school, you can improve your verbalmessages if you:

"i/\/j* !Tÿnk;be£6re you speaÿ, :Consider the points you 'ÿiÿiÿi

_ÿ want to make before they come out of your mouth. Don t

embarrass yourself or hurt others by saying things you'll, later regret.

.f?t'

IIÿIT 3 Building Relationship Skills

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"Graodpa, how did youlearn English so well inschool? You always useperfect grammar." Askquestions to initiateaconversation..

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Show concern for othersby being interested inwhat they say. In return,others will feel moreinvolved and listento you.

receive ii

ficate. A [!aÿuni- 12:h verbal-

just talk,an accu-

nd or in

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how did yoush so well inu always use !ÿimmar." Ask

to initiate a' on,'

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Express a positive atttitudeÿ Try to express yourselfpositively, warmly, and enthusiastically whenever youcan. No one likes to hear others complain or criticize allthe time.

Consider the person receiving yeurlmessÿgÿ. Theway you talk to a close friend differs from the way youcommunicate during a class discussion, or how you ex-

press yourself to a young child. Consider the needs of theperson or audience when you communicate.

specific messages: ÿOrganize yourthoughts before you talk. If you plan to speakin front of classmates, write down your main

points, then list facts to support your points.

correctlyand distincfly.-'Speak up so others can clear-

ly hear you. Don't talk too slow or fast.

..... yÿrÿlisÿ:ener ÿnÿersthnd$ ÿ,ÿ,

C heckÿ to see that another person orgroup understands what you're saying. Askfor feedback occasionally. If you feel you're

not getting your points across effectively, tryexpress your ideas in a different way.e aware of give-and-take in Conver,?

satioÿ. FindSa balance beÿveen tÿ{lldng,aad listening ifÿ;;u- clo all me talidng, the tOther person may become bored and stoplistening.

Don't hog the conver-sation. Allow others toexpress themselves aswell. How can peoplebreak themselves fromtalking too muctÿ?

133

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Do you sometimes find it hard tostart a conversation with someoneyou don't know--or don't know verywell? ÿTheÿfÿeÿ it9_ )especially among acquaintances, is toshow interest in them. Here are tips tomake good conversation:

you think of ...other person is encouraged toconversation going. Also, theversation can more easily lead toother topics.

:=S_how-youÿrÿinterested ifi w:hat theiÿ::other :person _has to say. Pay attett):'tion to what is being said and re'if:spond to it.

Look like someone you'd enjoy talÿing to.'ÿ;Smile; be :e-nthusÿastici ani

/,)ÿ':or no answers, such "What do ÿ ÿ positive in what you say. = i, ::

BodylangOageishow ou Igor When ÿ ?YOu are communicating.,gour:eyes,' -expreSÿsions, body positions, and

gestures communicate how you arefeeling about what you are saying.

YOU don't need to .talk to communicate.You send many nonverbal messages with- "ÿ:out speaking a word. Your smile or frowninstantly expresses delight or disapproval.

::ÿ- !Bodylanguage is the waF:in which vou . ÿ i!use gestures and bo@ movement to commu: :

'ÿNicate. Body language often says more !than words. Facial expressions showenthusiasm, thoughtfulness, or sadness.lÿJ!ÿ fdÿ-s ÿ3f bgdy :!an--omaagÿ, ZL!ÿdhlg,.ÿ

ei%dt Yffif ihhg): fee-lNgsTgome bodylanguage, such as ÿ&rm'iiiigLand nodding, ?ÿ

.,encourages communication. Other bodylfinguage, such ag frowning or crossingyour arms, discourages it.

people send mixed messages when-theirwords don't match=their n 7 :=....... ....... : onverbal

,. mesÿages) What they say is different from

134 ÿlÿ a Building Relationship Skills

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what they feel or think, and the difference shows in theiractions and facial expressions. When Robby curls hismouth while giving a compliment, others don't knowwhether to believe him or take it as a put-down.

t way, the'.d to keep a), the con-

ily lead to

n what thePay atten-id and re.

L enjoy talk.siastic, and

;ÿ ÿWriiteÿrMessages

In the past, most written messages took

the form of!ÿ)ettgs,_ notes, Yand_cards. 2Today, many people also use computersto send written messages in the form of

[ÿe:ÿmÿi_!, of :e!ectronic maK_ Perhaps youalso use instant messa to "chat"with your friends

All types of writt,require communication skills. Read

unicate.

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ncludingposture,

me bodynodding,er bodycrossing

es whet!onverbal:ent frorO

are:clear,Be sensmvezto how. yourmessage wi!l be received.

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: Roadblocks stop traffic at the site of a major:. ' accident. Vehicles are backed up for miles, and! travel is impossible. Just like bad traffic, obstacles

.ÿ block open communication, too. They include:("ÿ > E-mail and Interact chat

-:(\1 rooms have openedkÿY" HUi)i:'ÿI i:aik ÿ cl-0ses= linesÿ ofÿ-€0mmtinicati0nl ShoWs noj new channels of sending

concern for others, and destroys relationships, written messages top]*eeRcRinÿ) Comments like "You better your friends. Use good

................................................... judgment at all times.

Lÿi : exercise more" or "1 tell you every day, turn down your ÿ_ÿ

., :Tatiitude;ÿgot being open to otherpeople s ideas or opmmns also thwarts commumcat!oi0. ...... ÿ-, ,ÿ*:ÿ- ÿ' ......

, ..... :-,-, ....... ÿ ÿ,!ÿ,ÿ: ÿ >-,ÿ

here s almost always more than one way to look at a [ ÿ:<:ÿ<ÿ:S:" ;r, ÿ,ÿ..,:" ..-2,- ' "

Sometimes people useÿatone ofvoice called sar-ÿ';Casm thÿat!eXpressesÿthe opposite ÿotÿTwÿlaat ti-myÿe sayirig.!i ÿ

SOmeone may say, ;;You,re s6"ÿsmartÿ,; buÿf- hisor her

CHAPTER 9 Communication Skills 135

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Activÿbal ander. Verb"Yes" oi

or stat

includeding Y(stand, (don't m

tone of voice is sarcastic, it communicates the oppositemeaning. :hfirts 6ttiers: arid :prevents ÿot%n

'ÿcommunication.:. ' :

Cÿ-(i ÿ2J ÿitÿrrUlpti;?;. -Now should you respond to someone(-ÿJ:ÿ ÿ ho--inter:: ÿii:ole you finish speaking? Continue

your message in a patient but determined way. You mayneed to say, "Pardon me. I didn't get to finish what Iwanted to say."

UNIT3

Sÿi" .......

@! Active listening means listening and res ondin with ÿ11k_/- attenhon to 'what's bemg said. When.you listen actively,

you concentrate on what the speaker is saying, Tather thanon what you want to say.

Building Relationship Skills .... "

EVE U}N Ni[i STE N iN £-ÿg is as important to communication as spealdng.

3Unfortunately, it's often ttie-most 0wrl00ked c6inmuhica.tion skill. Have you ever tried to make a point when others

weren't paying attention? If so, you know how important .itis to listen when someone is speaking.

Stay on track--Avoid thebarriers to communication.

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as the vthe foltimes: '

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.:Acÿve: !isteningJnvolves givingboth ,_veÿ-:, ÿ,ÿ--bdr and nonverbal feedback to the speak- ÿ

er. YerbaIÿfeedback mlght_he_a_simple ....

• ,= or Okay.-It-mÿght be a question

or statement. Nonverbal reSponses:i:::include maintaining: eye contact, nod-Nhg ygu}L!tiead o: ShowyoU under :"

• stand,, or shaking _your heaclZwhen yoU/'iÿdon'tziHderstand.ÿ; _, :

pposites open

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with fu!l1 actively,ther tharÿ

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an others- portant it

OgRNESSAG:E,,, ÿe<_ÿayÿpu speak isÿ just. as importanf:ÿ

!::ÿg: wOrds you use. For example, repeatthe following sentence out loud fourtimes: "I would be glad to do that foryou." Each time emphasize a different

word--!, glad, that, and you. Listen tohow the meaning of the sentence":- changes each time.

Your tone of voice shows whether

you're happy or sad, relieved or upset.

The tone y0u use }hould alwÿiys Conveyy0ur intendedi >ÿessage.Controlling your emotions makes it eas-ier

for people to clearly receive your message.: Choosing the right time to communicate is just as impor-- ÿ>

• t::fol gÿ6d"' ÿommuniCati0n: ' piÿK:: a'tiÿe wiieÿ:ÿ"iiS:tÿ:,}!;i

te intÿrestedin communicating with you. When othersare tired or preoccupied, they may not give you their fullattention.

For good communication, establish rapport with your lis-' L- ,

:},:<5:;. tenet, ortT(rah/POHR) is haÿOny ;:oh understanding.::iÿ!;i:i}ÿhetweenÿeopie. Itls the feeling of being-- listened }o7 anÿ(:

. :::::: iaCcepte4., >>ÿ>>.ÿ:,:,..:. , ........................ ,.,, ..... 3

<ÿ:< :;. :, One way to establish rapport is to put other people at: ease. Show interest in them. Make them feel comfortable.

: Call,hereby namei and involve ...... them.imthe co_nversation.=

Ask questions or ask for their opinions on a topic. MakeSUre you give them time to respond. If you act relaxed and

;ÿ;/: '".COmfortable, others will react in the same way, too.

> Good listeners makegood friends. How wouldyou rate yourself as alistener?

CHAPTEI19 Communication Skills 137

ibÿÿ

eÿa SgtterLÿstener /!ÿ!

You can become a better listener if you sharpenyour skills iln each of these four areas:

> ÿ:. :Nearing. Tune'm to: what others are saying. Give._ fuU attenti-ori2 )

C!ÿessagel Be aiertfor nonverbal messages, too.

,) ?- Evalua[inÿ revaluate word erso ) sPÿealdng. Avoidi!ettingÿ'>ÿr ÿ{deaÿdÿ'feÿeiiÿ£

geV ÿ:the ÿwayofyoÿnatÿ6h7 ,<:0 ;RespOnding,.,,Your JcesponseLsh6ÿs the Speaker

;,w emer you understand tile message: You mightn;dyour head, for example, to slÿow understand-ing. If you don't understand the message, ask foran example. Try rephrasing in your own wordswhat you think has been said.

138 IlNII" a Building Relationship Skills

Many people are afraid to express their feelings. They feeluncomfortable to say what they think or to ask for whatthey want. When people are passive, they don't:stand upÿ:ÿ

'> ÿforÿthemselves The 'maki- ..... "- ' y re afraid to say anything that mig}it'e others angry.

r

SucCess-at school 0ronAhe job often depends on.understanding directions-or insertions. Miÿundÿ-;

i :stan, qings are lesslike!y when you take the time to': hear,,interpretievalUateiand respond:

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and tbullyopiniionsto all

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ends on[isunder-.ÿ time to

person'feelings

> Use assertive communication in class by speaking up. Then listento the opinion of others. When is communication too assertive?

Some people are aggressive and want to be in control.They're often seen as pushy and rude, concerned mostlywith their own needs and wants. They may try to get theirway by bullying others.

People who communicate assertively are neither passivenor aggressive. Assertive persons stand zip for themselves" ,Za',:and for their bO!ie)in firm;:butÿpositive, wayS. They don't

bully others, But theydon't cave in either. They state theiropinions and also listen to others' opinions. When opin-ions differ, they try to reach an agreement that's acceptableto all involved.

Your opinions and your wishes are worthwhile. You havethe right to express them, even though others may disagreeat times. Everyone has to learn to accept give-and-take asPart of open communication.

),/

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Communication Skills 139