Your People My People - Vbs

Your People,My People

J O U R N E Y S

Your People,My People

J O U R N E Y S

Introduction By

Rabbi Harold M. Schulweis

Edited By Michael Halperin

YOUR PEOPLE, MY PEOPLE

We appreciate the generosity ofLori and Ron Freson

that enabled the publication of this journal.

We gratefully acknowledge the following individuals for their gifts of energy and spirit in the creation

of this journal:

Elaine & David GillMichael Halperin

Jane JacobsMyra Miller

Rhonda SlaterElana Zimmerman

Counsellors:Rabbi Edward FeinsteinRabbi Joshua Hoffman

Book designed by Debbie Shayer

© 2006 Valley Beth Shalom, a California non-profit corporation

All Rights Reserved

“Let Your tender mercies be stirred for the righteous, the pious, andthe leaders of the House of Israel, devoted scholars and faithfulJews by choice. Be merciful to us of the House of Israel. Reward allwho trust in You; cast our lot with those who are faithful to You.May we never come to despair, for our trust is in You. Praised areYou, Adonai, who sustains the righteous.”

JOURNEYS

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Foreword............................................................................2MeditationDiscovering Judaism..................................................3

To Our Growing Jewish Family......................................4Penny Ballow....................................................................6Bobbie Blau........................................................................7Joanna Brent......................................................................8Rodney Burgoyne.............................................................9John Crites-Borak ...........................................................10

Meditation:Shehecheyanu: The Response of the Beit Din........11

Cheryl Gillies ..................................................................12Pamela Hedin Gurfein...................................................12Chris Hardin....................................................................13Jennifer Rea Hardin .......................................................14

Meditation: Embracing the Jew by choice.................................15

Elisabeth Kesten .............................................................16Bob Kip.............................................................................17Noemi Lasky ...................................................................18 John Lehr..........................................................................19Cheryl Lorenzo...............................................................20Dianne Nitzahn...............................................................21Juliana Olinka..................................................................22 David Pardess.................................................................23Julie Paul..........................................................................25Marcy Rainey..................................................................26Pete Robinson..................................................................28Robin Saban.....................................................................29Debbie Shayer.................................................................30Louise Sperr.....................................................................31Troy Stevenson................................................................31Nancy Baxter Stone.........................................................32

Meditation:Ruth’s Child..............................................................33

Cecelia Townsend...........................................................34Jeff Wernecke...................................................................34Afterword........................................................................36Glossary ...........................................................................37

The meditations and quotes ofRabbi Harold M. Schulweis

celebrate those who have come to embrace Judaism.

1

“For wherever you go, I will go; wherever you lodge, I will lodge;your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Whereyou die, I will die, and there will I be buried. Thus and more maythe Lord do to me if anything but death parts me from you.”

— Ruth 1:16-17

FOREWORD

The young man came to see me about adopting Judaism as his way of life. He was aspiritual seeker, and had learned and studied about Jewish history, Jewish literature,Jewish ethics, Jewish observance … but he said that something was lacking. “What waslacking?” I asked him. And he answered, with one word: “Ancestry.”

“I need to find,” he said, “something in my genealogy, some great-great-great Jewishgrandparent and that will confirm my conviction that I can become a Jew.”

I told him that I respected his search but added that this was not, to my mind, theessence of Jewish identity, for the pride we have in those who become Jews is in theirfreedom of choice. They are not Jews by blood type, but by character type. They are Jewsbecause they have found in Judaism a wisdom, ethics, style of life and sense of the futurethat will fulfill their yearnings to become reflective of the image of Godliness. Judaism isnot a matter of race and it is not a matter of “pure blood.” We do not choose our DNA.We chose our character.

They have chosen without coercion, and without ulterior motive. They have chosento identify with a common fate and faith. They have come to our tradition from out ofearlier religious traditions or lack of religious traditions. They come as mature people,aware that Jews are not a perfect people, and that Judaism is great not because it is infal-lible, but because it is corrigible. Throughout our history we have eliminated that whichwas unfit, and added that which made us greater in the eyes of God.

They recognize that the rabbi is not a sanctified being, more privileged than any lay-man. The rabbi is human. And they have been taught that they understand there is noone who has done good on the face of this earth and has not transgressed.

My friend who came to me during his search understands the great emphasis uponthe family, ethics and the service to humanity that is inherent in Judaism. Jewish beliefand practice can only be authenticated by the individual. Joining our people does notdepend on tracing a genealogy or ancestry, but by following the heart, soul and mind.

When taken seriously, are we not all Jews by choice? Our history ennobles us, ourteachings enrich us, but we are Jews because we have chosen Judaism.

The great philosopher Hermann Cohen wrote, “In the stranger, man discovered theidea of Judaism.” In the stranger we have discovered ourselves.

H.M.S.


2

DISCOVERING JUDAISMWe have asked What you see in Judaism. What in classes of instruction and in experience

has attracted you to this peopleand this faith?

You have instructed us. I have been drawn to Judaism for many reasons. And in no order of importance.

I discovered the celebration of inquiry, the dignity of the questionthe sadness over the fourth sonwho does not even know how to ask.

I found in Judaism the liberating absence of dogma,apodictic authoritarian responses, answers that will tolerate no question.

I am moved by the humility of the religious leaderswho for all their erudition lay no claim to infallibilitybut know that they, like all who walk the face of the earth are errant souls.

No saints, unblemished, perfect, but even as our patriarchs and priestsflawed and fallible struggling spirits.

In Judaism I found the enlarging embrace of inclusion. No faith, no race, no ethnicity excluded from the circle of salvation. No alien kept outside the circle, consigned to hell and perdition. Not souls, but lives are we mandated to save.

I am drawn to the faith that does not see sin inherited,an original stain on the heart of the newbornindelible sin that may not be erased by repentance, repayment, repair.

Injuries there are, not visited by ancestors upon our innocence but done to others and to ourselves would be healed and made whole injuries for which I bear responsibility the capability to repair.

I am attracted to the inextricable bond between belief and behavior. Faith demonstrated

not with the declarations of my mouth. but with arms and legs. Believing and behaving the twin duties of the heart.

In Judaism I find the focus on family,the matrix of human relationshipsmishpachah around which the community revolves.

Choosing faith I choose familyAnd in its history and literature I find my family album.

I find in Judaism my own inner self. My choice of Judaism is not burial of my past

but recovery of some hidden treasures within. I have long felt its vague presence but never seen its face. At long last, I have found the mirror that reflects the veiled,

concealed soul.


JOURNEYS

3

W e are afamily, ag r o w i n g

family, with an increasingnumber of Americans not

born or raised as Jews, seekingto join us. We enthusiastically welcome Jews by choice whoseek to identify themselves with our community of faith.Through choice, new Jews are mishpachah.

Yet, there are some who oppose opening the gates tonon-Jewish spiritual seekers. They live with the misleadingmyth that proactive conversion of non-Jews is contrary tothe principles and practices of Judaism. This myth has casta large shadow over the mitzvah of conversion.

Some have forgotten that the first Jew by choice was thefounder of Judaism. Abram, himself descended from paganancestors, is mandated by God to get out of his native landand father’s house. “I will make of you a great nation, andI will bless you. I will make your name great, and you shallbe a blessing. I will bless those who bless you and curse himthat curses you; and all the families of the earth shall blessthemselves by you” (Genesis 12:2-3).

We are not a people determined by race but a livingorganism defined by voluntary choice.

Judaism’s birth came through conversion. According torabbinic tradition, Abram and Sarai sought converts, andthrough their efforts, God became known as Sovereign ofthe earth as well as Sovereign of the heavens. Who wasthere for Abram and Sarai to make into a people except thepagan non-Jewish populous around them? The PassoverSeder that celebrates the birth of our people reminds us thatour ancestors were idolaters, strangers and slaves.

Not our births, but our becoming identifies our being.Not the origin of ancestry, but the character of our progenydefines us.

On the festival of Shavuot, which celebrates the revela-tion of the Law, the Rabbis selected the Book of Ruth to beread to the congregation. Ruth was a Moabite woman, andin accordance with the Torah, a Moabite was prohibitedmarriage to a Jew (Deuteronomy 23:4). Nevertheless, it isRuth as proselyte who is revered as the great-grandmother

of King David, from whom the Messiah is said to spring.The Rabbis proudly claimed others as Jews by choice:Bityah, the daughter of Pharaoh; Jethro, the father-in-lawof Moses; Zipporah, the wife of Moses; and Shifrah andPuah, the Egyptian midwives who refused to obey theedict of Pharaoh to drown Jewish males and thereby savedJewish lives.

In a Talmudic passage (P’sachim 87b) we read that theexile of Jews from their homeland served to increase thenumber of converts to Judaism, which itself is a glory toGod. The honor due to converts finds expression in thethirteenth benediction of the eighteen benedictions of thedaily Amidah: We praise God for the “righteous prose-lytes” (geirei tzedek) who are a blessing to us and to God.

How then did the myth spread that Judaism is indiffer-ent to or opposes conversion? The distinguished Jewishhistorian Salo Baron has pointed out that two thousandyears ago, Jews were ten percent of the Roman Empire andhad increased their numbers from one hundred fifty thou-sand in 586 B.C.E. to eight million in the first century C.E.Conversion to Judaism was hugely successful in those daysand Jews worked hard to convert pagans, as the Gospel ofMatthew testifies when referring to Jewish proselytizerswho travel over sea and land to make a single proselyte(Matthew 23:15). This historically documented proactiveoutreach to non-Jews was put to an end not because of theproscriptions of Judaism, but because of the harsh edicts ofthe Roman emperors, especially Domitian and Hadrian,who ruled Jewish proselytism to be a capital crime. In 313C.E., the Roman emperor Constantine, declaredChristianity as the state religion of Rome and declared thatwhoever joined “the nefarious sect” of Judaism would beburned alive. Such laws were incorporated in the CodexTheodosius. It was not Judaism then that prohibited theproselytization of non-Jews, but the edicts of Hadrian thatsilenced the proselytizers.

In the 12th century the Jewish philosopher and codifi-er Moses Maimonides was asked by Obadiah whether he,as a convert to Judaism, could recite such prayers as “OurGod and God of our fathers.” Maimonides respondedforcefully: “By all means you should pray ‘Our God and

TO OUR GROWINGJEWISH FAMILY


4

JOURNEYS

God of our fathers,’ for in no respect is there a differencebetween us and you. Do not think little of your origin. If we trace our descent from Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, your descent is from Him by whose words the world wascreated.”

The sociologist Gary Tobin has recently appealed to theJewish community, “Open the gates to all those who mightchoose to become Jews…opening the gates means embrac-ing proactive conversion which is the open, positive, acces-sible, and joyful process of encouraging non-Jews tobecome Jews” (Opening the Gates, 1999).

The gates of Valley Beth Shalom are open. To the spir-itual seekers who would enter the gates of Judaism, let thesynagogue open its portals wide and welcome our growingfamily of inherited history and faith.

Who are they who join our ranks? They are neithersurrogates for lagging birth rates nor replacements forour Holocaust losses. They are serious men andwomen who have searched their hearts and mindsand chosen to attach themselves to our family. Theycontribute to the enhancement of our spiritual lifeand in turn are deepened through the wisdomand values of the tradition of our family.

The Talmud observes that the biblical pre-cept to understand and “love the stranger”refers to the proselyte. The Scripture’s impera-tive to love the stranger appears no less thanthirty-six times throughout the Bible. Thestranger in our midst is the mirror reflection ofour own selves. Enveloping the stranger, weembrace our selves. A text in Leviticus 19:34sums up the history, theology, and morality ofembracing the proselyte: “The stranger whosojourns with you shall be with you as the homeborn, and you shall love him as yourself for youwere strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the Lordyour God.”

Out of personal experience I can testify to the dedica-tion of those men and women who have studied text andprayer and found their spiritual fulfillment in Judaism. Weare a choosing people, and are blessed by those who mind-

fully unite themselves with our collective destinies. I am indebted to Michael Halperin — a distinguished

author, playwright and congregant — who has generouslyedited this personal journey. With him, I invite you toshare the private journeys of our old-new family. The fourmeditations I wrote were inspired by my encounters withthe spiritual seekers who have found their home.

Rabbi Harold M. SchulweisJune 2006 - Sivan 5766

5


In the second grade, I had my first brush with Jewishculture. We lived in Bayonne, New Jersey and a boyin class bragged about his new watch. He said that he

would get a new present for each of eight days ofChanukah. What restless, impatient seven year old, whojust found out that Santa Claus is a fairy tale, wouldn’t begreen with envy? I was ready to give up Christianity rightthen and there!

Soon after, we moved to Shoshone, California wheremy father became District Superintendent and Principal ofDeath Valley Unified School District. When I was aboutnine or ten I began to notice that some of the spiritual val-ues I learned at home did not coincide with what wastaught in Sunday school. Later, I went to a FundamentalistBaptist summer school. They told us that to be a goodChristian we had to carry a Bible under our arm at alltimes and spread the word of Jesus at every opportunity.My parents did not like or approve of anyone who prac-ticed proselytizing. That was the last time I went to sum-mer bible school.

At thirteen, my parents sent me off to summer camp,although it was affiliated with the local church. I was notprepared for the lack of physical activity and all day bom-bardment with simplistic doctrines. Most of my time wasspent in the lecture halls for prayer meetings and lectures,usually about what is now called “intelligent design” or some other primitive Christian doctrine devoid of scientific reason. After lunch we marched to our bunks forenforced naptime.

I overheard one counselor commiserating with anoth-er because her son wanted to go to a secular universityrather than the local bible college. The other counselorfrightened her with stories of young people who lost theirreligion in such dreadful places. I was terribly, terriblyshocked and alienated and wanted to put as much dis-tance between myself and this religion as possible. At theend of the week, I was the only one of over 200 teenagerswho had not declared herself “Born Again.”

As a high school freshman, I wrote a report on theworld’s five religions. I also read a version of The GreatestStory Ever Told and The Meaning of The Dead Sea Scrolls. Ihad questions that revolved around the literal interpreta-tions of the Bible.

Shoshone, California, is probably one of the lastplaces you would expect to meet Jews, but there were afew who had a strong impact on me. My eighth grade

teacher was originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Hiswife, Myra, was Jewish, and identified strongly withJudaism. She taught part time and ran the high schoollibrary. She and my mother exchanged daytime babysit-ting duties since her daughter was the same age as mybaby sister and they both worked part time. As I grewolder, I spent more time with Myra. I was affected by herintense reaction to the Six Day War. I was inspired to readExodus and the Diary of Anne Frank. Though I haven’t seenor heard from her in many years, she is still my model.

Myra was not the only Jew I met in Shoshone. Myfather hired Robert Goldberg as the new high school mathteacher and basketball coach. Mr. Goldberg returned afterChristmas vacation with a new charge. Philip played bas-ketball. He asked me out and I liked him but I was youngand afraid to let it show. He moved away the followingsummer.

I enrolled at Bakersfield Junior College and the follow-ing year transferred to Woodbury College in Los Angelesto study fashion design. In my senior year I met my futurehusband, Harris, and gradually fell in love. Early in ourrelationship I mentioned that I had an affinity or attractionto Judaism. Harris laughed, probably because I didn’t havea clue what I was talking about.

After graduating from college, I began working in theapparel industry, which was then still dominated byAshkenazi Jews. Harris also worked in the business andwe met a lot of the same people. I existed in a world ofJews and wanted very much to feel included. Over the nextfew years, I mentioned to friends and family that I plannedto convert at some future date. Harris’ family was general-ly very warm and friendly to me but when one of us men-tioned my intention to convert, they became serious andstern. Harris was told not to influence or pressure me. He gave me no encouragement and little support. He would not accompany me to Shabbat services. I put offthe conversion process for several years, and busiedmyself with work and outside classes. I was only moder-ately interested in a quest for spiritual identity and doubt-ful that I would really find it in any organized religion.

In the meantime, we found a very liberal reform rabbiwho performed a somewhat traditional wedding service.Our wedding was very small and only a few members ofHarris’ family attended. My mother knew Harris wasJewish, however, I’m not sure if she told my father. I didn’t have the guts to tell him. Since they had moved to

PENNY BALLOWPENNY BALLOW

6

According to Rabbi Ashi, although converts may not havebeen present at Sinai, their constellations were.

God said: “I make this covenant...with him that stands here this day...and also with him that is not here.”

— Deuteronomy 229:14

Texas, I felt quite detached from them. I don’t think theywere surprised or disappointed that I didn’t ask them to the wedding.

Shortly after our wedding, our best friend began dat-ing a store buyer. She wanted to get married and told usshe was taking the Introduction to Judaism classes at theUniversity of Judaism. About that time, Harris and I start-ed talking about starting a family. I was two months preg-nant when the next session of classes began. I enjoyed thestudy very much. As students, we were expected to attendservices at various synagogues. Even though I felt anxiousand conspicuous walking into a synagogue, we attendedFriday night services at Temple Beth Ami and TempleAdat Ari El. Then we tried Valley Beth Shalom. I loved thevibrant sermon given by Rabbi Harold Schulweis, whichhad a lot to do with family values and contemporaryissues. The large number of younger couples energized meand Harris introduced me to Stuart Leibson, whom heknew from business. We had found a home.

I went to a mikvah, and a week or so later we had agroup conversion at Valley Beth Shalom. The arrival ofour daughter postponed our official Jewish wedding cere-mony, but a month or so later we did it, along with thebaby naming, in front of Harris’ parents. The first-timegrandparents were pleased and happy.

I seemed to be drifting away from my own fragment-

ed family. My parents separated and then divorcedmonths after my daughter was born. My father became anentirely different person. At one point my mother movedto Albuquerque, leaving my seventeen-year-old sisteralone in the Texas house. I always thought of my familyas the most stable and steadfast family around and I don’tknow what happened.

My daughter started Valley Beth Shalom Day Schooland we joined a havurah. Through the havurah I learnedmore about Judaism culturally and sometimes spiritually.Rabbi Stewart Vogel discussed the meaning of prayers andpetitions to God. I was shocked to hear a rabbi say that theHigh Holiday prayers for another year of life should notbe taken literally. The understanding began to sink in andI feel that I now have a much more adult understanding ofthe text.

Our children are both grown up now and I believethey each have a strong Jewish identity and a good strongcharacter. Now that I have more time, I enjoy studyingTalmud with Joel Grishaver. My husband and I went tohis class quite regularly when he was at Valley BethShalom. I am a great admirer of his approach that inte-grates Talmud with contemporary thinking, politics andmaybe the kitchen sink. I may yet go for the gold — theadult bat mitzvah class.

BOBBIE BLAUBOBBIE BLAU

My family and I belonged to the PresbyterianChurch and almost every Sunday we attendedservices or I went to Sunday school. Our church

gave me a sense of safety and security, a place to belongand feel wanted. I dearly loved singing hymns and goingto pancake breakfasts. As I grew older I volunteered as anassistant Sunday school teacher and spent my morningsteaching art and singing songs with kindergarten children.What could be better? My father was a deacon and quitepopular on Sunday mornings. On Sundays we were theperfect Christian family.

In college I left behind many of my family experiences.I was soon recruited to join a movement on campus whereI started really listening to the ideas of Christianity. Therewere no children making daffodils out of egg cartons andit was no longer the only place to find comfort or encour-agement. The more I read and the more I studied, the moreI felt disconnected from the Christian world. Perhaps ithighlighted the hypocrisies in my life, or a sense of confu-sion, but Christianity no longer gave me the answers that Iwanted to find. I left the group and put religion on the“back burner” while I focused on my professional studiesand goals.

I had been married right out of college to a classmatewho called himself a “partly Jewish atheist,” who did not

practice Judaism. Although I did not feel a connection tothe traditions of my childhood, I yearned for meaningfulholiday experiences. As it turned out, our lives were notgrowing in a direction that was supportive to either one ofus and we finally ended our relationship in a divorce. Inmy early thirties I was strongly aware that something verydeep was missing from my life. I threw myself into myprofession and that caused me to travel a lot. At the sametime, I was reading extensively about other cultures andreligions and began developing ideas on how I wanted tolive, what I valued and where I fit into the universe. Iemerged out of that time as a new, very spiritually basedperson. I still did not connect to any particular religion, butdrew on the principles from many sources to guide myactions. I was, however, becoming increasingly intriguedwith my readings regarding Jewish thought. A trek to the top of Mt. Sinai and the accompanying discussionswith my tour partners reinforced my interest and focus on Judaism.

Very soon thereafter, as I approached my mid-thirties,I met a man who eventually became my husband and lifepartner, Carl Blau. We spent hours discussing hypotheticalevents and how we would approach those experiences.When those talks started focusing on our future together,an interesting feeling came out. Carl stated that he really

JOURNEYS

7Continued

Growing up in the 1940’s in Toronto, my immigrantparents (Macedonian) had a small “restaurant” —really a glorified hot dog/hamburger stand. We

lived upstairs over the store and, as a toddler of four inthose innocent times, I played in front of Dad’s restaurantwhere he looked out the window and watched me.

The Goldbergs owned a dry goods store next door andlittle Rosy Goldberg was my playmate. One day Rosy did

not come out to play, so I went upstairs to their apartmentto ask about her. I found Mrs. Goldberg sitting at the tablein a darkened room with a burning candle before her. Shehad her head in her hands, as if in distress, and would notreply to my questions about Rosy. To this day I can stillfeel the sense of such overwhelming grief, an almost phys-ical presence of awe. This occurred in the early years of thewar. Had she learned some terrible thing about happen-

JOANNA BRENTJOANNA BRENT

wanted a Jewish home and to raise Jewish children. WhenI asked him what this meant to him, he realized that hecould only respond with the holiday traditions likePassover Seders and Yom Kippur break fasts. I knew that ifI were to stay true to myself I would need a lot more outof this commitment. So, together, Carl and I started attend-ing formal classes in Judaism.

Carl and I have been taking classes every year sincethat first “Introduction to Judaism” class. We started atTemple Akiba, and later moved to programs and member-ship at Leo Baeck Temple. I continued studying and witheach class felt closer to the words that I read. I realized thatmy connection to Christianity had been the sense of com-munity and warmth, and not its teachings. I connectedvery deeply with the Jewish sense of correcting a wrong. Ibelieved in the pureness of a new child. I loved the senseof family connection and the history of Jewish traditions.My holidays had felt empty for so long that finding themeaning in the seder, the celebration of Sukkot and thecomfort of Shabbat and Havdalah, made Judaism comfort-ing to observe. I greatly respected the guidance thatJudaism could offer.

I chose to embrace Judaism and converted almost 17years ago. I had been practicing the traditions that I under-stood for several years when I took that step. It felt right.It gave me a great sense of pride because it fulfilled somany of my dreams and ideals. Many people ask me if Imiss being a Christian or celebrating holidays, especiallyChristmas. If I were to miss my practice of Christianity itwould only be for the sense of belonging, the atmosphereof joy and the warmth of friendship. But since becoming aJew by choice, I can say without hesitation that I havefound these gifts in multiples in my Jewish community. Idecided early on that my family would embrace eachJewish experience, rite of passage and holiday and makethem as rich, loving and meaningful as possible. Everytime I welcome our friends to our sukkah or pass out spicebags for Havdalah, I am filled with such a sense of connec-tion. Judaism has inspired me to live my life in the bestmanner possible, to treat others with the same respect andto believe deeply in continuing to understand my purpose.There isn’t any space left for missing traditions; I have newones that mean a great deal to me.


BOBBY BLAU Continued

Sometimes I feel that I am bumbling my way througha maze of Jewish ritual. I wish that I had a better under-standing and a richer “vocabulary” when it comes toJewish practices. I do think that learning about Judaism asan adult gives me a different perspective but at times Isecretly wish that my actions came out of a more naturalinherent understanding.

We came to Valley Beth Shalom so that our childrenwould benefit from the extraordinary Hebrew School pro-gram it offered. We want them to grow up within an edu-cational context where they have access to new ideas andold traditions. I have been very grateful that Neal Schnallhas provided so much to my understanding of Judaism. Ithink it has been an essential part of my growth to havesomeone as inspiring and supportive as Neal who isalways available to answer questions and to teach.Judaism has so many intricate layers and it seems thatthere are always new ones to uncover. My frustration isthat I sometimes feel as if I started this process too late toever grasp a full understanding.

I am not always sure about people’s reactions to myconversion. At times, I get the sense that people think thatI am not really Jewish because I converted. At the begin-ning of my search, I felt very awkward and not many peo-ple welcomed me. As each year passes, it gets easierbecause many people that I meet now hardly believe that Ihave converted. My adult bat mitzvah with Yossi Dresnerassured me of that comfort. As I participate more inTemple activities, I have also found the sense of belongingthat comes with familiarity. So perhaps I sing off key or scramble for the right words, but I do feel like this is “home.”

My greatest joy as a Jew by choice has been watchingmy two daughters, Sarah and Emily, embrace the tradi-tions of Judaism. I feel that I have been able to give thema gift far greater than they can understand, and one thatwill support them throughout their lives. They have alsoinspired me to keep learning and growing into my role asa Jewish woman. I hope that I will inspire them to alwaysquestion and search for new and deeper meaning in their own lives. I am delighted to see the rabbis of Valley Beth Shalom taking an interest in this segment ofour community.

8

Inever met a Jew until I wasaround fifteen years old. Myfamily’s attitude toward

Judaism derived from our isolatedUtah Mormon theology. To some

Mormons, Judaism was considered abrother religion that also suffered from

pogroms. Judaism was given respect as thesenior member in the religions of the Western world.Some Mormons justified the principal of polygamybecause ancient Jews engaged in the practice. My grandfa-ther would say, “You better bring home a Mormon girl tomarry, but if not, a Jewess would be okay.”

In my Sunday school an adult teacher declared, “Jesuswas so perfect that as a child he didn’t cry.” Even thoughI was only 10 years old I realized that babies needed to crywhen they were hungry, hurt or scared. Why would ababy’s cry not be divine? Growing up I took little on blindfaith, so I had little trouble rejecting a man in a resurrectedbody as a definition of God.

Christmas in our home was beautiful but also a pain inthe neck. Mother would stress out over all the prepara-

tions. All of us children had extra chores: bringing boxesdown from the attic, keeping the tree from drying out, try-ing to figure out why strings of lights wouldn’t work, pre-tending to like fruit cake, etc. Most Jews-by-birth don’tknow how lucky they are to avoid it all. The MadisonAvenue smiles on the families in Christmas commercialsare not necessarily the reality of the season.

After I converted to Judaism, my father jokingly said,“So, out of the frying pan and into the fire!” I assumed thatthe “frying pan” was the family religion in which we wereraised. However, he could not have had much devotion toour religion because he led our family away from it whenI was sixteen. He declared it was theologically bankruptand culturally stifling. The “fire” he referred to must havebeen Judaism. I must declare that living life joyously as aJew has been the “fire” that has warmed my life for thepast twenty-five years.

Through my college years and the beginnings of mycareer, I partook in the hedonistic lifestyle of a secular,upwardly mobile, young man in Southern California. Ifanyone asked me what my religion was I would answer bysaying, “I am religiously anti-religious.” Then, I fell in love

ings in Europe? Could it have been Yom Kippur?Whatever it was, for me it seemed a vision of somethingpowerful and compelling.

A couple of years later, I remember going to themovies with my older sister, watching a newsreel, seeingfighting and turmoil, and for the first time heard the word“Israel.” I recall feeling that I was watching somethingbeing born, struggling to exist. I had no point of referencefor any of this and yet it affected me profoundly — as ifsomething deep inside of me or, perhaps, even before me,in my roots, was trying to reach out. But I was aMacedonian, baptized in the Eastern Orthodox Churchand the child of your ordinary, run-of-the mill anti-Semites.

I left home at an early age and proceeded to make anew life for myself in another city. I made friends fairlyeasily and yet I always felt like an outsider and never real-ly comfortable with them. Then I met Nick. He was olderthan I by a dozen years, a Rumanian and a Jew. From thefirst moment, although I did not fall madly in love, I felt anease and comfort with him that I had not experiencedbefore with any of my friends. I sensed a trust that was notpresent before. It was as if I had found a home at last. Nickwas not raised with any Yiddishkayt at all. In fact, he, hisfamily and his old Rumanian friends all denied theirJewish roots. But I knew better!

We lived in Quebec at that time and civil marriageswere banned by the Catholic Church. Therefore, a Unitarian

ceremony was as close as we could come to a non-religiousrite. Nick was opposed to any religious trappings.

After eleven years, Nick and I parted. For severalyears I dated, and again found that “if he wasn’t Jewish itdidn’t ring true.” The same was true with friends. I wasonly comfortable with Jews. Eventually I met and mar-ried Barre — Jewish, but not observant. A Justice of thePeace married us. With Barre came his daughter Missy.In her late teens she met a young, very religiousMoroccan from a family with an illustrious ancestor, arenowned rebbe.

Missy had to go through a “conversion” to marry thisyoung man. Barre was furious and totally non-support-ive. I was very close to Missy and understood her attrac-tion. A child of divorce, she wanted structure and familyand faith. Her struggle with her father brought us evencloser and to this day I feel she’s my daughter. My mar-riage to Barre lasted 10 years.

Finally, finally (!) I met Bob — Jewish, of course.When we decided to marry I said it was time for me tomake a full commitment in every way. I wanted to con-vert to Judaism and marry properly. I took the superbcourse at the University of Judaism, joined VBS, and hada beautiful wedding in our garden with Rabbi StewartVogel, in the presence of all my wonderful Jewish friends and family (Missy, her husband and two sons).Twenty wonderful years have passed and I am trulyhome and blessed.

Continued

RODNEY BURGOYNE, JR.RODNEY BURGOYNE, JR.

JOURNEYS

9

Inever expected to become aJew. In fact, I had given up on religion completely. Over

the years I investigated manyChristian faiths. They ranged from

the mainstream traditional congre-gations to radical fundamentalist

groups that spoke in tongues: Catholic, Baptist, Lutheran,Episcopalian, Presbyterian, Christian and MissionaryAlliance, Christian Science, Pentecostal Four-Square, oth-ers. My soul did not feel at home in any of them.

Other spiritual paths beckoned. Buddhism and medi-tation left me relaxed, but unfulfilled. For more than a yearI made occasional trips to attend services of the NativeAmerican Church on the Navajo Reservation near FourCorners, New Mexico. The long nights of sitting in teepeesaround the fire, praying and chanting and taking peyote,were interesting but not compelling.

For two years I attended est, a kind of secular new-agereligion of the mind in which the intellect rules all. Itspromise to “transform” me left me more effective in thebusiness world, but aching for something to nourish mysoul. One evening during a seminar I simply walked outthe door and never looked back. It was decided. No reli-

RABBI JOHN CRITES-BORAKRABBI JOHN CRITES-BORAK

gion – not even a secular one — suited me. I would mere-ly be spiritual and that would have to be enough.

And it was enough for many years. One night, whilelistening to Religion on the Line, a talk-radio show in LosAngeles hosted by Dennis Prager, a caller asked the veryquestions I had been pondering for some time: Why bereligious? Why isn’t it enough just to be spiritual? Pragerthought for a moment and then replied, “Because religionis to spirituality as language is to thinking. It gives us away to organize, develop and express what goes on in oursouls just as language allows us to organize, develop andexpress what goes on in our minds.”

I began to think about religion in a new way. PerhapsI should try again.

My soul felt most at home in the Catholic Church. Iloved the rituals of the Mass even though Christian theol-ogy made no sense to me. Perhaps if I prayed and studiedenough I would come to believe in Jesus as the Christ.Meanwhile, at least my spiritual needs might be met.

It was a difficult time. I loved the Mass but could notaccept its context. More than once I found myself arguingtheology with the priest, trying to stretch belief across awide gulf of reason. “It’s simply a matter of faith,” thepriest explained in answer to most of my questions as I


RODNEY BURGOYNE, JR. Continued

with a woman who was raised at Stephen S. Wise Temple. I wanted to ask her to marry me but I was afraid that

her response would be, “I can’t marry you because you’renot Jewish.” To get around that potential roadblock Ischemed that the best defense would be a good offense. Isuggested to her that we take an “Introduction toJudaism” class. I anticipated that we would go to classtogether and in the car on the way home I would state mycase logically. I would get her to see that Judaism, or anyreligion, was not something we needed as we embarkedon our life together.

Class after class I waited for the Rabbi to say anythingthat I could expose as repulsive. Instead, the classes kin-dled my soul. I decided that Judaism was something thatI wanted for my family and me.

In every way I became fully committed to my futurewife. Her family made me feel welcome as a full member.I moved to the San Fernando Valley and became involvedwith the Jewish community in my career and in manyother ways. Her family became my family and her people

10

became my people. If I had been more familiar with theBook of Ruth it would have come as no surprise thatinevitably her God would become my God.

When I discuss my conversion with Jews-by-birth,they usually ask two questions: “Was it hard to give upJesus and Christmas?” and “What did your parents andfamily think?” Many people assume that changing “tribes”can be a spiritual struggle and a strain on relationships.Many Jews by choice do go through the conflicts portrayedin movie and television plots when couples intermarry orface cultural differences. However, my experience wasrather seamless and without conflict. In fact, I would saythat my path to conversion was like a soul returning towhere it always belonged.

My family and friends had no difficulty about mybecoming a Jew by choice. My extended non-Jewish fami-ly enjoys my immediate family simchas, such as events atmy children’s Jewish day school and their bar/bat mitzvahs.I know they love me no less because of my decision tobecome part of the Jewish community.

“A would be Jew by choice is neither persuadednor dissuaded.” — Talmud YYebamot 447b

silently recalled Ayn Rand’s definition of faith as the short-cut to false knowledge. “How does one get faith?” I onceasked. “You pray,” he replied. “I pray, Father,” I said, “butall I get are questions.” He told me to pray harder. I did. Igot harder questions.

The months passed. One Sunday morning after services we argued again. He was furious. My questionswere heretical. His answers depended on blind faith. Wecould not bridge the gap. A friend suggested that Judaism— a religion I had not tried and about which I knew almostnothing — might be a better fit for me. Everything I knewabout Jews could be stated in three short phrases. Theywear odd little hats, they don’t believe in Jesus, and theydon’t eat pork.

I opened the Yellow Pages and called five local syna-gogues at random. Only one rabbi, Stewart Vogel ofTemple Aliyah in Woodland Hills, California, returned mycall. He listened to my story. “John,” he said when I fin-ished, “I have bad news for you. We don’t have theanswer.” I must have sighed in disappointment.

“Don’t get me wrong,” he added, “we have answers.We have more answers than you can count, but we don’thave The Answer. On the other hand,” he continued, “ifyou are looking for a place where you can ask life’s mostprofound questions and be willing to hear whatever comesback, then study a little, think things over, talk with others— and have that be a way of life — then maybe you’d finda home with us.”

Rabbi Vogel recommended the “Introduction toJudaism” course at the University of Judaism. I began thecourse not intending to convert. After all, I had tried somany other things. Yet the more I learned, the more Ifound myself amazed at how good a fit Judaism was forme. It spoke to my head and my heart. It even felt right inmy gut. Before the course ended I came to believe that Ihad always been a Jew who never knew the truth.Although I appeared before the beit din and immersed inthe mikvah I have never felt that I converted to Judaism. I

simply came home. No other religion satisfied me becausenone of them was the true language of my soul.

Two years later, I was eating dinner with Rabbi DebraOrenstein. “What are you going to do with yourJudaism?” she asked. The question seemed odd to me.“What do you have in mind?” I asked. She paused for along moment. “I was thinking you might want to becomea rabbi.” Me? A rabbi? Converts can become rabbis? Sheassured me that they could.

As it happened, the parashah for that week was Re’eh.It begins, “Re’eh anochi notein lifneichem ha-yom brachah u-klalah” — “Behold, I set before you this day a blessing anda curse” — Deuteronomy 11:26. I had been working for adecade in public relations, at which I was good but nothappy. The money was fine, but I went to sleep everynight feeling vaguely unclean. Was God placing a choicebefore me, a blessing or a curse, the rabbinate or the status quo?

I imagined myself at the end of my life. I was standingon the edge of my grave looking back over my days of mylife. How did I want to say that I had used the preciousand all-too-fleeting gift of life? Did I want my epitaph toread that I had sold some products, gotten some peopleelected and some ballot measures passed (many of whichI personally would not vote for), or that I had done what Icould to help people connect to the most effective, lovingand nurturing way to live that I had ever even imagined?Put in those terms the answer was easy.

I began rabbinical school at the age of 43. Four yearsand 12 semesters later, I was ordained a ConservativeRabbi at the Ziegler School of Rabbinic Studies.

Like the Israelites of our Torah, I spent 40 years wan-dering through life before I found the Promised Land. Itwas a long and very hard journey. More than once I want-ed to give up on living. I’m glad I didn’t. To know one’spurpose in life is a rare gift and a blessing beyond meas-ure. May we all discover the path God sets out for us, andmay we follow it with love, strength and courage.

We accept you with love. Not to supplant our depletion as a people Nor to multiply our diminished

numbers Not to compensate for Holocaust

lossesNor gain another member in our world congregation.

We accept youout of respect for your earnest studyyour resolute conviction the decision of your own free will.

It is an honor to bring you under the wings of the Sh’chinah.

With reverence and joy we add your new Hebrew name into the names of our community.

Blessed are you who enter the covenant of Torahand the practice of good deeds.

Blessed are You, Creator of humanity,who has enabled us to witness this sacred momentin your life and in ours and in the life of God.

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu melech olam Shehecheyanu v’ kiy’manu v’higiyanu lazman hazeh.


SHEHECHEYANU: THE RESPONSE OF THE BEIT DIN

JOURNEYS

11

PAMELA HEDIN GURFEINPAMELA HEDIN GURFEIN

you have to shout out who you are at the top of your lungsand I would not send my children out into the world unpre-pared. Consequently, after we were married, I decided toconvert and have been a Jew by choice for 30 years.

Although I made my choice for reasons that had moreto do with issues of sociology than religion, I found that theconversion process gave me a deep appreciation ofJudaism. I studied at the Jewish Theological Seminary inNew York and thoroughly enjoyed learning the philosoph-ical basis for Judaism. I studied at my mother-in-law’skitchen table, and learned Yiddish and the why and where-fore of the Ashkenazim. My three children went to HebrewDay schools — from Mommy & Me to high school — and Ilearned the songs, chants and basics of a Jewish education.I volunteered for many years at the Bureau of JewishEducation and I learned about the deep yearning of theJews for continuity and a Jewish future.

I have not always found being Jewish easy. I haveheard my share of anti-Semitic jokes and comments.Speakers are often surprised when I confront them becausethey don’t think I look Jewish. I have also had my share ofanti-shiksa comments from the other end. More times thanI care to remember, I have been in a room where two peo-ple would discuss the shame of someone’s son or daughtermarrying a non-Jew.

I feel extremely fortunate to have found Valley BethShalom. The warmth, humor and genuine good will thatexemplify this Temple represent what I looked for when Idecided to convert...Now, if only I could get my husband toattend shul!

CHERYL GILLIESCHERYL GILLIES

12


For a long time my family and I had little religious tra-dition. We celebrated Christian holidays withoutbelieving what lay behind them, and sang Christmas

songs without thinking about the words. It was fun for thechildren until they grew older, and then the magic ofChristmas faded and the holidays became presents anddecorations that did not bring true happiness.

I studied basic Christian texts and discussed with myhusband about the possibility of attending church, but myheart was not in it, and he was not interested either. Eachpassing year we celebrated holidays in a secular way thatleft me with an increasing sense of dishonesty.

In search of a tradition that held some meaning andtruth for me, I enrolled in a world religion class and devel-oped an interest in other traditions. The little I learnedabout Judaism intrigued me and I vowed to learn more.Then in October of 1997, I saw a full-page ad in the LosAngeles Times announcing the Keruv outreach program atValley Beth Shalom. I attended all but one lecture that year.

My life could have continued the way it was, but my

yearning led me on a journey that began with the selfishgoal of finding a religion I could compartmentalize andthat I could use as a tool only for me. It wouldn’t affectanyone else but it would bring me a sense of inner peace,and purpose. Unconsciously, I chose a tradition that gaveme much more. I fell in love with Judaism when I learnedabout echad, tikkun olam and shutafim. The idea that God isone and connected to this world, that I am connected toGod, created b’tselem elohim and am in this world to con-tribute something unique to its repair was very exciting.Tikkun olam gives me a sense of purpose and a responsibil-ity that is clear, uplifting, and life affirming. I gain a senseof purpose by acts of tzedakah that speak to my heart. OnceI learned that I am shutafim — partners with God — that Iwitness God by feeding the hungry and clothing thenaked, it became impossible to ignore. Judaism placesemphasis on the deeds and actions one performs in thisworld, and the accountability of each person in this worldhit home.

Iwas an unlikely candidate to become a Jew by choice.I was born in Mexico to American parents of Swedish,Norwegian, Scottish, Russian and German back-

grounds. I grew up in different parts of Central Americaand Kenya, and went to university in Europe. But thiseclectic mix is the reason I chose to become a Jew.

While in college in Warsaw for a semester, I visitedAuschwitz. I was overwhelmed by the realization that hadI was overwhelmed by the realization that had I lived inEurope during the war, I would have been sent there orsomewhere like it, because — despite my blonde hair, blueeyes and Nordic features — my mother’s father wasJewish. She never lived with him and was not brought upas a Jew, but that would not have mattered to the Germans.

I became engaged to a wonderful man who is Jewish.Although his mother cared deeply that I was not Jewish, hedidn’t mind and had no plans to raise our children as Jews.I felt differently. Having lived in so many places with somany different types of people I believe that all religionsare essentially the same at heart. The Ten Commandmentsor their equivalent are at the core of all faiths. Additionally,I had the chance to see some of the most beautiful places inthe world and to know so many different people. I knowthere must be a divine hand in the world’s creation and inthe world’s people. Therefore, I wanted to raise my chil-dren with a religious background.

I also know that people can be barbaric, and if theywant to hate you they will find a reason to do so. I wantedmy children to be raised as Jews because with a Jewishfather, they would forever be identified as Jews. I believe

In 1984, I left my home inSeattle, Washington, to work asthe musical director on the

cruise ship Sun Princess in theCaribbean. I led the life of a carefree

musician, roaming the islands andcalling the ship my home. I played

shows and partied — to the fullest! Every two to four months we had new guest entertain-

ers. On June 22, 1985, a female guest entertainer joined theship for its passage from our summer run in Alaska to ourhome base in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Her name wasJennifer Rea. This beautiful woman had the voice of anangel and was full of life. As the pianist, I worked closelywith singers for the shows and this time was no exception.We started to spend our “off” time together as well as ourworking time and eventually began dating.

One day after we had been going together for aboutsix months, Jennifer and I were walking in Acapulco andhaving a heated discussion when she turned to me andsaid, “What do you want from this relationship?” I said Iwanted to marry her. I don’t think she had a clue that Ihad any thoughts along those lines. I can’t remember howlong it was after that day when she told me she wanted toconvert to Judaism and I needed to be okay with that if wewere going to spend the rest of our lives together.

At that point in my life I knew nothing about Judaism.I grew up in a family that didn’t pay much attention to thedifferences between people. Both of my parents weremusicians and their friends and colleagues came fromevery walk of life — white, black, brown, Christian,Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, etc. There was no awarenessthat we were any different other than the obvious differ-ence in the color of our skin. I told Jennifer if that’s whatshe wanted to do I didn’t have any problem with it.

We continued dating and eventually left the ship life.Jenn continued to learn about Judaism, attending syna-gogue services, classes, and reading about Jewish life. Sheencouraged me to join her but I didn’t have any interest inmaking a change. I was happy with my life. My religiousbackground consisted of going to church because myfather was the choir director for Lutheran andPresbyterian churches and not for spiritual reasons. I didlearn about God and religion from church and believed ina higher power. I was taught about the importance ofbeing a good person and fearing God from my attendancein Sunday school as well as at home.

When I was nine years old my father began travelingwith a new job and was away from home most of the time.Attendance at church waned and finally stopped when myparents divorced a few years later. That was the end of myreligious affiliation until 1974, when I finished high schooland moved to Portland, Oregon, to attend college and livewith my dad. He had become the choir director at aLutheran church outside of Portland, where I became partof his choir and resumed attending church. It ended twoyears later when my father divorced his wife, changed jobsand stopped working for the church.

Over the next eight years I worked with “Top 40”bands that went on the road; country bands that played invenues with chicken wire in front of the stage to keep theoccasional flying bottle from hitting us; and classic andjazz music ensembles. I went through all sorts of self-destructive behavior. In 1985, when I met Jennifer, I wastired of that life style and was ready get my act together.

Her connection with Judaism began long before shemet me. Even though I was nominally Christian, I didn’tfeel connected with the religion. I listened to the pastor,read the writings, but it didn’t grab me. When Jennbrought up the Jewish issue, I had no thoughts one way orthe other about it. If she wanted to pursue her interest, Iwould encourage and support her as much as possible.

We were married in 1986 and Jennifer continued toread, meet with different rabbis and followed her questtoward Judaism. My own spiritual needs arose when ourdaughter was born in 1992. I wanted to help her learnabout God and I wasn’t the one to teach her.

Jennifer had a meeting with Rabbi Don Goor, atTemple Judea in Tarzana. He told her, as other rabbis had,that she couldn’t convert by herself — both husband andwife needed to make the journey together. At the time, Ididn’t understand why, but I agreed to accompany her inher search. I had no intention of converting but I did like tolearn. I would probably be very happy in life if all I did wasattend classes, study and learn about new things. I couldvery easily be a professional student.

In our meeting with Rabbi Goor he said that he wouldlike to be our teacher. However, he felt we would get amore thorough understanding of what it is to be a Jew byattending the Introduction to Judaism class taught byRabbi Neal Weinberg at the University of Judaism.

I’m not sure when it happened, but I know that nearthe beginning of the classes I began to feel like this waswhere I belonged. Rabbi Weinberg is an excellent teacher,

CHRIS HARDINCHRIS HARDIN

“Even as we find that Abraham and Sarahbecame proselytes and were blessed, so shall

all proselytes who pattern themselves after their conduct be blessed.” — Sefer HHa-AAggadah

Continued13

JOURNEYS

Ithought about this dramaticchoice in my life for many yearsand how my childhood might

have somehow prepared me to beopen to Jewish thinking and to a

Jewish way of life. I didn’t know it atthe time, nor did my parents or relatives.

Choosing Judaism is a visceral and person-al decision made in the innermost parts of ourselves.

After a serious childhood illness I always thoughtabout questions of life and death. Three or four years afterI recuperated, when I was in the fourth grade, I had a verystrong need to be a part of a religious community. I want-ed to think about God, I wanted to talk to and listen to peo-ple who knew more than I did. I wanted to learn a deeperway to think about my life. My parents were secular, had

Christian backgrounds and did not attend church. So I didthe best I could and went to Catholic and ProtestantChurches with school friends. When I was nine years old,I decided to walk to a small Lutheran Church about threeblocks from our home where I filled out a card with myname and address. My parents were mortified a few dayslater when a representative from the church came to ourdoor asking if we would be interested in attending regularservices each week. It was then that our family joined theLutheran Church.

I proceeded to be baptized, attended catechism classes,was confirmed and became the president of the youthgroup several years in a row. Not only did I attend religious and public school, I studied voice privately. I began to work for a Christian Science Church in order toearn extra money; I had to sing a new song each

JENNIFER REA HARDINJENNIFER REA HARDIN

14


but the most powerful teacher was a book, Jewish Literacy,by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin. It’s a “Reader’s Digest ver-sion” of what it is to be an observant Jew. I was drawn intoit with every fiber of my being.

One instance stands out to me during our studies.During Rosh Hashanah services that year, I was sitting inthe nosebleed section of the congregation watching theservice when suddenly, I became totally alert and aware ofmy surroundings and what was transpiring on the bimah.A movement of light, much like an out-of-focus cameralens, began circling around the center of my attention.This might sound a little weird, but I felt as if God wastelling me, “Yes Chris, this is the right thing for you to do.”

It was the most phenomenal sensation, as well as mybiggest turning point. I studied hard and long, wanting toknow everything I could in the short amount of time wehad with this class and this wonderful teacher. It all culmi-nated with a written test, a beit din — an oral test given bythree rabbis — and the ritual of the mikvah.

After completing class, we returned to Rabbi Goor andhe took us into the sanctuary where he officially welcomedus to “the Tribe” as we held the Torah. For the first time inmy life, I felt I belonged to a spiritual community. I expe-rienced a strong sense of being grounded.

During our classes at the UJ, we visited different syn-agogues. In keeping with Rabbi Goor’s prediction, theReform movement of Judaism wasn’t as observant as wewanted to be. We saw many people who converted toJudaism seek out a high level of observance. Some havegone the Orthodox route and others to Chabad. We foundour place with the Conservative movement.

Valley Beth Shalom opened up a whole new life for us.We joined the choir and became active participants in themusic program. We joined a VBS program called “Live AJewish Life,” led by Rabbi Ed Feinstein. This group of fam-ilies has children of the same age. Once a month RabbiFeinstein discussed the meanings of the holidays and how

to be an active participant in Jewish life. A family took usunder their wing and after services we would have lunchwith them and learn what it meant to have a Jewish home.

My dad and four younger sisters had the same reac-tion about my conversion. They were behind me all theway. The only negative came from the one sister who is avery devout Evangelical Christian. She was upset becauseshe thought that I was going to “burn in hell” because Ididn’t accept Jesus as my savior. It was her pastor, of allpeople, who pointed out to her that there are many pathsto God and that she and I are actually closer because weboth are pursuing that same goal, only in our own way. Idon’t have any idea what my mom would say, may sherest in peace. I would like to think that she would be okaywith it as she always supported everything I did.

The VBS community has been wonderful to us. Fromthe beginning, everybody there has welcomed us withopen arms, opening their homes and families to us. One ofour children is active in USY and the other attends dayschool. We continue to learn about Torah and what itmeans to be an observant Jew.

Ten years ago I converted to Judaism, and with eachpassing year I find myself desiring more knowledge andmore involvement. I have learned much with regard tobeing a good person and how my actions can affect not justmy immediate family but others as well. I strive to raisemy children to be observant and am planting the seeds oftikkun olam as well as tzedakah in each of them. If my wifeand I do that, then we will have done our part in makingthe world a better place.

One last thought: Judaism is the best-kept secret in theworld. It’s not for everybody but those that embrace it andstrive to live their lives according to its laws and teachingsdiscover that it makes the world a better place. I will beforever grateful to my wife for her persistence in seekingthis path. Had she not had such drive, I would probablynever have known this wonderful way of life.

CHRIS HARDIN Continued

Sunday morning at the congregation. I was curious and at a certain point I felt that Christianity

was not answering my questions of life and living. I contin-ued to work for the Christian Science Church and otherchurches, but decided to end the regular attendance at theLutheran Church and youth group. My parents tried to talkme out of it, but I stood my ground. Six months later, theystopped going to church themselves. To date, they havenever returned.

I went to the University of California, Santa Barbara,and then moved to Los Angeles to continue my singingcareer. One Friday night, I attended Wilshire BoulevardTemple and was absolutely mesmerized by the Bar Mitzvahwho spoke about plans for his life. Imagine, a boy of thir-teen talking about the ethics of his life, what was importantto him, how to better the world. He sounded so responsi-ble! Wow! I had never seen anything like this before.

I also had a boyfriend who was a non-observant Jew.The defining moment for me was the first Pesach seder Iattended with him and his extended family at his uncle’shome. The story of the Exodus stunned me. How thisgroup of people made the journey from slavery to freedomstill has relevance today. What a brilliant way to teach avaluable lesson...make it a holiday! Do it every year!

From that moment on I began to ask questions. Myboyfriend’s mother supplied me with books about theremarkable qualities of the Jews on a cultural and sociallevel. There was so much to learn. How exciting.

About this time I went with a friend to see the nine-hourfilm, Shoah. It was revealing to hear so many people frommany perspectives speak of their thinking at that time. Iheard envy and resentment come from their mouths. I had tofind out why Jews are singled out. I had to figure this out.

I continued to work as a singer in town, and on toursall over the country and in other parts of the world. I beganto attend Shabbat and Holiday services wherever I hap-pened to be. There was something about Judaism thatpulled at me. So logical. So spiritual. So organized. Thedeeper I was willing to go with the thought, the more I real-ized there was to learn. I had so many questions on somany different levels. This was amazing.

During this period I met my future husband and webegan to date. Chris was not Jewish. Within six months heasked me to marry him. I told him that at some point in thefuture I wanted to convert to Judaism. I had to be very clearabout this with him.

We married and I took classes at the University ofJudaism, talked to rabbis and found Jews who attendedsynagogues. It wasn’t until I was pregnant with our firstchild that I felt an overwhelming urge to make the conver-sion. I couldn’t wait any longer. Even though I felt that myJewish education wasn’t good enough, it no longer mat-tered. The time had come.

We attended many different synagogues and spoke tomany rabbis. I studied at Temple Emanuel in Beverly Hills.The rabbi said that unless my husband and I convertedtogether, he thought it would be a mistake. We went toTemple Beth Hillel in Valley Village, Wilshire BoulevardTemple and finally to Temple Judea in Tarzana. We madeappointments with the rabbi at most of these synagoguesand when we met Rabbi Goor at Temple Judea, he told us,

“I may be making a mistake by sending you to learn in aConservative environment, but instead of taking classesfrom us, go to the University of Judaism and get an exten-sive education.”

We did just that. It was the year of the Northridge earth-quake and that spring we enrolled in Rabbi NealWeinberg’s class, “The Louis and Judith Miller Introductionto Judaism.” This series of classes spans seven months withthree hours each week of intense study. My husband and Ihad a weekly date.

What an exciting time for both of us. Chris said hewould support me and go because he knew how importantit was to me. He also told me he had no plans to convert.The funny thing is, after one month of classes he said,“Judaism is the best kept secret!” He had fallen in love withJudaism just as I had 12 years earlier.

We completed the class and took the final. I’m proud tosay that Chris got a perfect score the very first time he test-ed. Most people take the final several times to pass.

We went to the beit din and the mikvah with our one-year-old daughter. It was such a deep and meaningful timein our lives. We had always been close, but the process of conversion made our lives and our relationship deeperand more wonderful. It has only been a positive choice inour lives.

EMBRACING THE JEW BY CHOICEOur Sages taughtYou who come of your own accord into our family

of faith Are dearer to God than all the assembly of Israelites Who stood before Mount Sinai. For had they not witnessedThe thunder, lightning, quaking mountains And the sounding of trumpets, They would not have accepted the Torah. But you saw no opening of the heavens Heard no peals of thunder Felt no earth moving beneath your feet. You came of your own will To trust in God,To join our familyOne with our fate and purpose. To bind the wounds of the afflicted And raise up the fallen.

Can anyone be dearer to God than this choosingperson

Who has come to us knowingThe history of our oppression. The residual forms of harassment in our own time. The record of Inquisition and pogroms Of concentration camps and crematoria. Come to us without reservation.

We honor the courage of your heart and the compassion of your soul.

You who enrich our familyAre blessed by us.


15

JOURNEYS

16


Iwas born and raised aProtestant in Nürnberg,Germany. From my earliest

childhood I was drawn to theBible. My parents bought me a big

“children’s Bible” and I read itrepeatedly. In Sunday school, I was

famous (and feared) by the youth leader forknowing the details of many biblical events. I recall that Ipreferred Torah stories instead of New Testament stories.

An avid reader, I searched for books about the timeof Jesus because I wanted to know more about him.That’s when I discovered Jesus was a Jew, and I becameinterested in Judaism. I was twelve years old when Ifound out what the Germans did to the Jews duringWorld War II. My parents never told me about theHolocaust and no one in Germany talked about it. Myfather and mother were children during that time andhad no contact with Jews. Later I discovered that mygrandmother’s second husband was an officer at theEastern Front, responsible for the management of a campwhere about 350 Jews worked. They all perished, and hedied as well.

After reading Sholem Asch’s books and similar read-ings, I awoke one morning not believing in the divinity ofJesus. It dawned on me that the only religion for mewould be Judaism. I did not like this idea. I prayed to getmy faith back, but it never happened.

I determined that in order to learn more aboutJudaism I had to know Hebrew. At the age of thirteen Imade my way to the Jewish home for the aging wherethey had a small synagogue. A couple that had movedback from Israel managed the home. They had three sonsand I asked if I could learn Hebrew. One of the sons,Gidon, became my teacher. He was very impatient anddemanded I learn the entire Hebrew alphabet in oneweek, which I did.

I didn’t want to become Jewish, and at fourteen wasconfirmed in the Protestant church. Everyone wasimpressed that I studied Hebrew and thought I wanted tobecome a minister: a university career in Germany wherestudents learn Latin, Greek and Hebrew.

Being Jewish didn’t seem an option to me, but I hadthe feeling God wasn’t giving me a choice. I stoppedgoing to Christian services, and started attending syna-gogue. The Jews in Nürnberg received me with warmthand friendship, especially when they realized I couldread all the prayers in the siddur.

I never missed a holiday or Shabbat or Friday nightservice. I was invited to their community Seder, HighHoliday services and Sisterhood coffee-get-togethermeetings. (In Germany you don’t pay dues to the congre-gation, because the state collects “church taxes” and dis-tributes them to the different churches and synagogues

— an awful system, but convenient for me at that time). Ieven went to a Shlomo Carlebach concert for Jewish sol-diers in the neighboring town of Fuerth. I never forgotthose concerts.

I wrote my parents a letter when I was fifteen, tellingthem that I planned on becoming a Jew, and did not wishto discuss theology with anyone. (Besides being a doctor’sassistant in a hospital, my father was also a deacon of thechurch.) I followed my feelings and the yearnings of mysoul but couldn’t defend my decision coherently. A protes-tant evangelical minister told me I would go to hell forrejecting Jesus. I asked him if all the Jews murdered by theGermans would go to hell. He said “yes,” and I said, “thenI’ll be with them and that would be fine with me.”

In response to my letter, my father informed me Icouldn’t convert as long as I wasn’t able to support myself.I finished the Gymnasium (college prep school), receivedmy BA degree and began to teach. In my first year, I had ameeting with a rabbi in Stuttgart. It took me three hours todrive to Stuttgart and one hour to convince an Orthodoxrabbi to do the conversion. It never dawned on me that thiswas an unheard-of event. I had an accident before myappearance before the beit din and couldn’t come toStuttgart. When I recovered, the rabbi died. It took anoth-er year to find another rabbi. This one invited me straightto the beit din without an interview.

After becoming a Jew, and teaching for three years, Ifelt I had to make aliyah and go to Israel. My mother wasvery unhappy and all my German acquaintances declaredme insane.

I went to Kibbutz Shomer HaTsa’ir, where I met myfuture husband, an American. I learned more Hebrew, andthen attended a teaching seminary in Israel where I stud-ied to be a teacher. I worked a bit and visited my boyfriendin the kibbutz. After graduation, we decided to marry andmove to California.

We now have two children. My family in Germanydoesn’t understand my choice to convert. My brother hasoutright anti-Jewish feelings. My sister is a psychiatristand thinks Freud is God and that I am somewhat mentallydeficient to need religion. My other sister doesn’t mind,but my mother still curses all the books I read. Only myfather appreciates that I am a practicing Jew.

It really bothers me that I cannot share the joys ofbeing Jewish with my family. They don’t understand howI feel when I celebrate Shabbat, read Torah or lead the serv-ice. They don’t understand why I would pay hundreds ofdollars to hold the quill of a Torah scribe and be happy tobe “given” a Hebrew letter by him. I don’t tell them any-thing any longer. My husband’s Jewish-American secularfamily doesn’t understand either. They have a problemwith us keeping Shabbat and keeping kosher. I am happy tohave many Jewish friends in my congregation with whomI can share my Jewish “highs.”

ELISABETH KESTENELISABETH KESTEN

Continued

Iwas born in San Francisco in anEpiscopal Hospital, educatedin Catholic Schools, married

in a Lutheran Church and I will diea Jew.

The religious affiliation of thehospital resulted from geographic con-

venience. It was the hospital closest to myparent’s home. My mother’s Irish Catholic upbringingdetermined which schools I should attend. The marriageresulting from the Lutheran wedding ended in divorcefrom my Lutheran bride, after three years.

My decision to die a Jew results from three mainfactors: the influence of good persons who happen to be Jews, a study of Jewish history and practice, VBS membership.

I didn’t give much thought to Jewish religious beliefsuntil my marriage to Hilary in 1990. Hilary was raised ina culturally Jewish household, her father ate only kosherfood and the family annually attended High Holiday serv-ices. Hilary’s father, Ken, of blessed memory, was a mensch. He was friendly and always in good spirits. Hewould allow himself to be inconvenienced so as not toinconvenience others. He was completely dedicated to hiswife and daughter. Somehow the love he had for his daughter extended to me. Ken invited me to join in the family Pesach Seder and High Holiday services at his schul.

At High Holiday services, I was moved by the centralrole the Torah plays in the service. The key image of the rit-ual is a book, not the beautiful representations of impossiblehuman suffering I had been raised with. The optimism andhuman potential I discern from the Torah appeals to me.

The next time I confronted the contrast of my mother’sfaith and that of my wife was at the funeral of the motherof a long-time friend of Hilary’s. This friend’s family had amixed religious heritage. The deceased had been RomanCatholic, but the widower was Jewish. As a result, grave-side services incorporated both faiths. A priest performedthe Catholic liturgy for the dead. Mourners were remind-ed that the deceased had joined the company of God andwas better off than those left behind. I have never foundmuch comfort in this liturgy. The rabbi, of course, celebrat-ed the woman’s life and repeated happy memories knownto the family. The Jewish practice reminded me that mylife had a purpose other than the ultimate demise we allface.

My next step towards Judaism started with a pushfrom my kids. Hilary and I are blessed with twin boys.The boys are perfect to me in every way except they werediagnosed with autism. Hilary’s response to this diagno-sis was to get us educated on treatments, causes, potentialoutcomes, etc. Our education included attending a presen-tation by a doctoral student when the boys were five yearsold. The student’s doctoral thesis was a report on the“qualitative study” she had made of a small group ofadults with autism. One of her observations was thatadults with autism are more functional and better satisfiedif they participate in a religious community. Hilary and Idecided this was something we should provide. Therewas no question that the community would be a Jewishcommunity, but since the loss of Hilary’s dad, we had lostour connection to any particular synagogue.

We started asking around. One benefit of having autis-tic children is you generally meet people who are commit-

BOB KIPBOB KIP

I taught in a Jewish day school and in Hebrew schools.I received my third-grade teaching credential and startedworking for Los Angles Unified School District. I neverstopped studying. The more you study, the more you real-ize how much you don’t know. And I always want toknow more. I study prayers, their melodies, a little bit ofTalmud and Mishnah, and seven years ago I began learningTorah trope. I have become a regular Torah reader inShomrei Torah synagogue. I wrote a book (POD publish-er) On the Side of the Persecuted, about a medieval German,Jew-hating knight who becomes Jewish. I also wrote aseries of Midrashim about Aaron that I shared with my con-gregation. Some people told me they cried.

I haven’t mentioned why I became a Jew. However itseems I had no alternative. I never regretted my decisionfor one second. I feel truly honored to be Jewish and can’tunderstand why so many Jews are secular. Perhaps they

don’t want to continue the task of leading a Torah-basedlife. Perhaps they don’t find Judaism worth perpetuating,and therefore they sever a 3,000 year-old connection with God.

Only when I am Jewish am I truly happy. No one has treated me badly in America because I am

a convert, although in the beginning I said I was bornJewish. A few years ago the rabbi asked about my conver-sion. He was fascinated by my story and asked me to shareit with the congregation on a Shabbat. I agreed, and knewI would have to publicly admit deceiving people. But mycongregation graciously forgave me.

I am extremely happy to serve as a Torah Reader andoccasionally as a hazzan on Shabbat or in the morning min-yan. Since October 2005, I have taught Torah to adults —an incredible experience — and I still read because there’sso much to learn.

ELIZABETH KESTEN Continued

17

JOURNEYS

When people discover Iam Mexican and Jewishthey often ask if I was

born Jewish or if I converted.While I know that they ask with

good intentions and do not meanany harm, I tend to take offense at the

question because I am not an inanimate,moldable object that can simply change from one form toanother. I chose to embrace Judaism into my life.

As with many Catholics, I attended Catholic schoolduring my primary school years. However, instead ofmaking me grow closer to the faith, Catholic school actual-ly pushed me away from it. I did not like the belief that ifI sin I am going to be damned to hell unless I say a few“Hail Marys” and confess my sins to a priest. On the otherhand, I could never question the priest about his sins andwas put off when I questioned aspects of Catholic dogma.I typically received answers such as “because that is theway it is.” Finally, I had the impression that you are sup-

posed to do well and repent your sins not to make you abetter person, but for the sole, and selfish, reason of gettinginto heaven. To me, Catholicism was based on a one-waydialogue — I confess my sins, the priest tells me what to doand I don’t go to hell. Since I did not believe in hell or agreewith the “system,” I began withdrawing from Catholicism.

Many people probably believe that my exposure toJudaism happened because I had the good fortune to workat Valley Beth Shalom for a number of years. That isn’t thewhole story. It really began back home in Mexico. My fam-ily lived in a very exclusive area of Guadalajara, heavilypopulated by Jewish families ranging from Reform toOrthodox, and many of my close friends were Jewish.

They introduced me to many aspects of Judaism, suchas the importance of family and the tradition of remember-ing the past through holidays. When I saw all of them get-ting together with their families for weekly Shabbat dinnersas well as all of the holidays throughout the year, I feltsomething was missing in my soul.

My hunger grew for a connection with a religion and a

NOEMI LASKYNOEMI LASKY

18


ted to helping people. When we were looking for a newservice, we got a consensus opinion on providers. At thetime, the only provider was Valley Beth Shalom. VBS hasthe Shaare Tikva program. We enrolled the boys, attendeda few classes with them and started attending the “Bageland Chat” parent support sessions.

After a year of Shaare Tikva, we realized we had founda home. Our children are accepted and treated just as kids.The rabbis are learned, friendly and humorous. RabbiFeinstein sponsored my conversion. The cantors singsuperbly. The teachers move the kids along at their ownpace while instructing them in the aleph-bet, calendar,prayer and Torah. The congregation has the vision andresources to support this and other programs. These pro-grams provide education, comfort and aid to individuals,families, the greater Jewish and non-Jewish communities,and suffering humanity throughout the world. We appliedfor membership.

I continued to read many books on Jewish themes. I

am attracted to the ideas of personal accountability andgroup responsibility. I am awed by the inconceivable one-ness of God. I am amazed at the survival of the Jewish peo-ple and culture in spite of intolerance and violent oppres-sion. I am drawn by the many opportunities for renewaland redemption offered by the Jewish calendar. I confirmthe high value of education. I feel empowered by the con-cept of tikkun olam and the mitzvah of optimism. I place ahigh priority in the need for peace. I am a Jew.

I completed the University of Judaism’s Introductionto Judaism program and have joined in the Covenant of Abraham. I attend weekly Saturday services. Weobserve Shabbat, in our way, and eat kosher food on one setof dishes.

I have been very lucky to find Judaism and VBS. Myfamily has accepted my choice. My mother said, “Go, beJewish.” She has participated in our Shabbat and Holidaycelebrations. I look forward to many years of observanceand participation.

“...since you have entered beneath the wings ofthe Divine Presence and attached yourself to

Him, there is no difference between us and you...”— Maimonides RResponsa 442

BOB KIP Continued

Igrew up in Overland Park,Kansas. My mother looks likea conservative Midwestern

woman, but in actuality is a “hardcore atheist peace activist.” She and

my dad divorced when I was 19. Mymom remarried a great guy and my

father, a recovering Catholic, joined the PeaceCorps at 55. I went to college in Chicago and headed outto Los Angeles when I graduated.

In 1995, I was arrested while driving on LSD, and toavoid jail time I got sober. I still had all my problemsbecause my drug of choice — alcohol — was taken away.Hollywood came to the rescue: I booked a guest role on“Friends” and the Screen Actors Guild gave me my healthinsurance. My girlfriend at the time suggested I use it fortherapy.

One of the first things my therapist asked me aboutwas God. That threw me, since like any good atheist Ithought mental health and spirituality were two differentthings. He gave me the old “it takes as much faith to knowthere is no God as it does to know there is a God.” Thisnever fazed me before because my sure-fire checkmateanswer was always: “Uh-uh!”

All of a sudden my atheism took a back seat, and myspiritual door cracked open to the idea of a spiritual path.However, God was a different story. What is God? Howdo you force yourself to believe?

Something else happened to me. I became more com-fortable with the idea of a “path.” The process may leadnowhere (and the Atheist would suit up) or it could leadto something personal and authentic. It might open mymind and become my own path.

This crack happened to coincide with my relationshipwith Jennifer. I wanted to marry her, and it became appar-ent that I had to know a bit about Judaism to show that Irespected her family’s beliefs. Jennifer and her parentsnever made me feel I had to convert (Okay, maybe hergrandmother mentioned it a few dozen times). But theydid go to synagogue on the High Holidays and lit candleson Shabbat. Passover was a huge deal. Jennifer and her sis-

ter had attended Hebrew school. I realized I needed tolearn about Judaism since it was in my life and it would bea good idea to demonstrate my respect for her religion.Besides I didn’t want to be the goy boyfriend who won-dered why we weren’t lighting candles on Thursday.

I took an “Intro to Judaism” class. The curriculum wasgreat, but the instructor was as self-righteous as theChristian preachers I knew in Kansas. Instead I refer peo-ple to Rabbi Harold Schulweis at Valley Beth Shalom. Itwas his book For Those Who Can’t Believe that changedsomething in me. He explained why bad things happenedto good people: Laws of Nature and Free Will. It changedthe way I looked at spirituality — still skeptical, but not ascynical. I was open to answers instead of dismissing themoutright. Rabbi Schulweis sponsored me during my con-version and later officiated at the wedding for Jennifer and me.

In the six months after completing the class somethinghappened to me. I had never thought about actually con-verting, but I now knew I was headed down this interest-ing path. You know you are taking conversion seriouslywhen you allow a strange man to circumcise you...again. Imay have had one as a Gentile, but not as a Jew. I had togo to a mohel and have him draw a drop of blood and saya blessing. How did I get here?

I read the Jew and the Lotus, and loved it. It’s about agroup of rabbis invited to India to meet with the DalaiLama. His people recently had been expelled from theirhomeland and he wanted advice from Jews who managedto keep their religion going for 3,000+ years. The DalaiLama was going to the experts. There are many similari-ties and connections between Jews and Buddhists.

One of the rabbis along for the ride was JonathanOmer-man — an English Jew confined to a wheelchair.Rabbi Omer-man was interested in keeping Jews fromleaving Judaism for Buddhism and helping them findwhat they were looking for in Judaism. He searched theKabbalah, mystical teachings from the Zohar. I’m not talk-ing about Kabbalah for Madonna — the one with thetrademark symbol at the bottom. I’m talking about theactual stuff you are not supposed to study until you are 41,

JOHN LEHRJOHN LEHR

God that made sense. What I was looking for was rightunder my nose all the time. During my tenure at VBS, Ifound that what I searched for in religion occurred on aregular basis. As part of the service, the rabbi commentedon the Tanach, and the congregation could question anddebate him.

On Yom Kippur I observed congregants confessingtheir sins and asking for forgiveness from both God andthe one they sinned against, but not to get into heaven.Rather, they would do so in order to make themselves bet-

ter people and more complete individuals. Finally, Iobserved first hand how Judaism embraced the family andcommunity through celebration of holidays and eventsthroughout the year.

As a Jew by choice who struggled through manyobstacles in pursuing my path to Judaism, I can’t under-stand why so many of the younger generation of Jewsintermarry and fail to keep the faith and traditions ofJudaism alive and on-going for generations to come.

19

JOURNEYS

Continued

My parents are bothChristians of differingfaiths, so there was dis-

agreement as to which faith to raiseus children. As a result, we did not

have a strong religious identity. Itmay have led to other challenges in their

marriage and, in fact, my parents’ marriagelasted only ten years.

As adults, my sisters became Seventh Day Adventists.They have similar practices to Judaism, such as dietarylimitations, no pork or shellfish, as well as viewing theSabbath from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. Iwas exposed to their practices and became used to theircustoms over the years. That made accepting Judaism a lit-tle easier for me.

I was first introduced to the idea and religion ofJudaism when my boyfriend suggested we take an“Introduction to Judaism” class together. We had recentlystarted dating, and he wanted me to feel comfortablearound his family and his religious obligations. The HighHoly Days were coming up, and we decided to take a

class in Judaism so that by the time I accompanied him tothe synagogue I would feel comfortable. And that is howit all began.

During the course of my study, many of the corebeliefs really resonated within me: the importance ofdoing good in the world (Tikkun Olam), the high valueplaced on the role of women in both a biblical and contem-porary setting, the belief in God as a higher power and nota human being elevated to that of a deity, the acceptanceand warmth of Judaism and tolerance of all peoples. TheJewish conscience spoke to my heart. I was always a veryspiritual person but never felt a connection to any particu-lar faith until now.

My family and close friends have been excited, sup-portive, positive and very curious. They want to under-stand what led me to this point and what I enjoy about theJewish religion. They are curious about the religious prac-tices and obligations that I have now undertaken, and Itake great pride in explaining what I have learned andhow I participate in my new Jewish life.

My family feels that it is wonderful for my fiancé andme to share our religious faith and beliefs. They also agree

CHERYL LORENZOCHERYL LORENZO

20


and only with a Kabbalah Jedi Master. Rabbi Omer-manopened a teaching center called “Metivta” in Los Angeles.I had to go, but was scared.

The meditation combined with my Jewish reading pro-vided the first real relief from my alcoholism, and that’swhat brought me to my circumcision. As it can only hap-pen in Los Angeles, my mohel told me his son was direct-ing a movie and I’m thinking he’s pitching a stupid indiehis son is making. Then I realize I knew his son and hadauditioned for his film the day before and now my mohel will put in a good word for me. I actually got a “callback” audition!

Now the deed was done, and there was no turningback. Next up was the beit din where three rabbis gave mean oral exam. They were all dressed in black. Of courseRabbi Schulweis was there, but the other two were hiredguns from the University of Judaism. I got through it andwent to the mikvah where I got naked, dunked three timesand said three different blessings while two rabbis

observed. They were sweet old guys and I really enjoyedit. The Jews know what they’re doing — and that’s not thefirst time I’ve said that. My cynical self was starting to ana-lyze if I was actually having a spiritual experience. Ofcourse, no spiritual experience can stand up to that con-scious cynical voice in my head wondering whether or notI was having a spiritual experience.

So here I am. I have become everything I wasn’t: I’m asober, married, meditating, God-believing Jew. So do Ibelieve in God? I do. I can’t believe it, but I do. After I med-itate every morning, I pray. And as I’m doing it I laugh,because I believe this stuff. But I do. Here’s what I believe:1. I am not God. That’s the biggie. I may not know who

He is, but I do know I’m not Him. 2. I believe that qualities like compassion, love and sur-

render are not qualities that exist to feed and clothe us.And yet we all have them.

3. For me, God is a gerund. God is being godly: loving, car-ing, being humble, and being helpful. It is in the action.

“The Jew by choice is like a born Jew withrespect to all the commandments.”

— Mekilta tto EExodus 112. 449

JOHN LEHR Continued

DIANNE NITZAHNDIANNE NITZAHN

Ialways felt a profound connection to God and desper-ately wanted to find a branch of Christianity thatmade more sense to me than the Baptist church. But

the belief in Jesus was central to all the sects. The God inwhich I believed was loving, patient, and compassionate.Such a being could not set up human beings as imperfectand then require a human sacrifice to redeem them. I didn’t like being told I was a sinner without hope ofimproving the world or myself. Nor could I accept theidea of an intermediary between God and me. At the ageof fourteen, I gave up on Christianity.

The turning point came when I was seventeen. I tooka French class at a local community college during my lastsemester of high school. The instructor, David ForbesPardess, was a Jew by choice and we became friends. Heinvited my fiancé, Michael, and me to his home for Shabbatdinner and other holidays. David was the first person Iknew who answered every question and challenged me.

He taught me the Hebrew aleph-bet, basic vocabularyand blessings, and the Shema. The amazing feeling ofpeace and beauty that enveloped me that Friday nightremains with me today.

In the fall of 1981, when I was nineteen, Michael and Ibegan shul shopping. When we visited Valley BethShalom I knew I had come home. David and I attendedregularly and Michael joined us on occasion. I finallymade the decision to join the Jewish community andenrolled in classes at the University of Judaism.

Michael took classes with me at my request. I felt in adilemma. I wanted to be Jewish but how could I promisea beit din I would lead a Jewish life if I married a non-Jew?In the meantime we studied, practiced Hebrew and con-tinued our Shabbat observance. Michael seemed to take itseriously but I didn’t expect him to embrace Judaism. Iwas astounded the day he announced that he had gone toa mohel for a ritual circumcision a month before classesended. We converted together in October 1982. A fewmonths later Michael and I chose a new last name that wefelt was a perfect metaphor for our new life: “nitzahn,”which means “bud” or “blossom” in Hebrew.

It never occurred to me that my family would have anopinion about my choice of religion or identity, and I wasunprepared for their reactions. I’m the youngest of fourdaughters. My parents’ marriage ended in divorce when Iwas five and my father, a fundamentalist Christian, movedfar away both geographically and emotionally.

My oldest sister, Anita, shares the same religiousviews as my father and was incensed at my failure toaccept Jesus as the “true Messiah.” Alice felt I had separat-

ed from the family by rejecting Christmas and Easter.Karen could not fathom why I made such a drastic changein my life. I have a good relationship with Alice and Karen,but ten years ago Anita decided I wasn’t worth the timesince she would never see me in heaven. We did reconcilein 1999 when she admitted she had been wrong to judgeme, and seemed impressed by our commitment toJudaism.

My mother, a Lutheran, was upset until her ministertold her that Jesus was a Jew and if it was good enough forhim it was good enough for me. After that she acceptedour decision. She attended my adult bat mitzvah andwalked me down the aisle with my stepfather whenMichael and I married at VBS.

I received a letter from my father who wrote that“Jews have been sinning against God for thousands ofyears, whether in Israel or in California.” He issued an ulti-matum to go to a Protestant minister and return toChristianity or he would have nothing to say to me. Hedidn’t want to hear about the loving, ethical path ofJudaism. Anyone who didn’t believe as he believed wasdamned forever and no daughter of his was going to join“those stubborn, faithless Jews” and get away with it.

Rabbi Schulweis advised me to write and offer him anew beginning. My father ignored me and refused toattend my wedding. In 1985 Anita relocated to LosAngeles and served as the catalyst for my father to movehere. We met at my grandparents’ home. He admitted thathe may have “fanned the flames.” It was the best he could do.

I invited him and his new family to Shabbat dinner.When they found out what it was they walked out, andnever shared in our daughter’s bat mitzvah or our twinsons’ b’nai mitzvah. But over time, as my father has seen thepositive influence of Judaism on our lives, he has come toaccept us, even though he can’t understand or participatein Jewish rituals or celebrations.

The Jewish community has made up for my lack offamily. The overwhelming majority of my people havewelcomed me and gone out of their way to make me feelaccepted and comfortable. Besides our VBS community,we have made Jewish friends outside the synagogue, andI understand the warm kinship among Jews, even thosewould do not consider themselves religious.

Yiddishkeit develops slowly, but I feel I belong. BeingJewish has brought me a deep sense of happiness and ful-fillment, and I am profoundly grateful to God for helpingme find and embrace Judaism and the Jewish people.

21

JOURNEYS

that it will build a solid foundation for my relationshipwith my future husband and any children we may have.As our wedding approaches I look forward to being

married and starting our family. Should I be blessed withchildren, I want to share with them my journey and my spirituality.

22


Istarted life as a good Catholicgirl in the suburbs of Detroit,Michigan, the first born of a

family of 11 siblings. I attendedparochial school for 12 years, went

to Mass six days a week for the eightyears of my elementary education, and

at a minimum of once a week for the nextfour years of high school. At one time, like most of the girlsof my generation and upbringing, I even entertainedthoughts of becoming a nun. I can still recite some of theprayers of the mass in Latin.

As far as I knew, everyone in my neighborhood wasChristian, if not Catholic. My parents still live in the homethey’ve had since I was three. I remember my father’sfriend at work, Jesse Reed, who I learned later was Jewish.Our family dentist, Dr. Feldman, was also Jewish — butagain, that wasn’t an issue, as it wasn’t a topic of conversa-tion. Dr. Feldman was a good dentist—witness my love-ly smile! We always picked out some kind of treat from thedrawer in his office when we went in for a visit — a ring,or little plastic car — never candy!

I moved out of the family home when it came time togo to college and began to widen my horizons. I met newpeople in the theatre department where Michael Oberfield,a Jewish graduate student, became one of my dearestfriends. But religion was never a source of discussion. Wewere “actors.”

In summer stock I met my first husband — a non-Catholic farm boy. We married after I graduated andmoved to Atlanta to pursue our acting careers. I continuedpracticing my Catholicism despite choosing a mate fromoutside my religion. My marriage began to fall apart afterless than a year. How could this happen? I prayed. Noimmediate answers were forthcoming.

We separated, and I moved back with my parents stillhoping we could make it work. After all, I’d made a com-mitment and divorce wasn’t an option in the CatholicChurch. Unfortunately, marriage wasn’t an option either;there wasn’t anything to save.

I moved to New York City and he stayed in Michigan.I walked the streets alone that winter. I prayed. I askedhow to make it right. What had I done wrong? Where wasGod? No answer. The religion that was supposed to sus-

tain and help me wasn’t providing the support and suste-nance I needed. I began to ask questions. Why confession?Why couldn’t I go directly to God? Why did I have to con-fess to someone who stood between God and me? MySunday Mass attendance became more sporadic.

With my career not yet flourishing, I started doingbookkeeping at an entertainment-related company where Imet a wonderful woman named Helen Nisenshal (ofblessed memory). We became friends, and talked aboutlife and love and Judaism. She told me in bits and piecesabout herself. It resonated within me. Helen gave me amezuzah and told me about the prayer inside. It meant a lotto me, and she did too.

Not long after, I met the Jewish man who wouldbecome my husband. We dated and we fell in love. That’sthe short version. My church-going had fallen completelyby the wayside. The satisfaction, succor, support I should have felt from the religion of my childhood wasmissing. I couldn’t practice it with the same sense of will-ing commitment.

The first High Holidays we were together he went toservices with his family. I stayed in the apartment andlooked through his father’s High Holiday mahzor. I readsome of the prayers, and they were a revelation. I couldask for forgiveness directly — I didn’t have to go to a con-fessional and talk to a priest. I attended my first Seder at hiscousin’s house with his whole family. They were a delight— funny, embracing, open, smart. The Seder was amazing.His cousin, Sylvia Joffe, taught me how to run the perfectSeder. We spent more and more time with them. The sec-ond year we celebrated Passover they felt like family.“Things Jewish” were more and more interesting to me.

We moved to California so my fiancé could pursue hiswriting career. We decided to marry. But we talked aboutreligion and children. If we were to have children, and thatwas a possibility, then I was committed to the idea thatthey would have only one religion. My husband has a trueNew York Jew’s appreciation of Jewish culture (althoughobservance may not be high on his list) and he wouldalways remain Jewish, so that left one choice: Join him. The idea was interesting. I wanted to learn more about Judaism.

I was the one who signed up for an Introduction toJudaism class at Hebrew Union College, but we both took

JULIANA (BOEHNLEIN) OLINKAJULIANA (BOEHNLEIN) OLINKA

“A Jew by choice is dearer to God than wasIsrael at Sinai, for he accepts heaven’s yoke

without having witnessed the thunders and trumpet blasts which attended the revelation.”

— Tanhuma llech LLecha 66

DAVID FORBES PARDESSDAVID FORBES PARDESS

My father would have told you he was a SouthernBaptist and my mother, who was “spiritual butnot religious,” would have said she didn’t believe

any of it. They moved to Southern California fromOklahoma in the early 1940s to work in the Long Beachshipyards. We lived in San Pedro, and had big familyEaster dinners and beautiful, exciting Christmases. I wentto various Sunday schools where I received a good sam-pling of Protestant teachings and attitudes. As a child Iread bible stories, but had a hard time believing in the miracles and felt very uncomfortable with Protestant literalism. The fundamentalist churches seemed sterile andspartan, with raving preachers insisting that you must

believe even when you don’t. On the other hand, I warmedto the quiet, beautiful and mystical Episcopal and Catholicchurches. People who attended them seemed religious ina real, earthy way. I used to go to mass with my mother’sfriend and wanted to be Catholic because most of myfriends were. Due to anti-Catholic sentiments in my fami-ly, I was baptized and confirmed in the Episcopal church.

Living in San Pedro, the only Jews I was aware of wereon television and in the movies. I remember an old moviewhere a rabbi and cantor were conducting some kind ofservice. The Hebrew language, the music and their cere-monial attire struck a chord with me. Junior high schoolintroduced me to my first Jewish friends. One of them,

classes. Most weeks we were at Temple Beth Hillel, andRabbi Frehling was usually our teacher. I was a good stu-dent — I always have been. If there was an extra creditopportunity, I took it. While we were in the middle of thecourse we decided to get married.

I passed the class with flying colors, and formallyaccepted Judaism on April 12, 1980, in the presence of afew close friends. With a year’s free membership at TBH,I joined the Sisterhood, took Hebrew language classes, ranour own Seders for friends and our Jewish life begantogether. After the year at TBH we opted for floatingaround synagogues in Los Angeles, “shul-hopping” ascousin Sylvia would say, usually attending CongregationBeth Meier High Holiday services and sometimes joiningthem on Friday evening services. Then in 1984, we became pregnant.

Okay, we had a bit of a conundrum. I converted in theReform tradition but wanted my son to be accepted inIsrael and I feared we weren’t as kosher as we needed to be.I looked into what I would have to do to convert in theConservative tradition. When I was seven months preg-nant I went before a beit din, attended the mikvah at theUniversity of Judaism and finally felt my conversion wasindeed kosher. Our son was born, attended a family daycare center in Sherman Oaks, then pre-school andKindergarten at the Valley Cities Jewish CommunityCenter. A friend from the Center told us she heard thatValley Beth Shalom offered a free year of Hebrew Schoolto new members. We walked through the doors, not forthe first time, but the first time as members.

Regular communications from VBS advised us that anadult B’nai Mitzvah class was forming. For someone likeme, who came from a background of religious participa-tion, there was no question. I needed to become a bat mitz-

vah. My son would go through the same experience in afew years and I needed to know even more about being aJew — so I spent a year with a group of wonderful women (and one man) under the tutelage of the inspiringYossi Dresner.

Our group had greater challenges than most classesbecause the big earthquake of 1994 hit in the middle of ourtraining. Services shifted to Lopaty Chapel and we cele-brated our B’nai Mitzvah in Malkin Burdorf Hall. And ajoyous celebration it was. Our date coincided with theSeventh Day of Pesach, the second time in the Jewish calen-dar when we sing the Song of the Sea. That was my batmitzvah portion.

I’ll never forget standing on the bimah and chanting itfor the first time. One of the Gabbaim was Bernie Minkow(of blessed memory). He was so proud of us all. His smilegave me the courage and encouragement to sing my best toGod. I always think of Bernie and say a prayer for him eachyear when Yossi asks me back on Beshallach and the seventh day of Passover, if no bar or bat mitzvah is chantingthat portion, to sing again a joyful song to the Lord.

Initially, my family did not accept the choices I made — in marriage or religion. But my husband and Irecently celebrated twenty-six years of marriage, and onApril 12, 2006, I celebrated twenty-six years of choosingJudaism. I’m on good terms with my parents, who’ve“come around.” My brothers and sisters and I are all con-nected (I’m the “first-born” — never call me the oldest!)and always will be.

Being Jewish means so much to me. It’s my connectionto ethics and prayer, education and educating, friends andfamily, and to making the world a better place. It guides mychoices. It is who I am. I got here because of the choices Imade throughout my life, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

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JOURNEYS

Continued

“Every Jew should endeavor to bring men underthe wings of the Shechina even as Abraham did.”

— Abot dde RR. NNathan 112

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Gail, invited me to her birthday party on a Friday night,where her family lit candles. She told me that they burnedcandles every Friday night. I thought that was nice. Myfamily had no such religious rituals.

Languages and music have interested me all my life. Iwas twelve when I saw an article in the newspaper that atemple offered after-school Hebrew lessons for kids my ageand asked my mother to enroll me. The Hebrew teacherexplained that the class was intended for Jewish childrenpreparing for bar and bat mitzvah and I was disappointedand embarrassed. About the same time I heard GeorgeGershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue and Porgy and Bess. Enthralledby his music, I read Gershwin’s biography and learnedabout the Jewish immigrant experience. I played Rhapsodyin Blue at the annual recital given by my piano teacher.

My attempt to be Christian ended when I became tiredof people trying to get me to accept an exclusionist versionof Christianity. At 18, I wanted out. I needed to exploreother religions and philosophies, and decided I was anatheist. I had just entered UCLA, but before leaving forcollege I discussed religion with a friend, and we came tothe conclusion that Judaism was much more believablethan Christianity. My parents had divorced, and itdawned on me that the Jewish concept of God seemedmore in line with what my mother had taught me a decade before.

Jewish friends had taken a group of us to a synagoguebefore and during the Six-Day War. When I received mydriver’s license, I returned several times on my own. Onthe first morning of Pesach, I was the only one there. Therabbi and I sat in his office and talked about the differencesbetween Christianity and Judaism, and also about the warin Vietnam.

At UCLA, I met Jews involved in the anti-war move-ment and civil rights, and that’s when I made the decisionto convert. I talked with Rabbi Richard Levy, of UCLA’sHillel organization, who directed me to the Union ofAmerican Hebrew Congregations’ program at Wilshire

Boulevard Temple. I completed my conversion by becom-ing a Jew by choice at Ahavat Shalom.

My mother, who remarried, was glad I found some-thing that made me happy. My father was too ill to under-stand. On the other hand, my older sister and her husbandare conservative Christians who tried to get me to comeback to Christianity, although over the years she and herfamily have become intrigued with Judaism. They live inOregon, and ask me to bring a Hanukkah menorah to theirhome in December. My sister once attended a seder withme.

Back at UCLA, I became involved with Temple Israelof Hollywood where I had an adult bar mitzvah, afterwhich I taught in the religious school and served as thesenior high school advisor. Within the synagogue, I hadvery positive feedback. Outside was another matter.When one of my Jewish professors found out I converted, she said, “I hope you get over it.” A shopkeep-er on Fairfax always asked me, “Are you still trying to be Jewish?”

After graduating with my MA degree, I traveled toIsrael several times where I met Jews who accepted me forwho I was. In the mid-70s I began keeping kosher, andthen decided to seek a halakhic conversion. I met SusanFriedman, a Jewish Studies major at USC and theUniversity of Judaism, and we married. Instead ofhyphenating our name to Forbes-Friedman or Friedman-Forbes, we selected the consonants FRDS from our names,changed the F to a P and came up with Pardess — aHebrew word that means “orchard” or “grove.”

Susan’s family had no problem with my Jewishness,and usually turned to me with questions about religiouspractices. Before Susan passed away in 1995 we had twochildren, Rebecca and Ross, who only know me as aJewish parent. Both of them attended Kadima HebrewAcademy and became b’nai mitzvah at Valley Beth Shalom.We’re Jewish. We celebrate life.

DAVID FORBES PARDESS Continued

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JOURNEYS

As a young child, Ienjoyed going tochurch on Sunday

mornings. Most of my largeextended family went to the same

church as my immediate family. Itwas a big social event. I played in the

playground with all of my cousins, and itwas lots of fun.

However, the social aspects lessened over the years asour relatives moved further out and began going tochurches that were more geographically convenient. Bythe time I was a teenager, my parents only went to servic-es occasionally and permitted my three brothers and me todecide whether we wanted to attend. I had been uncom-fortable with the concepts that were being taught there fora while. I did not believe that Jesus Christ was the Son ofGod. I felt he was a man like any other man.

I did not believe I was going to hell. I did not believethat God, if there was a God, punished people just becausethey were unable to believe. I did not accept the notionthat all of the other people on the planet who had differ-ent belief systems, but were basically good people, weregoing to hell.

I did not believe there was only one right way to thinkor that asking questions should be discouraged. I’m abooklover and one of the things I love about books is thewealth of different points of view. In Christianity, as I wastaught it, there is only one correct path, only one true pointof view. I decided not to go back to church.

When Christianity did not work for me, I gave up onreligion. I did not pursue other religions and reject them.I just stopped having religion in my life. I thought, “Whoneeds it?” Religion helped people to be good. But evenwithout religion, I thought I was a pretty good person. Iremember being happy when I learned the word “agnos-tic.” I knew what I did not believe, but I was not sure whatI did believe.

This was the way I described myself by the time I wasin college and met Larry. We became really good friendsand began dating. At some point, he mentioned that hewas Jewish, as if that might be a problem. At the time, Ididn’t think so. We continued dating all through collegeand for several years after. Eventually, Larry mentionedthat he saw himself ending up with someone who wasJewish. Although it was important to him, he had difficul-ty articulating why it was so important.

We had long discussions about this. Why couldn’t wego further in our relationship? Why did I have to change?After all, I did not ask Larry to become an agnostic.

Larry and I broke up a couple of times because itseemed like an insurmountable hurdle. But we also gotback together again and again, mostly because we werejust such good friends. I even flew halfway around the

JULIE PAULJULIE PAUL

world to see Larry when he was wrapping up a project inJapan; this was while we were still technically on a break.

I asked him why it was important to be Jewish. Hewould talk about the Holocaust and how vital it was that theJewish people survive. However, looking at Judaism only ina survival context just made it scary. All of his answersseemed to give as many reasons not to be Jewish as tobecome Jewish. The existence of people who wanted toeliminate the Jews was not a compelling reason to becomeJewish. There had to be positive reasons to join the tribe.

I borrowed a book from one of my brothers aboutworld religions. I read Chaim Potok’s book, The Chosen.Neither of them told me what I wanted to know. I wassearching for answers about Judaism, but I did not knowwhere to look.

One day we were at Jerry’s Famous Deli, and in theentryway I found a catalog from the University of Judaism.I had no idea that such a place existed. I picked it up andfound the Introduction to Judaism class. I called to find outmore about it and was advised that if I had a “significantother,” he should take the class with me. So, both Larryand I signed up.

The class is available to anyone interested in learningabout Judaism, so it’s not expected that everyone whotakes the course will convert. I went into the class deter-mined not to change. I was open to converting, but defi-nitely not committed to it. During the class, which met forlectures for several hours every Sunday morning formonths, there were books to read and support groups toattend, as well as Jewish observances to experience. Youhad to do a 24-hour Shabbat, keep kosher for a week, go toseveral Jewish cultural events, attend a Shabbaton, attendseveral Friday night services and Saturday morning serv-ices, etc. The program was intense, but as I becameimmersed in it, I got to a point that I understood what itfelt like to be Jewish.

I had an experience with one of our substitute teach-ers, a conservative rabbi. She taught two classes, onetoward the beginning of the semester and one near the endof the semester. In the first one, I was uncomfortable withmany of the things she said and many of the observancesshe spoke about. I could not picture myself doing thosethings. But by the time she taught the second class, I foundmyself agreeing with her. She had not changed, but myperspective had.

I was not typical of those in our class. I don’t knowexactly when it happened but I came to the decision tobecome Jewish fairly easily. I made the choice when Icould no longer picture not being Jewish, because I alreadyfelt I was. I felt as if I had always been Jewish but just didnot know it because I had not known enough aboutJudaism to realize it. I felt a sense of peace I had never feltbefore because the world made sense to me in a way itnever had before.

Continued

MARCY RAINEYMARCY RAINEY

“Abraham, our father,Was simply told to leave. Go forth from your land and from your kindred

and even from your father’s house. To the land that I will show you. Lech lecha...

This is the setting out. The leaving of everything behind. Leaving the social milieu. The preconceptions.

The definitions. The language. The narrowed fieldof vision. The expectations.

No longer expecting relationships, memories, words or letters to mean what they used to mean.

To be, in a word:Open.”

— from Honey from the Rock (Lawrence Kushner)

This is the way Rabbi Kushner describes Abraham’scall from God, and every year, when the reading ofParasha Lech Lecha rolls around, I admit a certain

amount of envy: Abraham’s invitation from God was sodirect, so clear. Dear Avram, the God of Israel wants you!

On the other hand, I didn’t even know I was beingsummoned. My turn to Judaism was evolutionary, aprocess that started with my first trip to “The HolyLand” from which I returned forever changed. I grew upin a church-going family and made this trip to Israel as apilgrimage to better understand Christianity’s Jewishroots, not seeking any change in my religious status.

But as I stood for the first time before the reckoningof the eternal flame at Yad VaShem, I came face to facewith the stark reality and human cost of man’s inhu-manity to Jews and I was emotionally overcome; myheart dynamited open. From that point on, I felt com-pelled to discover just what it was that inspired Jews toremain faithful to their God and their people, even inthe face of death — indeed, in the face of evil incarnate.

All kinds of questions flooded into my conscious-ness demanding attention: What was this thing called“Shabbat” and what did it mean to keep it holy as thecommandments instruct? What part did Christianityplay in persecutions of Jews in history and what respon-sibility did it take for this over the years. What was stillbeing denied? What was “Jewish” and what was“Christian?” What was I?

In search of some answers, I read voraciously for

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JULIE PAUL Continued

Many people in our support group had more issuesthan I did. Some had big family issues. My immediatefamily handled the news pretty well. They were not thatsurprised. After all, Larry and I had been dating for aboutseven years at that point, so they knew him and they likedhim and they knew that he was Jewish. Mostly, they want-ed to know what it would mean. Would I still show up atfamily gatherings such as Christmas? I said yes, I wouldstill come. Only now it was their holiday, not our holiday.

The most disappointing reaction came from my closestcousin. Ironically, when we were young, her family wasthe one that did not go to church very often. Over theyears she became a very passionate and involved evangel-ical Christian and married a minister.

When they discovered I planned to convert, they triedto talk me out of it. They told me I could be Jewish and stillbelieve in Jesus, like their “Jews for Jesus” friends. Theytold me I was going to hell. I was offended, but lookingback on it, they thought I was condemning myself andthey were upset about it and tried to save my soul. Nowwhen I see them at family functions, we’re friendly and wetalk. We just avoid the subject of religion.

Other people in our support group struggled overwhy they were doing it. Was it for themselves or onlybecause their significant other was Jewish? I personallynever had that struggle. Larry and I took the class togeth-

er, but I did not become Jewish because of him. I started learning about Judaism because of knowing Larry,but I would have become Jewish anyway. It used to bother me that people might think that I converted inorder to get married rather than for myself and forJudaism’s merits.

One of the things I enjoyed getting to do as a Jew bychoice was choosing my Hebrew name. I always believedthat names were important so I thought long and hardabout it and did lots of research.

At first I considered “Lillith” because she was the firstwoman in the first creation story and she was man’s equal.However, I decided against it when I found the name hadmilitant feminist connotations, which was not what I wasgoing for.

I finally chose the name “Israela,” for several reasons.The name Israel came out of the struggle between God andJacob. Questioning God was one of the main things thatdrew me towards Judaism. Also, some interpretations thatI read said that Jacob wrestled with an angel and myChinese name means “angel.” I was wrestling with God,but also wrestling with myself or wrestling the God with-in myself.

Larry and I married ten years ago. We have two sons,Adam and Emmet. They are raised in a Jewish householdand attend a Jewish nursery school.

“Toward father and mother we are commanded honorand reverence, toward the prophets to obey them;

but toward proselytes we are commanded to have great love in our inmost hearts...God, in His glory, loves

proselytes...” — Maimonides RResponsa 3369

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JOURNEYS

eight years: Jewish history, Jewish theology, the wisdomof the rabbis, books on Jewish culture and tradition. I evenlearned Hebrew, starting with the alef-bet at the Universityof Judaism. I returned to Israel, my touchstone, manytimes: to see Gamla where Jews jumped off the side of thecliff rather than risk falling into Roman captivity; to KiryatAnavim where the beauty and poignancy of the head-stones in its military cemetery give moving testimony tothe Zionist passion and the human cost of Israel’s War ofIndependence; to the amphitheater at Tsipori to sit in thevery seats where the sages of the Sanhedrin sat yearsbefore me; to the Burnt House in the Jewish Quarter ofJerusalem to relive the anguish of the last days of theSecond Temple. I walked the Road of the Patriarchs, Iclimbed through the Caves of Bar Kochba, I scaled thewalls of David’s City. I steeped myself in all I could findabout concepts, places, people — Jewish, Israelite, andIsraeli — and I was smitten.

Bit by bit my life was changing: I knew I was no longerwho I once was. My comfort level with my Christian faithhad eroded appreciably, and yet I did not know exactlywho I was becoming. I lit Shabbat candles, ate rugelach andfalafel, attended seders. I was impressed by this traditionthat counsels, “You shall not oppress the stranger,” thatmutes its joy after the parting of the Red Sea becauseGod’s other children, the Egyptians, had been drownedthere. And I liked the part where being Jewish was, aboveall, a participatory — not a spectator — event. Life wasnot to be lived in deferment, in anticipation of divinereward after death, but rather to be lived in the here andnow, with the greater purpose of tikkun ha-olam.

And then I experienced Shabbat in Jerusalem, startingwith the hustle and bustle in the city early on Friday, shop-ping in the craziness that is Machneh Yehuda market,drinking last minute coffees on Rehov Ben Yehuda thatconcluded with a warm “Shabbat shalom.” Men racedagainst the clock right before sundown with Shabbatbouquets tightly in their grasp. The sound of the Shabbatsiren announced the onset, silence blanketed the city, candles were lit and family members, fresh from pre-Shabbat showers, reunited at a festive dinner.

Twenty-five hours or so of Torah study and goodwill one-to-another — Wow!

“Tsav le tsav, tsav le tsav, kav le kav, kav le kav” writesIsaiah. “The word of the Lord was upon them, preceptupon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little and there a little: that theymight go, and fall backward, and be broken, and snared,and taken.”

And so it was with me. I experimented with kashrutand found meaning in its emphasis on the preservation ofinnocent life. I incorporated the holidays one by one intomy own life. And then, six years after my first trip to Israel,came a defining moment: the first Gulf War began, and Iwas appalled to see, in my own day, a nation attackingIsrael for simply being Israel, and I despaired for myfriends in all of Israel, and I felt a part of klal Israel. As theScuds fell, I knew that I identified as a Jew. The die hadbeen cast, the case for conversion now crystallized andonly the formalities remained.

To quote my rabbi, Harold M. Schulweis, “Jews needJews to be Jewish,” and the most critical part of the processfor a lonely convert remained ahead: assimilation into theJewish community here at home. With the RabbisFeinstein (Nina and Ed) shepherding me through the con-version process and the beit din, and Rabbi Schulweis asmy sponsoring rabbi, you could say I had a bit of a headstart. Ritual Director Yossi Dresner taught me synagogueskills and started me on the path of Torah reading in myadult b’nai mitzvah class. My participation in choir broughtme up to speed on music and the members of Valley BethShalom reached out, one by one, with great warmth. In afew months time, VBS had become MY shul.

I chose to become Jewish, to embrace joyously andenthusiastically the traditions and obligations of thecovenant, Torah, mitzvot and Israel. Every moment of everyday, they envelop me as my spiritual tallit — my protective, regenerative, sustaining prayer shawl of life. Iam called in Israel “Avital bat Abraham Avinu v’ SarahImenu,” but personally, I am proud to answer to simply“Yehudiah” — JEW.

PETE ROBINSONPETE ROBINSON

Iwas nineteen when I made the decision to convert andhave been on a journey into Judaism for the past fortyyears — exactly the number of years that the Jewish

people wandered in the wilderness before entering thePromised Land. Just as their journey was long and diffi-cult, so was mine. Just as their journey was life transform-ing, mine was as well.

When I entered a small Christian college in Idaho atthe age of eighteen, I had no religious convictions. It was acollege requirement to take classes in New and OldTestaments at the College of Idaho. The class I took in OldTestament changed my life. What I had thought was just“pie in the sky stuff” turned out to be the real history of apeople of faith, whose history was stranger than fictionand yet true. When I got into the New Testament I got the“pie in the sky stories” that I had expected originally, andI became determined to become Jewish.

On a trip to my parents in California, I stopped at thesynagogue closest to home and announced I wanted to beJewish. The people in the synagogue office looked at meas if I was out of my mind. The rabbi gave me a list of adozen books to take back to Idaho and told me to return ina year. Much to his surprise, I came back a year later. He gave me another list and said to come back in anotheryear. When I returned, the rabbi determined that I was serious, or perhaps a little crazy, and arranged for my conversion.

While I was very serious about becoming a Jew, I hadembarked on a journey into Judaism that was truly a paththrough the wilderness. I had no idea that it was almostimpossible to enter into Judaism without a Jewish commu-nity. At that time Idaho seemed devoid of Jews. Fromthere I moved to Alaska, where it appeared to me thatmany people didn’t even know what a Jew was.

After a number of years I decided that I had to live ina Jewish community. I returned to Los Angeles and mar-ried a Jewish woman. Rosalyn was hearing impaired, andbecame profoundly deaf shortly after our marriage. Shehad a strong Jewish and Hebrew background, but feltextremely uncomfortable at synagogue because her deaf-ness prevented participation and understanding.

We had joined a very traditional conservative synagogue, where almost the entire service was conduct-ed in Hebrew. I understood almost no Hebrew and feltlike a fish out of water, as my wife did because of her hear-ing problem.

I thought I was a complete failure as a Jew by choice,because after many years I had made almost no progressin becoming a practicing Jew. I didn’t know how to prac-tice my Judaism and hid the fact that I was a convert.Since many born Jews are in the same predicament, Ibelieved I would not stand out. In other words, I becamea “closet convert.”

Our twin daughters went to Hebrew school, and Ibegan educating myself by sitting in on their lessons whilethe other parents dropped off their kids and went off to themall. Both daughters were gifted students, and placedfirst and second in the National Bible Contest. They wenton to compete in the International Bible Contest inJerusalem. That event was life-transforming. Until then Ihad doubts that I was really a Jew. The Orthodox, whopride themselves on being the authority on Judaism, main-tained I was not. They believe non-Orthodox convertsendanger the continuity of Judaism, and do not considerus as Jews. Seeing my two daughters take the top two posi-tions in the United States made me feel that God had per-sonally validated my conversion. I never doubted myJewishness again. I was now a Jew by choice who hadcome out of the closet, and I became proud of who I was.

We heard about Temple Beth Solomon – a special syn-agogue designed for and run by the deaf. It opened a newworld for us. My wife became a teacher, then the schoolprincipal, then the synagogue president, and finally thelay rabbi. As she learned and grew in her Judaism, so didI. I became proficient in Siddur Hebrew, understood it inEnglish, and signed it in Sign Language all at the sametime. I became the lay cantor at the Temple of the Deaf. Ifound that praying with my hands as well as my voiceadded a kinesthetic dimension to prayer that traditionalJudaism only hints at with its swaying and bowing. I discovered that I was literally able to fulfill the words ofthe v’ahavta by binding God’s words on my hands in atotally unique way. I felt closer to God’s presence thanever before.

I read articles in the Jewish press about Rabbi HaroldSchulweis, who openly welcomed those who wanted to transform their lives by embracing Judaism. Rozie and I found a welcoming and warm home at Valley Beth Shalom.

My beloved wife Rosalyn died on December 17, 2005,after an eleven-year struggle with cancer. I started to go toShomrei Torah Synagogue for minyan because it’s closer tomy home. I discovered a warm and welcoming place forme. I now belong to three synagogues — one Reform andtwo Conservative — and I pray with an Orthodox prayerbook. I have come to realize that for me the light of Torahis found when that light is broken into its spectral colors asin a rainbow, allowing the beauty of all Jewish strands toenrich my life. I believe that Judaism is a process of renew-al and discovery in which Jews by birth discover theirroots, and Jews by choice plant new roots. These rootsnourish the Tree of Life that is the Jewish people. I have tocome to the realization that as Jews by birth are a light tothe nations of the world, we Jews by choice are a light tothose born Jewish.

I daven every day and usually several times a day.

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“If one wishes to adopt Judaism in the name of God, and for the sake of heaven,

welcome and befriend him.” — Mechilta tto EExodus 118.6

ROBIN SABANROBIN SABAN

Iwas born into a secular Moslem family and didn’t havemuch of a religious background or education. When Idid go to the mosque, they expected me to accept

everything without question. Because I was curious, Ibegan experimenting with many religions – Christian,Buddhist, Muslim, soul-searching to fulfill my spiritualneeds – and each time it was the same: Accept the teach-ings without question. I kept searching, and that journeytook at least fifteen years.

After coming to Canada I went to temple. When Iarrived in California and lived in the South Bay, I visitedseveral other synagogues. The rabbis impressed me, but itwasn’t until my move to the Valley that it all began to cometogether. I attended a Keruv program at Valley Beth Shalomand heard Rabbi Ed Feinstein and Rabbi Harold Schulweis,who questioned everything. They were open-minded andcould translate Judaism to people in a way that madesense. In Judaism, everything begins with questions. It wasthe first time I heard of a faith that allowed me to questionGod and religion. It showed me that knowledge comesfirst: If you know, then belief comes easier, but if you don’t

know, then you are blind. It grabbed me hard. Rabbi Nina Feinstein ran a conversion program at

Valley Beth Shalom and there were a number of born Jewstaking the class. They didn’t know too much aboutJudaism, so we had a lot in common.

I made my conversion at the University of Judaism.What troubles me is that some Jews do not accept Jews bychoice. That’s very sad and not necessary, and not Judaic.Rabbi Schulweis says that if someone is Jewish, they’reJewish, and it doesn’t matter if they’re converted or not.

I still have a long road to walk on the way to fulfillingall the mitzvot, but I’m trying every day. The most impor-tant thing to me is that Judaism is wide open and limitlessin how much you want to learn. Rabbi Schulweis said thatonly slaves do not ask questions. As a man who was bornand raised in Islam, I never had a chance to ask questions.The need to ask questions was one of the principal reasonsfor becoming Jewish. Before that, I was a blind slave. Iwant to use Judaism to enhance my life with Jewish teach-ing in order to make myself a better person and representJudaism without fear.

When I pray with my hands I pray with my heart and I feelthat God allows me to pierce the curtain of death and drawclose to my darling Rozie. My journey into Judaism hasbeen a long, difficult struggle through a personal midbar

(wilderness), but I feel that my soul has finely come home.The arrival at my destination was worth all the hardshipsof my journey into Judaism.

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“A Jew by choice refers to Abraham as ‘my father.’ ” — Talmud BBikkurim 11.4

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Ihad lost my job of eight years, Ididn’t have a boyfriend andboth of my sisters were getting

married. Life couldn’t get worse. Iwas so depresssed. Since I didn’t

drink or do drugs, what was left? Idecided to pray to God to give me

strength, and returned to the church of mychildhood. I met friendly people and neighbors who knewme when I was a kid in Sunday school. Things had notchanged in twenty years. Everyone welcomed me in and Ifelt a connection.

The longer I attended, however, the more I haddoubts. Although I loved the choir and the stained glasswindows and the happy memories of childhood, I did notbelieve that I was an evil sinner that only Jesus could save.

One day, the minister informed me that to trulyembrace God I had to become “reborn” by being baptizedagain in order to be a “real” Christian. For some reason, Ididn’t want to do it, and tried to figure out what waswrong with me. Maybe this wasn’t the right church. I hadtoo many questions and not enough answers, so I turnedto the one person who always remained my soundingboard: my mother. She thought going back to my religiousroots was a great idea and invited me to her church whereI heard the same message: Everyone’s bad and Jesus is theonly way to be saved.

I became very frustrated. This may have been good,since I felt that if someone is frustrated then they’re notdepressed. I believed in God, but needed a place for Him.I became a “church-hopper” going from church to church,listening to sermons, meeting ministers, getting an occa-sional inspirational message, but without feeling as if Ibelonged.

My sisters married, and I had a great job, but still I hadno house for God. If I couldn’t find myself spiritually, Iwould throw myself into work that helped others. Mymom always said to give back to the community. From theage of nineteen I became interested in philanthropic work.For years I helped with the March of Dimes, ArthritisFoundation and domestic violence organizations. I becameinvolved in raising money for cancer research for children,and found that many involved in this charity were Jewish.

As a result of meeting new people, I was invited to anAdult B’nai Mitzvah on a Saturday morning, and it

impressed me. The rabbi gave an inspirational speech. Thesinging of the cantor and congregation was uplifting andbeautiful. When I heard the B’nai Mitzvah speak, I criedand wondered if this was where I belong.

It dawned on me that I had joined a dating service andindicated on the application that only Christian men needrespond. Was that wrong? I always celebrated Christmasand decorated my home like a department store with a six-foot tree, Christmas dishware, the works. Was all that invain? I found myself moving in another direction and thenI joined a junior fund raising chapter of the City of Hopeand met a tall, dark, handsome Jewish man who took meto High Holiday services.

Marc didn’t care for the synagogue his parents attend-ed, and felt we should look elsewhere. Friends recom-mended Temple Aliyah, and warmth, spirituality, and thefriendly faces of a close-knit community surrounded us.By now Marc and I had become serious, and we beganattending services on a regular basis.

I spoke with Rabbi Stewart Vogel of Temple Aliyahabout my interest in Judaism and he suggested theUniversity of Judaism’s Introduction to Judaism program.Marc and I became engaged and, as an engagement pres-ent, my mom paid for both of us to attend. Marc feltinspired to learn more about his Jewish heritage, and Ienjoyed returning to school with a treasured major inJudaism.

All those years of philanthropic work had a name:tzedakah. The reason I did it was to make the world a bet-ter place and it had a name: tikkun olam. My God had ahome at last.

Life keeps getting better and better. Over eight yearsago, I was hired by Valley Beth Shalom and am not onlyliving as a Jew but also experiencing every holiday, day-to-day issues, and becoming quite the Jewish cook. My childattends Jewish day school and Marc plays on the syna-gogue adult softball team. I speak about my experience at the University of Judaism Shabbatons and Elder Hostel programs.

Little did I know that when I learned the “Dreidel”song in elementary school I would sing along with my sonwho owns about thirty dreidels. I still can’t read Hebrew,but I have the rest of my life to learn.

I never think of myself as a Jew by choice, but simply a Jew.

DEBBIE SHAYERDEBBIE SHAYER

My journey into Judaismevolved over a long time,as I struggled with my

own identity. It is amazing howevents happen in life that affect and

influence us many years later.Growing up back east, I encountered a

lot of racism. The problem was that I thoughtI created all the hatred that was directed toward me,instead of realizing racism was the other person’s issue,not mine. I would go to small towns in New Jersey to playlittle league baseball and would get the “Jackie Robinsontreatment,” then blame myself for all the venom andhatred I experienced.

In high school, which was a turning point in my life,several things happened. I noticed that there were certainpeople who were not mean to me and they did not espousethe typical racial sentiment to which I was accustomed. Ilearned over time that these people were Jewish. Forsomeone who knows the ugliness of racism first hand, thiswas a realization that eventually would factor into mydecision to convert. I became friendly with a Jewish fami-ly who invited me into their home. It was rich in the trap-pings of Judaism: Bar Mitzvah pictures, Menorahs, dis-

played Seder plates, and the Star of David. I immediatelyasked questions that they gladly answered for me.

I was impressed because in my family, religion was atask thrust upon me at birth. It lapsed because of a lack ofparental interest. Getting to know this Jewish family gaveme the opportunity to see children my age excited abouttheir religion and who wanted to participate in its obser-vance. This was quite a dichotomy from the environmentin which I was raised. Last, and most important, I was in ahigh school born-again Christian youth group. I askedquestions about the Bible and the meaning of Jesus’ teach-ings. However, the more questions I asked, the moreantagonistic people became.

I did not know it at the time, but the right to questionis the foundation for my existence in this world. As anindividual, I reserve the right to question in all circum-stances as a rule in guiding my life. The fact thatChristians did not want to answer, or could not answer,my questions was not the issue. The issue became myaudacity at questioning them as well as questioning Jesusand the Bible. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it had animpact on me.

As a young adult, I fell in love with a Jewish womanwhom I married. She said she could not marry me unless

TROY STEVENSONTROY STEVENSON

Iwas raised a Lutheran, but Ihad begun to doubt the teach-ings of Christianity. I didn’t

really believe in the virgin birth,the ascension into heaven, and all

the other ideas I was expected toaccept on faith. I didn’t believe in a per-

sonal god who answers prayer. My interest in Judaism began with a trip to Israel in

1970. This was a real eye opener for me, as I had knownvery little about Jews at the time. I came home and readeverything I could find, both fiction and nonfiction. I wasparticularly interested in the Holocaust, since my ancestorsare German and I needed to understand how such a thingcould have happened.

I visited the temple of my friend, Baila, where I fell inlove with the music and the sound of the Hebrew. Webegan to visit other temples until we came to Valley BethShalom. There we stayed. We loved everything aboutVBS. My Friday routine became a drive from Downey,

where I taught school, to Glendale, where I took a voicelesson, to Van Nuys where I had Shabbat dinner withBaila, to VBS, and then home to Long Beach.

Making the decision to convert to another religiondoes not come easy. I finally converted in 1977. As I stud-ied I found myself thinking, “Yes, that’s right. That makessense to me. ”This religion felt right to me. I never told myparents, who lived in Michigan. They are gone now and Iobserve yahrzeit for them every year. Everyone elseaccepted my decision to convert.

Among the things that attracted me to Judaism are thepractices of tikkun olam, the mitzvot and tzedakah.Christians practice good deeds, too. The difference, I think,is a matter of focus. While Christians work hard to achieveeternal life in heaven — an inward focus — the Jew focus-es on nurturing the community and the world. In myopinion this is more adult. I have never been sorry I madethe choice to become Jewish. I only wish VBS were closerto Long Beach.

LOUISE SPERRLOUISE SPERR

31

JOURNEYS

Continued

NANCY BAXTER STONENANCY BAXTER STONE

My path to becoming a Jewby choice took almost 30 years. Looking back,

it was the only path I could have taken.

Thirty-one years ago, I marriedmy husband Bob Stone in a simple

ceremony at his parents’ apartment.Officiating was Rabbi Silver, of Riverdale, New York,one of the few rabbis in New York who performed “mixed marriages.”

I was raised Presbyterian, the daughter of an atheistand a quietly devout Presbyterian, the granddaughter of afundamentalist Church of Christ minister on one side anda Christian Scientist on the other side. Needless to say, Ireceived some very mixed messages. However, the mainmessage I received from my parents was that no one pathwas the correct one, and that religion could serve animportant role in moral guidance and a sense of communi-ty. My entire family happily attended my wedding, andembraced Bob and his family.

I had never believed in God as it was taught to me, and

“All who adopt Judaism and profess the unity of God’sname are Abraham’s disciples. Abraham is the father,

also his disciples and Jews by choice. There is absolutely no difference between you and us.”

— Maimonides’ lletter tto OObadiah tthe PProselyte

32


I was Jewish. I told her I would be a hypocrite (at thatpoint in time) to marry someone and adopt her faith justto have her in my life. I was concerned that I might notfully relate to the faith — or not find personal meaningand/or fulfillment. Initially, this prerequisite to convertwas distasteful. If I married her and became Jewish just tosatisfy that need, I would be living a lie. Then, I recalledmy high school years and thought fondly of my firstencounters with Jewish families and how racism was sur-prisingly absent from their way of thinking. I said I wouldlook into possible conversion, but if I agreed to convert toJudaism it had to be on my terms. In other words, Judaismhad to be in line with my fundamental beliefs. Therefore,it was incumbent upon me to figure out those beliefs.

I was a political science major in college and knew thata strong sense of social justice, equality and fairness had tobe part of the equation. Additionally, I studied Gandhi,who lived a life of compassion, forgiveness, and empathy.Those ideals became the foundation of my beliefs. Then Ithought about my pain from racism and remembered thepersecution of Jews throughout history. I thought, if any-body knows what it’s like to be oppressed, persecuted, andattacked for their beliefs, it is the Jewish people.

My love for Judaism took hold when I took conversionclasses. The most pivotal moment for me was learningthat not only CAN I ask questions, but that a basic Jewishcovenant is that it is ESSENTIAL to ask questions for thegrowth and well-being of an individual as well as society.The rabbis teaching my conversion class cheerfully

TROY STEVENSON Continued

answered all my questions, and also admitted that they didnot know all the answers. This was both refreshing andreassuring, and I dedicated my journey to establishing theideas, beliefs, and practice of the Jewish faith.

Throughout this journey of discovering my fundamen-tal beliefs, I was married to my first wife for fourteen years.We married young and were not the same people at 19 and21 as we were at 33 and 35. My first wife was not thatobservant, but over the course of these ten post-divorceyears, I realized the importance of finding a woman whosereligion/spirituality was part of her life. I finally metsomeone, and we are to marry soon. In addition to all herother wonderful attributes, it is a pleasure for me to bewith a woman who is grounded in her own Jewish roots.

Throughout the years, I have held true to my Judaismand have rich memories, both joyous and painful, of mypath in discovering my Jewish identity. All the joy andpain was necessary and appropriate. I could not havearrived at this point, believe what I believe, or be who I amwithout all the events that make up my life when I madethe choice to embrace Judaism. I feel that as I grow andevolve so does my dedication to my Jewish faith. My jour-ney with Judaism has encompassed the better part of myadult life. When I reflect on my choice to be Jewish and theroad I have traveled, I cannot help but think that I had thecourage to follow my heart and meet any obstacle to fullyrealize my chosen faith. In essence, my discovery of theJewish faith is an all-encompassing and enriching discov-ery of myself.

33

JOURNEYS

did not have strong feelings about it. Therefore, when wedecided to have children we both agreed they would beraised as Jews. It was important to Bob, but I decided notto convert because it seemed I would be trading one reli-gion I didn’t believe in for one I couldn’t believe in, and Ididn’t want to fully “reject” my mother’s religion.

We started at Valley Beth Shalom, and had our chil-dren ritually converted, but later moved to Temple Judeawhere there might be less conflict with our “mixed mar-riage.” Eventually, we returned to Valley Beth Shalomwhere I felt religion was honored in the way it was hon-ored in the church where I grew up.

I attended services, learned some of the prayers, cele-brated holidays in our home and schlepped the kids toHebrew School. I sensed my connection to the synagogue,but also felt like an imposter. Should I recite the Shema?What did that mean to me?

At various times, I met with Rabbi Schulweis to discusshow I could convert when I didn’t believe in God.Through those conversations and listening to his sermons,I began to understand what God was to me and how com-pletely it fit within much of Jewish theology. Our kids hadtheir bar and bat mitzvahs at Valley Beth Shalom, and while I was allowed to speak I could not fully participate.Rabbi Schulweis went out of his way, however, to keep mefrom feeling like a second-class citizen, and that wasincredibly important.

For the next ten years, our religious life centered on

Valley Beth Shalom. When I visited my mother in FloridaI would sometimes accompany her to our church in myhometown. On one such visit about two years ago, itstruck me that it was not my spiritual home. I realizedthat I was, in most ways, truly a Jew. What was missingwas a full commitment of my time and my heart.

I began the Introduction to Judaism course at theUniversity of Judaism. It provided not only Jewish histo-ry and knowledge, but made me aware I could carve outmy own view of Judaism and make it a part of me.

The course took me over a year to complete. RabbiSchulweis graciously offered to sponsor me and attendedmy beit din. After the mikvah, many of my supportivefriends and family asked me if I felt different. I honestlyhad to say that I didn’t feel as different as I thought Iwould. I think my journey was taken at the pace that Ineeded, and the final step was confirmation of what myheart had known all along. Rabbi Schulweis, my mother,my siblings and their children and, especially Bob and ourchildren and our many Jewish friends, supported me. Iam living proof of the old saying, “It takes a village.”

This is not designed as a testimonial, but my storywould not be complete unless I recognized Rabbi HaroldSchulweis. Without his patient, kind, profound and gentleguidance, I would not have been able to make this journey.And, more importantly, it probably wouldn’t have beensuch a complete one.

With open arms we embraceYou, our RuthTrace your lineage to one who taught us all What it means to choose bravely. “Where you go, I will goWhere you lodge, I will lodge Your people shall be my people And your God, my God Where you die, I will die

And there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, If aught but death part you and me.”Who are you?Whose are you?You are our daughter bound Belonging, believing, behaving We are one family. One God, one past, one present, one future, one people.


RUTH’S CHILD

“Jews by choice are dearer to God thanJewish saints.” — Simion bben YYochai

As I contemplate my pathtowards Judaism, I cannothelp but feel as though

growing up I always had a piece ofJudaism in me. I vividly recall going

to my first Bar Mitzvah at the age of 13,and feeling remarkably touched by the

beauty surrounding the honor bestowed onmy childhood friend.

I was raised in a completely secular family with no

focus on organized religion. Both of my parents came fromfamilies with traditional Christian values but did not makethem guiding principles in their adult lives, nor did theyattempt to have religion play a role in our family.Christmas and Easter came and went with little meaning oremotion. Those holidays felt more commercialized thananything else. From a young age I yearned for somethingmore, a driving force in my life that could give meaning toboth the spectacular and the mundane.

Growing older I found myself dwelling on the spiritu-

JEFF WERNECKEJEFF WERNECKE

Did I choose Judaism or didJudaism choose me? I wasraised in a fundamentalist

Christian religion that believedBaptists were liberals and were

going straight down the road to hell.Actually, people in every religion BUT

ours were going to hell. The Christianity inwhich I was raised was always looking forward to “overthere.” We longed to leave this life and live in heaven.

Unfortunately, I was pretty happy with this life and“here.” And I just couldn’t see that God would send peo-ple to hell because they had a piano in their church. Ibecame faithless, yet remained spiritual.

In my mid-thirties, I went back to college in order tomake a career change. During a class on Buddhism, a pro-fessor piqued my curiosity and I changed my major toReligious Studies. The major explored culture, history, pol-itics and how these things and religion have co-existed andintermingled throughout the world and throughout history.

I initially focused on eastern religions. We did not havetests in the class and our grade depended on writing apaper. The professor gave us very few requirements sinceshe wanted us to explore a subject that interested us.

One semester, I had the same professor for two classes— Eastern Religions and Eastern Religious Texts. I had towrite a paper that would satisfy the requirement of aresearch paper for each class. That meant writing a thirty-five page paper.

I began searching for a subject, and after much discus-sion chose to write about the British leaving India at approx-imately the same time that they turned Palestine over to theJews. Having no Jewish or Jewish Studies background, Ichecked out library books (this was just before the comput-er revolution and online research) and read and read andread. I wrote my paper with a very pro-Palestinian slant.

During winter break, I read The Source by James

Michener. There was so much in the book I did not under-stand about the Israelis who worked on the excavation andIsraelis living on the kibbutz. However, the history of reli-gion and the area had me totally hooked.

The next semester, the Jewish Studies program atCalifornia State University, Northridge, offered a class inZionism. The class dealt with how the State of Israel cameinto existence, the Yishuv, water issues, wars, generals, theIrgun, etc. In class (where I was the only non-Jew), we dis-cussed holidays and Jewish issues. I began to ask questionsof my classmates. Do Jews believe in heaven? Do Jewsbelieve in hell? The answers I received at that time frustrat-ed me. Those are the same answers that now cause me tolove the Jewish religion. To every question I received a sim-ilar answer , “Well, it depends on whom you ask.”

I was so fascinated with the community and history ofJudaism that I enrolled at the UJ in their Intro program. Iwas poor, and a full time student as well as a single moth-er. I enrolled on a scholarship that I paid out on a monthlybasis. At the time, I was working two and three jobs.Getting to class and studying were difficult.

Then I read To Life, by Harold Kushner. In those pagesI recognized my belief in life and the world. The premisethat God wants us to enjoy this world and make it a betterplace mirrored my view of God. Living in the here and nowmirrored my view of life. That was when I truly fell in lovewith Judaism.

And so I chose Judaism. Or Judaism chose me. Whenpeople hear that I converted they always ask the same ques-tion. Why did I choose to become Jewish? That question isimmediately followed by questions about whether I did itin order to marry a Jewish man. I am single and I did notchoose to become Jewish for that reason. It is a wonderfulfit and I am grateful that I found spirituality in a religion,and that I live in a religion that teaches that we are all madein God’s image.

CECELIA TOWNSENDCECELIA TOWNSEND

34


al gap in my daily existence. I looked forward to a timewhen I would, God willing, have my own family, andlonged for something bigger and more meaningful thanthat with which I grew up. I considered Christianity, butwas put off by its “other worldly” focus. I was fortunate tobegin dating Caryn around this time, and was exposed toa wealth of religious tradition and a very warm Jewishfamily life. I remember feeling “complete” for the firsttime in years, having found both my ideal companion andthe spiritual fulfillment for which I quietly waited.

Tikkun Olam was one of the first Jewish concepts thatreally grabbed me. My first Passover Seder with Caryn’sfamily further opened my eyes to the rich culture ofJudaism and sparked my interest in conversion. This cele-bration of religious freedom struck me as a wonderful wayto link the present with the past. I had a strong desire tolearn more about something so central to the most impor-tant person in my life, and was ecstatic to find a spirituali-ty that I could embrace whole-heartedly. The Jewish reli-gion has an amazing way of affirming what I believed in,and that enables me to approach it with conviction andintegrity.

Caryn and I thoroughly enjoyed the Introduction toJudaism class and benefited greatly from it. We grew clos-er and I learned what a wonderful, caring teacher she is. Iconsider myself lucky to have someone eager to sharesomething so special with me. My journey toward Judaismhas deepened my love for Caryn in ways that I could neverpredict. Our relationship continues to grow stronger, andour mutual respect for one another has never been greater.I know I have found my life partner in Caryn, who is some-one I can trust, respect and care for with all of my heart.This is a great foundation on which to build a Jewish home.

I appreciate greatly the solidarity and support that theJewish community offers. Caryn’s family and the ValleyBeth Shalom congregation have embraced me as a futureJew. It was quite fitting that the first sermon I heard fromRabbi Harold Schulweis centered on the topic of conver-sion and the need to welcome converts as religious equals.It helped me feel I was a part of the Jewish family from themoment I stepped into a Saturday morning service. It wasremarkable, considering that I understood very little aboutTorah and the fundamental aspects of synagogue service.

Rabbi Ed Feinstein has been instrumental in makingme a welcome member of an extended family. His guid-ance and encouragement aided greatly in the conversion

process. I have also met many people at VBS and plan onbecoming more active in synagogue life. Recently, I wentto a lecture at VBS concerned with the goal of reaching outto Jews by choice.

At this point in my journey, I have gone to three HighHoliday services and several Saturday services at ValleyBeth Shalom. I enjoy going to synagogue and appreciatethe time that I get to spend there with Caryn and her fam-ily. The services have always moved me immensely and Igreatly enjoy the mental stimulation that the sermons pro-vide. Singing in unison with the congregation makes merealize I am part of something bigger, which is refreshingand spiritually fulfilling. I have also attended many beau-tiful Jewish weddings and Caryn and I will stand beneathour own chuppah very soon.

Following my conversion, I plan on joining ValleyBeth Shalom. Slowly I am learning to read Hebrew, andrecently took an introduction to Hebrew class throughChabad of Marina Del Rey. Caryn and I also enjoy listen-ing to the prayer CD together.

I come from a small, somewhat disconnected familyand have a strong desire to create a Jewish household. Ihope to instill in my children a rich sense of tradition andmutual respect. Judaism is a wonderful foundation fromwhich to teach these things.

I know my journey is still in its infancy and am eagerto continue my quest for knowledge and study of Torah. Ifeel blessed to have had the ability to take my time duringthis process and not feel pressured to “complete” any onething on a schedule. I have a lifetime to establish Jewishtraditions both for my family and for myself. I am alsoblessed to have a family that is supportive of my decisionto convert. I am thrilled and honored that my Mom wasinvited to the Seder with Caryn’s family this year. It is veryexciting for me to include her in something that makes meso happy. I am also honored that Caryn’s mother hasexpressed interest in sharing an “adult” bar/bat mitzvahceremony with me, as she never became a bat mitzvah.

I realize I still have a lot to experience as a Jew. Forexample, I can’t wait to hang out in a sukkah during Sukkot,or attend the festivities of Purim. It’s as if I am a child onceagain, eager to explore the world of Judaism and excitedabout the many new experiences and special rituals inwhich I will take part. At the same time, I feel as though Ihave already acquired a Jewish identity and sense the spir-ituality of this wonderful religion infusing my daily life.

35

JOURNEYS

36


AFTERWORD

Editing this remarkable series of essays has taken me on an extraordi-nary journey. The writers have made soul-searching changes in theirlives. Each story is different and yet each one contains within it simi-

lar elements: a desire to achieve a sense of spirituality; a need to find fulfill-ment; and a yearning for identification not only with a religion, but also with apeople.

Not all of those who participated in the creation of this book are strictlyobservant, but they have become ardent Jews. The hallmark of observance,belief, and identity is not harsh piety, but adherence to values and ethics boundwithin the philosophy and teachings of Judaism. Everyone of the essayistsgave testimony that their decision took place over a long period of time and didnot come as a sudden apotheosis — a crack of thunder from Sinai — but asteady, relentless march toward understanding.

Nachman of Breslov, grandson of the Baal Shem Tov, wrote that suddenchange, sudden conversion, has within it the seeds of danger. “We cannot enterthe Gates of Holiness with our first knock. God tells us to wait...Trying toadvance in Jewishness too far, too fast, can be disastrous...we either deludeourselves and lose contact with our inner selves, or we break down when oursouls rebel.”

The individuals who share their story with the community have knockedat the door, studied, understood, and come to a conclusion that within Judaismthey have found a way of life that matters. Their lesson should be a lesson toall who live in this multicultural society. We all have choices. We are all Jewsby choice.

Michael Halperin

Excerpts have been taken from previous publications, for which the following copyrights apply:

FINDING EACH OTHER IN JUDAISM by Harold M. Schulweis© 2001 UAHC PRESS. All rights reserved

Poetic meditations:

Discovering Judaism© 2006 Valley Beth Shalom, a California non-profit corporation

Shehecheyanu: The Response of the Beit Din© 2001 Valley Beth Shalom, a California non-profit corporation

Embracing the Jew by choice © 2006 Valley Beth Shalom, a California non-profit corporation

Ruth’s Child© 2006 Valley Beth Shalom, a California non-profit corporation

37

JOURNEYS

GLOSSARYThe following words appear in the journey essays. We have tried to include all possible meanings. Since the words are

transliterations of Hebrew or English words, the English spelling may vary.

Amidah: The central prayer in the Jewish liturgy that isrecited each morning, afternoon, and evening. As theprayer par excellence, it is sometimes designated as simply“Tefillah” (prayer) and consists of a series of blessings, orig-inally 18 in number for daily worship, hence “ShemonehEsreh.” The name “Amidah” comes from the fact that theworshipper is commanded to recite it standing. Aliyah: Immigration to Israel. Also, the honor of beingcalled up to the Torah during a service.Bar Mitzvah/B’nai Mitzvah (pl.): The age at which a Jewishmale is considered an adult thereby required to observe thelaws. This “coming of age” is celebrated by calling the indi-vidual up to the Torah and with a festive meal. During thecelebration, the individual is referred to a “Bar Mitzvah.”Bat Mitzvah/B’not Mitzvah (pl.): The age at which a Jewishfemale is considered an adult thereby required to observethe laws. This “coming of age” is celebrated by calling theindividual up to the Torah and with a festive meal. During the celebration, the individual is referred to a “BatMitzvah.”Beshallach: One of the weekly Torah portions (Exodus13:17 - 17:16). This narrative includes the departure of theIsraelites from Egypt and the crossing of the Red Sea.Bimah: The raised platform at the front of the sanctuary,usually where the Ark is placed.B’tselem Eloheim: “In the image of God.”Chuppah: Wedding canopy.Daven: (Yiddish) To pray.Dreidel: A spinning top used for children’s games duringHanukkah.Echad: The number “one.” God is one.Gabbai/Gabbaim (pl.): A person who assists in the run-ning of a synagogue, calls people up to the Torah andensures that the Torah is read correctly.Goy: “Nation.” Slang term used to refer to a non-Jew;sometimes used in a derogatory manner.Halacha: Jewish lawHavdalah: The ceremony marking the end of Shabbat.Havurah: A group of friends.Irgun: Acronym for “National Military Organization.” Aparamilitary Zionist group that operated in the BritishMandate of Palestine. Kashrut: Jewish dietary observance.Klal Israel: “All of the people of Israel”; the concept that allJews are one people.Keruv: “To bring close.” A VBS program of Jewish educa-tion for faith seekers. Mahzor: The High Holiday prayer book.

Midrash/Midrashim (pl.): Jewish interpretive literature.Mikvah: Ritual bath.Minyan: Ten people, the Jewish quorum required for therecitation of certain prayers, also refers to the daily morn-ing and evening service. Mishnah: One of the Rabbinic commentaries on the bible.Mishpachah: Family.Mitzvah/Mitzvot (pl.): A religious obligation. (Yiddish) Agood deed.Mohel: The person who performs the ritual circumcision. Parashah: A Torah portion.Pesach: Passover.Purim: Holiday occurring in spring celebrating Esther’ssaving of the Jews from Haman’s evil plans for theirdestruction.Rebbe: (Yiddish) Rabbi.Shul: (Yiddish) Synagogue.Seder: Literally “order.” Refers to the Passover meal.Shaare Tikva: VBS educational program for children withspecial needs.Shabbat: The Sabbath.Shabbaton: A retreat that takes place during the Sabbath.Shema: First word and name of the Jewish prayer whichdeclares that God is one.Shiksa: (Yiddish) A non-Jewish woman; generally consid-ered a derogatory term.Shutafim: Partners.Simcha/Simchas (pl.)/S’machot: (Hebrew/Yiddish) ahappy occasion, a celebration of a life cycle event.Sukkot/Sukkah: The fall Harvest festival during whichJews live and eat in a temporary booth, called a Sukkah.Talmud: The texts that comprise Jewish law.Tanach: Acronym for the Bible. Refers to the three sections:Torah; Neviim: Prophets; and Ketubim: Writings.Tikkun olam: “Repairing the World.” One of the obliga-tions of being a Jew.Tzedakah: Righteous giving.V’ahavta: The first word of the second paragraph of theShema prayer. Refers to loving God.Yahrzeit: (Yiddish) The yearly anniversary of someone’sdeath at which time the Kaddish prayer is recited.Yiddishkayt: (Yiddish) Judaism.Yishuv: “Settlement.” The term designates the Jewish com-munity of Palestine before the establishment of the state ofIsrael.

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