Youre the boss of you! Helping students use self-talk to become
more responsible for their own behaviours Larry Antrim Coordinator
for Counselling and Social Responsibility District #38, Richmond
Making Connections 2012 Slide 2 Slide 3 the Area Counsellor Team
ACT was formed in spring of 2002 Mandate was to provide proactive
support to schools Ministry of Educations Social Responsibility
Performance Standards Traffic Light metaphor for behaviour Positive
Behaviour Support Slide 4 Area Counsellor Team Lessons The Traffic
Light becomes part of a schools common language to describe any
student behavour Using the metaphor of the Traffic Light, students
come to recognize the 4 Levels of the Performance Standards as they
pertain to their own behaviour Slide 5 Area Counsellor Team Lessons
As a Universal or Tier 1 Intervention, Level 3/Green behaviour
becomes a School-Wide Expectation Show me Green listening behaviour
Walk down the hall at Level 3 Meeting Expectations would be to put
that in the garbage Slide 6 Area Counsellor Team Lessons This
school has used a variation on the Matrix Rather than create an
acronym, they used the Traffic Lights Green Light as their value
statement Selecting specific locations, theyve highlighted a number
of school-wide expectations for those areas Slide 7 Area Counsellor
Team Lessons Level 2/Yellow Behaviour is normal. We all do it:
Letting our attention wander Whispering to the person beside us
Checking our email when we pretend were taking notes Making a funny
remake Slide 8 Area Counsellor Team Lessons It is our job to move
from Level 2 back to Level 3 (from Yellow to Green) Often, a gentle
prompt is all that is needed to accomplish this is For others, it
may need to take the form of a Tier 2 or Targeted Intervention
Slide 9 Area Counsellor Team Lessons If the change from Level 2 to
Level 3 doesnt occur, for some students its because the behaviour
is purposeful Level 1/Red Behaviour In these cases, and for those
who simply cannot control their impulses, an Individual
Intervention needs to be put in place (Tier 3) Slide 10 Area
Counsellor Team Lessons Instructional Corrections provide an
opportunity for students to develop self awareness when asked: What
Colour (Level) do you think that (behaviour) is? followed by How
could you make it Green (Level 3)? Slide 11 Area Counsellor Team
Lessons This is where self awareness can start to be developed What
Level do you think that (behaviour) is? Students begin to be able
to assess their own behaviour This often includes some Self Talk
Slide 12 Area Counsellor Team Lessons Develop a staff commitment to
interacting with any student in any setting Reinforce positive
behaviours He notices when Im doing the right thing. Slide 13 Area
Counsellor Team Lessons Use Instructional Corrections when students
arent meeting expectations Either its a chance to teach the correct
behaviour or trigger some self talk Uh oh, here he comes. I know
hes going to ask me what I should be doing right now. Slide 14
Peaceful Problem Solving is a major component of the ACT Lessons
Slide 15 Students develop the skills and resiliency necessary to
deal with someone who is not being socially responsible Slide 16
Area Counsellor Team Lessons An Ah-ahh moment was when it became
clear that Self Talk was the starting point for each of the Problem
Solving Skills we taught How can a student calm down if she cannot
self regulate? How can she self regulate if she doesnt use self
talk? Slide 17 Area Counsellor Team Lessons During staff Pro-D,
when these concepts are presented, there is always a similar
reaction: I need to know how to do this in my own life. We always
train the staff how to use these skills themselves in order to:
Learn that they arent as easy as they first appear To be able to
more effectively teach them Slide 18 Self Talk and Anger First area
of focus when teaching Problem Solving Skills - Anger Anger is a
secondary emotion It is also normal and natural to get angry The
problem is when Angry Feelings turn into Angry Behaviour Anger
Mountain is the metaphor used Slide 19 Self Talk and Anger a
personal example I live in North Delta I commute over the Alex
Fraser Bridge Significant traffic every morning down Nordel Way
onto the bridge Two lanes onto the bridge, inside lane continues on
to River Road Buses and Van Pool vehicles may take inside lane down
and turn into bridge traffic using dedicated turn-off at bottom of
hill Slide 20 THE AROUSAL CYCLE Im driving down Nordell Way ANGER
TRIGGERS X What a jerk! TIME INTENSITY Anger Mountain ANGRY
BEHAVIOUR I roll down my window and give him the finger It takes me
some time to calm down X Someone cuts in from the Bus Lane X I
guess the rules dont apply to him X Oh, now youll politely let me
merge Slide 21 I Cant Control My Emotions can I ? Traditionally,
weve believed that our emotions occur all on their own, depending
on the events that occur We dont decide to be angry, it just
happens as a result of circumstances It brings out the caveman in
some people Slide 22 I Cant Control My Emotions can I ? The Limbic
System controls emotions The Amygdala filters incoming information
to our conscious brain in the Prefrontal Cortex However, when
stressed, frightened or angry incoming information is blocked,
resulting in the Fight, Flight or Freeze response Slide 23 I Cant
Control My Emotions can I ? Look at how many triggers happened to
me on my drive down Nordel Way Four triggers in rapid sequence No
wonder I got mad Its not my fault Slide 24 THE AROUSAL CYCLE Im
driving down Nordell Way ANGER TRIGGERS X TIME INTENSITY How was I
feeling? ANGRY BEHAVIOUR Of course I reacted, HE MADE ME MAD! Im
still upset about it when I get to work X X X Im fairly calm Each
of these Anger Triggers makes me more and more mad Slide 25 I Cant
Control My Emotions can I ? Lets review Trigger 1: He cut in
through the bus lane Trigger 2: He said, Yes, Im a jerk Trigger 3:
He said, The rules dont apply to me Trigger 4: He said, Let me wave
you in like I did nothing wrong Slide 26 THE AROUSAL CYCLE TIME
INTENSITY HE MADE ME MAD! Behaviour X X X X Event Thoughts Emotion
My X ME Slide 27 Slide 28 How can I control an automatic reflexive
response? Weve all had arguments It usually starts off calmly
Gradually it reaches a point where we recognize that we are getting
upset Sometimes we get to a point where we just dont care any more
and let loose Later, we may say, I dont know why I said/did that.
Lets call it temporary insanity Slide 29 THE AROUSAL CYCLE Im
driving down Nordell Way ANGER TRIGGERS TIME INTENSITY What if the
(almost) exact thing happened?. I notice it is not some man, its
the Superintendent, Monica Pamer I calm down right away X Oh, now
youll politely let me merge X Someone cuts in from the Bus Lane X
What a jerk! X I guess the rules dont apply to you Slide 30
Positive Self Talk This time the Angry BEHAVIOUR did not happen The
Intensity of my EMOTION did not continue to escalate My THINKING
changed as I used Positive Self Talk instead Slide 31 THE AROUSAL
CYCLE Im driving down Nordell Way SAME ANGER TRIGGERS TIME
INTENSITY What was I thinking this time? Ill just wave a, Thank
you, and look straight ahead Im still getting worked up as the
events unfold X X X X Wait a minute, I know that person. Shes my
boss! I think about how stupid I almost was the rest of the drive
to work The INTENSITY of my Emotion drops rapidly Slide 32 THE
AROUSAL CYCLE Im driving down Nordell Way ANGER TRIGGERS TIME
INTENSITY What most people are able to do X Someone cuts in from
the Bus Lane X What a jerk! X Uh, oh. Im getting mad X I need to
calm down X I can handle this X Its no big deal Slide 33 Self Talk
We can speak at approx 125 words per minute We can think at approx
450 words per minute The statements we make to ourselves come
BEFORE what we FEEL Self Talk occurs so rapidly that it can lead us
to a feeling/emotion before we know it - Stacey Holloway Managing
Difficult People and Situations Slide 34 Helpful Thoughts/Positive
Self Talk Students need to learn what their body cues are that tell
them they are starting to get upset Then they need to learn to
replace Unhelpful Thoughts or Negative Self Talk with Positive Self
Talk Slide 35 Self Talk in Anger Management Students are taught
that it is absolutely their responsibility to catch themselves
before they get too far up Anger Mountain Nobody controls my
thinking, and therefore what I decide to do I choose to get angry
Im the boss of me Slide 36 Self Talk in Anger Management A Tier II
intervention for some kids will include exploring what their body
cues are: clenching your jaw making a fist frowning getting fidgety
crossing your arms Recognizing what your cues are allows you to
change your thinking Slide 37 Self Talk in Anger Management We need
to remember that all behaviour is purposeful and there can be a
huge payoff for getting angry Finding replacement behaviours is
important Creating the awareness that they are in control of their
anger is equally important Slide 38 Self Talk in Anger Management
Not everyone comes to school at the base of Anger Mountain When a
student arrives already primed it can appear that the anger came
out of nowhere An awareness of ones own anger cues and self talk is
even more important in this case Slide 39 Helpful Thoughts/Positive
Self Talk Once a student has learned to keep from thinking himself
up Anger Mountain (remember, nobody can make you mad) THEN he can
use a calming strategy such as one of these Slide 40 The rest of
the Problem Solving Strategies are all predicated on being able to
Be The Boss of You by using Positive Self Talk Slide 41 Taking
Turns Conflicts over not enough stuff, time or attention can
degenerate to, I dont care what you want, I want what I want! Using
Self Talk allows a student to avoid a conflict by stopping to think
of the other person as well Slide 42 Taking Turns Whats the problem
from the others point of view? If we just think of ourselves, there
is really only one solution the one we want Not getting what we
want can lead to frustration and well, you know Thinking of both
points of view forces us to use our self talk and gives us a better
chance to be successful Slide 43 Taking Turns What is the common
problem we both share? Most of the time the problem is described
from only the POV of the reporter He took the ball She grabbed the
book When the problem is broken down, it is usually something like,
they both wanted the same item A person cant come up with this if
angry Slide 44 Taking Turns What are the common solutions? Almost
every problem can be resolved by using one of the following: Take
Turns Do It Together Choose Something Else Again, a person cant
come up with these if he is angry Self Talk gives a person a chance
to be successful Slide 45 Taking Turns Students for whom this type
of conflict is chronic need a more targeted intervention Looking at
a conflict from the others point of view is an important step in
developing empathy It needs practice Slide 46 Taking Turns Helping
these students to learn different ways to take turns is one part of
the intervention: pick a number rock/paper/scissors day of the week
Kids who have a Green Zone approach will need coaching as well,
those who need a Tier II strategy can be taxing Slide 47 Im Going
To Bug You game Sometimes when someone bothers me its like a game
to see if Ill get upset Every time I react, its like the other
person scores a point Its a game that is unlikely that I will win
Slide 48 Im Going To Bug You game The game is like tennis, where
the ball is the insult or teasing that the other person throws at
me I can try to throw it back but hes probably better at it than I
am The harder I try, and the less successful I am, the more upset I
get Slide 49 Im Going To Bug You game Who says I have to play? How
much fun would a tennis game be if the other person never had the
ball returned to him? However, Ignoring doesnt mean doing nothing
Our brains cant not pay attention to him Slide 50 Im Going To Bug
You game We have to give our brains something to do What would that
be? Self Talk: Hes just trying to bug me He wants me to get upset I
dont have to play that game Im the boss of me Slide 51 Im Going To
Bug You game If it becomes too difficult to ignore another person,
dont keep trying until they wear you down That simply reinforces
that you will eventually play the game Walk Away Play Somewhere
Else Slide 52 Im Going To Bug You game Some of our kids who need a
Tier II approach can make life miserable for provocative victims
These kids are simply too much fun to bug They are guaranteed to
give a good reaction Either the reaction is too much fun not to go
for it again or the retaliation is seen to justify a repeat Slide
53 Im Going To Bug You game Both these sets of students require a
Tier II or even Tier III intervention For the provocateur, it is
Respond & Describe, followed with Confront & Prohibit the
behaviour For the recipient, it is targeted skill practice
including Self Talk and the W/T&S skills Slide 54 Standing Up
For Yourself Respectfully Primary Intermediate Slide 55 To avoid
getting defensive, arguing or whining, Self Talk is absolutely
necessary This is not an easy skill to learn It takes practice Most
importantly, it takes close attention to the use of Self Talk Slide
56 Self Talk in this instance occurs in two distinct steps: First,
prepare to use the skill Second, prepare what each of three parts
of the assertive message is going to include Slide 57 An advantage
of this skill is that it need not be used immediately That is, if
you felt on the spot or at a loss for words, you can be assertive
tomorrow However, you need to prepare by using Self Talk! Slide 58
Like the Intermediate version, the Primary Being Assertive poster
is focused on Self Talk Running through the steps (using Self Talk)
before she says anything prepares her to deliver the statement
effectively Just as importantly, the Self Talk helps to ensure she
doesnt get upset (whiny or angry) Slide 59 When Your Strategies
Havent Worked Even the most expertly delivered Assertive statement
is no guarantee of success Nor are the strategies of Ignoring and
Walking Away Sometimes you need to report to an adult to help you
resolve the problem Slide 60 When Your Strategies Havent Worked
Students are taught to use Self Talk to ask themselves the
following question: Am I telling or tattling? In other words, Am I
talking to the teacher to get someone into trouble or to get
someone (usually yourself) out of trouble? Slide 61 When students
report being bothered, the response can take the form of one of the
following: Describe & Respond Of Concern - Confront &
Prohibit Of Serious Concern - Report & Refer Focus on Bullying
Ministry of Education Website Slide 62 All of these same principals
work with older students Simply use language that is
developmentally appropriate We havent yet translated the lessons
and posters into teen This resource and others like the MindUp
curriculum focus on mindfulness Slide 63 Where To Find The Area
Counsellor Team Resources Slide 64 Slide 65 Slide 66 Slide 67
