YOUTH SMOKINGAND STRESSYOUTH SMOKINGAND STRESS

In the past several years, youth smoking has declined. However, the unfortunate reality is that smoking is still prevalent among America’s youth. In fact, according to a report issued by Monitoring the Future, about 6,000 kids still start smoking each day – even in this enlightened era, when the health risks related to smoking are well-documented.

BY DR. MICHAEL POPKIN

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT, AS A PARENT, YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE. Your young children look up to you for support, guidance, care and love – and research shows that it’s best to start talking about not smoking early, while you, as a parent, are their greatest influencer. Additionally, talking to them often can ensure that positive habits are reinforced – and can help you learn and identify any risk factors

that can lead to smoking and other negative behaviors.

Dr. Michael Popkin, the longtime spokesman for Lorillard Tobacco

Company's Youth Smoking Prevention Program, a parenting expert and

author of many award-winning parenting education programs, has conducted research to gain insight as to why kids choose to smoke. In this pamphlet, he shares what he learned, and o�ers his expertise on how parents can keep their child from making the

destructive choice to smoke.

©2012 Lorillard Tobacco Company's Youth Smoking Prevention Program

Parents,

I want to commend you for taking this first step. By requesting this booklet, you have demonstrated your commitment to raising a healthy, happy and well-balanced child. It’s not always easy to ask for advice, but smoking is a di�cult topic to cover with your children, and having the right approach and information when conducting the discussion can make a big di�erence.

I have written this booklet in an e�ort to help you better understand how stress plays a role in a child’s decision to smoke. I hope it is helpful to you. For additional information, I encourage you to visit www.RealParentsRealAnswers.com, where you can sign up for my blog, view helpful videos, and connect with other concerned parents.

Regards,

Dr. Michael Popkin

A NOTE TO PARENTSFROM DR. MICHAEL POPKIN

In 2010, I took to the streets of my hometown, Atlanta, to gain insights from kids about youth smoking and why kids today choose to smoke. One of the main reasons kids mentioned for why they smoke was as a means to reduce stress. This was new information -- and to determine if it was valid, further research was done. More than 1,000 youth

ages 13 to 19 were surveyed.

Of those surveyed, 20 percent had tried a cigarette – consistent with a trend cited in

the Monitoring the Future study. Though many reasons were cited for why they

initially decided to light up, the most common responses were related to their perceptions of others, and how they wanted to be perceived – either their friends were already smoking, or they were curious, or they thought

smoking was “cool.”

DOES STRESS IMPACTYOUTH SMOKING?

Although stress ranked low among reasons that these kids started to smoke, it

was a di�erent story when probing those kids who continued to smoke.

In fact, stress – and the need to relax – ranked second to “addiction” as the main

reason they continued to smoke after trying that first cigarette. Although

smoking does have a calming a�ect on many people, it’s alarming to ponder that the pressure kids are under could have them seeking such an unhealthful way to cope. There simply are better ways to deal

with stress.

It got even more compelling in a second research survey conducted among parents. The study asked parents to rank a number of reasons why they believe kids smoke. Although stress was one of several reasons listed, parents surveyed ranked stress at the very bottom of the list for why they think kids smoke.

FINDING

A disconnect was discovered between parents and their kids. Kids were clear that stress is a reason why they smoke, but parents couldn’t fathom that such life pressures were an important contributing factor.

Given the compelling results of these studies, it makes sense to educate parents about the signs of stress in their kids and to teach them how to help their children cope with it in healthy, productive ways.

According to Dr. Hans Selye, medical pioneer of stress in humans, stress is the non-specific response of any organism to outside demands. Stress can be either good or bad. In fact, too little stress is as harmful as too much stress. The key is to help our kids find their optimum level while teaching them how to cope with stess e�ectively.

EXAMPLES OF STRESSON KIDS

School-Related• Not doing well enough• Not “getting it”• Work overload• Trouble with peers (from not getting along, to being bullied)• Trouble with teachers

Family-Related• Conflict with parents• Conflict with siblings• Death• Divorce• Illness or disability in the family• Money or employment problems in the family• Over-scheduled (Hurried Child Syndrome)

Peer-Related• A lack of positive friends• Conflicts with peers• Being bullied• Relationship problems

Self-E�cacy• Perfectionism• Low self-esteem• Negative expectations

Outside Related• Traumatic events such as 9/11• Other social problems such as an economic recession, world hunger, and war.

SO, WHAT IS STRESS?

SIGNS OF STRESSPhysical• Head or body aches• Upset stomach• Fatigue• Sleep (over-sleeping or lack of)

Behavioral• Over- or under-eating• Angry outbursts• Social withdrawal

Emotional• Restlessness• Anxiety• Lack of motivation/focus• Irritability or anger• Sadness or depression

HOW TO HANDLE STRESS

There are both unhealthy and healthy ways to deal with stress. As we know, some kids turn to smoking to deal with stress in their lives, but your child also may be engaging in other unhealthy behaviors in order to cope.

Unhealthy Ways to Deal with Stress

• Deny The Problem – Sometimes this works and the stress does go away; often times it just gets worse.• Self-Medicate – Kids use tobacco, drugs, alcohol, food and even sex as a way to cope with being stressed.• Reckless Behavior – Sometimes kids lash out, begin quitting activities, or even just over-sleep as a way to escape stress.

Healthy Ways to Deal with Stress

The following pages are written to assist parents in lessening the stress their children are under. Remember, the goal is not to totally remove the stress in our children’s lives. Rather, we should strive to take steps to help our children reduce the level of stress in their life to a manageable level, and deal with those stresses in healthy ways. This requires work on both your and their part alike, but the resulting skills will benefit your children throughout their lives.

REDUCE THE STRESS

What can parents do to help their children deal with stress? Improving communication and cooperation, helping them manage their time, teaching problem solving skills, and keeping an eye on what is happening at school are great places to start.

Improving Communication and Cooperation

One major stressor for kids is the relationship they have with their family. We, as parents, need to take the reigns if we are to make this relationship as comforting and supportive as possible.

Every parent-child relationship has its ups and downs. Kids need to be their own person and feel they have control over their own lives. This is a healthy and important part of the development of your child’s personality and sense of self. It can, however, lead to disagreements, and how you deal with those disagreements is a challenging but important part of parenting. Practicing simple “listen and talk” exercises with your children can greatly reduce the number of times a disagreement turns into an argument.

o Take a break and listen to your child. Making an immediate decision about a disagreement without listening to your child first can make them feel as though you don’t value their feelings and opinions. If your kids are angry about something, clearly whatever is making them upset is very important to them. Taking the time to really listen to what your kids have to say can break down barriers in your communication.

o Make use of a “time-out”, not for them, but for you. If you feel an argument brewing, tell your kids that you need to take a moment to think. Not every problem can be solved at a moment’s notice. Giving yourself the space to think

REDUCE THE STRESS

What can parents do to help their children deal with stress? Improving communication and cooperation, helping them manage their time, teaching problem solving skills, and keeping an eye on what is happening at school are great places to start.

Improving Communication and Cooperation

One major stressor for kids is the relationship they have with their family. We, as parents, need to take the reigns if we are to make this relationship as comforting and supportive as possible.

Every parent-child relationship has its ups and downs. Kids need to be their own person and feel they have control over their own lives. This is a healthy and important part of the development of your child’s personality and sense of self. It can, however, lead to disagreements, and how you deal with those disagreements is a challenging but important part of parenting. Practicing simple “listen and talk” exercises with your children can greatly reduce the number of times a disagreement turns into an argument.

o Take a break and listen to your child. Making an immediate decision about a disagreement without listening to your child first can make them feel as though you don’t value their feelings and opinions. If your kids are angry about something, clearly whatever is making them upset is very important to them. Taking the time to really listen to what your kids have to say can break down barriers in your communication.

o Make use of a “time-out”, not for them, but for you. If you feel an argument brewing, tell your kids that you need to take a moment to think. Not every problem can be solved at a moment’s notice. Giving yourself the space to think and to step away from a disagreement might be exactly what you and your child need to e�ectively communicate instead of argue.

o Try compromising with your kids. We all know how it is to feel as though nothing is going your way. If you’re constantly making choices for your kids that go against their wishes, it can create a sense of animosity in your

and to step away from a disagreement might be exactly what you and your child need to e�ectively communicate instead of argue.

o Try compromising with your kids. We all know how it is to feel as though nothing is going your way. If you’re constantly making choices for your kids that go against their wishes, it can create a sense of animosity in your relationship with them. If you show them you’re willing to compromise, chances are they’ll be willing to do so as well, and learning to compromise can teach kids how to deal with conflict constructively. Remember, it’s not about winning and losing.

o Show confidence in your kids to make good choices… and learn from their poor ones. This is an extremely important part of building a healthy relationship with your children. Kids who know their parents have confidence in them often make better choices, knowing their parents give them the freedom to make many of their own decisions. Sometimes it comes down to kids knowing poor choices would disappoint their parents and break their trust. Other times, parents need to provide logically related discipline in order to help teach.

o More great communication tips can be found at http://www.pbs.org/parents/talkingwithkids/.

Create a United Family Unit

Conflict in a child’s family is another major, stress-inducer among kids. If you and your partner are experiencing relationship problems, try to improve the interaction that takes place in front of your children.

• Negativity impacts everyone differently. Some can ignore it, but most people are directly a�ected by the negative behavior of others. Relationships can be di�cult and it’s important to build a positive relationship between you and your partner (or your ex) to help reduce the stress level in your children’s lives.

• Try using some of the communication tips listed on the previous pages for you and your partner. The situation is di�erent, but the communication skills for a healthy and positive relationship are the same.

• Don’t put your kids in the middle. Even if you don’t fight directly in front of your kids, talking negatively about your partner to your child can have the same e�ect. If you need to vent, look to a friend, or even try journaling your feelings. Writing about your feelings can be just as e�ective as getting it out verbally.

Slow Down and Enjoy

Although it sounds like fun to participate in dance, drama, karate, girl scouts and jump rope club, overscheduling can become a stressful nightmare for both parents and kids. Make sure that the number and intensity of the activities your child participates in still leaves time for them to relax and just be kids.

Haven’t we all wished for the seemingly endless energy our kids have? It’s easy to fall victim to the idea that kids yearn for constant stimulus and activities, but the reality is that they need downtime, too.

Today’s kids are put through an enormous amount of stress that wasn’t necessarily present for us when we were younger. Sports have become increasingly more competitive and demanding of our children’s time.

Schools are putting more pressure on students to deliver high scores for a barrage of standardized tests. Kids as young as middle school are being introduced to the fact that just having a college degree won’t set them apart from the crowd these days.

The fact is that being a kid today is more stressful than it was for us. Even though you may have loved playing soccer, studying for spelling bees and taking saxophone lessons, your kids may not want all of that on their plate.

Ask kids how they feel. It seems so simple, but often our children’s feelings can seem obvious, when in reality they may be afraid to speak up for fear of disappointing their parents. Talk to them about their day and what activities they like, as well as what they may not enjoy. It’s important to be prepared for your child’s answers and to listen from a space of love. It can be easy to feel upset that your child may not want to follow in your footsteps, but remember that it’s important to let your children pursue their own interests.

School Daze

If your child is struggling in school with either academics or social problems, turn to school counselors to get help. School issues are among the greatest cause of stress among our youth.

School is more academically demanding for kids today and it’s important to be aware of this when addressing your child’s academic performance. This isn’t, however, an excuse for poor performance. If your child is struggling academically, it’s

important to make use of the many resources schools o�er to give kids the help they need to succeed.

Talk to your kids first, and ask the right questions. Find out how your kids feel about their grades and ask them specific questions about their schoolwork. “How was school today?” is too vague. “What did you do that was interesting today?” is a much better question to find out what they enjoy. Asking them specific questions about what’s going on during their day can be helpful in finding out how they’re feeling—questions like, “What did you do during math today?” Your kids’ answers can help you identify areas where they might be struggling or excelling.

It may not be specific subject areas with which they’re struggling; rather, they may have di�culty with simple but important things like organization or asking for help when they need it.

Remember, it’s more than OK to ask for help. Teachers and school counselors have many resources and strategies for helping children to be more successful in school, whether it’s regarding academics or behavior. After talking with your kids first, bring what you learned to the table when meeting with teachers. It’s important to come with an open mind and listen to what teachers have to say about your child as well.

Develop specific actions you and your child’s teachers can take to be in communication with each other, and keep each other accountable for

following through on those actions. Make sure your child is aware of your communication with their teachers to ensure they’ll feel good about your e�ort to help instead of viewing it as a source of stress.

Solve the problem

As adults, we know stress is a part of life. It’s important to explain this to your kids and let them know that coping with and solving problems will help them learn and grow to be smarter and stronger individuals. I teach a simple five-step process for helping kids solve problems in our Active Parenting programs. Called “active communication,” these steps are:

1. Listen ActivelyIf you listen fully, you don’t just receive information; you are an active participant in the communication process. You listen with your eyes as well as your ears, with your intuition as well as your thinking. You’re trying to encourage your child to express what he is thinking and feeling. Some key steps to actively listening are to:• Give your full attention The attention alone tells your child that you care about them and are there to help.

• Keep your own talk to a minimum When your mouth is open, your ears don’t work as well.• Acknowledge what you are hearing Saying things like, “I understand,” or asking questions about what your child is telling you shows them that you’re interested and engaged in the conversation.• Listen with empathy Empathy means sharing another person’s feelings. Allow yourself to feel some of what your teen is feeling and show them with your tone of voice and facial expressions. You might say things like, “Oh, Samantha…that must have really hurt.”

2. Listen for FeelingsYour child needs to acknowledge and accept their feelings rather than keep them bottled up. Some teens keep their feelings so repressed that eventually they act out violently or su�er from stress-related sickness such as stomach pains or headaches. Teach them to say how they feel and then to reflect on their feelings before they decide what action to take.

You can do this by listening for you child’s feelings, not just the content of the story. Until children are taught to describe their feelings with words, you will have to listen closely to their tone of voice and watch their face to discover what they are feeling.

Here are some examples of things to say to help them flush out their feelings: “This is a really scary situation for you, Lizzie, isn’t it?” “You’re worried about what the other kids really think about your weight, aren’t you?”

3. Look for alternatives and evaluate consequencesOnce you have established a level of empathy, you can begin to encourage your teen to look at possible solutions. Here are some examples of what to say: “What can you do about that?” “What else can you try?”After each alternative, help your teen predict the consequences of that alternative. An example might be to say, “What do you think would happen if you did that?”It’s better for your child to think of alternatives on their own, without prompting. This keeps them from getting angry at you and allows them to take full credit for the solution. If they cannot think of any, you can tentatively suggest some. You can also share a personal experience in a similar situation.

4. O�er encouragementSometimes a little validation is all kids need to gather the courage to act on what they feel is important. By being what psychologist Haim Ginnott calls an “emotional mirror” we can reflect (without judgment) what our kids are saying, and then o�er encouragement about their concerns. “Samantha, you seem angry at them for being so cruel. I think it’s wonderful that you’re concerned about other peoples’ feelings.” “You sound really concerned about what you’re going to do about the grade you got on your math test, Lisa. I think it’s great you care about your education.”By reflecting feelings in tentative terms -- “it sounds as though…” “I’m hearing that...” You don’t sound like you’re trying to be a mind reader or know-it-all.

By o�ering encouragement, your child will know that you’re really listening to them, that you care, and that their feelings are important.

By teaching these coping skills and others, you are giving your children tools that will help them throughout their lives.

• Organization• Relaxation• Exercise and nutrition• Asking for help• Cognitive flexibility

TEACH POSITIVE COPING SKILLSEach of us has our own way to cope with stress. Work with your child to figure out what works for him, and then practice those skills. Some of these include:

• Problem-solving • Communication • Friendship • Assertiveness • Time management

5. Follow up laterBefore ending the discussion, ask you child what he intends to do, and when. Do this gently. Even Einstein needed time to think about new information before he knew what step was next.

After your child has had an opportunity to handle the problem, follow up by asking how the solution turned out.

Problem-solving skills are important tools for kids to have in their toolbox when learning to deal with stress. These skills not only allow them to reduce the stress caused by problems, but to become better functioning young people in the process. When you work together with your kids to apply these skills you also teach them the essential concept of cooperation, a concept that not only pays o� for the child, but for the whole family.

G. Get the facts. 1. Talk about stress in general. 2. Help your child identify places where he or she is feeling over-stressed. 3. Stay empathetic and supportive.

O. Open your minds. 1. Brainstorm possible solutions to the problem. 2. Discuss together possible consequences of each. 3. Encourage any suggestion, even ones outside the limits (like never going back to school!)

T. Target a change. 1. Decide on one thing to change that will help reduce or cope with your child’s stress. 2. Put it into action. 3. Follow-up later to see how it is working. 4. Modify as necessary.

“GOT STRESS?”DISCUSSION

In this pamphlet, we have learned about some of what causes our kids to seek a way to escape stress, and how we can teach them to handle their stress in more productive ways. Now, as you prepare to put these steps in action, it is helpful to understand how you can best organize your discussion to reach a positive outcome with your child. I call it the “GOT Stress?” discussion.

PREVENTINGKIDSEVENcigarette

FROMTRYING

1RECOMMENDED READINGMore helpful brochures can be found on our website www.realparentsrealanswers.com under ‘Resources’. If you’re looking for more extensive information on helping your kids cope with stress Dr. Popkin recommends the following books:

Books for Teens

Gina Biegel. The Stress Reduction Workbook for Teens: Mindfulness Skills to Help You Deal with Stress. Oakland, CA: Instant Help books, 2009.

Earl Hipp. Fighting Invisible Tigers: Stress Management for Teens. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Press, 2008.

Raychelle Cassada Lohmann. The Anger Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anger and Frustration. Oakland, CA: Instant Help Books, 2009.

Michael Popkin. Teens in Action. Marietta, GA: Active Parenting Publishers, 2012.

'Aunt' Laya Saul. You Don't Have to Learn Everything the Hard Way. Kadima Press. 2007.

Lisa Schab. Beyond the Blues: A Workbook to Help Teens Overcome Depression. Oakland, CA: Instant Help Books, 2008.

Michael A. Tompkins, Katherine A. Martinez, and Michael Sloan. My Anxious Mind: A Teen's Guide to Managing Anxiety and Panic. Washington D.C.:Magination Press, 2009.

Books for Parents

Susan K Greenland. The Mindful Child: How to Help Your Kid Manage Stress and Become Happier, Kinder, and More Compassionate. Free Press, 2010

Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross. Simplicity Parenting: Using the Extraordinary Power of Less to Raise Calmer, Happier, and More Secure Kids. Ballantine Books, 2010

Michael Popkin. Active Parenting of Teens, 3d Ed. Marietta, GA: Active Parenting Publishers, 2009.