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ACT TWO
SCENE: An open area at the Fairgrounds. UL is the
facade of a shed with a spider web attached.
(Music ilREPRISE: COUNTY FAIR
Act II OPENING)
FAIRGOERS.
A WONDERFUL DAYFOR rne FAIR
A WONDERFUL DAYFOR mE FAIR
A WONDERFUL DAYFOR ras FAIR
OTIlER FAIRGOERS.
mE DAYS OF SUMMER DRlFfING ON
BARKER (standing
next
to a scantily-dressed WOMAN).
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, STEP RIGHT UP
TO mE WONDERFUL SIGHTS-
(To a wide-eyed CHILD looking on.)
HEY, KID, WOULD YOU TRYNOT TO STARE
FAIRGOERS.
SUMME~SUM~SUMME~SUMME~
SUMMER'S ALMOST GONE.
54
Act II
CHARLOITE'S WEB
Page 55
CONCESSIONAIRE (carrying a trayoffood).
BARBECUED HAMBURGERS, FROZEN CUS-
TARD AND HOT DOGS WITH MUSTARD-
WOMAN (to her CHILD).
ALL THE THINGS YOU SHOULDN'T EAT
OFFICIAL.
PRIZES FOR. BEING THE FASTEST,
(Two CHILDREN race across the stage in sacks. The
OFFICIA L
gives the.winner a trophy.)
OFFICIAL.
PRIZES FOR BEING THE SMARTEST.
GIRL (speaking). Eleemosynary. (Spelling.) E-L-E-E-M-O-
(She falters]
OFFICIAL (giving her a trophy). That's close enough, kid.
(Singing.)
FOR. THE BEST DESSERTS
(Two WOMEN enter with cakes-one large and colorful;
the other small and drab. The OFFICIAL samples the
large cake, smiles, and unexpectedly hands the trophy to
the 2nd
WOMAN
with the small cake.)
1st WOMAN (with the large cake, speaking). That's my
cake
OFFICIAL (glumly, indicating the 2nd WOMAN). That's
my
wife. (Singing, brightlyagain.)
FOR. THE LARGEST
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Page 56
CHARLOTIE'S WEB
Actll
(A FARMER enters holding a verylargepotato. The OF-
FICIAL speaks.]
OFFICIAL That 's a pretty small melon.
FARMER (somewhat indignant). I t' s a pretty big potato.
OFFICIAL Ob. sorry, (Singing.)
AND TOMORROW, LIVESTOCK JUDGING
FAIRGOERS.
A WONDERFUL DAY FOR THE FAIR
A WONDERFUL DAYFOR mE FAIR
A WONDERFUL DAYFOR mE FAIR
(FERN enters, followed
by
WILBUR who is tied to a
rope.
The y
go to a pen that has been set up for WIL-
BUR.)
FERN. We're back
FAIRGOERS (singing).
A WONDERFUL DAY FOR mE FAIR
A WONDERFUL DAY FOR THE FAIR
A WONDERFUL DAYFOR mE FAIR
(The FAIRGOERS, FAIR PERSONNEL, etc., exit.
FERN unties WILBUR who rolls in some straw.
HOMER and JOHN enter with a trough. LURVY fol-
lows with a bucket.)
HOMER. Right over here, John ... Lurvy.
ctll
CHARLOTIE'S WEB
Page 7
(JOHN and HOMER set the trough down. LURVY
pOUTS
in the slops. MARTHA enters scrubbing AVERY s
face with a washcloth.)
MAR1HA. Hold s ti ll. Avery. There's something behind
your ear. Chewing gum
AVERY. I was saving it for the midway.
(EDITH enters with a sponge and a large jar of butter-
milk. LURVY exits.)
VOICE ON LOUDSPEAKER (offstage). Attention,
please Wi ll the owner o f a Pontiac car, l icense num-
ber H-two, four, three, nine, please move your car
away from the fireworks shed
HOMER ( to EDITH, who has begun to bathe WILBUR).
What are you doing, Edith?
EDITH. Giving the pig a buttermilk sponge bath-so
he'll look nice and clean for the judges.
FERN. Can I have some money?
AVERY. Can I, too?
(LURVY enters wi th a wooden sign reading: Zucker-
man s Famous Pig. )
LURVY. Here 's the sign from Wilbur's c rate , Mr. Zuck-
erman.
HOMER. Good, Lurvy. We'll set it righ t here so every -
body will know this is the pig they've been hearing
about.
(He and LURVY prop the sign up next to WIL-
BUR s pen.) Zuckerman's Famous Pig.
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Page 58 CHARLOlTE'S WEB Actn
LURVY. If we're finished for the t ime being, Mr. Zuck-
erman, I think I'll go down to the midway and meet
some of my friends.
HOMER. Sure thing, Lurvy.
LURVY. Maybe I'll even win one of those Navajo
blankets I 've been hearing about. (He
exits.)
HOMER. It's great to be at the Fair, isn't it? I'm nearly
as excited as the k ids. Let 's go look at the new tractors,
Edith.
EDTIH
(drying WILBUR, who is asleep, with a towel).
Let
me just dry him off . Look, he's asleep.
JOHN. Martha, let's wander over to the cattle barn and
see the Holsteins and the Guernseys.
MARlHA Come along, children.
FERN. But . ..we want to go to the midway .
MARlHA You stay with us now.
FERN and AVERY. Awww.
JOHN. Oh, Martha, why don't we let them go off by
themselves. The Fai r only comes once a year.
FERN
and AVERY anxiously await the answer.)
MARlHA Oh . .. v ery wel l. FERN and AVERY cheer as
J OHN g iv es
them some money.) But you meet us back
here in half-an-bour.
JOHN. That's right. We' ll be leaving in a l it tle whi le .
EDTIH. Yep,
tomorrow s
the big day.
HOMER. The day when that
pig-(Pointing to the sleep-
ing WILBUR.) -
is going to win a blue ribbon.
(They
cheer as WILBUR
stirs.
Th e
ADULTS
begin
to leave,
shou ti ng i n st ruc t ions back to the CHILDREN.)
JOHN. Don't eat lots of stuff that's going to make you
sick to your stomachs.
MARlHA Don' t fal l off the rides .
EDrnL Don't get lost
Actn CHARLQlTE'S WEB
Page 59
MARTIIA Don't get dirty
HOMER. Don't go near strangers
JOHN. Don 't lose your money
DITH. And don't cross the racetrack when the horses
are coming
(The ADULTS exis.)
(Music #13. DON'T,,)
FERN
singing).
THEY SAYTHOSE THINGS SO MUCH;
THEY mINK WE HAVEN'T HEARD.
AVERY.
BYNOW I'VE FIGURED OUT
GROWN-UP'S FAVORITE WORD
FERN speaking). Don't
AVERY. Don't
BOTH singing).
DON'T-
AVERY.
-LET YOURSELF GET OVERHEATED
Born.
DON'T-
FERN.
_ LET YOURSELF GET COLD
Barn.
OON'T-
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Page 60 CHARLOTIE'S WEB
Act II
FERN.
-ALWAYS ARGUE
AVERY.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
BOrn.
DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD
(They dance,
mimick ing
adults.)
DON'T-
FERN.
-LEAN YOUR ELBOWS ON THE TABLE
BOrn.
DON'T-
AVERY.
- WEAR.YOUR HAIR SO
WNG
BO'IH.
DON'T - SPEND SO MUCH TIME USTENING
TO 11I0SE ROCK AN D ROLL SONGS
AVERY (speaking,
mimick ing
an adult). You'll wind up
deaf- that 's what you 'l l be.
FERN. What did you say?
BOTII s inging).
DON'T DO 11IIS
DON'T DO THAT
WHAT CAN WE DO TO HAVE FUN?
Act II
CHARLOTTE'S WEB
Page 61
DON'T SLUMP
DON'f SLURP
DON'f JUMP
DON'T BURP OOH
AVERY.
DON'T YOU RUN
Speaking.)
Not ins ide the house. You jus t broke that vase
was
saving for your marriage.
FERN. Marriage?
BOTH singing).
DON'f-
FERN.
~OMB YOUR HAIR IN FRONT OF PEOPLE
BOTH.
DON'T-
FERN.
-FIDGET WHILE I TALK
BOTH.
DON'T-
AVERY.
-WRITE THAT WORD ON COUSIN PHILLIP~
BACK WITH TH E CHALK
FERN speaking). I thought i t was funny.
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Page 62
CHARLOTIE'S WEB
Actll
Born
singing).
DON'T EAT
rmsi
DON'T TOUCH TIlAT
WHERE CAN WE GO TO UNWIND?
STAND STRAIGHT DON'T SLOUCH
DON'T USE THAT COUCH OOH
AVERY.
TIlAT'S A CRIME
FERN
speaking).
I just f luffed those pil lows. They' re for
company
Born singing).
DON'T RAISE YOURVOICE UKE TIlAT TO
MOmER
DON'T MAKE NOISE WHILE YOU CHEW
DON'T-
FERN.
-LEAVE YOUR CLOmING mERE;
YOUR BEDROOM LOOKS UKE A ZOO
TIlAT'S WHY I UKE ras FAIR,
'CAUSE mERE YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU'RE
NOT SUPPOSED TO DO
BOrn.
TIlAT'S WHY I UKE mE FAIR,
'CAUSE mERE YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU'RE
NOT SUPPOSED TO DO
Actll CHARL01TE'S WEB
Page 63
TIlAT'S WHY I UKE mE FAIR,
'CAUSE mERE YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU'RE
NOT-
(A CONCESSIONAIRE has entered with a tray of
food.)
AVERY speaking). Hey, could we have two chili dogs?
FERN. And two frozen custards.
CONCESSIONAIRE. With sprinkles?
FERN and AVERY. Do it
(They take the food and pay
the CONCESSIONAIRE who
exits.)
FERN. I'm going on the rides.
AVERY. I'm going to the arcade.
FERN. Don't lose your money.
AVERY. Don't fal l off the Ferris wheel .
FERN. Don't forget to-(They look at each other
sheepishly.)
Let's
don t
say don't again.
AVERY. Okay. 'Bye They e xi t q u ic kl y i n
opposite
direc-
tions.)
(Music #13A. PLAYOFF: DON'T )
(TEMPLETON appears from behind a crate or box;
CHARLOTTE entersfrom behindthe web.)
lEMPLETON. Finally-the coast is clear. I think I'll do
a
little exploring.
CHARLOTIE. Please br ing me back a word, Templeton.
(TEMPLETON
exits.) I f I don't wri te something. I'm
sure Wilbur wil l have a difficult t ime winning that blue
ribbon, (She looks at the sleeping WILBUR.) He's a
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Page 64
CHARLOTIE'S WEB
Actll
cute little pig, and smart. But I'm sure there will
be
bigger pigs here. And evenbetter-looking ones.
U NC LE , a la rg e pig, en ter s sniffi ng a ro un d. A m om en t
l at e r h e s e es CHARLOTTE .)
UNCLE. Hi, there.
CHARLOlTE. MayI haveyour name?
UNCLE. No name. Just callme Uncle.
CHARWlTE. Very well...Uncle. You're rather large.
Are you a spring pig?
UNCLE. Sure, I'm a springpig.What did you think I was,
a spring chicken? Haw, haw,that was a good one. Eh,
sister?
CHARWlTE. Mildly funny. I've heard funnier ones,
though. What are you doing over here?
UNCLE. They're still working on my pen. I just walked
away. They'll come after me when they see I 'm gone.
But I thought I'd wander around and look at the com-
petition.
(He looks down at WILBUR.)
Well, no prob-
lem here. From what I've seen sofar, I 've got that blue
ribbon all sewed up. But I·won't
needle
you about it.
Get it? Haw,haw.
VOICE
(offstage).
Uncle Where are you, Uncle?
UNCLE. Well, better be getting back. I've got to get spif-
fy for the crowdsthat willbe comingto admire me. So
long, sister.
A s h e e xi ts , W IL BUR w ak es u p.)
wn.BUR
drowsily).
Oh, hi, Charlotte. Where is every-
body?
CHARLOlTE. Off to see the Fair.
wn.BUR. Did I hear you talking to someone?
CHARL01'T.E. A pig that's stayingnext door.
wn.BUR. Is he better than me? I mean...bigger?
~
Actll
CHARLOTTE'S WEB Page 65
CHARLOTTE. I 'm afraid he is much bigger.
WILBUR. Oh, no.
CHARLOTTE. But so what?
(Music
14. ' 'YOU'RE YOU',)
CHARLOTTE singing).
mERE IS ALWAYSSOMEBODY BIGGER;
THAT'S NO GUARANTEE HE'LL WIN THE
PRIZE.
POSSIBLY SOME GIRL LIKE ME MAY LIKE
THE SMALLER SIZE.
AND THERE'S PROBABLY SOMEBODY
SMARTER WHO IS STRONG AND KINDA
CUTE,TOO.
DON'T YOU CARE 'BOUT WHO'S OUT mERE,
'CAUSE mERE IS JUST ONE YOU.
LOOK AT ANYSNOWFLAKE-mERE'S NO
FLAKE THE SAME,
WE SPIDERS KNOW WHEREOF WE SPEAK.
SO, IF YOU ARE FALLING AND ALLWET AND
COLD,
REMEMBER PAL, YOU'RE UNIQUE
SO, DON'T SIT AROUND WOND'RING WHO'S
BETTER
IF THEY LIKE YOU OR WILL YOU FIT IN,
REMEMBER, NOBODY'S GOT mOSE SAME
EYES,
NOBODY'S GOT THAT SAME SIZE,
NOBODY OWNS THAT DOPEY GRIN.
YOU'RE YOU-AND YOU ALWAYSGOT A
CHANCE.
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Page 66 CHARLOTrE'S WEB Actn
SO, WHAT IF THERE'S SOMEBODY BIGGER?
SO, WHAT IF THERE'S SOMEBODY SMARTER?
COME ON, LET TIlE GAMES BEGIN
YOU'RE YOU, AND YOU'VE ALWAYS GOT TIlE
CHANCE TO WIN
NOBODY'S GOT TIlOSE SAME EYES
NOBODY'S GOT TIlAT SAME SIZE,
NOBODY OWNS TIlAT DOPEY GRIN.
YOU'RE YOU, AND YOU'VE ALWAYS GOT TIlE
CHANCE.
SO, WHAT IF TIlERE'S SOMEBODY BIGGER?
SO, WHAT IF TIlERE'S SOMEBODY SMARTER?
COME ON, LET THE GAMES BEGIN
YOU'RE YOU, AND YOU'VE ALWAYS GOT TIlE
CHANCE TO WIN
(She and WILBUR embrace}
(Two SPECTATORS enter. CHARLOTTE eases into
the background)
FIRST SPECfATOR. Well, here's a good-looking fellow.
(He reads the sign.)
Zuckerman's Famous Pig.
(WIL-
BUR smiles.)
SECOND SPECfATOR. Look at his silky white coat.
And his nice, curlytail.
FIRST SPECfATOR. I think he's the finest pig we've
seen today.
SECOND SPECfATOR
(looking offstage).
Let's go look
at that pig overthere. (He exits.}
FIRST SPECfATOR (to WILBUR). I think I've heard of
you. Aren't you that radiant pig who's supposed to
be terrific ? (WILBUR smiles and nods.)
Actn CHARLOTI'E'S WEB
Page 67
(Music: ;;15. INCIDENTAL: THE COMPETITION,,)
SECOND SPECfATOR offs tage). Look over here at this
pig. (The FIRST SPECTATOR exits .) He's gigantic.
FIRST SPECfATOR
o ffs tage) .
And he seems to be
vel)
confident.
SECOND SPECfATOR offstage). He may get the blue
ribbon after all.
FIRST SPECfATOR
offstage).
Well, let 's golook at the
horses and see if we canpick the winner over there.
WILBUR. Oh, dear. Did you hear that, Charlotte?
CHARLOTfE. Chin up, young friend. Those weren't the
judges. They were merely the spectators. The judges----~~
are the ones who count.
(TEMPLETON enters carrying an art ic le tom f rom a
newspaper.)
TEMPLETON (handing it to CHARLOTTE). Well, here's
your order.
CHARLOTfE. I hope you brought a good one. I t is the
last word I shallever write.
WILBUR (alarmed). Charlotte, what do youmean?
CHARLOTfE (studying the article). Templeton, my eyes
seem to be going. I'm having trouble reading this.
What's the word?
TEMPLETON. Humble.
(He spells
it
out.)
Hsu-m-b-l-e.
CHARLOTfE. Humble has two meanings. It means not
proud and it means closeto me ground. That's Wil-
bur all over.
TEMPLETON. Well, I hope you're satisfied.NowI'm go-
ingto enjoy myself.This Fair is a rat's paradise. What
eating What drinking 'Bye, 'bye, my humble Wilbur.
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Page 70 CHARLO'ITE'S WEB
Actn
CHARLOTTE. No. It 's something for me for a change.
(The lights begin to fade. Fireworks are heard in the
background. Special lighting effects may accompany the
sounds.}
Wll .. .BU R.
Listen. It's the fireworks.
CHARLOTTE. Fireworks are an important part of the
Fair. (She and WILBUR listen for a moment. The
sounds begin to fade.
If
used, the special lighting effects
also fade.)
WIT.BUR. This is the first night I've ever spent away
from home. A pause. I'm glad you're with me, Char-
lot te . I never feel lonely when you're near.
CHARLOTTE. Thank you.
Wll... BUR.
Even if I don't win the blue ribbon ... a nd the
worst happens ... I will never forget you.
CHARLOTTE. That 's very nice of you to say. Now, go to
sleep.
Wll.. .BUR. Good night. (WILBUR stretches out and goes
to sleep.)
CHARLOITE. Well ... f inally things are quiet around
here. It's a good time for me to work. (CHARLOTTE
goes tohe» web, and beginsto work.)
(Music #17. INCIDENTAL: CHARLOTfE ATWORK,,)
CHARLOTTE. I'm even more exhausted than I though t.
But this has to be done... Payout line... Over to the
right ... Easy now . .. And tie it off. (The word Humble
begins to appear
in
the web. CHARLOTTE
sings
slowly).
TIlE MESSAGE IS SPUN. I'VE COME TO TI lE
END.
(She catches her breatk)
Act II
CHARLOTTE'S WEB Page 71
THE JOB THAT I 'VE DONE I 'VE DONE FOR
MY FRIEND.
(Speaking.)
Humble. Well, that's done. Now for another very
important task. And I must hurry. I t wil l be dawn
before very long. The judges will be making their
rounds pretty soon.
(She moves away from the web slightly. Though she is
largely obscured by the dim lights, her movements are
now very elaborate and mysterious. She produces an egg
sac which she places high on the web. She collapses and
crawls out of s ight . A light i lluminates Humble. The
general lights come up slowly.)
(Music l 17A. INCIDENTAL: JUDGES' ENTRANCE,,)
(Two or three JUDGES enter silently. They observe the
sleeping WILBUR, look at the word in the web, write on
a clipboard, then exit
in
the direction of Uncle spen. The
lights come up
full
as animal sounds are heard offstage.
WILBUR wakes up.)
WILBUR. Oh, look There's the new word. Charlott e,
Charlotte You've done it again.
(CHARLOTTE enters, yawning.)
HARLOTIE. Humble. It fits you perfectly.
WILBUR (looking at the eggsac). And what 's that object
up there? It looks l ike cotton candy. Did you make i t?
HARLOTTE. I did, indeed. I t' s my egg sac.
WILBUR. What 's ins ide i t? Eggs?
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Page 72
CHARLOITE'S WEB
Actll
CHARL01T.E. Five hundred and fourteen of them.
WllBUR. You're kidding. Are you real ly going to have
five hundred and fourteen children?
CHARL01T.E w ith a to u ch o f sa dn ess) . H nothing hap-
pens, yes. Of course, they won't show up till next
spring. So will never see my children.
WllBUR. Of
course
you will. We'll all see them.
CHARLOTrE. Wilbur, don't feel good at all. My eggs
and may not make it back to the bam.
TEMPLETON
offstage).
What a night
(TEMPLETON
e nt er s. H i s s tom a ch i s b lo a te d. )
TEMPLETON. What a night What feast ing and carous-
ing. must have ea ten the remains of th irty lunches.
Oh, it was rich, my friends, rich
He em it s
a
l oud , sa t is -
f ie d si gh o r b elc h.)
CHARLOTrE. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
You'll probably have an attack of acute indigestion.
TEMPLETON. Don't worry about me. Wilbur's the one
you should be worrying about.
CHARLOTrE. What do you mean?
TEMPLETON. I've got some bad news for you. As
came past that pig neet door - the one that calls him-
self Uncle - I noticed a blue ribbon on the front of his
pen. That means he won first prize. Apause.)
(Music 1 8. I NC ID EN TAL: BAD NEWS,,)
CHARL01T.E softly). Oh
no.
W IL BU R s its d ow n s lo w-
ly .
CHARLOTTE
g oes to h im a nd
puts
he r
ann
around
him)
Actll
CHARLOITE'S WEB
Page 73
TEMPLETON. Wait t ill Zuckerman ge ts hankering for
some fresh pork and smoked ham. He' ll take the knife
to you, my boy.
W I LBUR s ta r es s tr a ig h t a h e ad .)
CHARLOITE. Be st il l, Templeton Don't pay any atten-
tion to him, Wilbur.
TEMPLETON. I'll bet he's so scared he's going to faint
again.
WIT.BUR
a ft er a b ea t, s ti ll l oo k in g a h ea d) .
No, I'm not.
An ot h er b e at .) Whatever will happen, will happen. He
ga in s c o u rag e .)
may not live as long as I'd like, but
I've l ived very wel l. A good l ife is much more impor-
tant than just having a long l ife. So s tart ing now, I 'm
going to stop worrying about myself. There are more
important things than just thinking abou t yourse lf all
the t ime. Like
you ,
Templeton. You didn' t even notice
tha t Charlotte has made an egg sac.
TEMPLETON. Egg sac?
WIT.BUR
p o in ti ng t o t he e gg s a c ).
Up there . She is going
to become a mother. For your information, there a re
five hundred and fourteen eggs in that peachy little
sac.
TEMPLETON. Well, congratulations This
has
been a
night
H e fi nd s a n o u t- of- th e- wa y s po t, c ov er s h in is elf
w ith s om e s tr aw o r a n o ld b la nk et , a nd g oe s t o sleep.
CHARLOTTE. I 'm sorry about the b lue ribbon, Wilbur.
But you 're being very brave about i t.
WILBUR. Bravery is just one of the many things I've
learned from you, Charlotte ...my friend.
FERN
o ffs tage).
Look Look, everybody
FERN
runs
in.)
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Page 74
CHARLOTIE'S WEB
Act II
FERN. Look at what it says in Charlotte's web Hum-
ble.
(ED/11/; carrying a jar of buttermilk and a towel, enters.
MARTHA, JOHN and LURVY, carrying a bucket, and
HOMER enser.)
MARlHA My goodness Humble.
EDfIH.
Another
miracle
HOMER. He's sure to win that blue ribbon nowl
(ALL
cheer.)
AVERY
(offstage).
Oh, no I can 't believe it
JOHN. What is it, Avery?
(AVERY enters.)
AVERY. That pig over there has already won first prize.
(ALL arein shock}
AlL (ad libbing).
What? Have the judges been here al-
ready? Oh, no. I can't believe Wi lbur didn't win. This
is terrible.
(EDITH sobs. LURVY blows his nose into a
handkerchief)
AVERY. It's not fair. He won just because he's fat. I'll
bet the judges are fat, too.
(ALL are quiet for a mo-
ment . MARTHA, EDITH and LURVY blowtheir noses}
HOMER. Hold on, here. What's everybody crying about?
Edith, give the pig his buttermilk bath.
EDfIH. But . .. he didn 't win.
HOMER. People are still going to come by and see him
•••and
what's writt en in the web. Now, let's get busy.
(ALL try to be a bit cheerier.)
JOHN. That's the spirit, Homer.
Act II
CHARLOTI'E'S WEB Page 75
LURVY. I 'l l g ive him his breakfast.
(He pours the slops.
WILBUR tries to eat.)
MAR1HA. I 'l l help with the bath, Edith. (She does so.)
JOHN. Fern, you and Avery t idy up the area.
(FERN and
AVERY smooth out straw and generally straighten up.)
VOICE ON LOUDSPEAKER
(offstage).
Attention,
please Attention, please We would like to ask as
many of you as can to assemble in the livestock area
where we are about to present a special award.
EDITII. Special award?
HOMER. I t must be for the cows. .. or the horses.
VOICE ON WUDSPEAKER
(offstage).
When you ar-
rive at the livestock area, please go to the section
where the pigs are located.
JOHN. It sounds like somebody around here's going to
get another award.
AVERY. That fat pig over there.
VOICE ON WUDSPEAKER
(offstage).
We will ask you
to report directly to the pig owned by Mr. Homer
Zuckerman.
(ALL are dumbfounded.)
AVERY (slowly comprehending). The pig owned by Mr.
Homer ... (He throws straw into the air.) Ya-hoo
(Music 1 9 . INC IDENTAL: V ICTOR .Y )
(There are cheers, hugs, kisses and general congratula-
tions. WILBUR is ecstatic. CHARLOTTE, unseen
by
the
OTIlERS, inches out and gives WILBUR the okay sign
with herfingers.)
HOMER. We've got no time to lose. Finish bathing him,
Edith.
(EDITH and MARTHA redouble their efforts.)
LURVY. I 'l l get a l it tle more straw.
(He exits hurriedly.)
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ActD
HARLO'ITE 'S WEB
JOHN. I'l l he lp you, Lurvy.
He ex it s. )
EDfIll. Homer, does my bair look all r ight?
HOMER (busy, straightening things up). Looks fine.
EDfIH. You didn't even look at my bair.
MARTHA. You're all right, Edith. Jus t keep calm.
(LURVY enters with more straw.)
EDITII. Okay, Wilbur's finished. I'll put tbese things
back in the truck.
(EDITH exi ts , coll iding wi th JOHN who enters. BOTH
laugh.)
JOHN. Sorry, Edith.
(Three, or more, FAIRGOERS enter at various points as
they gather for the award presentation.)
FIRST FAIRGOER. Good morning.
HOMER. Hello, there.
FIRST FAIRGOER. Is this the Zuckerman pig?
HOMER. Yes, indeed.
SECOND FAIRGOER. There he is. That 's tbe pig we've
been hearing about.
MARTHA Zuckerman' s famous pig. That's him.
SECOND FAIRGOER. He looks like a prize winner to
me.
THIRD FAIRGOER. He isn't as big as that pig next
door, but be' s cleaner . That' s what I l ike.
FIRST FAIRGOER. So do 1
SECOND FAIRGOER. And he's humble, too. Just l ike
it says in the spider web.
ActD
CHARLOITE'S WEB
Page
77
1HIRD FAIRGOER. Yes, sir. Mighty fine pig you got
there, folks.
HOMER. Thank you.
(EDITH enters and HOMER puts his arm around her.A
REPORTER and PHOTOGRAPHER are among the
CROWD that begins to enter.)
CROWD
(ad libbing).
Is this where the ceremony is? I
saw tha t pig yesterday at the Zuckerman farm.
hear
he's going to have his picture in the
Weekly Chronicle.
(Etc.)
An
ANNOUNCER, canying a portable public address
system, enters. He elbows his way through the CROWD.)
ANNOUNCER. Coming through Coming through Let's
open it up a little, please. Thank you very much.
(He
looks at JOHN.) Zuckerman?
HOMER (going to the ANNOUNCER). Right here.
ANNOUNCER. Pleased to mee t you. (He and HOMER
shake hands. The ANNOUNCER cl imbs atop a crate or
box and yells to the unseen audience in the wings.}
Those of you who can't ge t in close, don't worry. You'll
hear everything you need to hear.
(He tests the public
address system again.) Testing, testing. Can everybody
hear me? (He doesn t wait for an answer.) Good. (He
clears his throat.) Ladeez and gentlemen, we now pre-
sent Mr. Homer L. Zuckerman's distinguished pig.
(Applause.) Many of you wi ll reca ll when the wri ting
f irst appeared myster ious ly on the spider' s web in Mr.
Zuckerman's barn, calling the attention of all to the
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CHARLoTrE s WEB
ActD
unseen, awakens. He quickly sizes up the situation, runs
to
WILBUR. and bites his tail)
WILBUR (stirring). Ouch (Before anyone realizes where
the sound came from, TEMPLETON and CHAR-
L01TE quickly crawl back out of sight. Shaken, WIL-
BUR
gets
up.)
IL adJibbing). Hooray He's up The pig's up Good
work, Zuckerman That's some pig
ANNOUNCER. And now, ladeez and gentlemen. may
have your attention for the official awarding of the
prizes. Here is twenty-five dollars for Mr. Zucker-
man ... (He hands the money to HOMER) ... and the
bronze medal for the star attraction of our County
Fair
(He ties the medal around WILBUR s neck as
ALL cheer and applaud. The PHOTOGRAPHER takes
pictures and the ANNOUNCER shakes hands with
HOMER. AVERY begins toshake hands all around)
IL (singing).
WILBUR. WE NEVER WILL UNDERSTAND
WHOSE HAND PUT THOSE WORDS mERE
WllERE-
MEN.
-NOW WE ALL CAN SEE-
WOMEN.
-NOW WE ALL CAN SEE-
MEN.
POSITIVELY.
ActD
CHARLOTTE'S WEB
Page
81
WOMEN.
WITH SINCERITY-
AIL.
-YOU'RE THE STAR OF OUR FAIR
(LURVY enters with a bucket of water. He tosses the
water toward WILBUR, but it splashes onto HOMER
and A YERy. ALL laugh.)
HOMER. What ails you, Lurvy'l Can't you see the pig is
all right?
LURVY. You asked for water .
HOMER. I didn't ask for a shower bath.
(ALL, including
HOMER, laugh. AYERY pretends to be taking a shower.
He rubs
imaginary
soap under his armpits and dries with
an
imaginary t owel .)
MARTHA (asALL continue to laugh). Avery, stop it
FERN. Stop showing off , Avery. (He continues to clown
around until MARTHA
leads
him awayfrom the center
of attention. The laughter
subsides.
ANNOUNCER. Now folks, if you'll proceed on to the
grandstand, you'll be just in time for the first heat of
today's harness races. Thank you one and all fo r your
presence at this historic awards ceremony. (The
CROWD cheers and begins
t o e x it .)
Excuse me. Coming
through. I 've got to go call the f irst race. (He edts.)
FERN. Look at Wilbur and his new medal. (WILBUR
beams.)
HOMER. We 're mighty pleased with you, boy. (He pals
WILBUR.) Well. now that the excitement' s died down.
I guess it 's t ime to be loading up.
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CH.ARl.OTIE'S WEB
ActD
JOHN. Homer, let's all celebrate the occasion
by
taking
one last look around the midway.
HOMER. Soundsgood to me.
FERN. Papa, may I have forty cents? It's myturn to take
Henry on the Ferris wheel.
(JOHN gives her the
money .) Thanks. (She exits.)
MAR1'HA
(smiling).
Henry Fussy.Imagine that.
JOHN. Well, let's go.
EOrrn. We'll be back in a jiffy,Wilbur.
LURVY. Wear that medal withpride, boy
(ALL, except WILBUR, exit. A moment later, FERN re-
tums.)
FERN. I 'm sorry, Wilbur, I was in such a hurry to meet
Henry, I forgot to tell you how proud I am of you. I
knew from the very first day that you were some pig.
(After a beat, she hugs WILBUR, then looks offstage.)
Henry Wait for me. Let's go for a ride on the Ferris
wheel. (She exits hurriedly.)
(Mus ic : 2A)A. I NC ID EN TAL: YOU S AVED
MYUFE )
WILBUR. Charlotte? Charlotte?
(CHARLOTTE slowly
comes
out
of
hiding.)
Oh, Charlotte. You have saved
mylife. And yet, I've never done anythingfor you.
CHARLOTIB. You have been myfriend. That in itself is
a tremendous thing. After all, what 's a l ife, anyway?
We're born, we live a little, we die. By helping you,
perhaps I was lifting up mylife a trifle. Heaven knows,
anyone's life can stand a little ofthat.
WILBUR. Charlotte, we're all going home today. Won't
it be wonderful to be backin the barn again?
ActD CHARWTfE'S WEB
Page 83
CH.ARl.OTIE. I wil lnot be going back to the barn. I'm
done for, Wilbur. In a day ortwo, I'll be dead.
WIlBUR. Charlotte
CH.ARl.OTIE. I'm so tired, I can't even crawl up to my
eggsac.
WIlBUR. Charlotte Mytrue friend.
CHARLOTfE. Come now, Wilbur, let's not make a
scene.
WIlBUR. I won't leave you alone to die. I shall stay,too.
CHARLOTfE. You can't. They won't let you. Besides,
there 'd be no one to feed you-to care for you.
(WIL-
BUR goes to the side of the pen and looks offstage.)
WIlBUR. I have an idea.
(He rushes to TEMPLETON
and awakens him) Templeton, Templeton Wake up
Pay attention
1EMPLETON. Can't a rat catch a winkof sleep?
WII.BUR. Listen to me Charlotte is very ill. She won't
be cominghome with us. I must take her egg sac with
me. I can't reach it, and I can't climb. Please,
please,
Templeton, climb up and get the egg sac.
1EMPlETON. Nothing doing.
WII.BUR. If you will, you can have first choice of every-
thing in my trough whenever Lurvy slops me back
home.
1EMPlETON. You mean that?
WII.BUR. I promise. I cross myheart. Hurry They'll be
back soon.
1EMPLETON
(after a pause).
All right, i t's a deal .
(He
climbs up toget the eggsac.)
WII.BUR. Use extreme care. I don't want a singleone of
those eggs harmed.
(TEMPLETON bringsthe eggsac to
WILBUR.)
Charlotte, I will protect it with all my
might. Thank you, Templeton. Nowyou'd better run to
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CHARLOTIE'S WEB
Actll
the truck and hide under the straw if you want a ride
back home.
TEMPLETON. You bet I'm going back home, now that I
get first choice of everythingin the trough.
(He
exas.
HOMER
(offstage).
We'll take care of Wilbur, Edith.
You drop the tai lgate of the pickup and get his crate
ready.
(CHARLOTTE hides as HOMER. JOHN and LURVY
enser.)
JOHN
(calling to offstage).
Martha, you and Fern and
Avery get in the truck. We'll be there in a minute.
(To
HOMER.)
I'll take the sign.
(He
l i f ts it.)
HOMER. Lurvy,you and can get everything else that's
left.
(They pick up the trough, bucket and any other be-
longings.)
You stayhere, Wilbur. I 'll be back for you in
just a minute.
(JOHN, HOMER and LURVY exit.
CHARLOTTE comes out slowly.)
WilBUR. Ob, Charlotte.
(They embrace]
(Music #21. INCIDENTAL: END OF FAIR )
CHARLOTTE. Goodbye, Wilbur. Thank you for saving
myeggsac.
(She starts to leave.}
WilBUR. Where are you going?
CHARLOTTE. Over...to that old empty shed. I need.•.to
be alone now.
WilBUR in
tears).
Nobody will be with you when-
when-
CHARLOTTE. Mythoughtswillbe with me. Thoughts of
you-and my life- and mychildren who will be com-
Actll
CHARLOTTE'S WEB
P age 85
ing in the spring. Thank you again for taking care of
my egg sac. Now
must go.
WilBUR
(trying to be brave).
Goodbye-Charlotte.
CHARLOTTE. Goodbye.••
my
friend.
(She exit s slowly as they wave to each other. A moment
later,
HOMER enters.)
HOMER. Well sir, it was a mightyfine fair. Mighty fine.
Come along, Wilbur. This will be a day you can tel l
your grandchildren about.
(He ties a rope around WILBUR s neck and begins to
lead him away. WILBUR stops for a moment and waves
one
f inal
time to the unseen CHARLOTTE. They exit.
The scene changes back to the Zuckerman bam.)
(Music #2lA. INCIDENTAL: BACK..TO THE BARN )
(TEMPLETON enters and goes to the trough.)
TEMPlEfON. Oh good. Wilbur hasn't eaten his break-
fast yet.
(He eats as the SHEEP and
LAMB
enter.)
lAMB. Wilbur hasn't eaten anythingthese past few days.
He keeps waiting out in the yardforthe eggsto hatch.
SHEEP. Templeton, you would livelongerif you ate less.
TEMPlEfON. Who wants to liveforever?
(The GOOSE and GANDER enter.)
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CHARLO'ITE'S WEB
ActD
THIRD SPIDER. Fine. I l ike that very much.
WILBUR (singing).
JOY, ARANEA, NELLIE. WELCOME TO YOUR
NEW HOME.
1HREE SPIDERS.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
FIRST SPIDER speaking . Where did you get that hand-
some medal you're wearing?
WILBUR. Well, it's a long story. And I'll tell you all
about it. But right now, I'm going to take the medal
off. H e t ak es
it
o f f .
SPIDERS and ANIMALS. What? Did you hear that?
What does he mean? Etc.)
WILBUR. To celebrate this very special day, I 'm putting
the medal where it rightfully belongs. Templeton,
please hang it on tha t nai l where Charlot te's web used
to be.
TEMPLETON. Another favor?
WILBUR. This i s the last one, I promise.
TEMPLETON (taking the medal from WILBUR). I know
- till the next one.
(Music
#23.
FINALE)
(TEMPLETON climbs up and hangs the medal on the
nail.}
VOICES (offstage, singing).
SUMMER, SUMMER, SUMMER, SUMMER. ••
ActD
CHARLO'ITE'S WEB
Page 89
Wll.BUR (speaking, after TEMPLETON climbs down). I
hereby dedicate my medal to the memory of dear
Charlotte whom I will never forget.
VOICES (offstage, singing).
SUMMER, SUMMER, SUMMER, SUMMER •••
SHEEP
speaking ;
Very thoughtful, Wilbur.
GANDER. None of us wil l ever, ever, ever forget ber .
Wll.BUR as VOICES offstage sing Aahs ). I wil l love
ber chi ldren and ber grandchildren dearly, but none of
them will ever take ber place in my heart. Sbe was in a
class by herself. (A brief pause. It is not often tbat
someone comes along who is
a
t rue friend and
a
good
writer. Charlot te was both. (ALL turn and look at the
medal which is
no w
lit
by
a SpeciaL)
WILBUR and ANIMALS
(singing).
WE HAD A FRIEND
VOICES (offstage).
SUMMER, SUMMER, SUMMER-AAH
CURTAIN
(Music #24. CURTAIN CAlL)
(Music #25. EXIT MUSIC)
lHEEND