CONFLICT “RESOLVING TERRITORIAL CONFLICTS BY USING POWER IS THE MOST ANCIENT WAY AND STILL MUCH PRACTICED” – DAN DANA
Objectives
• What is it?• Levels• Thinking strategically about it• The psychology behind it• Tools• The conversation
What is it?
Your definition?
A condition between people • who are task interdependent, • where one or both feel angry, • find fault with the other, and • use behaviors that cause a business
problem.
What behaviors tell us it’s present?
Usually what happens….
• Most are prevented automatically every day by using social skills we have learned from the University of Life (Mom’s knee).
• But…..sometimes things escalate.
How do we typically handle?
Fight?
or
Flight?
Are there different levels of Conflict?
• Blip - Mild and passes quickly. Not a pattern.
• Clash – Fight or flight, tension, stress, anger
• Crisis – Violation of law, relationship is clearly on the verge of termination, risk of violence
The Cycle (Biological)
• Trigger
• Perception of threat (thoughts)
• Anger (feelings)
• Acting out (behaviors)
• Example
Can we stop the cycle? • Triggers? Probably not – we react • Perception? Maybe• Anger Normal & healthy – can’t chose not to be• Acting out There is a choice
First….
◦We must recognize the need to have a conversation and
then have the conversation….
How do we do that?
• Have a pre-meeting
• Prepare
• Hold the meeting & ensure agreement
• Have follow ups
The Other Cycle (also Biological)
• Conciliatory Gesture (Person A) • Inhibitory reflex (Person B)• Conciliatory Gesture (Person B )• Conciliatory Gesture (Person A)• Example
The Cost
Team Mediation
Step 1 - Define the Issue
• This may take some thought. Helpful to refer to the conflict definition.
Step 2 - Define the Parties
• Who specifically is directly involved?
• Involve those who will offer ideas for solution, those you need buy in from and will be committed to the decision.
Step 3 - Get the Parties to the Table
Send notification of the meeting – cc anyone that should have knowledge of it (no hidden agendas).
Speak to all attendees to cover ground rules
Don’t expect everyone to be thrilled.
Step 4 -Help the Parties define their interests
What is at stake (& what matters most) for each person at the table?
Ask for clarification if needed
If a solution is found that satisfies
all interests, is problem solved?
Step 5 - Brainstorm Options
• Nominal Group Technique (NGT) modified for Team mediation (ie: Delbecq, Van de Ven & Gustafson – Greenbriar Press) ____________________________________
• 1 - Ask each person to write down 3 ideas that may solve or address
• 2 - Go around the table - each person reports one idea
• 3 - Continue until all ideas are recorded. When a person runs out of ideas, they pass. This continues until everyone passes.
More of Step 5
• 4 - Facilitator reviews all by reading each one aloud
• 5- Each person selects their favorite 5 (or 3, etc.) Choose wisely – go with best options and team’s favorite.
• 6 – The list is read again. If the idea read is on someone’s favorite list, they raise their hand; votes are recorded
Step 6 - Test Options
• Are anyone’s interests negatively affected if we implement these ideas?
• If not, majority rules. If so, discuss further.
Step 7 - Action Plan & Commitment
• Detailed and specific – and a form of a contract
• How, who, how long, what deadline, what support and from who? (Specific)
• Ask for commitment from each
Preventative Mediation
• What is it?
• Should be practiced daily
Preventative Mediation
• Break the pattern – opting not to continue current behavior
• Common sense – not rocket science
• Feelings as data – step back and analyze. Use time as your ally
EXAMPLES
• YOU JUST DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER (DISTANCING) – YOU MAKE THE EFFORT
• POWER PLAY/DEMANDING
CO-WORKERS – ASK FOR COOPERATION
• CRABBY ALL THE TIME/CRITICAL – OVERRIDE NATURAL INSTINCTS & ASK FOR INPUT/ADVICE
Examples• If someone extends a conciliatory gesture,
return it!
•For an emotional encounter - take the cognitive route, not the emotional one – step back
(feelings as data)
As Professionals….• Be sensitive to the relationships of your co-
workers.
• Analyze any conflict to determine all the causes – the better you understand, the more effectively you can resolve.