FIXER U
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SESSION
“The Chocolate Shoe”
Two Kinds of EditsEditorial Guidance– Characterization or plot problems– Prompts to add description
Corrections– Grammar and punctuation errors– Corrections to sentence structure or dialogue
Two Kinds of EditsEditorial Guidance– Characterization or plot problems– Prompts to add description
Corrections– Grammar and punctuation errors– Corrections to sentence structure or dialogue
I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. The tiny shop
offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve
from the colorless sky. I am always surprised to see other
people here, as if this place belongs to me alone. I step into
the Chocolat Bar in downtown Boise, checking the street
like I always do. I see only strangers, like I always do. A
woman stands talking with the clerk behind the counter.
I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. The tiny shop
offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve from
the colorless sky. I step into the Chocolat Bar in downtown
Boise, checking the street like I always do. I see only
strangers, like I always do. I am always surprised to see
other people here, as if this place belongs to me alone. A
woman stands talking with the clerk behind the counter.
I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. The tiny shop
offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve from
the colorless sky. I step into the Chocolat Bar in downtown
Boise, checking the street like I always do. I see only
strangers, like I always do. I am always surprised to see
other people here, as if this place belongs to me alone. A
woman stands talking with the clerk behind the counter.
I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. The tiny shop
offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve from
the colorless sky. I step into the Chocolat Bar in downtown
Boise, checking the street like I always do. I see only
strangers, like I always do. I am always surprised to see
other people here, as if this place belongs to me alone. A
woman stands talking with the clerk behind the counter.
I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. The tiny shop
offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve from
the colorless sky. I step into the Chocolat Bar in downtown
Boise, checking the street like I always do. I see only
strangers, like I always do. I am always surprised to see
other people here, as if this place belongs to me alone. A
woman stands talking with the clerk behind the counter.
I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. I step into the
Chocolat Bar in downtown Boise, checking the street like I
always do. I see only strangers, like I always do. The tiny
shop offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve
from the colorless sky. I am always surprised to see other
people here, as if this place belongs to me alone. A woman
stands talking with the clerk behind the counter.
I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. I step into the
Chocolat Bar in downtown Boise, checking the street like I
always do. I see only strangers, like I always do. The tiny shop
offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve from the
colorless sky. A woman stands talking with the clerk behind the
counter. I am always surprised to see other people here, as if this
place belongs to me alone.
I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. I step into the
Chocolat Bar in downtown Boise, checking the street like I
always do. I see only strangers, like I always do. The tiny shop
offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve from the
colorless sky. A woman stands talking with the clerk behind the
counter. I am always surprised to see other people here, as if this
place belongs to me alone.
Organization
• Paragraph level• Scenes/chapters• Structure of the entire book– Plot structure– Pacing
“These scenes are too fast (or too slow).”“This character’s actions are not believable.”
More Guidance…
I haven’t been in for a few months, but my
routine is the same. I try some of their samples. I
enjoy their delicious taste.
DETAILS!
I haven’t been in for a few months, but my
routine is the same. I wander along the display
case and glance at the sample plate as if I’d
stumbled across it on accident and may as well
try a piece since I’m here. I’m not so bold as to
go straight for it without pretension. I test the
white chocolate Fall bark with bits of pistachios
and cranberries. Delicious.
I enjoy their delicious taste.
Boring.
I test the white chocolate Fall bark with bits of pistachios and cranberries. Delicious.
Why does this work better?
At first I feel self-conscious trying all
the different samples. One sample is
unusual, but I’m too shy to ask the clerk
what kind of candy it is.
Show don’t tell. Be specific.
I hesitate for a moment before I take another
sample, a dark chocolate shard laced with cinnamon.
Brazenly, I try the last offering, another dark chocolate
sample with a flavor I can’t identify. I’m curious about
it, but not curious enough to interrupt the clerk’s
conversation with her customer. It doesn’t matter. The
customer finishes up while I pretend to ponder
purchasing something I’ve just sampled.
Even with an editor, you are still the writer.
• There are things only you can bring to the table.
• Your editor will offer guidance.• Your editor should honor your style and voice.• Caveat: – Don’t excuse problems by saying “it’s my style.” – It only works if it works.
Corrections!
Slabs of fudge are cut on a thick sheet of marble by a woman in a white smock.
A woman in a white smock cuts slabs of fudge on a thick sheet of marble.
Slabs of fudge are cut on a thick sheet of marble by a woman in a white smock.
A woman in a white smock cuts slabs of fudge on a thick sheet of marble.
I stroll to the last display case, zeroing in on my predetermined purchase. There they are: chocolate-covered soft caramels sprinkled with pink Hawaiian sea salt. I order a square and my piece is wrapped in parchment paper.
I stroll to the last display case, zeroing in on my predetermined purchase. There they are: chocolate-covered soft caramels sprinkled with pink Hawaiian sea salt. I order a square and my piece is wrapped in parchment paper.
I order a square of caramel and see a gloved hand wrap my piece in parchment paper.
NOT GOOD:
The audience is bored by the presentation.
BETTER:
The presentation bores the audience.
EVEN BETTER?
Details! You try!
I glance from my screen to the audience. An old woman stares through the window at the bare parking lot. A man in a tan polo shirt is preoccupied with his smart phone. Ditto for the woman in a fluffy pink sweater. Her artificial nails assault the screen: tap, tap, tap.
The few faces pointed in my direction wear the distant expressions of those whose thoughts lie elsewhere.
Minor Corrections
Don’t Panic
are they
are they
are they
are they
are they
are they
are they
are they
Now that you’ve survived the editing process…
Aaaaand… Now its you’re turn!
I mean, “Now it’s your turn.”