Welcome To Family Welcome To Family MattersMatters
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19 September 201019 September 2010ROFCROFC
Psalm 127:1Psalm 127:1
Building New BridgesBuilding New BridgesTowards A Better CommunicationTowards A Better Communication
in our Marriagein our Marriage
Presented by: MVKPresented by: MVK
Results Of Survey Done at TFTResults Of Survey Done at TFTReflecting Challenges in MarriagesReflecting Challenges in Marriages Communication – 38.27%Communication – 38.27%
Finances – 29%Finances – 29% Spirituality – 28%Spirituality – 28% Children – 18.5%Children – 18.5% Neutrality – 16.04%Neutrality – 16.04% Sexual – 9.87%Sexual – 9.87%
FAMILY MATTERS DIFFERENT FAMILY MATTERS DIFFERENT VIEWS SURVEY ON VIEWS SURVEY ON COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION
5 QUESTIONS WERE GIVEN ABOUT 5 QUESTIONS WERE GIVEN ABOUT COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION
300 FORMS ISSUED300 FORMS ISSUED 277 PROPERLY FILLED277 PROPERLY FILLED 23 RUINED23 RUINED
QUESTION 1QUESTION 1
[[AA] YOU CAN ONLY SOLVE A PROBLEM BY ] YOU CAN ONLY SOLVE A PROBLEM BY ACTING ON IT, TALK IS A WASTE OF TIMEACTING ON IT, TALK IS A WASTE OF TIME
[[BB] YOU CAN BEST SOLVE A PROBLEM BY ] YOU CAN BEST SOLVE A PROBLEM BY TALKING IT THROUGHTALKING IT THROUGH
ANSWERSANSWERS A - 29A - 29 B - 248B - 248
QUESTION 2QUESTION 2
[A][A] WORDS CAN BE USED FOR EFFECT. WORDS CAN BE USED FOR EFFECT. EXAGGERATION IS JUST A WAY TO MAKE A EXAGGERATION IS JUST A WAY TO MAKE A POINTPOINT
[B][B] WORDS ARE TO BE USED CAREFULLY WORDS ARE TO BE USED CAREFULLY AND NOT WASTEDAND NOT WASTED
ANSWERSANSWERSA - 53A - 53
B - 224B - 224
QUESTION 3QUESTION 3
[A][A] YOUR PROBLEM IS MY PROBLEM YOUR PROBLEM IS MY PROBLEM
[B][B] SOMETIMES WE DON’T HAVE TO SOMETIMES WE DON’T HAVE TO INTERFERE IN OTHERS AFFAIRSINTERFERE IN OTHERS AFFAIRS
ANSWERSANSWERSA - 229A - 229
B - 48 B - 48
QUESTION 4QUESTION 4
[A][A] IT IS BEST TO TALK ABOUT A MATTER IT IS BEST TO TALK ABOUT A MATTER EVERY TIMEEVERY TIME
[B][B] SOME THINGS HAVE TO BE LEFT TO SOME THINGS HAVE TO BE LEFT TO SORT THEMSELVESSORT THEMSELVES
ANSWERS ANSWERS
A - 230A - 230
B - 47B - 47
QUESTION 5QUESTION 5
[A][A] WE NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT WE NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT EACH OTHEREACH OTHER
[B][B] WE NEED TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT THE WE NEED TO BE HAPPY WITH WHAT THE OTHER TOLD US AND NEVER ASK FOR OTHER TOLD US AND NEVER ASK FOR MOREMORE
ANSWERSANSWERSA - 223A - 223B - 54B - 54
THE NUMBER ONE CHALLENGE THE NUMBER ONE CHALLENGE WITH COMMUNICATING WITH WITH COMMUNICATING WITH OTHERS IS THAT WE ALL SEE OTHERS IS THAT WE ALL SEE
THE WORLD AND MOST THINGS THE WORLD AND MOST THINGS DIFFERENTLYDIFFERENTLY
BECAUSEBECAUSEWE ARE ACTUALLY DIFFERENTWE ARE ACTUALLY DIFFERENT
And The ONLY Reason Most And The ONLY Reason Most PeoplePeople
end up seeing things from The end up seeing things from The same point of view is Simply same point of view is Simply
becausebecauseThey AGREE to do so, so thatThey AGREE to do so, so that
they may ACHIEVE certain goalsthey may ACHIEVE certain goalsand this does not take away and this does not take away
their being Differenttheir being DifferentAmos 3:3Amos 3:3
AND EVEN THOUGH THEYAND EVEN THOUGH THEYREMAIN DIFFERENTREMAIN DIFFERENT
Every time they tackle issuesEvery time they tackle issuesthey ARM themselves with the same they ARM themselves with the same
Mentality and perspective that is Mentality and perspective that is needed for the needed for the
common purpose of achieving the common purpose of achieving the goal at handgoal at hand
This makes it easy for them This makes it easy for them
THE TOWER OF BABELTHE TOWER OF BABELGenesis 11:6Genesis 11:6
The Lord said, "If as one people The Lord said, "If as one people speaking the same language they speaking the same language they
have begun to do this, then nothing have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible they plan to do will be impossible
for them”.for them”.
Results Of Survey Done at TFTResults Of Survey Done at TFTReflecting Challenges in Marriages Reflecting Challenges in Marriages
Communication – 38.27%Communication – 38.27% Finances – 29%Finances – 29%Spirituality – 28%Spirituality – 28%Children – 18.5%Children – 18.5%Neutrality – 16.04%Neutrality – 16.04%Sexual – 9.87%Sexual – 9.87%
Since Communication is The Since Communication is The main Culprit I have opted tomain Culprit I have opted to
Rephrase all The above Rephrase all The above Challenges and interpret Challenges and interpret
them as followsthem as follows
My reason for this is because My reason for this is because there are other there are other
couples who have exactly the couples who have exactly the same challenges same challenges
but they are able to tackle thembut they are able to tackle themusing better Communicationusing better Communication
methods than the othersmethods than the others
Instead of – Financial ProblemsInstead of – Financial Problemscan we use – Lack of Proper can we use – Lack of Proper Communication in FinancesCommunication in Finances
THE BIG QUESTIONTHE BIG QUESTIONis it Possible that some couples is it Possible that some couples use their Finances as a means of use their Finances as a means of
communication in their communication in their MarriagesMarriages
Instead of – Problems Instead of – Problems about Children can we use about Children can we use
Lack of Proper Communication Lack of Proper Communication about how to react toabout how to react to
challenges posed by childrenchallenges posed by children
BIG QUESTIONBIG QUESTIONis it possible that some couples useis it possible that some couples use
their children as a means of their children as a means of communicationcommunication
Instead of – Neutrality Instead of – Neutrality can we use can we use
Lack of Communicating one’sLack of Communicating one’sfeelings or standpointfeelings or standpoint
THE BIG QUESTIONTHE BIG QUESTION
is it possible that some people is it possible that some people use Neutrality as a means of use Neutrality as a means of
communicating with their partnerscommunicating with their partners
Instead of – Spiritual ProblemsInstead of – Spiritual Problemscan we use – Lack of Proper can we use – Lack of Proper
Spiritual CommunicationSpiritual Communication
THE BIG QUESTIONTHE BIG QUESTIONis it possible that some people use is it possible that some people use
their Spirituality or lack of ittheir Spirituality or lack of itas a means of communicatingas a means of communicating
with their partners with their partners
Instead of Sexual ProblemsInstead of Sexual Problemscan we use lack of proper sexual can we use lack of proper sexual
communicationcommunication
THE BIG QUESTIONTHE BIG QUESTIONis it possible that other people useis it possible that other people use
deprivation or provisiondeprivation or provisionof sex as a means to communicateof sex as a means to communicatetheir stand or feelings about other their stand or feelings about other
issuesissues
Divorces at Different YearsDivorces at Different Years
THE BIG QUESTIONTHE BIG QUESTION
CommunicationCommunication
Is it Is it Skill or Gift?Skill or Gift?
BETTER COMMUNICATIONBETTER COMMUNICATION
Research shows that about 80%Research shows that about 80%of problems don’t even have to be of problems don’t even have to be
solved when the couple talks solved when the couple talks through the issues and reaches through the issues and reaches
MUTUAL understandingMUTUAL understandingAnd only the Most difficult problems And only the Most difficult problems
will require the use of problem will require the use of problem solving methodssolving methods
PROBLEM SOLVING 1PROBLEM SOLVING 1
THE TWO MOST THE TWO MOST DANGEROUS WORDS DANGEROUS WORDS
TO AVOID WHEN TO AVOID WHEN TRYING TO SOLVE A TRYING TO SOLVE A
PROBLEMPROBLEMARE….ARE….
YOU ALWAYS!YOU ALWAYS!
AndAnd
YOU NEVER!YOU NEVER!
PROBLEM SOLVING 2PROBLEM SOLVING 2
Make communication part of solutionMake communication part of solution Start the discussion in a positive wayStart the discussion in a positive way Use questions to invite the solutionUse questions to invite the solution Work on one problem at a timeWork on one problem at a time Keep the problem the problemKeep the problem the problem Find solutions togetherFind solutions together Agree to partner towards the solutionAgree to partner towards the solution
PROBLEM SOLVING 3PROBLEM SOLVING 3
Listen don’t just hear what’s being saidListen don’t just hear what’s being said Make sure you understand the otherMake sure you understand the other If you don’t, ask for repetition If you don’t, ask for repetition Accept another’s EMOTIONSAccept another’s EMOTIONS Don’t jump to conclusionsDon’t jump to conclusions Don’t interpret what’s being said Don’t interpret what’s being said Be honest. Don’t say yes instead of noBe honest. Don’t say yes instead of no Show RESPECTShow RESPECT
BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATIONCOMMUNICATION
There will always be There will always be barriers to our effective barriers to our effective
communication and communication and these are based on a these are based on a
few thingsfew things
SUGGESTIONSUGGESTION
INSTEAD OF PROBLEMS INSTEAD OF PROBLEMS WHY NOT LOOK AT THEM WHY NOT LOOK AT THEM
AS PUZZLES?AS PUZZLES?
IT IS EASIER AND ITS IT IS EASIER AND ITS ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO ALWAYS A PLEASURE TO
DO PUZZLES THAN TO DO PUZZLES THAN TO SOLVE PROBLEMSSOLVE PROBLEMS
AFTER ALL WHO WANTS TO AFTER ALL WHO WANTS TO BE STUCK WITH APROBLEMBE STUCK WITH APROBLEM
Is it true that men and Is it true that men and women are not equal women are not equal
when it comes to when it comes to communicating?communicating?
The American Psychological The American Psychological Association Believes ThatAssociation Believes That
Men and women are not actually as differentMen and women are not actually as differentas we might think. A review of dozens of as we might think. A review of dozens of
studies found out that both sexes are studies found out that both sexes are basically alike when it comes to personality,basically alike when it comes to personality,
Thinking ability and leadershipThinking ability and leadershipThe differences that may exist may reflectThe differences that may exist may reflect
Social expectations and not BiologySocial expectations and not Biology
BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 1BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 1
Emotional barriers – this is mostly Emotional barriers – this is mostly based on Fear, Mistrust and based on Fear, Mistrust and Suspicion. NO one comes into Suspicion. NO one comes into marriage already armed with thesemarriage already armed with these
Cultural barriers – in this age of cross Cultural barriers – in this age of cross cultural marriages culture can be a cultural marriages culture can be a barrier. And we find ourselves faced barrier. And we find ourselves faced with having to do major cultural with having to do major cultural adjustmentsadjustments
BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 2BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 2
Language barriers – in verbal Language barriers – in verbal communication language is not only communication language is not only speaking but also the level / intensity or speaking but also the level / intensity or altitude of speakingaltitude of speaking
Language is made up of different WORDSLanguage is made up of different WORDS
EXAMPLEEXAMPLE – There is Corporate language, – There is Corporate language, Military language, Street lingo. etc.Military language, Street lingo. etc.
Make sure you understand each otherMake sure you understand each other
BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 3BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 3
Gender barriers – There are distinct Gender barriers – There are distinct differences between the speech differences between the speech patterns in Men and women patterns in Men and women
THE REASON IS BECAUSE WOMEN THE REASON IS BECAUSE WOMEN AND MEN’S BRAINS ARE WIRED AND MEN’S BRAINS ARE WIRED
DIFFERENTLYDIFFERENTLY
BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 4BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 4
Men and women see the same things Men and women see the same things differently differently
Solve problems differentlySolve problems differently Approach challenges differentlyApproach challenges differently
THEREFORE THEY NEED TO KNOW THEREFORE THEY NEED TO KNOW HOW EACH FUNCTIONS AS THIS WILL HOW EACH FUNCTIONS AS THIS WILL HELP THEM IN SOLVING THINGSHELP THEM IN SOLVING THINGS
BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 5BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 5
When a MAN talks, the speech is When a MAN talks, the speech is located in the LEFT side of the located in the LEFT side of the brain but in NO SPECIFIC areabrain but in NO SPECIFIC area
This means that a man talks in a This means that a man talks in a linear, logical and linear, logical and
compartmentalized way. compartmentalized way.
This is typical of left brain functionThis is typical of left brain function
BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 6BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION 6
When a WOMAN talks, the speech is When a WOMAN talks, the speech is located in BOTH hemispheres and in located in BOTH hemispheres and in
TWO specific locationsTWO specific locations
Women talk more freely mixing LOGICWomen talk more freely mixing LOGIC
and EMOTIONS. and EMOTIONS.
It also explains why women talk for It also explains why women talk for much longer than men much longer than men
FACTFACTA woman speaks between A woman speaks between
22,000 and 25,000 words a day22,000 and 25,000 words a day
A man speaks between 7,000 A man speaks between 7,000 and 10,000 words a dayand 10,000 words a day
This explains why women feel This explains why women feel that men don’t want to listen that men don’t want to listen
and men feel that women never and men feel that women never stop talkingstop talking
HOW TO GET YOUR PARTNER HOW TO GET YOUR PARTNER TO LISTEN 1TO LISTEN 1
Appreciation goes a long way – and Appreciation goes a long way – and everybody likes to be appreciated.everybody likes to be appreciated.
When you make your partner to feel When you make your partner to feel good about the few things they do good about the few things they do right and help them to overcome right and help them to overcome their disabilities you are most likely their disabilities you are most likely to witness a change in themto witness a change in them
HOW TO GET YOUR PARTNER HOW TO GET YOUR PARTNER TO LISTEN 2TO LISTEN 2
Our partners are like vending Our partners are like vending machines – you must put something machines – you must put something in to get something out. in to get something out.
A little praise goes a long wayA little praise goes a long way
Instead of, “it was time you did Instead of, “it was time you did something too” something too”
Rather say “wow, Thank you” Rather say “wow, Thank you”
HOW TO GET YOUR PARTNER HOW TO GET YOUR PARTNER TO LISTEN 3TO LISTEN 3
Always package what you say well, Always package what you say well, before saying itbefore saying it
Let them know that you love them. Let them know that you love them. Do it verbally and use other Methods Do it verbally and use other Methods as wellas well
Never stop datingNever stop dating Pray for one anotherPray for one another Show concern when they are Show concern when they are
challengedchallenged
FEAR GOD, AND DO HIS FEAR GOD, AND DO HIS WILL AND HE WILL WILL AND HE WILL
ESTABLISH YOU AS A ESTABLISH YOU AS A STRONG FAMILY STRONG FAMILY
MVKMVK
For a Complete Report About For a Complete Report About This WorkshopThis Workshop
Please visitPlease visit
http://montoedikotu.blogspot.comhttp://montoedikotu.blogspot.comFrom 21 September 2010From 21 September 2010
AND PLEASE FILL IN THE FEEDBACK FORMAND PLEASE FILL IN THE FEEDBACK FORMAND LEAVE IT ON THE TABLEAND LEAVE IT ON THE TABLE