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Spells of Inebriation
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The Sages Must Be Crazy:Spells of Inebriation
Authors and Designers
Christopher Baldi
Carol Baldi
Editor
Carol Baldi
Artists
Free Public Domain Source - we thank the artists for posting their
art for use
Healing Fireball Publication
www.HealingFireball.com
Open Game ContentAll the game statistics and the description section are open game content.
All the histories, as well as the flavor text at the beginning of the chapters, the art, the
front and back covers and the introduction are not open game content.
Copyright Information
The Sages Must Be Crazy: Spells of Inebriation Copyright 2009 Healing Fireball
Publications all rights reserved. The Sages Must Be Crazy logo Copyright 2008Healing Fireball Publications all rights reserved. Healing Fireball logo is Copyright
2007 Healing Fireball Publications all rights reserved
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Introduction
The Sages Must be Crazy is a series of treatises written by the noted humorless mageEbenezer The Dry Killjoy about the dangers of what he calls the abuses and excessesof magic in its use as part of an unwholesome diversion. Specifically, what Ebenezer is
referring to is the magic of tricksters and jesters as well as its use to produce frivolous or
what he calls unwholesome effects. We here at Healing Fireball Publications do not
share Ebenezers point of view. However, we do publish his treatises mainly becausethey are well-designed, possibly contain useful information, and, frankly, we often find
the spells and items he describes fascinating and wish to see knowledge of them
disseminated.
So, once again, I find myself in the possession of one of Ebenezer The Dry Killjoys
rants about the abuses of magic. This time it is about the spells crafted by mages wholove their wineskin more than their spell book and clerics who tend the churches of the
goddess of alcohol. Thats right, gentle reader - this ones a rant about alcohol-based
spells. I know what youre thinking, and I agree, it sounds like a party. So lets see what
ol Ebenezer has brought us this time.
~The Healer~
~Healing Fireball Publications~
Welcome once again, young Scholar to my second treatise involving the horrible abusesof magic perpetrated by the less-than-disciplined mind. Since my last treatise on thissubject, I have found an even worse abuse of magic than that perpetrated by the so-calledtrickster. The heinous, uncivilized ways in which those who worship drink practice theart could barely be called reverent, with their drunken revelry and beer-soakedceremonies. Even worse is the perversion that has been perpetrated by those who wouldstudy magecraft while deep in their cup. If you, my young scholar, have not encounteredthose of which I speak, consider yourself fortunate for their frivolity and celebratoryattitude often leads those they encounter to a bad end as they wake up the next morning ina barn covered in feathers and with a blinding headache, only to find their new friend hasleft and the town constable wants a word with them. For this reason, I have dedicatedthis work to exposing the techniques of these undisciplined, rowdy louts.
Ebenezer Killjoy
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Designers NotesSeveral years ago I played in a light-hearted game that was called For the Love of
Drink. The premise was that, instead of being shining examples of heroism, we insteadall played drunkards, alcoholics and rowdy louts. While I enjoyed playing my jolly,
rotund cleric of the god of celebration and drinking, the other spell casters in the groupand I felt that we could further enhance the feel of the game by creating some unique
spells based around the adventures theme. Our game master agreed with our suggestionand so we began the creation of several alcohol and drinking-based spells for this game.This led to some interesting effects and made the game truly memorable and fun.
That is where it would have stayed - as just a fond memory of an old game. That is until
recently, when clearing out some old papers that built up on my shelves I discovered thenotes we had made when designing these spells. Looking through the papers, these spells
once again piqued my interest. And with St. Patricks Day coming up, I thought, What
better time to update these spells and convert them to the 3.5 rules? So pour yourself a
green ale, take a second to remember the patron saint of Ireland, and settle in to our latestlighter-side-of-gaming product, Spells of Inebriation.
On a Serious NoteMost of this product is intended to be taken with a grain of salt. The goal of all the
products in the Sages Must Be Crazy line is to explore the lighter side of gaming and
present some light hearted and sometimes silly spells and items to add to your game. Ihave attempted to balance the spells in this product to work well in most settings,
although the spells do fit best in a low-level, low-power setting, especially a
swashbuckling or anti-hero setting, like the one they were originally designed for.
To provide further clarification on the spells in this book, as well as provide some ideason how to use them, I have included a Notes section with each spell that contains someadditional facts and some of my thinking when I updated them. I hope you find this
information useful and enjoy Spells of Inebriation.
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The Spells of InebriationTo help you identify and thus avoid those that would abuse the mystic arts, by pervertingthem with strong drink, I have gathered below several of the most common spells utilizedby these rowdy drunkards. At first glance, these spells may appear innocent, but trust
me, their users leave nothing but chaos in their wake.
Create (Fermented Drink)Conjuration (Creation)
Level: Clr 0 Pal 1
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 Standard ActionRange: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: Container
Effect: Create up to 1 Gallon of
Specific Alcohol/level
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
Description: This is not an individual
spell but instead a group of spells(Create Ale, Create Wine, Create Cider,
Create Mead) that all have a similar
function - the creation of a fermented,
non-distilled alcohol. The alcohol canbe created an as small a container as is
available to hold it or it can take up an
area three times as large, filling manysmall containers or possibly causing
alcohol to rain down. The created
alcohol is not aged and tastes as iffreshly made.
History: This family of spells wascreated by many clerics of various faiths,
from those that worship god of vines to
the followers of the hive queen. Over
time, the various spells have beenworked and refined until today, when
they can be found in the repertoire of
many clerics across many realms whouse them to create libation and goodwill
wherever they go.
Notes: Simple fermented drinks still
have a high water content in relation to
the concentration of alcohol, so whilethis spell can be used to create
flammable areas soaked with the
alcohol, they can only be lit by an open
flame. Additionally, containers filledwith the liquid are too watery to be
ignited.
Prevent HangoverConjuration (Healing)
Level: Clr 0 Pal 1
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Standard ActionRange: Touch
Target: Person Touched
Effect: Person touched is immune to the
effects of a hangover for 12 hours
Duration: 12 Hours
Saving Throw: Will Negates(Harmless)
Spell Resistance: Yes (Harmless)
Description: This spell prevents thepainful headache, slight nausea and dry
mouth, better known as a hangover, that
is suffered the day after a drinking binge.The spell also gives the effected person
resistance to theNauseatedeffect of any
poison. In order for a hangover or
nausea to be prevented, the alcohol orpoison must be imbibed while the spell
is in effect.
Material Component: Powdered
Willow Bark
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History: The most sacred spell of thefollowers of The Drunken God. Their
clerics often start their day by casting
this spell on themselves to prepare formorning services. This spell has also
become the most profitable spell of TheDrunken Gods followers, being soldby clerics at taverns throughout the land.
Notes: This spell is primarily used for
flavor. However, at low levels itsprotection from nausea and the hangover
spell presented later could be useful to a
thief or spellcaster. The reason for thematerial component is that willow bark
contains natural aspirin and was used
historically as a headache remedy.
Bless AleTransmutation [Good]
Level: Clr 1 Pal 1
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Minute
Range: Touch
Target: 1 pint of ale
Effect: Turns 1 pint of ale into HolyAle
Duration: InstantaneousSaving Throw: Will Negates (Object)
Spell Resistance: Yes(Object)Description: Infuses 1 pint (flask) ofale with positive energy, turning it into
Holy Ale. Holy Ale works exactly the
same as Holy Water except that its
natural alcohol content makes itflammable and allows it to be lit with a
torch or flame.
Material Component: Powdered Silver
(10 gp. Worth) and a hop
History: Created by the clerics of The
Drunken God so that they may better
worship him with a lubrication that
befits his majesty. Great barrels of
Holy Ale are left at the door of theirtemples so that the celebrants may fill
their mugs as they enter.
Notes: This spell is a simple variation
onBless Waterthat creates a holy liquidthat is more suitable for use by clericswho worship a god of drink, celebration
or joy. As a side note, we would often
use the Holy Ales flammability to our
advantage, soaking down the undeadwith damaging Holy Ale and then
lighting it a few rounds later when the
undead had been weakened by the holydamage.
HangoverEnchantment (Compulsion)
Level: Brd 1 Sor/Wiz 1
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Standard Action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: 1 Person
Effect: Gives one person a hangover
Duration: 2 rounds/level
Saving Throw: Fortitude Negates
Spell Resistance: Yes
Description: The target of this spelldevelops a severe hangover - splitting
headache, nausea and a dry mouth. This
state is very distracting and gives theeffected person a -1 on his attack rolls
and will saving throws. Additionally,
any skill that requires concentration(Disable Device, Sleight of Hand, Open
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Lock, Balance) has a -2 penalty andspellcasters must succeed at a
concentration check (DC=10 + Spell
Level) to cast any spell.
Material Component: A shot of strongspirits downed by the caster during thespell
History: Created by a mage called
Bartold The Pickled when he noticedhow hard it was for him to study his
spell book the morning after a bender.
After some experimentation on a ratherunlucky group of bar patrons, Bartold
found that he could reliably reproduce
the feeling of a hangover. Since hisdiscovery, Bartold has put this spell to
good use, using it in combat to distract
spellcasters and thieves.
Notes: This is a simple spell designed
for low-level casters to use as a
distraction to allow their warriors toclose. We have found that this spell is
extremely handy when confrontingmagic-heavy enemies at low levels as it
allows a chance of spell failure every
time the target tries to cast. Due to theirhigh fortitude, this spell was found to be
less useful on fighters.
Beer MusclesTransmutationLevel: Clr 2 Pal 2 Sor/Wiz 2
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Standard Action
Range: Close (25 ft.)Target: Creature Drinking Alcohol
Effect: Drinker Sprouts Extra Muscle
but Loses Rational Thought
Duration: 1 min/2 levels
Saving Throw: Will Negates
(Harmless)
Spell Resistance: Yes(Harmless)Description: Beer can make you feel
stronger and believe youre tougher.
This spell is designed to make thosebeliefs come true. The target of this
spell must down a mug of alcohol as the
caster casts the spell. When the spell iscomplete, the drinker sprouts large bulky
muscles in an almost comical form.
These muscles give the effected personadded toughness in the form of 10 bonus
HP and +8 to strength. His reasoning is
slightly impaired by the rush: 2
intelligence and wisdom for the duration.
Material Component: A Mug of Ale
(Consumed by Target)
History: Created by Bartold The
Pickled to help his friend, a warriorwhose strength had gone into his cup.
This spell helped invigorate the old
soldier and made him feel young again.Since its creation it has been adopted as
a defensive spell by the clerics of The
Drunken God who use it to aid in theircrusade to break up bar fights and anyother disturbances that kill the
celebratory mood.
Notes: Yes this spell is very much
flavor in that most casters could cast
Bulls Strength and get a +4 bonus
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without the drawback. However, the hitpoint this spell gives you can come in
handy and make up for the side effects.
Buzzed (Blessing of the Drunken
God)Enchantment (Compulsion)[Mind-Effecting]Level: Brd 2Clr 2 Pal 2
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Standard ActionRange: 20 ft.
Area: Everyone within a 20 ft. radius ofthe caster. Burst, centered on the caster
Effect: Everyone affected has their
attitude move 1 step toward friendly.
Duration: 1d4 HoursSaving Throw: Will Negates
Spell Resistance: Yes
Description: This spell gives everyone
within a 20-foot radius the head rush and
favorable sensations of having gotten alittle drunk. In game terms, everyones
attitude moves 1 step toward friendly to
all the people around them.
Material Component: A glass of wineheld up in a toast as the spell is cast anddrunk at its completion.
History: In small doses, alcohol is astimulant that relaxes and calms those
who drink it. This fact is one of the key
tenants of the faith of The Drunken
God. It is so crucial, in fact, that theyoften begin their masses by casting this
spell to put all the followers in the right
frame of mind. Often referred to as theBlessing of the Drunken God, many
of his faithful clerics favor this spell
over the more traditionalBless spell.
Notes: This spell may seem rather
useless on the surface as it only
improves the groups attitude by one
step and it is not even an effect directedat the caster specifically, but instead a
feeling of relaxation that overtakes the
whole group. But if you look a littledeeper you will realize that this spell can
be very handy when trying to stop a barbrawl or to get two sides to sit down at anegotiation table. The spell is also
handy when haggling over price or
trying to bluff your way past a guard.
Loose LipsEnchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-
Effecting]
Level: Brd 2 Sor/Wiz 2
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Standard ActionRange: Touch
Target: Person Touched
Effect: Effected Person Loses His InnerMonolog
Duration: 1 min/level
Saving Throw: Will Negates
Spell Resistance: YesDescription: The spell causes the
person to lose his inner monologue. In
game terms, this forces a person to saywhatever he is thinking out loud. The
effected person must answer anyquestion asked of him, since it is hard
not to think of anything while questions
are being fired. This spell, however,does not force the compelled person to
answer truthfully or even to answer the
question in the first place.
Material Component: A shot of strong
spirits downed by the caster during thespell
History: This spell was created by the
infamous bard and spy, Ghino Buso,who had often used alcohol to loosen the
tongues of his targets. He found that thismethod worked well but was a bit on the
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slow side and ended up costing him a lotof money. So he designed this spell to
produce the same effect but without
costing him a days wage.
Notes: This spell was designed to aidour not-particularly-intimidating groupin gathering information and
interrogating people. While it is true
that the spell does not compel the person
to tell the truth, combining it with aZone
of Truth spell can make it a powerful
tool for information gathering. Note that
the Mind Blankspell, as well as anyother spell that prevents mind-effecting
or compulsion spells, prevents this
spells effect.
Create (Spirits)Conjuration (Creation)
Level: Clr 3 Pal 4
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 Standard Action
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Target: Container
Effect: Create up to 1 Gallon of
Specific Alcohol/level
Duration: InstantaneousSaving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No
Description: This is not an individualspell but instead a group of spells
(Create Rum, Create Brandy, Create
Whiskey, Create Gin) that all have a
similar function - the creation of thestronger fermented and distilled hard
alcohols. The alcohol can be created in
as small a container as is available tohold it or it can take up an area three
times as large. filling many small
containers or possibly causing alcohol torain down. The created alcohol is not
aged and tastes as if freshly made.
History: Similar to the creation spellsof the Create Fermented Drink family
above, no one clerical group was
responsible for the creation of themyriad of different create spirit spells
found today. But one thing is sure - thisspell has found a home both at sea,where the Create Rum spell is very
popular, and with adventuring clerics
who use it to take the edge off at the end
of the day.
Notes: Since distilled alcohol has a
higher concentration of alcohol to waterthan simple fermented drinks, this spell
can be used to create flammable areas
soaked with the liquid that can be lit by aspark such as from a flint and steel. In
addition, containers full of spirits have a
high alcohol concentration and are thus
susceptible to ignition.
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Age AlcoholTransmutation
Level: Clr 3 Pal 3 Sor/Wiz 3
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Minute
Range: TouchTarget: 1 bottle of alcohol
Effect: Ages a bottle of alcohol to
perfection
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: Will Negates (Object)
Spell Resistance: Yes(Object)Description: The caster infuses the
bottle of alcohol with the energy of time.
This rapidly ages the contents of the
bottle until they reach their peak vintage.Alcohol aged this way has a full body
and aroma but may be missing some of
the subtle tones that natural barrel agingmight impart.
Material Component: A pinch of dustfrom a wine cellar or a silver of wood
from a barrel used to age alcohol.
History: When a fire ripped through the
aging cellars of Patrick Priory the monksfeared it would be there ruin as the
monasterys only source of income wasthe sale of brandy. Their fear, however,
was lifted when their prayers were
answered with the secret of this spell.The monks were able to continue selling
their brandy and raise the money to
repair their cellar.
Notes: OK, so this spell is just for
flavor. However, in the game where itwas invented we used this spell quite abit to save some money buying cheap
wine and aging it or helping out a
barkeep who accidentally destroyed theaged brandy he was holding for an
influential client. There are twocommon questions asked about this spell
are, why is it a level three spell and whatare the possible missing tastes
mentioned in the spell description? The
spell is third level because players coulduse it to make money hand over fist
selling cheap wine they aged. As for themissing tastes in the artificial agedalcohol, this is quite subtle so only the
most experienced connoisseur should be
able to tell the difference. It is mainly
intended to be used as a plot point.
InebriateEnchantment (Compulsion)Level: Brd 4Clr 3 Pal 3 Sor/Wiz 3
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Standard ActionRange: Touch
Target: Person Touched
Effect: The Person Touched BecomesInebriated
Duration: 1 Min/2 levels
Saving Throw: Will Negates
Spell Resistance: Yes
Description: This spell causes the
target to become heavily inebriated (-2
Dex and Int, -4 Wis, +2 Con, +4 Cha)as if he had engaged in a night of
drinking.
Material Component: A mug of ale
downed by the caster during the casting
History: Created by the enchanter Kurt
Mauser so he could get even with acollege who accused him of always
being drunk when it counted. After
several weeks of study he found that hecould induce a severely intoxicated stateeven in someone who had not had a drop
of alcohol. He then cast the spell on the
college right before he was to addressthe mages council.
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Notes: Again this spell is designedmore for flavor than practicality. While
getting a thief or spellcaster drunk with
this spell might make her less efficient incombat, its main use was to create
embarrassing situations by getting atarget drunk before an important meetingor during negotiations. Furthermore, it
is important to note that the status effects
in brackets are just our interpretation of
severe intoxication. There are manysystems out there for dealing with
drunkenness and a game master should
feel free to substitute the acceptedeffects of being drunk in his game for
those listed in the description.
HammeredEnchantment (Compulsion)Level: Brd 4Clr 4 Pal 4 Sor/Wiz 4
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 Standard ActionRange: Touch
Target: Person Touched
Effect: The Person Touched Becomes
Falling Over Drunk
Duration: 1 round/2 levels
Saving Throw: Fortitude NegatesSpell Resistance: Yes
Description: The target becomes so
drunk he is in a stupor and must make a
Reflex save (DC = 15) every round towalk. The victim cannot cast spells in
this condition and, due to lack of
coordination, attacks are made at -8 andcan only be made on rounds where the
Reflex save was a success. Thinking ishazy and requires a concentration check(DC=10) to speak in coherent sentences.
This skill prevents the use of any
dexterity-based skills and adds a -10 to
all intelligence or wisdom-based skills.
Material Component: A shot of pure
grain alcohol downed by the caster tostart the spell
History: The most powerfully offensivespell given to the clerics of The
Drunken God, Smashed has been used
to defend the gods temple from
temperance mobs and rival churches. Afew high ranking members of the church
also cast this spell on themselves as a
form of communing with their god in ablissfully stupefied state.
Notes: This is the most combat-worthy
spell in this book, with the possible
exception of Beer Muscles. It isparticularly handy against spellcasters
and can easily subdue an enemy healer
or mage.
Well, my young scholar, that concludes our look at how the love of drink can lead to theperversion of the mystic arts. I hope that you have learned from this treatise what tolook for as you try to avoid falling into the chaos and madness sowed by these depraved
drunkards.
Ebenezer Killjoy
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The Sages Must Be Crazy: Spells of Inebriation isCopyright 2009 Healing Fireball Publications
Healing Fireball logo is Copyright 2007 Healing Fireball
Publications.
The Sages Must Be Crazy logo Copyright 2008 HealingFireball Publications
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Raise a mug and give a cheer for the Spells of Inebriation.
For St. Patricks Day, your friends here at Healing Fireball Publications are proud to give
you The Sages Must Be Crazy: Spells of Inebriation. This product covers the unusual andoften chaotic spells of those spellcasters that love strong drink. This product contains
eleven spells based around a theme of alcohol. From the simple Bless Ale to the
devastating Hammered, these spells are designed to both put a smile on your face and
give you a collection of new tricks.
Its time to lighten up your world a little because the sages must be crazy.
www.HealingFireball.com