Interpersonal Interpersonal CommunicationCommunication

What processes What processes facilitate and hinder facilitate and hinder

your ability to your ability to communicate and be communicate and be

understood?understood?

What are the Functions of What are the Functions of Interpersonal Communication?Interpersonal Communication? Communication gives us the ability to give Communication gives us the ability to give

and receive information, manage and receive information, manage interpersonal conflicts, and to work with interpersonal conflicts, and to work with others to solve problems and make decisionsothers to solve problems and make decisionsSix primary interpersonal motives are satisfied Six primary interpersonal motives are satisfied through conversation:through conversation:

PleasurePleasure

AffectionAffection

InclusionInclusion

Escape from other activitiesEscape from other activities

RelaxationRelaxation

Control and influence over othersControl and influence over others

The Basic Function of The Basic Function of Everyday ConversationEveryday Conversation

Basic Function: Insuring Basic Function: Insuring a relationship will a relationship will continuecontinue

Conversations help Conversations help to persuade to persuade someone that we ‘d someone that we ‘d like them to become like them to become involved more involved more deeply with usdeeply with us

They encourage another person to develop a mental image of a

continuing relationship with us

Conscious & Unconscious Conscious & Unconscious Control of Interpersonal Control of Interpersonal

CommunicationCommunication Much of our conversation occurs without Much of our conversation occurs without

conscious thought or controlconscious thought or controlYou will enact prior scripts that were developed in similar You will enact prior scripts that were developed in similar encountersencounters

These scripts are examples of the automatic mental control These scripts are examples of the automatic mental control processesprocesses

This allows you to converse with little conscious effortThis allows you to converse with little conscious effort

Mental scripts operate whenever you find yourself discussing a Mental scripts operate whenever you find yourself discussing a topic with topic with someone while thinking about something elsesomeone while thinking about something else

Some aspects of communication seem automatic, others Some aspects of communication seem automatic, others are more deliberateare more deliberate

Sometimes you’ll plan what to say in advanceSometimes you’ll plan what to say in advance

Conscious control allows you to correct yourself, to change topics, Conscious control allows you to correct yourself, to change topics, to avoid saying to avoid saying the “wrong” thing at the wrong time, and add a fresh viewthe “wrong” thing at the wrong time, and add a fresh view

Conscious control is evident in uncomfortable situations or when Conscious control is evident in uncomfortable situations or when you want to you want to express displeasure but don’t want to get into a conflictexpress displeasure but don’t want to get into a conflict

Multiple Communication Multiple Communication ChannelsChannels

Speaking and WritingSpeaking and WritingA communication channel is the route by which A communication channel is the route by which messages are conveyedmessages are conveyed

Face-to-face produces more accurate messages and higher levels of satisfaction among people

The telephone is the next preference for communicatingIt has certain advantages when compared to face-to-face It has certain advantages when compared to face-to-face communicationcommunicationSome complex problems can be solved just as efficiently over Some complex problems can be solved just as efficiently over the phone as face-to-facethe phone as face-to-faceWhen negotiating, the person with the stronger case has a When negotiating, the person with the stronger case has a better chance over the phonebetter chance over the phoneThe phone has the advantage of not being seenThe phone has the advantage of not being seen

Writing produces the least accurate communication format

Body Body LanguageLanguage The various arm and hand gestures, The various arm and hand gestures,

facial expressions, tones of voice, facial expressions, tones of voice, postures, and body movements used postures, and body movements used to convey certain messagesto convey certain messagesYou have less conscious control over your specific body You have less conscious control over your specific body gestures or expressions while talkinggestures or expressions while talkingBody language helps you communicate certain emotions, Body language helps you communicate certain emotions, attitudes, and preferencesattitudes, and preferences

Body language supports your verbal communications

Vocal signals of timing, pitch, voice stress, and various gestures add meaning to what you say

Interpreting Body Interpreting Body LanguageLanguage

The components of body The components of body languagelanguage

Body contact – who you touch and how Body orientation – where you sit and stand in relationship to others Body posture – the way you walk, sit, and stand indicates emotional state Gestures – movements of the hands, feet, and other body parts Head nods – shows interest in others Facial expressions – often indicates emotional state Eye movements – location and length of gaze suggests emotions, interest Vocal expressions – loudness, pitch, speed, voice quality, smoothness Appearance – signals about self-image and your needs to impact others

Much of your body language signals your emotional responses

Looking at Body Looking at Body LanguageLanguage

Problem: nonverbal messages have no Problem: nonverbal messages have no universal meaninguniversal meaningVarious body postures, gestures, and facial expressions typically represent certain meaningsPrinciples to interpret nonverbal cues:

1. Focus on more than one nonverbal cueNonverbal cues often occur in groups

2. Focus on both what a person says and what they doWatch to see if nonverbal cues match the verbal message

3. Focus on nonverbal cues if people say one thing and do anotherWatch if the behavior is incongruent or contradictory

4. Focus on the context when interpreting nonverbal messagesSometimes the meaning of the message is in the environment or circumstances

NNooIISSee in the Channelin the Channel Managing noise in your messagesManaging noise in your messages

Semantic noise – Semantic noise – comes from not comes from not understanding what a person meansunderstanding what a person meansEmotional noise – Emotional noise – comes from upsets in a comes from upsets in a relationshiprelationshipEnvironmental noise – Environmental noise – can be what normally can be what normally surrounds you or is deliberately introducedsurrounds you or is deliberately introducedNoise can come from a number of verbal or Noise can come from a number of verbal or written communicationswritten communications

Sometimes noise is purposely introduced to make Sometimes noise is purposely introduced to make communications more difficultcommunications more difficult

Double-speak – Double-speak – the use of language that the use of language that makes the bad seem good and the makes the bad seem good and the unpleasant attractiveunpleasant attractive

Doublespeak Doublespeak CategoriesCategories

EuphemismsEuphemismsInoffensive or positive words or phrases used to avoid having to use harsh, Inoffensive or positive words or phrases used to avoid having to use harsh, unpleasant or distasteful words or phrasesunpleasant or distasteful words or phrases

The military refers to killing innocent civilians as “collateral damage”

JargonJargonSpecialized language of a trade or professionSpecialized language of a trade or profession

A bad neighborhood referred to as “challenging urban environment”

BureaucrateseBureaucratesePiling on of words to try to overwhelm people with them: IntellectualizationPiling on of words to try to overwhelm people with them: Intellectualization

Inflated languageInflated languageLanguage designed to make the ordinary seem extraordinary or everyday things seem Language designed to make the ordinary seem extraordinary or everyday things seem impressiveimpressive

Used cars are termed “preowned” or a store salesperson is a “sales counselor”

Multiple Meanings in Multiple Meanings in Your MessagesYour Messages

Manifest ContentManifest ContentThe facts being conveyedThe facts being conveyed

Latent ContentLatent ContentThe things that your words, sentences, and The things that your words, sentences, and gestures symbolize about your attitudes, gestures symbolize about your attitudes, values, feelings, and motivesvalues, feelings, and motives

There is a surface structure and deeper There is a surface structure and deeper structure to all structure to all communicationscommunications

Focusing only on the surface meaning of the Focusing only on the surface meaning of the words you will miss words you will miss a lot of important a lot of important informationinformation

You will ignore the underlying attitudes, You will ignore the underlying attitudes, values, and feelings in values, and feelings in the messagethe message

Hidden AgendasHidden Agendas Intentionally Intentionally

withholding withholding information, information, feelings and feelings and motivesmotivesIs used to influence and Is used to influence and manipulate the thoughts, manipulate the thoughts, feelings, and behavior of feelings, and behavior of anotheranother

Is seen when playing “head games” or just “playing games”Can be used to avoid conflict in a relationship,

create feelings of optimism, or to control others

The Effects of Hidden The Effects of Hidden Agendas on RelationshipsAgendas on RelationshipsHidden agendas Hidden agendas are part of the are part of the latent contend of a latent contend of a messagemessageThey influence the They influence the ongoing interactions ongoing interactions with anotherwith another

The presence of hidden agendas inevitably leads to frustration, anxiety, or the questioning of your ability to cope

Managing hidden Managing hidden agendasagendas The goal is to increase the The goal is to increase the amount of information into amount of information into interactionsinteractionsDealing with hidden Dealing with hidden agendasagendas

1. Diagnose accurately that a hidden agenda is present2. Once you’re sure, take some initiative to bring the agenda to

light3. Don’t make the person feel

guilty or defensive about the hidden agenda4. Develop the habit of

discussing the way you work and interact with others

The Signs of The Signs of Hidden AgendasHidden Agendas

Evasiveness when questionedEvasiveness when questioned Anxiety and suspicions develop: “things are not what they seem”Anxiety and suspicions develop: “things are not what they seem” Tension, anger, and frustration occur for apparently no reasonTension, anger, and frustration occur for apparently no reason Long-winded discussion on a topic that goes nowhereLong-winded discussion on a topic that goes nowhere ““Pat” responses are given no matter how the question is phrasedPat” responses are given no matter how the question is phrased Beating around the bush with phrases like: “You know what I mean”Beating around the bush with phrases like: “You know what I mean” Critical information is omitted from a conversationCritical information is omitted from a conversation What you are told is different from what you know to be trueWhat you are told is different from what you know to be true Drifting from one topic to another and not sticking to one topicDrifting from one topic to another and not sticking to one topic Conflicts occur for no apparent reasonConflicts occur for no apparent reason Problems that were presumably “solved” recur at a future dateProblems that were presumably “solved” recur at a future date Inconsistencies are present in what a person says and how it is saidInconsistencies are present in what a person says and how it is said

The Interpersonal GapThe Interpersonal Gap

Messages are filtered through Messages are filtered through your attitudes, values, and your attitudes, values, and

beliefsbeliefsChanges in meaning occur through the Changes in meaning occur through the filteringfiltering

The interpersonal gap - The interpersonal gap - difference in interpretation between what difference in interpretation between what the the “speaker said” and what the “receiver heard”“speaker said” and what the “receiver heard”

Preventing the interpersonal gap – Preventing the interpersonal gap – take steps to understand what take steps to understand what the the person really saidperson really said

Ask questions, summarize and paraphrase Ask questions, summarize and paraphrase what the what the person said, and check out your person said, and check out your perceptions for perceptions for correctnesscorrectness

Communication Communication NetworksNetworks

Patterns that control Patterns that control the nature and quality the nature and quality of the contacts people of the contacts people have with each otherhave with each otherThe patterns are based on The patterns are based on formal and informal rules formal and informal rules that determine who that determine who controls the flow of controls the flow of information, the information, the availability of people to availability of people to each other, the amount of each other, the amount of participation that is participation that is possible, and the degree possible, and the degree to which one- and two-way to which one- and two-way dialogues occurdialogues occur

Communication Communication networks affect networks affect the flow of the flow of informationinformationPeople who control the People who control the flow of information tend flow of information tend to be most satisfied to be most satisfied with the interactions with the interactions that are madethat are made

The problem occurs The problem occurs when those in charge when those in charge feel that everyone else feel that everyone else feels the samefeels the same

More on Communication More on Communication NetworksNetworks

Communication Communication patterns determine patterns determine the accessibility of the accessibility of peoplepeopleBarriers may exist that Barriers may exist that determine how people determine how people become available to become available to each othereach other

Inaccessibility can be Inaccessibility can be frustrating and may frustrating and may contribute to the contribute to the perception that others perception that others don’t care about youdon’t care about you

Networks affect the Networks affect the amount of amount of participation among participation among membersmembersA communication A communication pattern regulates the pattern regulates the flow of information and flow of information and the accessibility of the accessibility of people to each other people to each other thus affecting the thus affecting the amount of participation amount of participation among members is among members is affectedaffected

More on Communication More on Communication NetworksNetworks

Communication Communication patterns can patterns can facilitate or facilitate or hinder two-way hinder two-way dialoguesdialoguesOne-way communication One-way communication – – lecture hall format; one lecture hall format; one person dominating the person dominating the conversationconversation

Two-way communication Two-way communication – – when there is the when there is the opportunity to listen and opportunity to listen and respondrespond

Networks may Networks may distort the distort the meaning of a meaning of a messagemessageConstraints on the flow Constraints on the flow of information and a of information and a relative lack of two-way relative lack of two-way dialogues may modify dialogues may modify the meaning of a the meaning of a message as it is passed message as it is passed onon

More on Communication More on Communication NetworksNetworks

The types of distortion networks The types of distortion networks can producecan produce

Sharpening, or the selective perception and retention of factsSharpening, or the selective perception and retention of facts

That is, information mentioned first or last or those aspects of a That is, information mentioned first or last or those aspects of a message that are emotionally laden are retainedmessage that are emotionally laden are retained

Leveling, or making the message shorterLeveling, or making the message shorter

This makes the message easier to understand, however, the shorter This makes the message easier to understand, however, the shorter version that remains typically fits the listener’s biasversion that remains typically fits the listener’s bias

Assimilation occursAssimilation occurs

The facts or details that remain after the message is sharpened or The facts or details that remain after the message is sharpened or leveled are made into a coherent storyleveled are made into a coherent story

More on Communication More on Communication NetworksNetworks

Factors that play Factors that play roles in distortionsroles in distortions

People do not always listen to what is saidPeople do not always listen to what is saidThere is a tendency to think

about what to say next rather than listening to what someone is saying; giving only part of the message

Your ability to remember all the information Your ability to remember all the information is limitedis limited

Asking questions, repeating key points and taking notes

enhances the understanding of what someone says

Tunnel vision sets in when you’re Tunnel vision sets in when you’re overloaded with tasks, distracted, rushed overloaded with tasks, distracted, rushed for time or under stressfor time or under stress

It’s impossible to deal with everything so you’ll selectively

tune out parts of a message in order to simplify it

Overcoming Overcoming distortionsdistortionsThe receiver is not solely The receiver is not solely responsible for correctly responsible for correctly interpreting the messageinterpreting the messageThe sender is also accountableThe sender is also accountable

As the sender of the message you are

responsible to see that it was received

When sending a message, ask the receiver if it was understood

How status and affect How status and affect influence communicationinfluence communication

StatusStatusThe differences in the amount of influence and power The differences in the amount of influence and power or how dominant one person is relative to anotheror how dominant one person is relative to another

It is based on factors such as the amount of expertise and knowledge, It is based on factors such as the amount of expertise and knowledge, assertiveness, independence, and leadership you display relative to assertiveness, independence, and leadership you display relative to anotheranother

When one person has more status, communication is When one person has more status, communication is diminisheddiminished

AffectAffectThe emotional tone that exists between two or more The emotional tone that exists between two or more peoplepeople

It includes such things as how friendly, warm, cooperative, and It includes such things as how friendly, warm, cooperative, and accepting they are of each otheraccepting they are of each other

Psychological Size and Psychological Size and DistanceDistance

Psychological SizePsychological SizeThe perceived impact one person has relative to anotherThe perceived impact one person has relative to another

Those perceived as psychologically big have a high potential for influencing and Those perceived as psychologically big have a high potential for influencing and controlling other individualscontrolling other individuals

Psychological distancePsychological distanceThe degree of positive and negative affect in a relationshipThe degree of positive and negative affect in a relationship

The greater the perceived distance among individuals, the more negative affect or The greater the perceived distance among individuals, the more negative affect or unpleasant emotions there are likely to be in those relationshipsunpleasant emotions there are likely to be in those relationships

Consequences of psychological size and distanceConsequences of psychological size and distanceDifferences in titles, expertise, facility with language, etc. are commonDifferences in titles, expertise, facility with language, etc. are commonSuch variations will facilitate or hinder attempts to interactSuch variations will facilitate or hinder attempts to interact

Diminishing unpleasant levels of psychological size and Diminishing unpleasant levels of psychological size and distancedistance

Recognize that they are a problem and identify whether status or size concerns Recognize that they are a problem and identify whether status or size concerns predominate and/or if the concerns deal with affect or distancepredominate and/or if the concerns deal with affect or distance

Take some responsibility for the problem, and avoid waiting for someone else to Take some responsibility for the problem, and avoid waiting for someone else to change change firstfirst

Communication Communication StylesStyles

Preferred ways of InteractingPreferred ways of InteractingCommunication styles emerge in Your Communication styles emerge in Your interactions with others and reflect “how” interactions with others and reflect “how” you prefer to interactyou prefer to interact

They reflect how you try to control and influence othersThey reflect how you try to control and influence othersPeople tend to respond in predictable ways to each stylePeople tend to respond in predictable ways to each styleDifferences occur because of a tendency to respond in a Differences occur because of a tendency to respond in a

complimentary mannercomplimentary mannerOne behaves in a dominant way, the other submissive

Advantages: rewards greater, and costs minimizedAdvantages: rewards greater, and costs minimizedIn terms of affect, with a reciprocal response you will receive the In terms of affect, with a reciprocal response you will receive the

same same type of affecttype of affectInteractions are not always neat and tidy

Implications of Your Implications of Your Communication StyleCommunication Style

You help to create your social realityYou help to create your social reality

Because of how people normally respond to each other, they tell Because of how people normally respond to each other, they tell others how to treat themothers how to treat them

To change the way others react, you need to change your styleTo change the way others react, you need to change your stylePeople with rigid styles find it difficult to changePeople with rigid styles find it difficult to change

When dealing with rigid people, special techniques must be When dealing with rigid people, special techniques must be usedused

Hostile dominant – come from a position of strength by being Hostile dominant – come from a position of strength by being neither neither friendly or not friendly; they bait you with anger; act like a computerfriendly or not friendly; they bait you with anger; act like a computer

Overly submissive – become more submissive than they areOverly submissive – become more submissive than they are

The Communication The Communication EnvironmentEnvironment

Temperature, Temperature, humidity, noise, humidity, noise, crowding, lack of crowding, lack of privacy, the privacy, the arrangement of arrangement of physical objects and physical objects and peoplepeopleThe environment where the The environment where the interactions take place is not interactions take place is not simply physical; simply physical; psychological factors play a psychological factors play a

roleroleYour perceptions of Your perceptions of

personal personal spacespace

The emotional climate of The emotional climate of the the settingsetting

The Role of Physical The Role of Physical SpaceSpace

Environmental competence – Environmental competence – your ability to your ability to understand how the arrangement of people understand how the arrangement of people and objects influences the ability to and objects influences the ability to communicatecommunicateThe environment plays an important role in communicationThe environment plays an important role in communication

Physical space affects your interactionsPhysical space affects your interactionsYou need to recognize that physical settings affect your interactions by You need to recognize that physical settings affect your interactions by encouraging or discouraging social contactencouraging or discouraging social contactThe arrangement of objects in the physical environment has a tendency to The arrangement of objects in the physical environment has a tendency to either push people together or push them aparteither push people together or push them apartVisual contact has a tendency to make people more responsive to each otherVisual contact has a tendency to make people more responsive to each otherMany people treat a physical setting as fixed and unchangeableMany people treat a physical setting as fixed and unchangeableMany objects in your environment are Many objects in your environment are pseudo-fixed features of the physical space

The Role of Personal The Role of Personal SpaceSpace

The personal territories or zones you interact in and The personal territories or zones you interact in and within which you allow only certain types of within which you allow only certain types of behaviors to occurbehaviors to occur

The personal space zonesThe personal space zones1. Intimate distance – 1. Intimate distance – from your body to 18 inchesfrom your body to 18 inches

Only those you like and have affection for are allowed in this zoneWhen people try to enter without your permission, they violate your expectations for appropriate behavior

2. Personal distance – 2. Personal distance – from 18 inches to 4 feetfrom 18 inches to 4 feetWith people you know e.g. eating in a restaurant, playing cardsViolations of this zone make people feel uneasy and they become irritated

3. Social distance – 3. Social distance – 4 to 12 feet4 to 12 feetBusiness meetings, formal dinners, small classrooms

4. Public distance - 4. Public distance - beyond 12 feet beyond 12 feetAddressing a crowd, watching a sporting event, in a large lecture hall

The Role of the The Role of the Emotional ClimateEmotional Climate

The overall emotional tone of the The overall emotional tone of the conversationconversationFactors underlying a defensive emotional climateFactors underlying a defensive emotional climate

1. A self-perceived flaw that you refuse to admit to others1. A self-perceived flaw that you refuse to admit to others

2. A sensitivity to that flaw2. A sensitivity to that flaw

3. A perception that you are under attack3. A perception that you are under attack

4. The attack focuses on that flaw4. The attack focuses on that flaw

Women report greater feelings of defensiveness Women report greater feelings of defensiveness than malesthan males

Both sexes were just as likely to reciprocate in Both sexes were just as likely to reciprocate in kind when someone tried to make them defensivekind when someone tried to make them defensive

More on the Emotional More on the Emotional ClimateClimate

Reducing a defensive climateReducing a defensive climateBecome less judgmental and more Become less judgmental and more

descriptive with feedbackdescriptive with feedbackFocus on behaviors and show a genuine interest in the questions

Develop a problem-solving orientation with Develop a problem-solving orientation with peoplepeopleCollaborate with others in defining problems and seeking solutions

Try to empathize more with others and Try to empathize more with others and their concernstheir concernsTry to appreciate what others may say even though you may disagree

Treat others as equalsTreat others as equalsTry to trust others, to participate in projects with them, and attach little importance to differences

Communications skills that Communications skills that reduce the defensive reduce the defensive climateclimate

Active listening skillsActive listening skillsSearch for the meaning and understanding behind the words

ParaphrasingParaphrasingPutting into your own words

Summarizing a messageSummarizing a messageCondense the message

Validating what was saidValidating what was saidStep into the other person’s shoes

Reflecting others’ feelingsReflecting others’ feelingsVerbalize the senders feelings

Describing your feelingsDescribing your feelingsSpeak in terms of feelings: “I’m feeling _____ because of what happened”