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FAMILY ETHICS IN SIKHISM

As far as the ethics and morality are concerned, the discussion of family ethics in Sikhism

is needed in order to see how good they are in performing their ethical values in the daily life

especially to their family. As the basic knowledge, we know that family is very important to Sikh

because there is much significance which derives from the family. It is not too extreme to say

that family is among the noble things for them. In discussing of family ethics, we are going to

touch about the marriage, marriage breakdown, and family relationship in which we will focus

their ethical manners only.

MARRIAGE

Before further discuss about marriage, we have first to clear about the definition of

marriage generally and specifically according to Sikh’s definition. According to Wikipedia, the

marriage can be defined as a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship.

Through this union, the relationship between any entities that share a genealogical origin,

through biological, cultural or historical descent can be created.

In Sikhism, marriage is also known as Anand Karaj (bliss of ceremony) is not only a civil

or social contract, but the highest and most ideal purpose is to fuse two souls into one so that

they may become spiritually inseparable. It means that marriage is not merely a legal contract but

is a holy union between two souls where physically they appear as two individual bodies but in

fact they are united as one. This union can be achieved through love and make them see how

they may attain union with immortal Being discharging duties and obligations of the family life.

In Guru Amar Das’ words:

They are not husband and wife

Who only dwell together.

Only they who have one spirit in two bodies

Can be called husband and wife. (GGS: 788)

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Therefore, because of this union they considered marriage as a sacred bond in attaining

worldly and spiritual joy.

Besides, marriage also becomes obligatory to Sikh. Married life for them is the right life.

Everyone must involve in it because they reject the renunciation of the world. They never been

regarded celibacy as a virtue. Those who have unavoidable things to get marry are excluded;

otherwise they must not remain celibate.

In term of the marriage ceremony, it should be held in Gurdwara and solemnized by

Anand marriage rites. They have to follow the Anand rituals in order to endeavor the bliss of

ceremony. Usually, according to Anand rites, during their ceremony there are some verses are

used and recited to impress upon the bridal couple the significance of marriage. One of the words

is the words by Guru Amar Das as mentioned above. Besides, there must be Guru Grant Sahib in

front of the couple, without the Guru Grant Sahib’ s presence no valid Sikh marriage can take

place. In other words, their ceremony must take place in the presence of the Guru Grant Sahib

and must perform the right rituals.

‘A Sikh’s marriage should be solemnized by Anand marriage rites.’ (Rehat Maryada 11:18 c)

Before the marriage occurs, there must be the finding of spouse to become the partner

marriage. Usually in Sikhism, marriage is arranged by the family but not totally arranged. When

we talk about the arrangement of marriage in Sikhism it does not mean that they practice the

forcible marriage. Actually, in Sikh system, the parents, the relatives and the other friends help

the boys and the girls find their marriage partner. The boy and the girl can choose their future

husband and wife by their own selves, not merely accept what has decided by their parents. They

have the right to choose who going to be their husband and wife and propose it to the family.

However, in order to choose their marriage partner, they can’t choose their close

relatives. Unlike Muslim, they can’t marry their cousins because they must not share any of the

same great grandparents. Yet, they also can’t choose the people outside their religion because it

is strongly prohibited. A Sikh’s daughter must be married to a Sikh. If the daughter still wants to

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marry other than Sikh, that man must embrace to Sikh and confess the Sikh’s faith first then they

can marry.

‘A Sikhs daughter must be married to Sikh’ (Rehat Maryada11:18 b)

Also, if the boy has admires to a child girl and want to marry her, he has to wait until that

child achieve the level of maturity, or in other words that child must has a qualification to

marriage according to Sikh’s conduct, not in the young age because child marriage is taboo for

Sikh.

‘A child marriage is taboo for Sikhs’ (Rehat Maryada 11:18 d)

In short, for choosing the marriage partner, a Sikh can’t choose among his or her

relatives, among the children and also the people outside religion.

After marriage, the Sikh man must loyal to his wife. He can’t find another woman to be

his second wife because monogamy has been the Sikh norm. They never practice polygamy and

should not have any intention to find another woman to be married unless their wife already

died.

‘No Sikh should marry a second wife if the first wife is alive’ (Rehat Maryada 11:18 p)

While for the wife, if her husband dies, she may marry remarry. There is no restriction

and prohibition upon the widow to marry again and her marriage ceremony also can be held in

Gurdwara.

‘If a woman’s husband has died, she may, if she so wishes, finding a match suitable for her,

remarries. For a Sikh man whose wife has died, similar ordinance obtains.’

(Rehat Maryada11:18 n)

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MARRIAGE BREAKDOWN

Marriage breakdown or divorce is a legal dissolution of marriage. It breaks the legal

relationship between husband and wife. In Sikhism, divorce is really not encouraged and

reluctantly permitted according to Hindu laws since Sikhs does not have their own personal laws.

In the early, there is no place at all for divorce, but later on the law was changed by the Hindu

courts in different countries and gives the right to the residents to practice the divorce by mutual

consent. Sikhs have accepted this law but they are boycotting this kind of action.

Wherever possible, Sikhs will try to achieve reconciliation between husband and wife in

order to prevent the divorce. They regarded the divorce as extremely unfortunate since it is not a

simple thing as it involves lives of two human beings furthermore they already agreed in front of

Guru Granth Sahib during their marriage to stay with each other and love and honor each other

for life. One of the ways to prevent the divorce is by considering their children because besides

they think about their children upbringing and the duties towards their children they also will

make the good decision that are best for everyone especially the children.

‘If the wife and husband break off, their concern for their children reunited them’. (GGS: 143)

When the divorce occurs, the woman would leave her husband and go and stay with her

parents. A second marriage after divorce is permissible in Sikhism and that marriage also can be

held in Gurdwara.

FAMILY RELATIONSHIP

Family is the basic structure and unit in Sikhism. It is a strong and noble Sikh institution.

It is very important to the Gurus and to all because they believed that family must procreate and

continue the existence of the society. For them, life of a family is the best institution to fulfill the

Sikh ideal of contributing to the development of human society.

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The concept of family life in Sikhism preserves human values. It teaches to love and

respect the parents, grandparents and society at large. It provides psychological foundation for

the future and helps in improving the quality of life. Besides that, it also provides emotional care

for its members and opportunity to practice democratic decision making. Due to these matters, it

can be said that the Sikh’s family really preserves human values. The concept of human values in

family is the only way to attain prosperity and world peace. The family values in the broadened

sense are needed to save the world living under pain and frustration.

In the other hand, according to Sikhism the continuation and existence of healthy

societies can be ensured through procreation of the family unit. Without the family unit, there is

risk to the future of secure societies. The family also has economic and educational functions to

perform; so when family life runs in a smooth and happy manner, it creates a strong engine

where societies and communities can prosper and flourish in a safe and secure environment. A

strong family unit system ensures a successful biological, economical and spiritual future of

human societies.

Interestingly, the Sikh families often live in one household. They live in extended and

joint families under one roof and make their relation with each other is very close. The parents

and grandparents will take care of their children and grandchildren. Though their live in

extended family, everyone is expected to play their role in the family to help nurture and flourish

the family. For example, the role of mother is the most important role order to bringing up of the

young within the family. Therefore, the performance of duties and roles will make their family

run smoothly.

Husband and Wife

A Sikh maintains intimate relations with a husband and wife only while relations with

others regarded as siblings. In their relationship, the husband must love and respect his wife,

encourage her with kind consideration, recognize her individuality, regard her as his equal,

offering guidance and support her when necessary. For the wife, she must show her love to his

husband and respect him with loyalty. She also has to support her husband’s objectives willingly,

harmonize with him, and share any happiness and sorrows. In fact, they have to trust and ally

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themselves with each other in an effort to achieve harmonious union, intellectually, emotionally,

physically, materially, and spiritually.

Wife in the other hand has very important roles towards her family. After she gives birth

to a child, she with other female members play a dominate role in the bringing up of the child for

the first few years. In this situation, husband is in the second position in bringing up their

children but he still has to help her wife to complete all the necessary things.

In order to make sure that everything is run smoothly, they have to share the duties and

chores in an equal manner. By sharing the duties, the family’s workloads both physical and

mental are spread evenly. If they both husband and wife act their action accordingly; it will

ensure the harmonious in their relation.

Parents and Children

Both parents and children have the duties and responsibilities towards each other. When

the child is born, parents must name their child according to the Sikh manner. As stated in Rehat

Maryada, the name Kaur must be given to the girl and Singh to the boy. This is the first duty of

the parents which is giving the right name to their children.

The following duty is concerned with their children’s upbringing. Sikhs are very serious

and firm in bringing up their children. They want to make sure that their children will grow up in

the good manner and will be a good person and get a good job soon. Normally, parents tend to

indulge small children especially boys and to discipline older one more strictly. While for the

girl, she is brought up knowing that she will one day be lost to another family.

After the parents getting old, it is the duty of children to take care of their parents. They

must to do that. If they are failing to take care of their parent, they are considered as sinful

person.

‘Such neglect their parents is truly sinful’ (Var 37:12)

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EDUCATION AND ETHICS

Education is very important to the Sikh. The concept of education in Sikhism has a great

deal and relationship with family. Under this topic, we are going to discuss about the education

and ethics in Sikhism.

The aim of education is to develop and integrate the human personality. While it

functions is to prepare man’s intellectual and emotional background in such a way that the

individual’s development is harmonious.

It is a Sikhs duty to make sure their children so as their children are well educated.

Generally, Sikhs will encourage their children to study hard at school and college, so preparing

for the best career available to them.

Family in Sikhism is a training school for social, cultural, political, and spiritual make up.

It is also a training school for charity. From the family of birth, the religious and ethical ideas are

implanted in the child. In Guru Grant Sahib stated that:

‘Why look for God in the forest when God is at home?’ (GGS: 684)

This verse means it is in the family that children should first become aware of God. It

shows that the role of the family is very important in imparting the education to the children.

In education, they stressed mental as well as physical development through sport and

self- discipline in order to shape the good characteristics to the human. The focusing on physical

development is also important to them rather than just focusing on the mental development. In

Guru Granth Sahib also highlighted about the physical development by using the word exercise.

"In the morning during the fourth watch, they who remember God feel delight; they love to go to

streams for exercise and bath. And endeavor to learn and understand about the true name in

their hearts and lips...." they are the true Sikhs. (GGS p.139)

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Besides sending the children to the school, parents could send their children to the

Gurdwara. This is because, most of the Gurdwaras have schools attached to them for spreading

education on the line of Sikh thought. Gurdwaras is not just the place for worshipping, but it can

act as the schools of real teaching of their scripture, Guru Granth Sahib and children could learn

there.