- 1. How to deal with AspiesBy : Khawar Nehal 8 Nov 2013
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2. How to deal with Aspies Aspie is a short form of Asperger's.
Asperger's is a part of neurodisorders. Neurodisorders are of two
types. Restriction of development which is termed
neurodevelopmental disorders and Degeneration after development
which are called neurodegenerative disorders. 3. Cause Most
neurodisorders are cause by environmental factors, but research is
directed away from them by accepting reviews of research as real
research priority is given to genetics based research which is
unable to find cures because of the false premise. 4. CuresCures to
most neurodisorders can be done by finding the major environmental
causes and eliminating them. The development takes about 5 years
and then another 5 years are required to learn about society or
motor skills via practice. 5. How to deal with Aspies To be able to
deal with people with such conditions, it is useful to read up on
the differences in behavior and limitations they have. Many have to
live a life where they have to act normal so they do not tell you
the differences. Some aspies do not even know that their thinking
is different and live a life wondering why other people think so
differently or are so against them for no reason. 6. How to deal
with Aspies As more research is and misinformation is directed to
genetic causes and environmental causes are ignored, you can expect
more autistic and aspergers and parkinsons to prevail. To cure it
many need to open their minds to real results. 7. Tolerance Use
your association with the person to learn what they can tolerate in
regard to social interaction. Often people with Asperger's are
easily overloaded, and since social give-andtake is more effort for
them, they are easily tired, and don't find gracious ways of
indicating that. But the sense of a connection with you is very
important to them. 8. Tolerance You will see in your aspie a
tendency to say or do things that are socially inappropriate at the
time, such as saying something out loud most people have learned to
keep in their heads, getting too close to someone else, or cutting
in line -- this is because they don't see the larger social
picture, most of the time, and don't understand what other people
are thinking or feeling. You can tell them, if you can do so
without judgement -- we can't cut the line here, all these other
people have been waiting. 9. Tolerance People with Asperger's are
not closed off socially like some people with Autism are.
Asperger's is a high-functioning condition, and the people who have
Asperger's typically have near normal language skills and
near-normal development skills. But many of those with Asperger's
may find it hard to strike up a conversation when first encounting
a one to one situation. It helps them to be able to talk about
their interests, and for you to share your own without being asked
(people with Asperger's might not think to ask). 10. Difference
They have been taught by society all the time to be normal. They
spend most of their mental resources trying to come up with
formulas and short cuts to real world inputs and responses which
are appropriate. 11. Difference Don't treat your friend any
differently than you want to be treated. It's embarrassing and
insulting and makes them feel as if they are failing to be normal
in a world that demands it to even be present in any place.
Approaching, attempting conversation, sitting next to, introducing
to others, etc. as if the person is any different is not only
ignorant, it is grossly disrespectful, and expresses a careless
disregard for the other person's feelings. Don't think they won't
notice. 12. DifferenceAspies are very suspicious of people trying
to make them look or appear different. They have been hurt many
times by people calling them different and resulting in the being
rejected or ejected from the group or party. 13. Difference They
already have a tough time blending in and being introduced as
different makes it almost impossible to be normal. So if you
introduce an aspie as different into any new group, then expect
some strange hostility from them in the long run especially if they
want to be in their target group or place for the long run. 14.
Talk Talk to your friend like you would talk to anyone else. As you
do, you will pick up on clues regarding what they are comfortable
with. Use those clues to direct your behaviour. They can tolerate a
lot of simple normal topics like wasting time on politics or on an
game which has no value to the future and benefit in the real
world. They might want to discuss science or business or something
which they think is not so much a waste of time. 15. Entertainment
Aspies want to play other characters as entertainment. Especially
aliens, superheroes, or anything which is different from the common
world. They are playing the common person all their life and want
to show off their skills of almost perfect acting by taking on a
different role and show of perfection. You may find that their
attention to details is too much and such a big deal. 16.
Anti-assumptionAssuming something makes an A** out of U and me.
A**-U-Me. This is the hard lesson learned by all aspies early in
life so it becomes a hard rule. No assumptions until you have
something in writing. 17. Anti-assumption Don't lay your emotions
bare to your aspie friend without an explanation of why you feel
this way. You would be alluding to something, and they may not
necessarily comprehend what your point is. Even if they get it,
they shall feel they need a confirmation before accepting anything.
18. Anti-assumption Telling them how you feel, even when you think
it's patently obvious, is a commonly used social skill, but don't
expect them to do the same. This sort of interaction is so foreign
that it is frightening. They have so much experience in getting
into so much trouble, that they cannot even think about doing such
behavior. 19. Anti-assumption Additionally, If you are going to get
"touchy feely" it can sometimes be very helpful to instigate this,
but please don't surprise them. Always ask before you hug your
aspie friend. If they say "no," respect that, it's not necessarily
personal; they could well find some sensory experiences unusually
overwhelming. 20. Strange Actions If you feel that they are acting
strangely, don't draw attention to it (unless it is dangerous or
you can see that it is drawing attention that might get them into
trouble). You'll be best off saying something that you would say to
anyone else, if you do it in a friendly way, such as "that's
bothering me," or "please don't do that." 21. Strange Actions If
there is enough humour and affection in your relationship and/or
your tone, you can tell them "that looks a little odd." If they ask
why, explain without condescension, the way you might explain to a
new driver how to merge onto a highway -- people with Asperger's
don't tend to pick up on such things, as smart as they may be or
look. 22. Strange Actions They are considered geniuses but also
look like totally dumb jerks when it comes to social skills.
Although some behaviors are out of the ordinary, they are usually
not serious. Sometimes they shall swivel from side to side in an
office chair or rock back and forth like a pendulum while in an
important meeting and not even know they are doing it. Really they
don't. For normal people that is considered rude and even ruder to
act like you did not know that you were doing such actions without
intent. 23. PartiesOf course you can offer to introduce them to
your other friends! Like most of us they may act differently in the
presence of your friends, or their friends. Social interaction is
generally hard work and emotionally exhausting for Aspies. 24.
Parties They may enjoy the social interaction or find too much to
cope with. If the situation is socially awkward and a bit clumsy,
it may not be Asperger's, they could simply not get along. However,
don't try to force them to get along with your friends. They will
probably be most outgoing only when encountered one-on-one. 25.
Parties To get better social interaction from an aspie, it is
better to make sure they are well rested. For them a party is like
a marathon. If they have less sleep, you can expect them to make
more mistakes and blow up and have to leave the party because they
cannot take it. Take it means perform like normal long enough for
others to get to know them a bit. 26. Parties You will notice that
they shall turn down invitations to even very important events if
they feel they cannot get enough rest. Do not give alcohol to an
aspie. There is a very high chance they shall let down their guard
and tell everything about them and their close ones with extreme
detail. Aspies are very good knowing the values of others by
observing others behavior. Their lack of communication skills is
the thing which makes others outside think they do not know much
about the other people. 27. Parties Aspies can predict better what
another person who is around them is going to do, sometimes even
before or better than the person being predicted about. The reason
is that to be able to live with others, they have to learn more
about what the others's values are in order not to step over them.
It is like living with tigers and learning where their tails are
all the time so as not to step over them ever. 28. Relationship
speed Use caution when getting close to people with Asperger's
simply because they develop relationships differently. You will
find that you will develop a liking for them just the same as you
would anyone else. Just don't push it. Once they trust you, they
shall do more for you than normal people do for others. 29.
Relationship speed Do not use their weaknesses against them. If
they find out 100% confirmed that you were using their weaknesses
against them and misusing their trust then expect to be dumped for
life and they will remember to place you in their permanent records
as blacklisted. They shall also inform others forever and beyond to
stay away from you. Unlike normal people who will forget after a
few years. 30. Shells A person who is shy, but generally not
considered disordered will take a little while to adjust to social
environments. We call that a shell, and when these people become
outgoing and comfortable we say 'They have come out of their
shell.' People with Asperger's have multiple shells. Others think
they have come out of a shell and for aspies it is just another
shell which acts more open. Let them adjust on their own, or not at
all. 31. ShellsThe shells are like the onion example given in
shrek. Shrek says ogers are like onions. Then donkey has to act
normal and doesn't get it so the oger has to give up trying to
explain. 32. Responses As in all forms of Autism, Asperger's
effects everyone differently. When dealing with them, don't try to
keep a catalog in your head of 'when he does this, I need to do
this.' or 'When she says this, I need to do this.' You used that
technique when you were little and learning subconscious social
actions, but you don't need it now. 33. Responses However aspies
have to keep on making a complicated list of responses like people
do when they were small. That is why they act childish sometimes,
very mature when they are well rested, like geniuses when they keep
quite in a social setting and complete jerks if they are asked
their opinion about the real world. 34. ResponsesWell you did ask
them for real. They do not look at the world through rose tinted
glasses. They see more reality because they want to be more careful
of other's values. 35. FriendAbove all, be a friend. No one is more
aware of the social differences between you than they are. Friends
care about others. Not take advantage of them or ridicule or hurt
them. 36. Friend Being aware of an individual who has Asperger's
preferences may help you be a better friend to them but don't point
these differences out to them repeatedly or in a group. They know
they are different and they will resent being treated differently
if attention is drawn to it. The good thing is that if they call
you a friend and tell others, then they really believe you are
their friend. They shall do more than they can to keep you as their
friend. Even if you do not do much of anything for them. 37.
WarningAspies tend to take things literally. (Unless they have
already learned and are sure that what is being said is slang or
means something else). They may take some time to make sure the
statement is true before taking drastic action. 38. Warning In some
cases, where they do make the mistake of assuming that what is
being said is actually meant, it is the responsibility of the
sender of the message to be responsible for the literal meaning.
Saying that is not what was meant is not going to get digested
easily or at all especially of you are dealing multiple aspies
accepting the message literally. 39. ContactWant to know more ?
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