Interpersonal Communication 

Unit Outline

Lecture

Introduction to Interpersonal Communication

Effective Listening Skills

Assertiveness

Asking Questions Effectively

Out-of-class activity

Reading

Communication skills selftest

Process of sending and receiving information between two or more people

Types of Interpersonal Communication

Dyadic communication (two people)

Public speaking

Small-group communication

Basic elements

Communication channels

Direct channels: obvious, under control of sender

Verbal (spoken or written) or Non-verbal (colour, sound,

controlled body movements)

Indirect channels: recognized subliminally, subconsciously, not under

direct control of the sender

Body Language

Interpersonal Communication: What for?

Gaining Information about other individual

For interacting more effectively

Better prediction about how they think, feel, and act

How? Passively (by observing them), Actively (having others

engage them) or Interactively (engaging them ourselves)

Better Understanding others

Words can mean very different things depending on how they

are said or in what context

What and how are sent simultaneously, and both affect the

meaning

Establishing Identity

Roles we play and public self-image we present

Interpersonal Needs

Inclusion, Control and Affection

Interpersonal Conflict

Expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive

incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party

in achieving their goals

Important concepts in definition:

The two sides must communicate about the problem

Often involves perceptions

Common Problems:

Avoiding conflict: damaging, greater problems in the future

Individuals blaming other individuals

Adopting a win-lose strategy

Effective Listening

“You have two ears and one mouth. I suggest that you use them

in that proportion”

Assertiveness

“Too many of us fail to fulfill our needs because we say no

rather than yes, or perhaps later in life, yes when we should say

no”

Effective Questioning

“Only the crystal-clear question yields a transparent answer”

Effective Listening: Active Listening

Communication = Speaking & Listening = good speaking and effective

listening skills

Difference between Hearing & Listening?

Effective Listening Tips

Make an effort to block out outer distractions.

Resist the urge to day dream.

Try to understand and correctly interprete body language.

Pay attention to tone also, as it is vital to the correct interpretation of

the message.

Have an open mind. Try not to make judgments about the speaker or

the message.

Don't hesitate to ask and clarify (do not interrupt, jot questions down)

Big mistake: being preoccupied on what you want to say.

Assertive Communication

Appropriately direct communication, open and honest, and clarifies one’s

needs to the other person

Natural to some, but skill that can be learned

Greatly reduces the level of interpersonal conflict, reducing a major source

of stress

Features of assertive people:

assume the best about others and respect themselves,

think “win-win” and try to compromise

In contrast, individuals behaving aggressively

tend to employ disrespectful, manipulative or abusive tactics

make negative assumptions about motives of others

don’t think of the other person’s point of view at all

win at the expense of others, and

create unnecessary conflict

Effective Questioning Techniques

Open Questions (what, why, how): long answers

Developing an open conversation

Finding our more detail

Finding out the other person's opinion or issues

Close Questions: short answers, yes or no.

For Gathering facts, testing your understanding or the other person's

Concluding a discussion or making a decision

Frame setting

Misplaced closed question: kill the conversation, awkward silences

Funnel Questions

Start with general questions, then focus on a point in each answer, and

ask more and more detail at each level

Tip: start with closed questions and progress to open ones

Good for:

Finding out more detail about a specific point

Gaining the interest or increasing the confidence of the person you are

with 

Rhetorical Questions

An answer is not expected, they are statements phrased in question

form

For engaging the listener

Probing Questions

Strategy for finding out more detail

Tip: ask ‘Why?’ And use ‘exactly’.

Good for:

Gaining clarification to ensure you have the whole story and that you

understand it thoroughly

Drawing information out of people who are trying to avoid telling you

something

Leading Questions

That will lead the respondent in your way of thinking

To be used with care

Can be seen as manipulative and dishonest

How:

Phrasing the question so that the "easiest" response is yes

Adding personal appeal to agree

Choice between fixed options

Effective Questioning Tips

• Learning: Ask open and closed questions, and use probing questioning

• Relationship building: Ask about what they do or enquire about their

opinions. In affirmative way, ask for opinions

• Managing and coaching: Rhetorical and leading questions. Help reflect and

commit to suggested courses of action

• Avoiding misunderstandings: Use probing questions to seek clarification,

particularly when the consequences are significant

• De-fusing a heated situation: Calm a colleague by using funnel questions to

get them to go into more detail about their grievance

• Persuading people:  Open questions will help others to embrace the reasons

behind your point of view

According to Petersen (2007), good communication is just as important in

business, family, and social life. Listening well matters for coworkers, when

intimacy is not the goal, but being able to work together effectively is. It helps

keep friendships vital and even makes a difference in casual relationships where

you merely want ease.

Stewart (2009) defines interpersonal communication as the type or kind of

communication that happens when the people involved talk and listen in ways that

maximize the presence of the personal (p. 33).

Interpersonal communication is the process by which people exchange

information, feelings, and meaning through verbal and non-verbal messages: it is

face-to-face communication.

In the information age, we have to send, receive, and process huge numbers

of messages every day. But effective communication is about more than just

exchanging information. Effective communication requires you to also understand

the emotion behind the information.

Interpersonal communication is not just about what is actually said - the

language used - but how it is said and the non-verbal messages sent through tone of

voice, facial expressions, gestures and body language.

When two or more people are in the same place and are aware of each other's presence, then communication is taking place, no matter how subtle or unintentional.

Without speech, an observer may be using cues of posture, facial expression, and dress to form an impression of the other's role, emotional state, personality and/or intentions. Although no communication may be intended, people receive messages through such forms of non-verbal behaviour.

Elements of Interpersonal Communication

Much research has been done to try to break down interpersonal communication into a number of elements in order that it can be more easily understood. Commonly these elements include:

The Communicators

For any communication to occur there must be at least two people involved. It is easy to think about communication involving a sender and a receiver of a message. However, the problem with this way of seeing a relationship is that it presents communication as a one-way process where one person sends the message and the other receives it. While one person is talking and another is listening, for example.

In fact communications are almost always complex, two-way processes, with people sending and receiving messages to and from each other simultaneously. In other words, communication is an interactive process. While one person is talking the other is listening - but while listening they are also sending feedback in the form of smiles, head nods etc.

The Message

Message not only means the speech used or information conveyed, but also the non-verbal messages exchanged such as facial expressions, tone of voice, gestures and body language. Non-verbal behaviour can convey additional information about the spoken message. In particular, it can reveal more about emotional attitudes which may underlie the content of speech..

Noise

Noise has a special meaning in communication theory. It refers to anything that distorts the message, so that what is received is different from what is intended by the speaker. Whilst physical 'noise' (for example, background sounds or a low-flying jet plane) can interfere with communication, other factors are considered to be ‘noise’. The use of complicated jargon, inappropriate body language, inattention, disinterest, and cultural differences can be considered 'noise' in the context of interpersonal communication. In other words, any distortions or inconsistencies that occur during an attempt to communicate can be seen as noise.

Feedback

Feedback consists of messages the receiver returns, which allows the sender to know how accurately the message has been received, as well as the receiver's reaction. The receiver may also respond to the unintentional message as well as the intentional message. Types of feedback range from direct verbal statements, for example "Say that again, I don't understand", to subtle facial expressions or changes in posture that might indicate to the sender that the receiver feels uncomfortable with the message. Feedback allows the sender to regulate, adapt or repeat the message in order to improve communication.

Context

All communication is influenced by the context in which it takes place. However, apart from looking at the situational context of where the interaction takes place, for example in a room, office, or perhaps outdoors, the social context also needs to be considered, for example the roles, responsibilities and relative status of the participants. The emotional climate and participants' expectations of the interaction will also affect the communication.

Channel

The channel refers to the physical means by which the message is transferred from one person to another. In face-to-face context the channels which are used are speech and vision, however during a telephone conversation the channel is limited to speech alone.

Four Principles of Interpersonal Communication

These principles underlie the workings in real life of interpersonal communication. They are basic to communication. We can't ignore them.

Interpersonal communication is inescapableWe can't communicate. The very attempt not to communicate communicates

something. Through not only words, but through tone of voice and through gesture, posture, facial expression, etc., we constantly communicate to those around us. Through these channels, we constantly receive communication from others. Even when you sleep, you communicate. Remember a basic principle of communication in general: people are not mind readers. Another way to put this is: people judge you by your behavior, not your intent.

Interpersonal communication is irreversibleYou can't really take back something once it has been said. The effect must inevitably remain. Despite the instructions from a judge to a jury to "disregard that last statement the witness made," the lawyer knows that it can't help but make an impression on the jury. A Russian proverb says, "Once a word goes out of your mouth, you can never swallow it again."

Interpersonal communication is complicated

No form of communication is simple. Because of the number of variables involved, even simple requests are extremely complex. Theorists note that whenever we communicate there are really at least six "people" involved: 1) who you think you are; 2) who you think the other person is; 30 who you think the other person thinks you are; 4) who the other person thinks /she is; 5) who the other person thinks you are; and 6) who the other person thinks you think s/he is.

We don't actually swap ideas; we swap symbols that stand for ideas. This also complicates communication. Words (symbols) do not have inherent meaning; we simply use them in certain ways, and no two people use the same word exactly alike.

Osmo Wiio gives us some communication maxims similar to Murphy's law (Osmo Wiio, Wiio's Laws--and Some Others (Espoo, Finland: Welin-Goos, 1978):

If communication can fail, it will. If a message can be understood in different ways, it will be understood in

just that way which does the most harm. There is always somebody who knows better than you what you meant by

your message. The more communication there is, the more difficult it is for communication

to succeed.

These tongue-in-cheek maxims are not real principles; they simply humorously remind us of the difficulty of accurate communication.

Interpersonal communication is contextualIn other words, communication does not happen in isolation. There is:

Psychological context, which is who you are and what you bring to the interaction. Your needs, desires, values, personality, etc., all form the psychological context. ("You" here refers to both participants in the interaction.)

Relational context, which concerns your reactions to the other person--the "mix."

Situational context deals with the psycho-social "where" you are communicating. An interaction that takes place in a classroom will be very different from one that takes place in a bar.

Environmental context deals with the physical "where" you are communicating. Furniture, location, noise level, temperature, season, time of day, all are examples of factors in the environmental context.

Cultural context includes all the learned behaviors and rules that affect the interaction. If you come from a culture (foreign or within your own country) where it is considered rude to make long, direct eye contact, you will out of politeness avoid eye contact. If the other person comes from a culture where long, direct eye contact signals trustworthiness, then we have in the cultural context a basis for misunderstanding.

Importance of Interpersonal Communication Skills

Interpersonal Skills are the skills we use when engaged in face-to-face

communication with one or more other people.

What we say is an important way of getting our message across - but using

our voice is only the tip of the iceberg. We actually communicate more

information using non-verbal signals, gestures, facial expression, body language

even our appearance.

Listening is a vital interpersonal communication skill. When we

communicate we spend 45% of our time listening. Most people take listening for

granted but it is not the same as hearing and should be thought of as a skill.  Active

Listening provides a lot more information about how to listen effectively and can

help you to avoid misunderstandings. Ineffective Listening deals with some of the

bad habits you or other people have picked up when listening. Reflection and

clarification are both common techniques used to ensure that what you have heard

and understood is what was intended.

Good interpersonal communication skills enable us to work more

effectively in groups and teams, which may be either formal, like at work, or

informally - in social situations.

Interpersonal communication skills are essential to developing other key

life skills. Being able to communicate well with others is often essential to solving

problems that inevitably occur both in our private and professional lives. Decision

making is another area which can benefit from good communication skills as it

often requires communicating complex information so that the most appropriate

decision can be made.

INTERPERSONAL SKILLS

• All about working with other people

• An ability to get along with others while performing the job

• Characteristic traits like Manners, attitude, courtesy, habits, behavior and appearance which helps us to communicate and maintain relationship with others

Interpersonal Skills While Working

• Take the relationship viewpoint:

– Effective relationships within the organization

– Effective relationships with suppliers

– Effective relationships with competitors

• Internally

– In Teams

– Across Teams

– Within and between departments and business units

• Externally

– With Suppliers

– With Customers

• To gain real competitive advantage through such relationships in the long term is dependent upon your level of interpersonal skills

Why Interpersonal skills needed?

Tips To Improve Interpersonal Skills

• Smile

• Be Appreciative

• Pay Attention

• Practice Active Listening

• Bring People Together

• Resolve Conflicts

• Communicate Clearly

• Humor Them

• Empathy/See It On Their Side

• Don’t Complain (Too much)

REFERENCES:

Burley-Allen, M.(1995). Listening: the forgotten skill: A self-teaching guide. (2nd

ed.). New York, NY: John Wiley& Sons.

Petersen, J.C. (2007). Why don’t we listen better? Communicating & connecting in relationships. Tigard, OR: Petersen Publications

Stewart, J. (Ed.). (2009). Bridges not walls: A book about interpersonal communication (10th ed.). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

Carbonell, M. (1987). Uniquely you. Retrieved from https://www.uniquelyyou.com/humanbehaviorscience.php#personality

Baxter, L. A. (2007). Problematizing the problem in communication: A dialogic perspective. Communication Monographs, 74, 119-125.

Villaume, W.A., & Bodie, G.D. (2007). Discovering the listener within us: The impact of trait-like personality variables and communicator styles on preferences for listening style. International Journal of Listening, 21(2), 102-123.

Mehrabian, A. (1981). Silent Messages: Implicit Communication of Emotions and Attitudes (2nded.). Belmont, CA: Wadsworth

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/importance-interpersonal-communication-skills-communication

http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/interpersonal-communication.html#ixzz4S9Js6QWC

http://www.pstcc.edu/facstaff/dking/interpr.htm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTRpdwHIiCk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hDhFKkHN8To&index=11&list=PLwZK1LYffIAjY2ipmQgETrCG7bJCbpZZj

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqLFKyT2Df8&list=PLwZK1LYffIAjY2ipmQgETrCG7bJCbpZZj&index=24