love

Styles of Love Styles of Love

and Attachmentand Attachment

Liking is based on affection, respect, and enjoyable interaction.

Loving is based on attachment, motivation, and a deeper level of caring.

What is the difference? Liking

and Loving

Eros: Romantic, Passionate

Love


Love

Storge: Friendship

Love

Storge: Friendship

Love

Ludus: Game

Playing Love

Ludus: Game

Playing Love

Pragma Love: Shopping List

Love

Agape Love: Selfless Love

Mania Love: Possessive &

Dominant Love

Lee’s Styles of Loving


Love


Love

Storge: Friendship

Love

Storge: Friendship

Love

Ludus: Game

Playing Love

Ludus: Game

Playing Love


Love



Dominant Love

Which is more stable?


Love


Love

Storge: Friendship

Love

Storge: Friendship

Love

Ludus: Game

Playing Love

Ludus: Game

Playing Love


Love



Dominant Love

Which is more likely to end badly?

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

Intimacy

Passion Commitment

Foundation of the triangle Based on emotional

attachment Moderately stable Somewhat controllable

Intimacy: The “Warm” Component

Based on motivation

UnstableUncontrollable

Can be difficult to sustain

Passion: The “Hot” Component

Based on cognitive choice

Relatively stable Relatively controllable

Commitment is related to trust, loyalty, and faithfulness, which have been found to be central to love

Commitment: The “Cool” Component

Infatuation

Empty Love

Romantic Love

Friendship Love

Consummate Love

Is our love style stable or does it change over time?

Why?

What role does culture play in how we view love?

Beginning in infancy and continuing throughout

the lifespan, humans have an innate need to form attachments with others.

The interaction children have with caregivers leads to the development of internal working models of self and others that influence communication.

Attachment Theory: Key Ideas

Working models fall along a positive-negative continuum.

model of self: the degree to which a child develops an internalized sense of self-worth that is not dependent on external validation

model of others: the degree to which a child expects others to be supportive and accepting (rather than rejecting)

Working models are related to a person’s

attachment style.

Attachment styles are coherent patterns of emotion and social behavior that occur in close relationships.

These styles first develop in childhood but can be modified throughout the lifespan.

Secure: around 70% of children (positive models of self and others)

Avoidant: around 20% of children (negative models of others)

Anxious-Ambivalent: around 10% of children (negative models of self)

Children’s Attachment Styles

Secure Avoidant AnxiousAmbivalent

Free to explore the environment?

Anxious around strangers?

Reaction to separation?

Reaction to reunion?

Distinguishing Features of Children’s Attachment Styles

yes no yes and no

a little no a lotupset, then calm

little reaction

very anxious

happy little reaction

ambivalent(relief/anger)

Secure: “goodness of fit” in terms of stimulation, responsive to basic needs, consistently caring

Avoidant: over- or under-stimulated, sometimes neglected

Anxious-Ambivalent: inconsistent response patterns, parent is preoccupied or stressed

Caregiver Communication Patterns

Adult Attachment Styles

Positive Model of Others

Negative Model of Others

Positive

Model

Of Self

Negative

Model

of Self

Secure(I’m okay,

you’re okay)

Preoccupied(I’m not okay,

you’re okay)

Dismissive(I’m okay,

you’re not okay)

Fearful(I’m not okay,

you’re not okay)

self-sufficient and comfortable with intimacy compromise and problem-solving during conflict highest level of maintenance behavior tend to be pleasant, self-disclosive, and skilled

communicators

Reinforcement Effect: Because secures are confident and expressive, people react to them positively, reinforcing positive models of self and others

SECURE: The Prosocial Style

overly involved and dependent want excessive intimacy and worry that

partners do not care enough for them demanding, nagging conflict behavior express negative emotion with aggression or

passive aggression overly disclosive and overly sensitive

Reinforcement Effect: By clinging to their partners and escalating intimacy quickly, they push partners away, thereby reinforcing that they are unworthy of love

PREOCCUPIED: The Emotional Style

fearful of intimacy (they have often been hurt in

the past and/or fear rejection) communication is often passive, guarded, and

anxious trouble expressing emotions and self-disclosing relatively low levels of maintenance and

nonverbal pleasantness

Reinforcement Effect: By avoiding taking risks, they keep themselves from developing the kind of close, positive relationship that will help them feel better about themselves and others

FEARFUL: The Hesitant Style

counterdependent (self-sufficient to the point of pushing others away)

relationships seen as nonessential; personal goals are a higher priority

relatively low levels of relational maintenance, disclosure, and emotional expression

withdrawing conflict style with more interruptions

Reinforcement Effect: By learning to get along on their own, they reinforce the idea that they do not need other people to be happy

DISMISSIVE: The Detached Style

Explanations for Stability

Interactions with caregivers have an especially strong effect on a person’s social development.

The reinforcement effect

Explanations for Change Significant life/relationship events The partner’s attachment style Variability across relationship types

Stability and Change in Attachment Styles

Education

love