Parenting Practices for a Peaceful Home, Week 1

FIVE PARENTING PRACTICES FOR A PEACEFUL HOME

Welcome to Week One. Photo, Sian Richards

• Krista Keintz • Board Cer6fied Behavior Analyst (BCBA) • American Montessori Society (AMS) • My work has been exploring the way different disciplines

answer the same ques6ons -‐ those related to learning & posi6ve par6cipa6on in one’s social community

HELLO

What is Applied Behavior Analysis?

• Applied – Real world prac6ce. It is applying basic science to improve the lives of people.

• Behavior – Any ac6on of any living thing. For our purposes we are interested in observable and measurable behavior.

• Analysis – A scien6fic study. We are going to allow our teaching to be guided by what really works!

WORKSHOP ONE OVERVIEW

• Introduc6ons • The Art & Science of Paren6ng • Paren6ng Prac6ce for a Peace Home #1 – Create a HAT Habit

• Paren6ng Prac6ce for a Peace Home #2 – Take Hard Things Out of Hard Times

ART OF PARENTING

• Paren6ng is personal – Help parents create space to iden6fy how the they want to parent

• Paren6ng is hard – Equip parents to effec6vely, purposefully & consistently parent

• Real change takes 6me – Invest wisely & expect measurable growth over 6me

ART OF PARENTING Community Time

• Introduce yourself • Introduce your child(ren) • Why did you choose NNMS?

SCIENCE OF BEHAVIOR Nebulous Parental Guilt

• Some6mes parents write historical fic6ons about our children’s behavior – short on facts, long on drama – in which we cast ourselves as the villain or vic6m

Photo, pluggedin.com

SCIENCE OF BEHAVIOR The ABCs

AFTER DURING BEFORE

Antecedent

Original Behavior

Replacement Behavior

Consequence

SCIENCE OF BEHAVIOR Basic Concepts

• Behavior is lawful • Antecedents set or unset the stage for behavior to occur but don’t “cause” behavior

• We describe Behavior in terms that are specific, observable & measureable

• Consequences are what come aèr a behavior and serve to increase or decrease (or have no effect on) the future probability of behavior

SCIENCE OF BEHAVIOR AnBdote to Nebulous Parental Guilt

• We counter false “causa6on” statements

• With opera6onal defini6ons of behavior and an eye toward the func6on/consequence of the behavior

• So we can help teach func6onal replacement behavior

SCIENCE OF BEHAVIOR AnBdote to Nebulous Parental Guilt

“He is ac6ng up because I am working too much” We counter false “causaBon” statements

“He hit me when I was leaving for work today. Then I gave him an extra hug.”

With operaBonal definiBons of behavior and an eye toward the funcBon/consequence of the behavior

“Before I le` for work today, I reminded him to ask for a hug.”

So we can help teach funcBonal replacement behavior

SCIENCE OF BEHAVIOR AnBdote to Nebulous Parental Guilt “She is having a hard 6me leaving for school

because I have been abending to the new baby”

We counter false “causaBon” statements

“She laid on the floor by the front door instead of pudng on her jacket. Then I sat down beside her & ended up pudng it on so we could leave.” With operaBonal definiBons of behavior and an eye toward the funcBon/consequence of the behavior

“I came & sat beside her before asking her if she’d like help to put her jacket on.”

So we can help teach funcBonal replacement behavior

SCIENCE OF BEHAVIOR PuJng it into PracBce

“Research has shown that the most effecBve way to reduce problem behavior in children is to

strengthen desirable behavior through posiBve reinforcement rather than trying to weaken

undesirable behavior using aversive or negaBve processes.”

• Sidney W. Bijou, Ph.D.

PARENTING PRACTICE 1 CREATE A HOW ARE THINGS HABIT

Create a system that will allow you to pro-‐ac6vely make decisions about the life of your family & reflect on what prac6ces work for you

PARENTING PRACTICE 1 What is a HAT Habit?

• How Are Things = HAT • HAT mee6ngs are a 6me for PARENTS to reflect on different areas in your life as a family & to create a concrete to-‐do list – Finances, educa6on, physical health, extended family, travel, friendships, spiritual life…

• Mini HATs are HAT mee6ngs with a specific focus such as paren6ng

PARENTING PRACTICE 1 Why create a HAT Habit?

• I do not believe there is a right answer, a best book, or a perfect guru for parents

• I do believe that paren6ng is more (insert posi6ve adjec6ve!) when you are working with a clear vision for your family

• Craìng your vision will be an ongoing part of the HAT mee6ng discussions

PARENTING PRACTICE 1 Schedule a Mini HATs in March

• Use printed calendar to decide on mini HAT each week of March – Workshop parents have had most success when it falls at the same (kid-‐free) day & 6me each week!

– Add those dates to your actual calendar as well

PARENTING PRACTICE 1 Schedule Quarterly HAT Off-‐Sites

• Schedule “Quarterly Off-‐Sites” for the year – Schedule a Spring, Summer, Winter & Fall date

– Plan for at least 3 hours – Add 2-‐week in advance reminder in calendar to get a babysiber

– Bring a notebook/email record to review past goals & make future ones

PARENTING PRACTICE 1 IdenBfying Core Values

Now we are going to look to the future… How would you describe your vision for your family? What will be your children’s inheritance?

PARENTING PRACTICE 1 Example of Our Family’s Core Values

• Koselig • Courage • Ping Pong • Kintsugi • Integrity • Harmony

CREATE A HAT HABIT ParenBng Partner Time

• Schedule your Quarterly Off Site HATs & Mini HATS

• Individually come up with about 10 words/images/sayings that describe your vision for your family

AT-‐HOME EXTENSION For Your Mini HAT This Week

Goal for Mini HAT One

Refine your list with a paren6ng partner

Select 5-‐10 words/sayings/ideas/images

Post them in your home & send me a picture!

AT-‐HOME EXTENSION Visual Examples of Posted Values

photo, pinterest.com


All prints via etsy.com


photo, thetravelingprater.com


photo, justbautralia.com


photo, homeiswhatyoumakeit.com


photo, embracevirtues.com


photo, largefamiliesonpurpose.com



PARENTING PRACTICE 2 TAKE HARD THINGS OUT OF HARD TIMES

Remove the unnecessary and move the mobile out of hard 6mes

PARENTING PRACTICE 2 Take Hard Things Out of Hard Times

• Every day in the life of a family is composed of peaceful parts and stressful parts

• That is not going to change however we can make the hard 6mes a lible less painful if we employ some flexible thinking

• We ask two ques6ons: – Is the task necessary? (Does it have to be done?) – Is the task mobile? (Does it have to be done now?)

PARENTING PRACTICE 2 Set the Stage for (more) Peace

• This are Plan Ahead interven6ons – not Fix It Now interven6ons

• Appropriate to use ONLY if an antecedent reliably proceeds a behavior and you have control of that antecedent – THESE WILL NOT SOLVE ALL PROBLEMS! – Oèn you will need other supports to wrap around these solu6ons to make them work

PARENTING PRACTICE 2 The Case of the Missing Sock

• Lible Kid named Sally – Sally is physically able to put on her socks & boots – Family is preparing to leave for school, Mom asks Sally to put on her socks & boots so that they can be ready to go but… • Almost everyday, Sally can be spobed wandering around holding her socks while Mom puts a jacket on a younger sibling and then Mom catches Sally and has to ask her to put on her socks & boots again. Unless she is next to her, it never gets done. Most mornings, Mom ends up helping Sally put them on.

– NOW WHAT?

PARENTING PRACTICE 2 The Case of the Missing Sock

• Many op6ons, but one antecedent-‐based interven6on would be: – Take Hard Things Out of Hard Times • Plan to kindly put her socks &/or boots on for her during the morning transi6on (don’t ask her to do it by herself first) but let her prac6ce doing it on her own before fun ou6ngs. Keep it out of the hard 6me un6l it isn’t hard anymore!

REAL LIFE EXAMPLE A voicemail from my friend

Took bath 6me out of evening rou6ne! Gave baths earlier & individually Enjoyed a pre-‐dinner sparkling water Had family dessert instead of family dinner

TAKE HARD THINGS OUT OF HARD TIMES Community Time

• Group 1: Preparing to leave for school • Group 2: Meal 6mes

• Group 3: Bed6me

Create a list of every task that you may be trying to complete during the hard 6me, then ask

two ques6ons:

(1) Is it necessary? (2) Is it mobile?

AT-‐HOME EXTENSION ParenBng PracBce #2

Commit to take 1 hard thing out of a hard 6me

Sample Homework: To: [email protected]

Hello! Our transitions out the door make me crazy! I hate making lunch & often leave it for that time. It is necessary but mobile task. I am

going to prepare lunch at dinner time this week! Wish me luck!

YOUR AT-‐HOME EXTENSIONS

STAY IN TOUCH

Review the slides at biehus.wordpress.com

Email me at [email protected]

Consider coming early next week for my office hours from 5:30 – 6pm here in the library if you have

specific questions or want to review!

Education

Parenting Practices for a Peaceful Home, Week 1