The Importance of Post Adoption Support - Presentation to DfE

Sally Donovan 24/4/14

Presentation to Department for Education

Improving Post Adoption Support for Children and Families

Sally Donovan


Post Adoption Me

• Adoptive parent of two children• Member of DfE Expert Advisory Group on

Adoption Support Fund• Author of No Matter What and The Unofficial

Guide to Adoptive Parenting (pub. later this year)

• Write for Community Care• Part of active Twitter community


Child vs Received Wisdom• I am a horrible person• I just want to die• I don’t deserve good

times• Put me in the bin, I’m

an idiot loser boy• Kill me so I don’t hurt

anyone• It’s all my fault• All kids do that

• It’s just a phase• But they’ve lived with

you over a year now• She’s enjoying the

negative attention• You’re being neurotic• He won’t remember• Just ignore him


Children don’t just ‘get over it’

‘Being harmed by the people who are supposed to love you, being abandoned by them, being robbed of the one-on-one relationships that allow you to feel safe and valued and humane – these are profoundly destructive experiences.’ Dr Bruce Perry

‘Children who have been abused or neglected are shaped by their experience; they adapt their way of being to fit in with what they have had to deal with.’ Dr Amber Elliott


Challenges of adoptive parenting

• Behaviours – aggression, violence, stealing, lying, sexualised behaviours, chaotic, controlling, self care, food, constant vigilance

• ‘Traditional’ parenting and behaviour methods don’t work• Widespread misunderstanding that ‘children get over it’• Difficulties accessing education• Often lack of even basic post adoption support• Poor, sometimes inappropriate CAMHS support• Isolation, blame


Therapeutic Parenting is ….

• Rooted in knowledge of past trauma, loss, broken attachments

• Heavily reliant on empathy and acceptance• Based on gradually building relationships and

trust and not a ‘quick fix’ • Creating a therapeutic environment around

the child• Being a strong and unwavering advocate


Therapeutic Parenting is ….

• Transformative for children• Emotionally demanding• Very difficult to do without support


What ‘difficulty’ and ‘disruption really mean

• My child will not eat• My child will not wash• My child will not go to bed• My child is being excluded from school• My child swears at me• My child steals from me• My child attacks me• My child smashes up furniture• No one understands• I am on the verge of a tragedy


Stepping back from the brink

• An excellent but under-funded, over-worked Social Worker

• Honesty – don’t waste your time fighting with CAMHS, find your own respite, if you give up now it will be very difficult to get your child back

• Beginnings of understanding at school• Two hours of direct therapeutic intervention, at

a cost of £150, which we paid for ourselves


Our longer term solution

• Not to involve any professional who doesn’t ‘get it’, particularly NHS

• Work closely with school• Take control of (and pay for) our own training• Give up regular employment• Pay for therapeutic help when we need it


Isolation

• Can’t access NHS• Difficult to access education – differing priorities• Misconceptions are everywhere• Employment is difficult due to the demands of

parenting, advocacy and school exclusions• Silenced, not fitting the narrative• The once welcomed now find themselves

unwelcome


What support should look like

• Named post adoption support social worker, who is well-trained, contactable, unflappable

• Continual access to free, small group training and coaching from experienced professionals

• Right to appropriate therapeutic support throughout• Legal right to long-term support• Better social work education in attachment and trauma• Integrate safe, therapeutic environment into schools• Robust package of support will encourage adopters to

come forward


Current Changes and Proposals

• Pupil Premium Plus – important step, cut-off date? schools need help understanding why

• Personal budgets – will rightly put control in hands of adopters BUT– will not address issues within NHS, will not on its

own drive improvements to social work practice, will be partly dependent upon knowledge of adopters/signposting