WHAT ISCONFLICT?

So Young JunSpeech 104

Jim Marteney

Conflicts is a natural occurrence in everyday life and, try as we may, there is

really no effective way of avoiding it. In fact, we should not avoid conflict.

The goal of any good critical thinker should be to deal with, handle, and

effectively resolve conflict.

Conflict can be defined as a state of opposition between persons or ideas or interest that exists when

there is a divergence of goals, objective or expectations.

Three Types of conflict

This is subject or topic oriented conflict. The disagreement is over differences about

substantive topics of a social, political, or economic nature.

Simple Conflict

Pseudo ConflictThis type of conflict occurs when there is a

communication breakdown between the sender and receiver.

Ego ConflictThis type of conflict occurs as a result of personality

differences between two people. This is the hardest type of conflict to resolve because one’s dignity, or self-esteem, or

self-respect, or pride is involved.

Common Issues of Conflict

Unresolved IssuesSometimes people find they’re fighting battles that have far more to do with the past then the present. Feelings of rejection or betrayal in childhood can create hot buttons which partners press without realizing.

Sensitive IssuesIf there are taboo subjects in your relationship that

always cause a storm, you need to mention them more often. If you don’t, they can become a time bomb.

Fighting for your deeper needsCouples often use topics such as money,

sex or housework to fight for their deeper needs within a relationship.

Hidden payoffsFor some couples, arguing actually plays a

beneficial role as it may be the only time you get to share your feelings. It can add excitement of can be a way of getting

attention.

Failure to stick to the issuesYou’re more likely to get your partner to see

things your way if you avoid personal attacks and concentrate on what you’re trying to accomplish.

Not wanting to compromiseIn a successful marriage, both partners must be able to compromise and negotiate. Sometimes,

the two of you can find a middle ground.

Poor timingBe sensitive to your partner’s shifting moods. Timing your request doesn’t mean that you’re walking on eggshells or that you’re afraid to

speak. It simply means that if your partner is in a negative frame of mind, he may say no to

something that he’d agree to at another time.

Garbage-baggingWhen people get into an argument, they often start with one issue, segue into another, and wind up throwing in everything but the kitchen sink. They then bring up a host of past grudges and resentments. Discuss only one issue at a time.

Playing psychologistMarital arguments often give husbands and wive an excuse to practice a little dime-store psychology. Your spouse needs to feel loved and respected for who he or she is. It’s not your job to fix his or her personal problems. Trying to do so is an especially counterproductive strategy when you’re in the middle of a fight.

Winning at all costsWhen arguments between married couples become heated, a common strategy is to throw up the one

thing that’s sure to hurt your partner’s feelings.

Claiming the moral high groundWhen married partners have an argument, the issue at hand often gets buried beneath a battle about who is a better, kinder, more considerate

human being.