Writers sentence ppt rev mar 4 2016

Culinary Linguistics

Writing about Food ..… Or Anything Else Levels of Style in Written English

Alice H. Deakins, Bonny Hart, Julia H RhodesInternational Linguistics AssociationHofstra University, March 13, 2016

The Writers’ Sentence

From Casual to Formal Writing

Core, Elementary, Intermediate, Advanced

Student Email (Casual!!!)wassup how u been me notangchillin I go notang

to do im sick and is madd cold n*e*ways me having kinda

fun in here, I an kinda nervous 4 ya midterm cuz 2 b

honest wit u I haven’t studied much and the bad tang is I

gotta pass ur class cuzi was scheduling on Friday (which

wuz the reason why I wusn’t in ur class) and if iwann get

outta skils I gatta pass ur class wit a good grade, so im let

u go Sara

Goal

To share simple editing strategies for

process writing classes

Editing in Process Writing

“Make no mistake; conventions are important. And, if they are poorly applied, both writer and reader are ill-served.”

Donald Graves

“Last but not least, study spelling and conventions.”

Lucy Calkins

“[Proofreading] should be the last concern of writers. Because mistakes distract and give negative points of view of writers regardless of their levels of thinking, writers should be diligent in cleaning up the mistakes in formal writing.”

Peter Elbow

Simply MeKelli Gallagher(used with permission)

My life had never been a walk in the park: I’ve always had a struggle come my way. When I was sixteen years old I was placed in a homeless shelter in Newark New Jersey. My stay there lasted for six months, I was nervous about living there despite all the places I have lived before I have been to Newark before and people there don’t really like people of my color.

I was enrolled at Bertanger High School which is five % white and the rest of the percentile made up of black and Spanish. When I first walked into school I felt like all eyes were on me, people were rude and ignorant toward me; I had everything from barking at me from the guys to the girls calling me all types of vulgar racist slander. I have never been someone who let people disrespect me any type of way, but for the first time in my life I was inferior to everyone in that school. So I stayed to myself and didn’t talk to anyone unless it was on task in class.

Editing in Formal Writing Formal written English

NOT– e-mails to friends– text messaging– advertising– poetry

Levels of the English Sentence

1. Core - identifying subjects and predicates

2. Elementary - adding adverbials

3. Intermediate - connecting two or more subjects and predicates

4. Advanced - using inserts

The Four Levels of the English Sentence

1. Core (SP)

2. Elementary (A S P A)

3. Intermediate (F/T A S P A)

4. Advanced ( F/T A ^ S ^ P A ^)

Simply MeKelli Gallagher(used with permission)

My life had never been a walk in the park: I’ve always had a struggle come my way. When I was sixteen years old I was placed in a homeless shelter in Newark New Jersey. My stay there lasted for six months, I was nervous about living there despite all the places I have lived before I have been to Newark before and people there don’t really like people of my color.

S PMy life had never been a walk

in the park

My life had never been a walk in the park.

Level 1: The Core SentenceSubject-Predicate (S P)

Recognizing SP

Identify the 20 auxiliaries of Modern English that are part of native speakers’ internal grammar

Use them to make yes-no questions

The 20 Auxiliaries

DO MODAL HAVE BE

dodoesdid

will wouldcan could

shall shouldmust might may

hashavehad

amis

arewaswere

Yes-No Questions – Visible Auxiliary

the students watching a moviethe teacher take attendancethe girl with red hair taken outher blackberrythe boy sitting next to her looking at her screen

aremust

has

is

??

?

?

he played yesterday with his friends

Yes-No Questions – Invisible Auxmy son loves baseball

did

do

doesyes, my son does love baseball

yes, he did play yesterday with his friends

they play everyday

yes, they do play everyday

my son love baseball ?

he play yesterday with his friends?

they play everyday ?

Identifying SP NIGHT SCENE

Jocelyn Cruz

The soaked black road was shiny and slick from the rain. The light

was reflecting off the glossy pavement. The red light from the back of the cars

and the white bright headlights from the front were beaming down the

highway. The dim yellow street lamp glared from above the road and hit the

roofs of the cars. All the lights seemed to streak down the highway, leaving a

mix of colors on the road. The light seemed like a blur because it reflected

against the wet puddles. I was keeping an eye on one spot of the road which

was a huge puddle. A van drove over the spot I was observing. It seemed

like a splash resembling droplets of light. From The Tapestry Grammar

Level 1 – Punctuating SPCapital letters: In formal written English a sentence always

begins with a capital letter.

The soaked black road was shiny and slick from the rain.

Periods: The final punctuation for formal written sentences is usually a period.

The light was reflecting off the glossy pavement.

We occasionally use an exclamation point for emphasis!


1. Core (SP)




Level 2 – The Elementary Sentence

(ASPA)Sister Ida

Ruth Law

The Ursuline Convent School is a boarding school in the U.K. When I finished my junior year in high school, I went there to continue my education. On my first day at the Ursuline Convent School, I met Sister Ida.

Every boarder had to bring up her luggage to her room after she arrived. While I was unpacking in my room, I heard her voice from the hallway asking people to go out to listen to the rules about school uniforms. After her announcement, she asked me how felt about leaving home.

The Elementary Sentence (ASPA)

Sister Ida Ruth Law

The Ursuline Convent School is a boarding school in the U.K. When I finished my junior year in high school, I went there to continue my education. On my first day at the Ursuline Convent School, I met Sister Ida.

Every boarder had to bring up her luggage to her room after she arrived. While I was unpacking in my room, I heard her voice from the hallway asking people to go out to listen to the rules about school uniforms. After her announcement, she asked me how felt about leaving home.

:Level 2: The Elementary Sentence

Adverbial-Subject-Predicate-Adverbial(A S P A)

A S P A

when I finished my junior year in high school

I went there to continue my education

every boarder

had to bring up her luggage to her room

after she arrived

When I finished my junior year in high school, I went there to continue my education....Every boarder had to bring up her luggage to her room after she arrived.

Recognizing ASPAyesterday I went to the movies

last week I saw The Hunger Games

on Friday I am going to see Star Wars

whenever it rains I go to the movies

Identifying ASPAWhen I finished my junior year in high school, I went there to continue my education.

On my first day at the Ursuline Convent School, I met Sister Ida.

Every boarder had to bring up her luggage to her room after she arrived.

After her announcement, she asked me how I felt about leaving home.

I was very embarrassed because all my dorm mates were watching me.

Punctuating ASPALast week I saw The Hunger Games.

OR

Last week, I saw The Hunger Games.

BUT

Whenever it rains, I go to the movies. (Rule of thumb: 3 or more words)

NOTE

I go to the movies because I love seeing stories. (usually no comma before adverbial at the end)


1. Core (SP)




Level 3 – The Intermediate Sentence

(SP F/T SP)Her Words.

Ayako Nakshizuka

I don’t remember her name, but I can clearly recall how she looked and what she said. Four years ago, just after I had come to New York from Japan, I went to an English school. I had never lived in a foreign country before, so it was a new experience for me to have classmates who were from different countries. The class I attended was an elementary one. Actually, I couldn’t speak or understand English at all. All I could do was some reading.

She was the oldest student in my class. She always wore nice clothes; they were in good taste and looked expensive. Most students were in their teens or twenties; only she was in her forties.

One day, two students in my class started guessing each other’s age, and soon other students too began to guess.

From The Tapestry Grammar

Five Ways of Connecting SPs

1. SP. SP.

My sister bought an anteater. She didn’t think about the ants.

2. SP, F SP. F = FANBOYS: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so (traditionally coordinating conjunctions)

My sister bought an anteater, but she didn’t think about the ants.

3. SP. T, SP. T=transition words—however, nevertheless, furthermore, in addition, etc.

My sister bought an anteater. However, she didn’t think about the ants.

4. SP; T, SP. A more formal variation of pattern 3 that is used occasionally. My sister bought an anteater; however, she didn’t think about the ants.

5. SP; SP. Used infrequently in formal writing when the ideas in the independent clauses are closely connected.My sister bought an anteater; she didn’t think about the ants.

Level 3: The Intermediate Sentence

SP F/T SP

F/T A S P A

but

I

I

don’t remember her name

can clearly recall how she looked and what she said

actually

the class I attended

I

was an elementary one

couldn‘t speak or understand English at all

F = FANBOYS: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so (traditionally called coordinating conjunctions)

T = transition words and phrases: however, therefore, in addition, etc.

Punctuating the Intermediate Sentence with FANBOYS

F = FANBOYS: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so

Punctuating FANBOYS ASPA, FASPA

I don’t remember her name, but I can clearly recall how she looked and what she said.

I had never lived in a foreign country before, so it was a new experience for me to have classmates who were from different countries.

She may not remember me since I was a very quiet student, nor does she know her words are still alive in my heart and have changed my thinking.


Becoming acceptableMy sister bought an anteater. But she forgot about the ants.

“By the early 20th century, the Pinta Island tortoise had been considered extinct in the wild. But in 1971, a Hungarian scientist discovered a male who would come to be known as Lonesome George.

From “Emblem of Extinction.” Rotunda: American Museum of Natural History 39, no 4 (2014):19.


Still not acceptable in formal written English!• My sister bought an anteater, she didn’t think

about the ants. (comma splice)

• My sister bought an anteater she forgot to buy ants and the anteater got hungry. (run-on)

• My sister bought an anteater but she forgot to buy the ants and the anteater got hungry. (run-on)


SP. SP.

My sister bought an anteater. She didn’t think about the ants.

SP, F SP. F = FANBOYS: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so

My sister bought an anteater, but she didn’t think about the ants.

Punctuating the Intermediate Sentence with Transition Words

and PhrasesT = transition words and phrases: however, therefore, in addition, etc.

Punctuating transition words and phrases:SP. T, SP or SP; T, SP.

The class I attended was an elementary one. Actually, I couldn’t speak or understand English at all.

The class I attended was an elementary one; actually, I couldn’t speak or understand English at all.

Punctuating the Intermediate Sentence with only a Semicolon

SP; SP

She always wore nice clothes; they were in good taste and looked expensive.

Most students were in their teens or twenties; only she was in her forties.

Punctuating Transition Words

SP. T, SP.

My sister bought an anteater. However, she didn’t think about the ants.

SP; T, SP.

My sister bought an anteater; however, she didn’t think about the ants.

SP; SP.

My sister bought an anteater; she didn’t think about the ants.


1. Core (SP)




Bonny

©

The Healing Power of MusicBonnie Harris

Ancient civilizations knew the healing power of music. Many tribal cultures traditionally have used songs and chants for curing the sick, and mantras have been intoned for centuries by Buddhists and Hindus for healing and enlightenment. The Bible tells the story of David the shepherd, who played his harp for Saul and made him well (I Sam. 16:14-23). Hippocrates, the “father of medicine,” took his mental patients to hear healing music in the Temple of Aesculapius (Tame 156), and the Greek teacher/mathematician Pythagoras is said to have used songs to soothe pain and calm the angry or disturbed.

Early philosophies of healing were based on the premise that harmony was inherent in the universe. It followed that when a body was in discord, music—the sounds of balanced, organized harmony—could help to bring it back to health. Although modern Western medicine has largely diverged from this philosophy of health and harmony, new research in human responses to music and its medical uses has brought recognition of its unique therapeutic properties. Music is a powerful force for healing, profoundly affecting both the human body and its psyche.

From N. Sommers & D. McQuade (Eds.) in collaboration with M. Tratner. (1989). Student Writers at Work and in the Company of Other Writers: The Bedford Prizes. (3rd Ed.). New York: St. Martin’s Press, p. 177-178.

Level 4 – The Advanced Sentence

…F/T A ^ S ^ PA^Music is a powerful force for healing, profoundly affecting both the human body and its psyche.

A ^ F/T ^ P A ^Hippocrates the “father

of medicine”

took his mental patients to hear healing music in the Temple of Aesculapius

music is a powerful force for healing

profoundly affecting both the human body and its psyche

the Bible tells the story of David the shepherd

who played his harp for Saul and made him well (I Sam. 16:14-23)

Hippocrates, the “father of medicine,” took his mental patients to hear healing music in the Temple of Aesculapius.

The Bible tells the story of David the shepherd, who played his harp for Saul and made him well.

The Advanced Sentence(…F/T A ^ S ^ PA^)

Appositive (noun or adjective phrase)So Malfoy, jealous and angry, had gone back to taunting Harry about having no proper family.

They sat by the hour eating anything they could spear on a toasting fork — bread, English muffins, marshmallows — and plotting ways to get Malfoy expelled…

Verbal phrases (-ing or D-T-N: present or past participle) Remembering their last meeting as he stood at the dark window, Harry had to admit he was lucky even to have reached his thirteenth birthday.

Professor McGonnagall was moving along the Gryffindor table, handing out course schedules.

wh-clause (non-restrictive clause)…the middle owl, which was large and gray, keeled right over and lay motionless.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione left the castle together, crossed the vegetable patch, and made for the greenhouses, where the magical plants were kept.

Punctuating the Advanced Sentence: Comma and Dash

The fanciest—and most diverse—punctuation is used for the fanciest sentences, which have inserts: the comma, dash, parentheses, colon.

Comma (most common): Hippocrates, the “father of medicine,” took his mental patients to hear healing music in the Temple of Aesculapius….

Dash (both within and at the end of sentences):It followed that when a body was in discord, music — the sounds of balanced, organized harmony — could help bring it back to health.

Punctuating the Advanced Sentence: Parentheses and Colon

Pervasive sounds in the environment (even inaudible ones such as 6-cycle electrical hum) may actually change the body’s own natural rhythms and vibrational patterns (Halpern and Savary 7-8).

Colon (at the end for lists or, increasingly, an explanatory sentence):

Parentheses (used for extraneous information such as references):

Today modern physicists in the search to discover the basis of matter have come to the same conclusion as the early philosophers and mystics: all matter is composed of energy in motion, in other words, vibration.

Writing Samples – Harry PotterHarry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

Once the holidays had started, Ron and Harry were having too good a time to think much about Flamel. They had the dormitory to themselves and the common room was far emptier than usual, so they were able to get the good armchairs by the fire. They sat by the hour eating anything they could spear on a toasting fork—bread, English muffins, marshmallows—and plotting ways of getting Malfoy expelled, which were fun to talk about even if they wouldn’t work.

Ron also started teaching Harry wizard chess… Harry played with chessmen Seamus Finnegan had lent him, and they didn’t trust him at all. He wasn’t a very good player yet and they kept shouting different bits of advice at him, which was confusing.

Writing Samples – Harry Potter(SP)

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

Once the holidays had started, Ron and Harry were having too good a time to think much about Flamel. They had the dormitory to themselves and the common room was far emptier than usual, so they were able to get the good armchairs by the fire. They sat by the hour eating anything they could spear on a toasting fork—bread, English muffins, marshmallows—and plotting ways of getting Malfoy expelled, which were fun to talk about even if they wouldn’t work.


Writing Samples – Harry Potter(ASPA)

Harry Potter the Sorcerer’s and Stone

Once the holidays had started, Ron and Harry were having too good a time to think much about Flamel. They had the dormitory to themselves and the common room was far emptier than usual, so they were able to get the good armchairs by the fire. They sat by the hour eating anything they could spear on a toasting fork -- bread, English muffins, marshmallows -- and plotting ways of getting Malfoy expelled, which were fun to talk about even if they wouldn’t work.


Writing Samples – Harry Potter(ASPA F/T ASPA)Harry Potter the Sorcerer’s and Stone

Once the holidays had started, Ron and Harry were having too good a time to think much about Flamel. They had the dormitory to themselves and the common room was far emptier than usual, so they were able to get the good armchairs by the fire. They sat by the hour eating anything they could spear on a toasting fork -- bread, English muffins, marshmallows -- and plotting ways of getting Malfoy expelled, which were fun to talk about even if they wouldn’t work.


Writing Samples – Harry Potter(F/T A ^ S ^ P A ^)

Harry Potter the Sorcerer’s and Stone

Once the holidays had started, Ron and Harry were having too good a time to think much about Flamel. They had the dormitory to themselves and the common room was far emptier than usual, so they were able to get the good armchairs by the fire. They sat by the hour eating anything they could spear on a toasting fork —bread, English muffins, marshmallows — and plotting ways of getting Malfoy expelled, which were fun to talk about even if they wouldn’t work.


Writing Samples – Professional Writing

This process of constant evolution in the world’s kitchens went into high gear five hundred years ago when Columbus landed in the West Indies. Even from that first voyage, he brought back new foods to Spain. This was not surprising perhaps since one of his principal motives in seeking a new westward route to Asia was to seize an advantage in the spice trade, but what is truly surprising about the transoceanic interchange of food and food ideas after 1492 is how fast it happened. Within fifty years the Spanish had established full-scale European agriculture in the West Indies, Mexico, Peru, and the Caribbean coast of South America (the so-called Spanish Main, which is now divided between Colombia and Venezuela). The Spanish had also opened up a regular trade with China from their base in the Philippines.

Raymond Sokolov

Why We Eat What We Eat

Alice H. DeakinsBonny Hart

Effie P. CochranJulia H. Rhodes

Kate Parry

International Linguistic AssociationMarch 2016

Hofstra University

THANK YOU

© 2014 Alice H. Deakins & Julia H. Rhodes

Practicing the Intermediate Sentence

Differences between Parents’ and Children’s EducationNini Myint

In order to live in this modern world education is one of the most important things for us there are many kinds of education and many ways of teaching every generation might have different educational systems but they all have the same purpose moreover there was a time that education was not necessary but as time goes by things have changed in Burma there were many kinds of changes and differences

During my father’s generation the education system was very different from my generation back in those days most schools were provided by the British in those days people had a better education than nowadays because teachers had different ways of teaching most of the students were taught by British native teachers therefore they spoke better English and had high standards in English also they began learning English in primary school furthermore all of the subjects were taught in English the schools’ rules were strictly followed and they had punishments for every little thing

Writing Samples – Raymond Carver

ErrandRaymond Carver

(from the New Yorker)

Chekhov. On the evening of March 22, 1897, he went to dinner in Moscow with his friend and confidant Alexei Suvorin. This Suvorin was a very rich newspaper and book publisher, a reactionary, a self-made man whose father was a private at the battle of Borodino. Like Chekhov, he was the grandson of a serf. They had that in common: each had peasant’s blood in his veins. Otherwise, politically and temperamentally, they were miles apart. Nevertheless, Suvorin was one of Chekhov’s few intimates, and Chekhov enjoyed his company.

Raymond Carver. 1988. Errand.In The Best American Short Stories 1988

Ed. By Shannon Ravenel. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company. P. 132


(SP)Errand

Raymond Carver(from the New Yorker)




Writing Samples – Raymond Carver(ASPA)

ErrandRaymond Carver

(from the New Yorker)





(ASPA F/T ASPA)Errand






(F/T A ^ S ^ PA ^)Errand






Editing for Grammar and Style Alice H. DeakinsJulia H. Rhodes

WPU Teaching CircleApril 22, 2014

Identifying the Intermediate SentenceHow to Use Time WellChung Ling Taen (adapted)

If people want to be successful, it is very important for them to know how to use time well.

The first way to use time well is not to delay doing something until some future time. Procrastination is a terrible habit. If you have a tendency toward procrastination, you are always doing yesterday’s job today, and tomorrow you are doing today’s unfinished work. As a result, you cannot catch up. For instance, I was supposed to finish two compositions for today, but I did only one. Today I must not only accomplish my today’s homework but also write one composition which should have been finished yesterday. However, I have only as much time as the day before. In a word, there is too much homework to be done today.


Editing for Grammar and Style Alice H. Deakins

&Julia H. Rhodes

The Advanced Sentence(…C/T A ^ S ^ PA^)

Music is a powerful force for healing, profoundly affecting both the human body and its psyche.

Hippocrates the “father of medicine”

took his mental patients to hear healing music in the Temple of Aesculapius

Music is a powerful force for healing

profoundly affecting both the human body and its psyche

C/T A ^ S ^ P A ^

Hippocrates, the “father of medicine,” took his mental patients to hear healing music in the Temple of Aesculapius.

The Bible tells the story of David the shepherd, who played his harp for Saul and made him well.

the Bible tells the story of David the shepherd

who played his harp for Saul and made him well

The Healing Power of MusicC/T A ^ S ^/A P A ^

6

it followed that when a body was in discord – the sounds of balanced, organized harmony – could help to bring it back to health

7

although modern Western medicine has largely diverged from this philosophy of health and harmony

new research in human responses to music and its medical uses

has brought recognition of its unique therapeutic properties

8

music is a powerful force for healing profoundly affecting both the human body and its psyche

9

the Hindus’ cosmic Om, the Pythagoreans’ “Music of the Spheres,” the ancient Egyptians’ “Word” of the Gods

all of these forms of universal vibratory energy

reveal the ancients’ belief in sound as an underlying principle of life

10today modern

physicistsin their search to discover the basis of matter

have come to the same conclusion as the early philosophers and mystics

: All matter is composed of energy in motion in other words, vibrations


C/T

A ^ S ^/A P A ^




The Hindus’ cosmic Om, the Pythagoreans’ “Music of the Spheres,” the ancient Egyptians’ “Word” of the Gods—all of these forms of universal vibratory energy reveal the ancients’ belief in sound as an underlying principle of life.


: all matter is composed of energy in motion

in other words, vibration

C/T A ^ S ^/A P A ^

today modern physicists

in their search to discover the basis of matter


Today modern physicists in their search to discover the basis of matter have come to the same conclusion as the early philosophers and mystics: all matter is composed of energy in motion, in other words vibrations.

The Healing Power of MusicC/T A ^ S ^/A P A ^

6

it followed that when a body was in discord – the sounds of balanced, organized harmony – could help to bring it back to health

7

although modern Western medicine has largely diverged from this philosophy of health and harmony

new research in human responses to music and its medical uses

has brought recognition of its unique therapeutic properties

8

music is a powerful force for healing profoundly affecting both the human body and its psyche

9




10today modern

physicistsin their search to discover the basis of matter


: All matter is composed of energy in motion in other words, vibrations

Rotten at the CoreC/T A ^ S ^/A P A ^

1 George A. Kelly’s Theory of Personality

has scrubbed me on a washboard and put me through the wringer

2 discovering what I actually am under the dirt and debris

has been bewildering and has left me wondering if I would be better off blissfully ignorant

3 I had thought “to know thyself” an admirable pursuit

especially since I believed truth was beauty

4 now I see I have been beautifully wrong about who I am and who everybody else is

5 when the colloquium introduced me to Theory of Personality

I was sure I would get along great

6 I have always loved dabbling in psychology

Rotten at the CoreC/T A ^ S ^/A P A ^

7 my friends and I would make Freudian jokes or play shrink games

using those little tests in women’s magazines designed to save on psychoanalysis costs

8 you could say I won those games

; my free associations

were always more bizarre than anyone else’s

9 I wasn’t even trying to be shocking or clever

10 that was just a bad habit