15 favorite humor bits

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#1 I never married because I have three

pets at home thatanswer the same

purpose as a husband. I have a dog that

growls every morning, a parrot that swears all

afternoon,and a cat that comes home late at night.

—Marie Coreiii

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#2 When you’re right, no one remembers.

When you’re wrong, no one forgets.

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#3 Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of

their clothes, and always add at least five years to

the age of their best friend.

Marcel Achard

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#4 Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

Never argue with a fool.

People might not know the difference.


#5 Wealthy man making his will: "To my cousin, Osgood,

I leave my stock portfolio and properties

on the Outer Cape... .To my faithful cook, Minnie,

I leave my Palm Beach estate. . . To my nephew, Brutus, who

always argued that health is more important

than wealth, I leave my sweat socks and jogging shoes."

—Art Swanson, Newspaper Enterprise Association

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#6 An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets,

the more interested he is in her.—Agatha Christie

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# 7 In his book How to Use Humor for Business Success, Malcolm Kushner reports that there are three ways to get things done:• do it yourself• ask someone else to do it• ask your kids NOT to do it



#8 A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says 'You've been brought here

for drinking.' The drunk says 'Okay, let's get started.'

Henny Youngman

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#9 When the fellow called a motel and asked how

much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended

on room size and number of people. "Do you take children?"

the man asked."No, sir," replied the clerk.

"Only cash and credit cards."

—Successful Meetings Magazine

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#10 Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson



#11 A woman testified to the transformation in her life that

had resulted through her experience in conversion.

She declared,"I'm so glad I got religion. I

have an uncle I used to hate somuch, I vowed I'd never

go to his funeral. But now, why, I'd be

happy to go to it any time.“ —Norton Mockridge



#12 When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep --

not screaming, like the passengers in his car.



# 13 Politics is not a bad

profession. If you succeed

there are many rewards;

if you disgrace yourself you can always

write a book. -- Ronald Reagan



#14 The woman cries before the wedding and the man after.Polish Proverb

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.Anonymous



#15 The only way to comprehend

what mathematicians

mean by Infinity is to contemplate

the extent of human stupidity.

Voltaire

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The End

May Laughter make your day and keep you healthy

in every way!

With Metta,Bro. Oh Teik Bin

Entertainment & Humor

15 favorite humor bits