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Supportive and Challenging Conversations with Staff
Margaret Alcorn November 2013
No-one comes to school hoping to do a bad job
Telling someone what they are doing wrong does not lead to improvement
Blame (however sweetly delivered) corrodes confidence
The best learning is collaborativeand
I am not always right
To state the bleeding obvious:
The first conversation to have is with yourself. What is the issue? Why is it bothering you? What gets you “hooked”? What are your assumptions? What emotions are attached to the situation? What is your purpose in having the conversation?
How will you start it? What will happen if you have this conversation?
What will happen if you don’t? What does a successful outcome look like? What
do you want to achieve?
Before you start:
Choose your time and place: stress free, uninterrupted and pleasant(Coffee and tea is good)
Collect your data/evidence
Plan your opening statement
Give advance notice of the meeting and the agenda for discussion
Preparation:
Select a real situation you face Find a partner Decide who will go first Let your partner know a small bit about the
situation and person Practice your opening Partner: provide feedback after the opening Switch roles
Practice
State what you want to discuss. “I want to talk to you about...”
Share a specific piece of evidence/data. “I saw…” Explain what is bothering you. “I am concerned about..” Describe the importance. “This matters because...”
Acknowledge your involvement. “I may have some responsibility for this. . .
At the meeting (1):
Ask for the other’s perspective. “Help me understand your point of view.”
Use a coaching approach. Be quiet and curious. “Tell me more about that.”
Ask for what you want next. Make an agreement. Say, “Thank You.”
Summarize what has been learned. Re-state the importance. State what you will
do. Offer help if appropriate. Arrange check back date/meeting.
At the meeting (2):Listen, be flexible if you can, be clear what change you want to see
Reflect on the outcomes. Did you achieve clarity, consensus?
Send note of meeting, agreed outcomes and date for follow-up
Make early contact. “How are you feeling about our discussion?”
After the meeting
We all see the world differently; all perceptions are valid This is about owning and stating your point of view, AND being open and willing to hear and accept another
point of view Start your sentences with “I”; Sentences that
start with “you” sound accusatory and blaming and may result in defensiveness
Keep in mind:
You are the head teacher
In small groups of 3 or 4, discuss – what will you do?
Read Julie’s story
The first conversation to have is with yourself. What is the issue? Why is it bothering you? What gets you “hooked”? What are your assumptions? What emotions are attached to the situation? What is your purpose in having the conversation?
How will you start it? What will happen if you have this conversation?
What will happen if you don’t? What does a successful outcome look like? What
do you want to achieve?
Before you start:
Preaching/Moralising You ought to …. Advising/Giving
solutions Why don’t you? …. Evaluating/Blaming You shouldn’t …. Interpreting Diagnosing You need to …. Warning/Threatening You’d better ….
and of course Ordering/Directing You should ….
Not recommended
Crucial Conversations (Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler)
Difficult Conversations (Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, and Roger Fisher)
Fierce Conversations (Susan Scott) Fierce Leadership (Susan Scott)
Readings + References
