Verbal De-escalationVerbal De-escalation

Choose Your Dance Partners WiselyChoose Your Dance Partners Wisely

Johns & PatrickJohns & Patrick

Presentation ExpectationsPresentation Expectations

Honor each other’s time

Actively listen:turn off laptops, iPods, cell phones; avoid side conversations; put aside work

Interact professionally:avoid sarcasm, eye-rolling, blaming students and families for systemic failures

Honor each otherHonor each other’’s times time

Actively listen:Actively listen:turn off laptops, turn off laptops, iPodsiPods, , cell phones; avoid side cell phones; avoid side conversations; put aside workconversations; put aside work

Interact professionally:Interact professionally:avoid sarcasm, eyeavoid sarcasm, eye--rolling, rolling, blaming students and families blaming students and families for systemic failuresfor systemic failures

Communication TruthsCommunication Truths

ΠMost communication success is determined by the delivery style.

ΠPeople often interpret what is said wrong.

ΠPeople generally prefer to speak/be heard rather than listen/hear.

ΠPeople seldom say exactly what they mean.

ŒŒ Most communication success Most communication success is determined by the delivery is determined by the delivery style.style.

ŒŒ People often interpret what People often interpret what is said wrong.is said wrong.

ŒŒ People generally prefer to People generally prefer to speak/be heard rather than speak/be heard rather than listen/hear.listen/hear.

ŒŒ People seldom say exactly People seldom say exactly what they mean.what they mean.

The Invitation to DanceThe Invitation to Dance

It takes two to tango:ΠJust because someone asks

you to dance, does not mean you have to accept.

ΠEvaluate the situation and stay objective.

It takes two to tango:ΠJust because someone asks

you to dance, does not mean you have to accept.

ΠEvaluate the situation and stay objective.

ToneToneŒ It’s HOW you say WHAT you say.

ΠMost of what people hear is based on the delivery.

ΠWhen the words and the tone are in conflict, people believe the TONE.

ΠIt is difficult (nearly impossible) for people to hear their own tone.

ŒŒ ItIt’’s HOW you say WHAT you say.s HOW you say WHAT you say.

ŒŒ Most of what people hear Most of what people hear is based on the delivery.is based on the delivery.

ŒŒ When the words and the When the words and the tone are in conflict, people tone are in conflict, people believe the TONE.believe the TONE.

ŒŒ It is difficult (nearly impossible) It is difficult (nearly impossible) for people to hear their for people to hear their own tone.own tone.

I didn’t tell them you would dance.

I didn’t tell them you would dance.

VolumeVolume

Use appropriate volume

Use appropriate volume

Rate & RhythmRate &

Rhythm

Use appropriate rate & rhythm

Use appropriate Use appropriate rate & rhythmrate & rhythm

Body LanguageBody Language

Œ Facial Expressions –Smiling, frowning, scowling…

Œ Gestures –Hands up in the air, pointing...

Œ Motion –Moving fast / slow, tiptoeing…

Œ Posture –Hovering over, slouching…

ŒŒ Facial Expressions Facial Expressions ––Smiling, frowning, scowlingSmiling, frowning, scowling……

ŒŒ GesturesGestures ––Hands up in the air, pointing...Hands up in the air, pointing...

ŒŒ Motion Motion ––Moving fast / slow, tiptoeingMoving fast / slow, tiptoeing……

ŒŒ Posture Posture ––Hovering over, slouchingHovering over, slouching……

Respect Peoples’ SpaceRespect Peoples’ Space

Œ Evaluate other’s comfort zone.

ΠPersonal space varies from person

to person.

ŒŒ Evaluate otherEvaluate other’’s s comfort zone.comfort zone.

ŒŒ Personal space Personal space varies from person varies from person

to person.to person.

How big is your comfort zone?How big is your comfort zone?

Everyone Except MeEveryone Except Me

“Unfortunately, the people who REALLY need

to work on their lousy tone, volume, cadence,

body language, andpersonal space are not

even here today!!”

““Unfortunately, the Unfortunately, the people who people who REALLYREALLY need need

to work on their lousy to work on their lousy tone, volume, cadence, tone, volume, cadence,

body language,body language, andandpersonal spacepersonal space are not are not

even here today!!even here today!!””

Kids Bring BaggageKids Bring Baggage

EnvironmentalPhysiologicalPsychological

EnvironmentalEnvironmentalPhysiologicalPhysiologicalPsychologicalPsychological

The internal or external causes for behavior over which staff have little or no control:

The internal or external causes The internal or external causes for behavior over which staff for behavior over which staff have little or no control:have little or no control:

Non-violent Crisis Intervention: Crisis Prevention Institute (CPI)Non-violent Crisis Intervention: Crisis Prevention Institute (CPI)

Verbal Escalation ProcessHANDS OFF!!!

Verbal Escalation ProcessHANDS OFF!!!

TAKE IT SERIOUSLYTAKE IT SERIOUSLYINTIMIDATIONINTIMIDATIONREMOVE AUDIENCEREMOVE AUDIENCERELEASE / VENTINGRELEASE / VENTING

SET LIMITSSET LIMITS(clear, simple, reasonable (clear, simple, reasonable and enforceable in calm tone)and enforceable in calm tone)

DEFENSIVE:DEFENSIVE: Refusal and/or Refusal and/or NonNon--compliancecompliance

EVALUATE & RESPOND:EVALUATE & RESPOND:xx Provide informationProvide informationxx Ignore and/or redirectIgnore and/or redirect

DEFENSIVE:DEFENSIVE: QuestioningQuestioningxx Information seekingInformation seekingxx ChallengingChallenging

SUPPORTIVESUPPORTIVEANXIETYANXIETYStaff ResponseStaff ResponseStudent BehaviorStudent Behavior

Non-violent Crisis Intervention: Crisis Prevention Institute (CPI)Non-violent Crisis Intervention: Crisis Prevention Institute (CPI)

ΠClear

ΠSimple

ΠReasonable & Enforceable

ŒŒ ClearClear

ŒŒ SimpleSimple

ŒŒ Reasonable & Reasonable & EnforceableEnforceable

Setting Limits:Setting Limits:

Offer choices and state consequences

Watch your tone – avoid punitive, judgmental, or challenging statements

Offer choices and state consequences

Watch your tone – avoid punitive, judgmental, or challenging statements

ΠMay occur after any stage: anxiety, defensive, venting, or intimidation.

ΠWait until everyone is calm.

Œ Talk openly and honestly about “what happened.”

Œ Let them know you didn’t take their behavior personally.

ŒŒ May occur after any stage: May occur after any stage: anxiety, defensive, venting, or intimidation.anxiety, defensive, venting, or intimidation.

ŒŒ Wait until everyone is calm.Wait until everyone is calm.

ŒŒ Talk openly and honestly Talk openly and honestly about about ““what happened.what happened.””

ŒŒ Let them know you didnLet them know you didn’’t t take their behavior personally.take their behavior personally.

Re-establishing the Relationship

Re-establishing the Relationship

BE PROACTIVE!Physically Acting Out Students

BE PROACTIVE!Physically Acting Out Students

ŒReview the school plan.

ŒCreate a class emergency plan.

ŒGet CPI Trained Contact Information: Tracy Seney, Special Education 880-6830.

ŒŒ Review the school plan. Review the school plan.

ŒŒ Create a class emergency Create a class emergency plan.plan.

ŒŒ Get CPI Trained Get CPI Trained Contact Information: Contact Information: Tracy Seney, Special Education Tracy Seney, Special Education 880880--6830.6830.

Kids in Chaos, Ray CulbersonKids in Chaos, Ray Culberson

ΠNever take anything a student says personally.

Œ Don’t hold grudges.

ΠDo not make personal jokes with students if you cannot take personal jokes about you.

ΠDevelop effective student-adult relationships.

ΠNever take anything a student says personally.

Œ Don’t hold grudges.

ΠDo not make personal jokes with students if you cannot take personal jokes about you.

ΠDevelop effective student-adult relationships.

Keep Your: Head, Sanity, JobKeep Your: Head, Sanity, Job

Kids in Chaos, Ray CulbersonKids in Chaos, Ray Culberson

Keep Your: Head, Sanity, JobKeep Your: Head, Sanity, Job

Œ Always acknowledge students – say “hello,” nod, greet at the door, etc.

ΠFind ways to show appropriate affection and concern.

ΠRead the emotional signs and body language.

ΠRespect their feelings even when you may not agree.

Œ Always acknowledge students – say “hello,” nod, greet at the door, etc.

ΠFind ways to show appropriate affection and concern.

ΠRead the emotional signs and body language.

ΠRespect their feelings even when you may not agree.

Kids in Chaos, Ray CulbersonKids in Chaos, Ray Culberson

ΠUse redirection techniques.

ΠDo not confuse your logical reasoning with chaos thinking Рchaos thinking is illogical.

Œ Forget about “winning.”

ΠUse your ultimate authority only when there are no other options.

ΠUse redirection techniques.

ΠDo not confuse your logical reasoning with chaos thinking Рchaos thinking is illogical.

Œ Forget about “winning.”

ΠUse your ultimate authority only when there are no other options.

Keep Your: Head, Sanity, JobKeep Your: Head, Sanity, Job

Staff can not control the emotions and actions of their students;

they must, however, control their own emotions and actions.

Staff can not control the emotions Staff can not control the emotions and actions of their students; and actions of their students;

they must, however, control their they must, however, control their own emotions and actions.own emotions and actions.

Don’t Take it Personally! Don’t Take it Personally!

I want my money back!!

NEXT!NEXT!

Somebody Somebody give this give this guy some guy some lessons.lessons.

Get this

clown outtahere!

Stay ObjectiveStay Objective

Sometimes the only thing we can control is our own response.

Sometimes the only thing we can control Sometimes the only thing we can control is our own response.is our own response.

BE PART OF THE SOLUTION … NOT PART OF THE PROBLEM.BE PART OF THE SOLUTION BE PART OF THE SOLUTION …… NOT PART OF THE PROBLEM.NOT PART OF THE PROBLEM.

Take Care of Yourself…Take Care of Yourself…

ΠWhat do you intentionally do to relieve stress?

ŒŒ What do you What do you intentionally intentionally do to relieve stress?do to relieve stress?

ΠHow is that working for you?

ŒŒ How is that working How is that working for you?for you?

Come, On…Let’s Dance!Come, On…Let’s Dance!

Jackie PatrickJackie Patrick Suzy JohnsSuzy Johns

ReferencesReferences

ΠVerbal Judo Institute:www.verbaljudo.org

ŒNon-violent Crisis Intervention:www.crisisprevention.com

ŒKids in Chaos

ŒŒ Verbal Judo Institute:Verbal Judo Institute:www.verbaljudo.orgwww.verbaljudo.org

ŒŒ NonNon--violent Crisis Intervention:violent Crisis Intervention:www.crisisprevention.comwww.crisisprevention.com

ŒŒ Kids in ChaosKids in Chaos