Death was no longer a familiar element of peoples lives
Death bed scenes now dominated by efforts to delay death
The customary role of family and friends as witnesses to a loved ones dying was de-emphasized and virtually lost.
Mourning customs were abbreviated as funeral services became shorter and more private.
The move of communities to cities.
Modernism and science
Grief is not a sickness to be treated and cured.
It is a normal, natural human experience. The
feelings that go with this experience and the
need to express them without guilt and fear are normal.
Grief itself rarely destroys people.
However, the way in which those who grieve are treated by others can destroy.
Merren Parker: A time to grieve (1981)
We need to remember that whether we
like it or not, we will never be our old self
again following a major loss. Although we
can rebuild an identity appropriate to our
R. Neimeyer. Lessons of Loss, 1998
Each grieving person has their own timetable
One must be allowed to do it in their own way this will be determined by their own individual personality, character and social situation.
Each person is unique
Each situation is unique
The relationship between the bereaved and the deceased is unique
Death is a family affair
Life cycle stages and family roles
Bereavement is not a simple reaction to a
single event it is an:
And event with a history and a future
A self in relationship
A way of life
Grief is forever
Finding a place for the past in the present
and in the future
An event that disrupts
Not only sadness and grief but change
A role shift
Change takes place over time
P. Silverman PhD
What would you like for breakfast, Jack? I asked my son-in-law on Sunday , the day after the funeral.
A fried egg he replied.
Such a simple thing. Yet, Id never fried an egg.
Oh, we often had them on weekends; but my husband was the breakfast cook, while I dashed up and down the steps putting clothes in the washer, running the vacuum, and all the other tasks awaiting a working wife.
I stood there, the frying pan in one hand, the egg in the other.
How many times in the future would I find myself standing the same way? How many things had I never done? How many things had I taken for granted?
Maxine Dowd Jensen
The Warming of Winter
Remaining engaged considered a
symptom of pathological behaviour
Buzz words most often used were:
Get back to normal
Put the past behind
past is always prologue
The changing nature of relationships
A web of relationships from the past, present and future
When I was thirteen months old, my mother killed herself. So I eventually learned, as I learned her maiden name, Georgia Saphronia Collier, and where she was born, Sulphur Springs, Arkansas, and how old she was when she ended her life, twenty-nine.
(And good lord, writing these words now, all these years afterward, for the first time in memory my eyes have filled with tears of mourning for her. What impenetrable vessel preserved them?)
I didnt know my mother, except as infants know. At the beginning of my life the world acquired a hole. That's what I knew, that there was a hole in the world. For me there still is. Its a singularity. In and out of a hole like that, anything goes.
We cannot feel saddened over the loss of those we love without first remembering the joy of loving them.
The real sadness would have been never having had them in our lives at all.
Remembering is a journey the heart takes back into a time that was, and our thoughts are the only tickets needed to ride.