HAPPY BABY & METeaching sleep without the tears

7 COMMON MISTAKES parents make when trying to teach their little ones how

to sleep

Mistake 1 Buying lots of products online in the hopes of solving

the sleep issue

Recently I met a mum who, in her desperate attempt, had bought every imaginable sleep-related product in the hopes it would help get her baby sleeping better; apart from wasting a lot of money, this only ended up confusing her little one more.

In the midst of a tiring moment, it is understandable and easy to make the mistake of buying lots of various products to try and help a little one to sleep better but, because the underlying problem is still not being solved, lots of money can be wasted. Without taking a look at the real issue, the problem cannot be solved.

Mistake 2Buying lots of books or Googling

information in the hopes of solving the sleep issue alone

Buying lots of books or Googling information in the hopes of solving the sleep issue alone

Often, I meet parents who have been scouring the internet at 2am after another waking, determined to find out how to get their little one sleeping better. They buy every book on the subject and Google hopefully, only to become more confused.

This often doesn't work because every book is different and every piece of information is different and contradictory, leaving parents ove r w h e l m e d a n d co n f u s e d. Without the proper advice and proper suppor t to back you, changing a sleeping habit can be difficult

Mistake 3

There are underlying medical issues which have not yet been

treated or are being misdiagnosed

Often I meet babies, like Benjamin, who are suffering with allergies. Many times when I meet a baby with a l l e r g i e s , h e / s h e h a s n ' t b e e n diagnosed yet and the allergies are being misdiagnosed as eczema. Once we got Benjamin diagnosed as having allergies and he was put on the correct milk and diet to suit him, we could then work on his sleep problem.

Understandably, it is very difficult to help a baby learn how to sleep well if the baby is suffering from a medical issue and is uncomfortable, such as eczema, tummy problems, allergies or reflux, to name a few. These issues have to be treated first and foremost before a child is able to sleep well.

Mistake 4Thinking the sleep issue will

resolve itself

A few years ago I twisted my ankle, or at least I thought I did. I waited and let the days pass in the hopes it would getter better alone, only to find out days later that I had actually broken a bone in my foot.

Most of the time, sleep problems are learned and have become habitual, and without getting to the root of the problem, the issue is very unlikely to be resolved on its own.

Mistake 5

Changing from one sleep solution to the next without following

through

Katie had bought every sleep book under the sun and started with each of them determinedly, but would give up after the first few nights not knowing if what she was doing was indeed correct, having no idea what to expect, and wondering if the next book would offer the solution. Not only was her baby, Maddie, confused but began to grow resentful of sleep times.

Habits form when we do them over and over again, and teaching a little one how to sleep is no different. Babies have to practice the skill of falling asleep independently over and over again until the 'new' skil l becomes natural. Babies thrive on consistency and love knowing what comes next.

Mistake 6 Going down the 'Cry It Out' route

A while back I met a mum and, in her absolutely sleep deprived state, with nowhere else to turn and no-one to turn to, she let her 6 month old baby boy, Sam, 'cry it out'. She then learned about Happy Baby And Me and booked me for a consultation. Sam was still waking all through the night and was so petrified of going into his cot that he would panic each time his mum even took him near his room for both nap times and bedtime.

With a lot of trust-building and small steps, we were able to get Sam feeling happy and confident about going down into his cot and eventually taking good naps and sleeping through the night but a lot of work had to go back into rebuilding the trust between mum and baby and also helping baby get over his anxiety for his cot.

Leaving a baby to 'cry it out' is not only unfair and stressful for the baby, but for the whole family. Research shows that when a baby is left to cry it out, they experience the same level of anxiety as an adult does going through a heart attack.

Leaving a child to cry it out undermines trust and a baby's self-regulations is hampered as well as disordered stress reactivity becoming an established pattern for life as well as neural pathways being damaged. Leaving a child to cry it out should never be a solution.

“With neuroscience, we can confirm what our ancestors took for granted---that letting babies get distressed is a practice that can damage children and their relational capacities in many ways for the long term. We know now that leaving babies to cry is a good way to make a less intelligent, less healthy but more anxious, uncooperative and alienated persons who can pass the same or worse traits on to the next generation” Darcia Narvaez Ph.D. on Dec 11, 2011

Mistake 7Responding too soon to baby's every murmur during

nap and night times

A friend of mine had a little girl, Chloe, and often when I visited, she would jump up the second she heard her baby make the slightest grizzle during sleep times, ready to pounce up and go and get her. This is so understandable and so natural. I explained to her that she was still sleeping and just passing through her sleep cycles. Her little one is bigger now and the most wonderful little sleeper, able to pass through sleep cycles and connect them alone. My friend now knows which noises to respond to and which noises are just natural sleepy noises. She is a lot less stressed for it and means she can read Chloe very well.

Often I find many parents rush in to their little ones as soon as they hear their baby make a sound. Babies have many ways of signaling what they need and it's so important for a parent to know their baby's language, their baby's noises, and to be able to discriminate between all their baby's sounds and cries; ranging from an anxious/upset cry to a hungry cry to grizzling and passing between sleep cycles sounds.

By going in too soon, a parent may be disrupting their baby's sleep as well as teaching their little one that the second they open their eyes, mummy or daddy should be there. This results in a baby waking up and crying the moment he wakes alone, creating a dependency on the parents to be there each time he rouses through nap times and night times to help get him back to sleep.

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HAPPY BABY & METeaching sleep without the tears