Jennifer Vaida, MPHPrevent Child Abuse Tennessee

4721 Trousdale Dr., Suite 121Nashville, TN 37220

www.pcat.org

ME WHEN VIOLENCE WAS HAPPENING

ME WHEN THE VIOLENCE HAD STOPPED

Hard to tell what is wrong lack of clear

physical signs

often have emotional and psychological wounds

Signs of exposure are as varied as personalities

Different reactions at

The Threat OR Use of Violence or

Intimidation by an Intimate Partner in

Order to Gain and Maintain Power and

Control Over Another Person

CHARACTERISTICS EXAMPLES

Escalation

Type of Perpetrator

Perpetrator’s Relation to Child

Victim’s Role in the Assault

Resolution

Extent to which violent episodes escalate

Family only; anti-social; mental health concerns/borderline personality

Biological father; stepfather; live-in boyfriend; transient boyfriend; or mother

Whether victim is passive or attempts to defend herself

Academic difficulties

Overly aggressive behavior

Isolated from counseling

Isolated from other children

Limited interaction outside of family

Move frequently

Nightmares/bedwetting/flashbacks

Often believe violence is OK

Boys are more likely to batter

High risk of alcohol/drug abuse

High risk of juvenile delinquency

High risk of running away

Conflict between love/hate

Fear

Anger

Pressuring mom to return to abuser

Resisting authority

Insecurity

Sadness, depression, suicidality, guilt

Fletcher in his bedroom listening to his parents argue

Kate’s picture of her mother’s attack at the fence

Women who report physical violence during pregnancy evidence higher than expected rates of adverse outcomes for the fetus such as: Intrauterine growth restriction (birth weight at

the 10th percentile or less)

Low birth-weight

Pre-term birth

Neo-natal or peri-natal death

Homicide is the leading cause of death among pregnant women in some US jurisdictions, and most of these deaths occur at the hands of intimate partners.

Babies can’t understand what is happening between adults, but they hear noise and feel the tension.

Key Aspects of Development in

Infants and Toddlers

Potential Impact of Domestic

Violence

Take information from the world

around them through the five senses

Loud noises, vivid visual images

associated with violence can be

distressing

Form secure attachments Parents may not consistently respond

to infant’s needs, negatively

affecting the parent-child bond

Become more active explorers of

their world through play

Fear and instability may inhibit

exploration and play; imitation in

play may be related to the aggression

they saw or heard

Learn about social interaction and

relationships from what they hear

and observe in family

Learn about aggression in observed

interactions

Loud noises, such as banging and yelling

Sudden and unpredictable eruption of loud noise

A distract, tense, unhappy, socially isolated mother

Angry, inconsistent father or father figure

Chance of being injured physically by accident or physical maltreatment

When yelling and tension become normal, even babies learn to adapt:

They stay in a heightened sense of arousal

They numb and turn inward

Neither is a healthy response, but it is how they adapt

Babies and toddlers can’t protect themselves or leave a stressful situation and depend entirely on adults to keep them out of harm’s way.

Javier’s drawing of frequent visits by the police

For this age group, what they experience is more real than anything you tell them

Key Aspects of DevelopmentIn Pre-Schoolers

Potential Impact of DomesticViolence

Learn how to express angry feelings and other emotions in appropriate ways

Learn unhealthy ways to express anger and aggression

Experiences and observations most salient in forming meaning in their world

Confused by conflicting messages (what I see vs. what I am told)

Outcome is more salient than process

May be distressed by perceived unfairness, father’s arrest, or trip to shelter

Think in egocentric ways May attribute violence to something they did

Form ideas of gender and roles based on social messages

Learn gender roles associated with violence and victimization

Increased physical independence Instability may inhibit independence

Seeing Mommy upset, crying, and maybe bleeding or with a bruise

Seeing (and hearing) Daddy angry and yelling

Sounds and sights of police or EMT when they secure the scene and answer a call to the home

Chaotic change and unpredictability

Fear they might be injured

Disruption of their routine if they leave a familiar home to go to a shelter

Worry about being hurt and have nightmares about being hurt

Believe they caused the “fight” by something they did

Hope that a TV character or super hero will come and save them

Try to stop the fight by, for example, yelling

“Tune out” the noise by focusing on something else like TV or toys

Be distressed when Mom is upset, but better when she is okay again

Be confused if Dad is gone and worry that Mom might leave too.

Often feel guilty and think if they had done something differently, the violence would have lessened

They feel bad not being able to protect

Impact can be increased by:

Direct involvement in the violence

Exposure to violence for a long time

Child or family member has a mental illness or behavioral issues

Ongoing stress (starting a new school, family financial difficulties, not having many friends)

Tell them it is okay to feel the way they do

Will keep them from Thinking that the violence is normal Becoming confused and blaming

themselves Thinking it is NOT okay to ask about

violence or discuss Learning to deny their feelings or hold

inside Feeling they are crazy Feeling lonely and isolated from their

friends Forming unrealistic beliefs about the

Listen without judging

Respond calmly

Help them identify feelings

If you don’t know the answer to a tough question, say so

Write down specific worries and talk about each

Encourage children

Tell them what happened is not their fault

Help them find a safe place to go when overwhelmed

Make a plan for how to respond to triggers

Don’t make promises you can’t keep

Help them make a plan for what to do the next time violence happens

Pari’s drawing of fighting at her house

“Those perceptions, interactions, and behaviors that the youth define to deal with their exposure and understanding of family violence”

Key Aspects of Development Potential Impact

Increased sense of self and autonomyfrom family

Care taking roles or premature independence, increased parent child conflict, early home leaving, school drop out

Physical changes from puberty Use size to try and stop

Increased peer group influence Shame, secrecy, high-risk behavior

Self worth more strongly linked to physical attractiveness

Distorted view of self, may experience eating disorder

Dating raises issues of sexuality, intimacy and relationship skills

May avoid or seek intimacy, see child bearing as escape

Increased capacity for abstract reasoning and broader view

Less able to see shades of gray, attitudes and values of violence

Increased influence by media More influence by negative message

Pre-maturely adopt care-taking roles

Pre-mature independence/ emancipation from family

Intervening in physical fights

Cognitive distortions

All-or-nothing interpretations

Pro-violence attitudes

Interruption of normal transition to young adulthood

Peer relationship problems

Use of costly coping strategies such as substance abuse

Difficulty establishing healthy relationships

Gender-role stereotypes

Mental blocking or disconnecting emotionally

Making it better through fantasy

Physical Avoidance

Looking for Love and Acceptance in all the Wrong Places

Taking charge through caretaking

Reaching out for help

Crying out for help Re-directing

emotions into positive activities

Trying to predict, explain, prevent or control the behavior of an abuser

Violence solves problems

Intimidation gets results

The victim is at fault

Controlling and manipulating others = satisfaction

Harmful stereotypes

Love = abuse Domestic

violence is normal

When compared with boys who have not witnessed DV, boys who have are:

4 times more likely to abuse in a dating relationship

25 times more likely to commit rape as an adult

6 times more likely to commit suicide

1000 times more likely to commit violent acts against an adult partner or their own children as adults

Young criminal offenders are 4 times more likely to have come from abusive homes

Girls from abusive homes are 6.5 times more likely to be sexually assaulted, and are more likely to become pregnant as teens

33% of girls who witness domestic violence while growing up, will become victims of domestic violence themselves as adults

80% of runaways come from homes

Increased by: Intellectual and

interpersonal skills development

Positive attention Self-esteem and

self-sufficiency Attractive

personality/appearance

Individual talents Religious

affiliations Socio-economic

advantage Opportunities for

good schooling

Safety Planning Children should

NEVER intervene

Identify a safe, secure place to go

During, after the violence

Best way to get there

Teach child to call 911 and not hang up

Rehearse full name and address

Rehearse

Give children choices whenever possible

Help children learn not only what not to do, but what to do instead

Teach children to put feelings into words

Validate children’s feelings about their parents

Create opportunities for children to be successful (i.e. sports, music, art, academics, peer relationships)

Send the right

How the violence made Maddie feel

The ability to survive, and even thrive, in the face of adversity

Safety

A relationship with a caring adults who offers unconditional support the child as a person

Positive and high expectation of the child

Opportunities for meaningful participation in positive community activities

Although children can demonstrate enormous resilience, this resilience is not likely to be realized if our system of services remains as fragmented as it is today

THE PRECIPICE

Child healthandwell-being as itstands today.

Child healthandwell-being as it could be.

Acknowledgment and Awareness

Robust Prevention Efforts