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1 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
2 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Conflict
Ø Oxford Dictionary: ö A serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted
one.
Ø Merriam Webster: ö Fight, battle, war
ö Competitive or opposing action of incompatibles: antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons).
ö Mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands.
3 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Conflict
Ø William Wilmot and Joyce Hocker: ö An expressed struggle between at least two
interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals.
Ø Susan H. Shearouse ö Conflict is when what you want, need, or expect
interferes with what I want, need, or expect.
4 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Conflict
Ø Erik A. Fisher and Steven W. Sharp ö At the root of all conflict is a perceived inequity in power.
Ø Leigh L. Thompson ö Conflict is the perception of differences of interests among
people.
Ø Herb Bisno ö A process of social interaction involving a struggle over
claims to resources, power and status, beliefs, and other preferences and desires.
5 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Conflict
Ø Ho-Won Jeong ö A conflict situation is represented by perceived goal
incompatibilities and attempts to control each other’s choices, which generate adverse feelings and behaviour toward each other.
ö Conflict is manifested through adversarial social action, involving two or more actors with the expression of differences often accompanied by intense hostilities.
6 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Conflict Definitions – Main Points
Ø Serious Disagreement
Ø Opposing Action
Ø Expressed Struggle
Ø Interference
Ø Goal Incompatibilities
Ø Perceived Inequity
Ø Between Two or More Actors
7 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Conflict – The Definition
Ø A state of “Being Different” among two or more parties or beliefs, which has caused “Hardship” and “Unhappiness”.
Conflict is: A Discomforting Difference
8 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Primary Components
Negative Emotions Difference
Conflict is: A Discomforting Difference
9 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
The Interpretation of the Reality
Reality
Perceived Reality Past Experiences,
Future Hopes and Expectations
Senses
WorldView
Paradigm
Time Lag Paradigm Shift
10 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Senses
11 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Senses
12 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Experiences
Ø Learning Approaches ö Self Experience
ö Others’ Experiences
13 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Experiences
Quote “If you learn from defeat, you haven't really lost.” ― Zig Ziglar
14 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Being Different
Reality
Perceived Reality Past Experiences,
Future Hopes and Expectations
Senses
WorldView
Paradigm
Time Lag Paradigm Shift
15 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Conflict is Natural
Conflict is not an atrocious anomaly; on
the contrary, it is rather a very Natural
phenomenon in human societies
16 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Practice
Ø Try to find as many differences as you can, between you and one of your family members (spouse, brother, sister) or a close friend of yours.
Ø Repeat this until you have discovered any possible differences between “you” and all your family members and close friends.
Ø Now, try to identify any difference between any two of the people in your close circle of family and friends.
17 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Conflict = A One-Way Highway
Conflict Negative Emotions
SCARS Wounds
18 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Spiral Nature of Emotions
Emotion Decision
Consequences Action
19 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Spiral Nature of Emotions
Disunity Discord
Dispute Quarrel
Feud Confrontation
Clash Animosity
War Fight
20 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Practice
Ø From the previous practice, identify those differences which may cause any discomforting feeling in you or either parties.
Ø For those that bother you, why do you think they create discomforting feelings?
21 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
The Environment
22 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Myth #1
Conflict should not occur
in a friendly environment
23 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Myth #2
I need to be more
powerful to resolve my
conflicts
24 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
A Book to Consider
Ø Toffler, Alvin (1984): The Third Wave ö Settled Agricultural Society
ö Industrial Age Society
ö Information Age Society
25 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Sources of Power
Ø Muscles!
26 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Sources of Power
Ø Muscles!
Ø Mind
Ø Knowledge
Ø Perspicacity
27 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Myth #3
For a team to be effective,
they should all be good
friends
28 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Conflict Positive Organisations
29 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Myth #4
Anger is the main sign of
a conflict
30 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Wheel of Emotions
Plutchik, Robert. 2000. Emotions in the Practice of Psychotherapy: Clinical Implications of Affect Theories. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association
31 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Myth #5
To resolve a conflict,
every difference between
the parties should be
eliminated
32 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Conflict is a discomforting
difference; hence, for a difference
“not to cause” a conflict, it should
be a “not discomforting one”.
33 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Myth #6
If they argue too much,
they don't want to reach a
solution
34 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Myth #7
If the head of a team has
the true control, there
must be no conflict
35 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Suppression will drive
disagreements
underground and un-
manageable
36 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
“Freedom” is a
strategic opportunity to
Observe and Manage
people
37 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Sources of Conflict
Perception of Reality
Reality
Communication Problems
Structural Problems
38 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Sources of Conflict
Ø Communication Problems ö Miscommunication (Noise)
39 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Concept Encode Channel Decode Decoded Concept
Communication Process
40 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Concept Encode Channel Decode Decoded Concept
Communication Process – Sample Reporting
Intended Information
Creating the Message
Delivering the Message (Send, Transit,
Receive)
Reading the Message
Perceived Information
Language / Mind-set (1)
Language / Mind-set (2)
41 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
IntendedInformation
Creating the Message
Delivering the Message(Send, Transit,
Receive)
Reading the Message
PerceivedInformation
Language / Mind-set (1)
Language / Mind-set (2)
Noise in Communication
v Encoding – putting the concept into a message
v Medium of Transmission – letter, voice, image, gesture
v Creating the Message – handwriting, gesture of a hand,
a wink of an eye
v Transmission Channel – post, cable
v Receiving – telephone, eye, ear, TV
v Decoding the Message
42 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Intra-Organisational Information Flow
43 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Intra-Organisational Information Flow
44 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Formal Communications
Intra-Organisational Information Flow
45 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Formal Communications Political Parties
Intra-Organisational Information Flow
46 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Social Groups
Intra-Organisational Information Flow
47 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Influences and Leaks
Intra-Organisational Information Flow
48 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Conflict in an Information System
49 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Conflict in an Information System
50 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Sources of Conflict
Ø Communication Problems ö Miscommunication (Noise)
Ø Semantics, Words with Different Meanings
Ø Cultural Difference
51 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Semantics Ø Bathroom (UK / US)
Ø "It went down a bomb" (UK: great success / US: total failure)
Ø First Floor (UK / US: ground floor)
Ø I will be there momentarily (UK: for a moment / US: in a moment)
Ø Tube (UK: Metro / US: Television)
Ø Gift (En: Present / German: Poison)
Ø Pavement (UK: Sidewalk / US: Road)
Ø Table the Issue (UK / US)
52 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Sources of Conflict
Ø Communication Problems ö Miscommunication (Noise)
Ø Semantics, Words with Different Meanings
Ø Cultural Difference
Ø Listening ö Listening vs. Hearing
53 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Effective Listening
Ø Listening is a deliberate act of hearing and comprehension
Ø Listening requires understanding what you are hearing.
Ø Effective Listening requires conscious efforts to fully understand what is being said.
54 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Practice
Ø How could you be sure that you are hearing what is intended to be said in the first place?
Intended Information
Creating the Message
Delivering the Message (Send, Transit,
Receive)
Reading the Message
Perceived Information
Language / Mind-set (1)
Language / Mind-set (2)
55 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Effective Observing
Ø Seeing is a deliberate act of looking and comprehension.
Ø Observation is actually a Discovery process
Ø Observation is a deliberate and careful combination of Monitoring, Watching, Discovering, Discerning, and Comprehending
56 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Effective Observing
Ø Observing requires understanding what you are seeing.
Ø Effective Observing requires conscious efforts to fully understand what is being shown.
57 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Listening and
Observing are the
most genuine forms of
paying respect to your
fellow partner in a
conversation
58 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Sources of Conflict
Ø Structural Problems ö Overlap
ö Distribution of power
ö Limited resources
ö Goals incompatibility
ö Uncertainty
59 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Flexibility
Ø Flexibility is not the same as uncertainty.
Ø Flexibility requires clearly defined Inputs and precisely detailed Outputs
60 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Sources of Conflict
Ø Personal Differences ö Values and Beliefs
ö Character
ö Prejudice - Judgment
61 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Roots of Conflict
Ø The Reality – to be or not to be?
Ø The Goal – shall or shall not?
Ø The Way – which is the best? ö Vision, Hopes, Expectations
ö Value System
62 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
A Look Back
Ø Survival Instinct
Ø Reasoning ö transforming physical combats to verbal ones, hence
reducing the costs and fatal risks!
Ø Solon (638 BC – 558 BC): Athenian Democracy
Ø Adversary System
Ø The Concept of “Winning and Losing”
Ø The Art of Reasoning
63 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Reasoning
Ø Reasoning is generally seen as a means to improve knowledge and make better decisions. However, much evidence shows that reasoning often leads to epistemic distortions and poor decisions”
Ø “the function of reasoning is argumentative. It is to devise and evaluate arguments intended to persuade.”
Mercier, Hugo, and Dan Sperber. 2011. “Why do humans reason? Arguments for an argumentative theory.” Behavioural and Brain Sciences 34 (2): 57-74
64 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
65 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Even if there is an agreement between
parties, the conflict has not been
“resolved” yet, unless you make
absolutely certain that “all” the parties
have come to exactly the same “belief”
66 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
People Behaviour
Ø Assertiveness ö The extent to which a person tries to achieve his/her
own goals
Ø Cooperativeness ö The extent to which a person tries for the
achievement of other people’s goals
67 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Conflict-Handling Behaviours
Cooperative Uncooperative
Unassertive
Assertive
By Kenneth W. Thomas Ralph H. Kilmann
Accommodating Avoiding
Competing Collaborating
Compromising
68 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Competing
Ø Competing is an assertive-uncooperative style.
Ø A competing individual needs to reach his or her goals even in the expense of the other party.
Ø This style is based on power, so we use whatever gives us the upper hand.
69 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Competing is about insisting on
your position and not backing up.
70 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Practice
Ø Think and identify each situation in which you have competed.
Ø Where do you mostly compete? At home, or at work?
71 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Accommodating
Ø Accommodating is an unassertive-cooperative style.
Ø you do not value much your own needs and goals, rather this is other party’s goals that are highlighted and pursued.
Ø The root to this extreme behaviour can be traced back to either “love”, or “fear”.
72 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
“Greater love hath no man than this that a man
lay down his life for his friends.”
― King James Bible - John 15:13
73 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Avoiding
Ø Avoiding literally means “clearing out” (from Latin word “vacare” meaning “vacate”)
Ø This is an unassertive and uncooperative style.
Ø The individual, who is avoiding in face of a conflict, does not address his/her concerns nor those of the other person’s.
Ø it may also be used as a “Diplomatic Tactic or Manoeuvre”.
74 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Practice
Ø Write down any conflict situation, in home as well as in business that you have avoided.
75 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Collaborating
Ø Collaborating is absolute assertiveness and absolute cooperativeness.
Ø In this style, you will never back down from your interests; in the meanwhile, you always insist on the other party to gain everything they want.
Ø Collaborating requires both parties to work together and discuss the issues in depth.
Ø They “learn” from each other.
76 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
“I can accept anything, except what seems to be the
easiest for most people: the half-way, the almost,
the just-about, the in-between.”
― Ayn Rand (Alisa Zinov'yevna Rosenbaum)
77 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Compromising
Ø This is a midway between two extremes: mid-level assertive and mid-level cooperative.
Ø you will not be that assertive to neglect other's interests, and in the same time, you are not that cooperative that you ignore yours.
Ø The idea is to find a middle ground between two players that both parties can accept.
78 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
“A good compromise, a good piece of legislation, is like
a good sentence; or a good piece of music. Everybody
can recognize it. They say, 'Huh. It works. It makes
sense’.”
― Barack Obama - "The Candidate" in The New Yorker
(31 May 2004)
79 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Do's and Don'ts Conflict Style When to Use When not to Use
Avoiding
• The issue is trivial and unimportant
• Emotions are soaring high and there is a need to calm the situation
• Costs are more than benefits
• It is your responsibility to manage the conflict
• There is a need for a long term solution
• There is a need for commitment
Competing
• The time frame is narrow
• There is no good solution, each one has some negative points
• Others are not competent
• The issue has an extreme importance for you
• The issues are complex • There is a need to receive
more information and other's opinion
• Others are competent • There is a need for a long • term solution • There is a need for
commitment
80 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Do's and Don'ts (Cont’d) Conflict Style When to Use When not to Use
Accommodating
• The issue has little importance to you
• Your knowledge or skill regarding the issue is low
• You are planning for a give and take
• You have no power
• Your values are at stake
• You are absolutely sure that you are right
Compromising
• There is a power balance between two parties
• The goals are obviously incompatible and inconsistent and there is a need for a middle ground
• A quick solution is needed
• One party is more powerful than the other one
• The issue is complex • There is a need for a
long • term solution • Your values are at
stake
81 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Compromise = Conflict Management?
“Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbours to
compromise whenever you can. As a peacemaker, the
lawyer has superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.”
― Abraham Lincoln
82 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Compromise = Conflict Management?
“The ability to compromise is not a diplomatic politeness
toward a partner but rather taking into account and
respecting your partner's legitimate interests.”
― Vladimir Putin
83 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Compromise = Conflict Management?
“But just as they did in Philadelphia when they were
writing the constitution, sooner or later, you've got to
compromise. You've got to start making the compromises
that arrive at a consensus and move the country
forward.”
― Colin Powell
84 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Compromise = Conflict Management?
“That is why everyone in politics, and we do it, must
make sure that they do not depend on one single interest
group. A good compromise is one where everybody
makes a contribution.”
― Angela Merkel
85 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Seeking a Compromise in a Complex Conflict is like
wandering in a desert, running for mirages.
― Ali Soleymaniha, Embrace Happiness: The Art of Conflict
Management
Compromise
86 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Compromise
The “Middle Ground” is actually a “No Man's
Land”. It’s not mine; it’s not yours.
It is a Temporary Settlement
87 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Practice
Ø Write down any conflict situation in which you have Compromised, while you were not supposed to.
Ø What were the results?
88 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Practice
Ø Write down any conflict situation in which you have Competed, while you were not supposed to.
Ø What were the results?
89 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Do's and Don'ts (Cont’d) Conflict Style When to Use When not to Use
Collaborating
• The issues are complex
• There is a need to receive more information and other's opinion
• Others are competent • There is a need for a • long term solution • There is a need for
commitment
• The time frame is narrow
• The other party is not competent or not willing to collaborate
• Your values are at stake
90 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Know Yourself
Ø How do you feel when you are in a conflict situation?
91 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Know Yourself (Cont’d)
Ø Some emotional reactions in conflict situations: ö Anger
ö Frustration
ö Fear
ö Anxiety
Conflict Manager of the Month!
92 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Emotional Reactions
Ø What do your emotions tell you?
93 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Know Yourself (Cont’d)
Ø Two main reactions: ö Fight
ö Flight
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Emotional DON’Ts
Ø Do not engage in a power struggle.
Ø Do not diverge from the conflict.
Ø Do not let conflict manage you.
Ø Do not talk when you are emotional.
Ø Do not talk, before effective listening.
95 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
What is Your Conflict Management Style?
Minimum Importance
Goals
3 - Teddy Bear 5 - Owl
1 - Turtle 2 - Shark
4 - Fox
Rel
atio
n - F
rien
dshi
p Maximum Importance
Maximum Importance
96 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Sources for Avaricious Mind! Ø Soleymaniha, Ali. 2014. Embrace Happiness – The Art of Conflict Management. iUniverse LLC
Ø Dues, Michael. 2010. The Art of Conflict Management - Achieving Solutions for Life, Work, and Beyond. Chantilly, VA: Teaching Co.
Ø Cummings, Stephen. 2002. ReCreating Strategy. 1. SAGE Publications Ltd.
Ø Bisno, Herb. 1988. Managing Conflict. Newbury Park, CA: Sage Publications Inc.
Ø Deutsch, Morton. 1983. “Conflict Resolution: Theory and Practice.” Political Psychology 4 (3): 431–453.
Ø Fisher, Erik A, and Steven W Sharp. 2004. The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict: Understanding Emotions and Power Struggles. Praeger Publishers.
Ø Jeong, Ho-Won. 2010. Conflict Management and Resolution. Abingdon, Oxon: Routledge.
Ø Kilmann, Ralph H, and Kenneth W Thomas. Interpersonal Conflict-Handling Behavior as Reflections of Jungian Personality Dimensions. http://www.kilmanndiagnostics.com/interpersonal-conflict-handling-behavior-reflections-jungian-personality-dimensions.
Ø Lewin, Kurt. 1947. “Frontiers in Group Dynamics: Concept, Method and Reality in Social Science; Social Equilibria and Social Change.” Human Relations (Sage Publications Inc.) 1 (1): 30-40. doi:10.1177/001872674700100103.
Ø Mintzberg, Henry, and Alexandra McHugh. 1985. “Strategy Formation in an Adhocracy.” Administrative Science Quarterly 30 (2): 160-197. doi:10.2307/2393104.
Ø Shearouse, Susan H. 2011. Conflict 101: A Manager’s Guide to Resolving Problems So Everyone Can Get Back to Work. American Management Association (AMACOM)
97 Copyright © Ali Soleymaniha www.QuinTechSys.com
Sources for Avaricious Mind! Ø International Encyclopedia of Social & Behavioral Sciences, 2001
ö By N. J. Smelser and P. B. Baltes
Ø Brain and Behaviour: Critical Concepts: Critical Concepts in Psychology (Critical Concepts), 2000 ö By: Jules Davidoff
Ø Conflict Resolution (SAGE Library of International Relations), 2006 ö By: Daniel Druckman and Paul F. Diehl
Ø Managing and Coping with Anger, 1998 ö By: Leonard Ingram
Ø Beyond Neutrality : Confronting the Crisis in Conflict Resolution, 2004 ö BY: Bernard Mayer
Ø Solving Tough Problems: An Open Way of Talking, Listening, and Creating New Realities, 2004 ö BY: Adam Kahane
Ø The Complete Guide to Conflict Resolution in the Workplace, 2002 ö BY: Marick F. Masters, Robert R. Albright
Ø The Dynamics of Conflict Resolution: A Practitioner's Guide, 2000 ö by Bernard Mayer
Ø Conflict: From Theory to Action (2nd Edition), 1999 ö by Roxane S. Lulofs, Roxane Lulofs