2014 DAVIS COUNTY 2014 DAVIS COUNTY LEADERSHIP CONFERENCELEADERSHIP CONFERENCE

LEADER – KNOW THYSELFLEADER – KNOW THYSELFFundamentals of Emotional Intelligence Skills in Conflict Fundamentals of Emotional Intelligence Skills in Conflict

ResolutionResolution

JULY 18, 2014JULY 18, 2014

Chris Wilson, PhD CandidateConflict Analysis and ResolutionNova Southeastern University

AGENDAAGENDA

• PresentationPresentation

• Emotional Intelligence – Self awarenessEmotional Intelligence – Self awareness

• Majority of timeMajority of time

• Listening and empathyListening and empathy

• HandoutsHandouts

• Key points of this presentation Key points of this presentation

• SlideShareSlideShare

• This power point in its entiretyThis power point in its entirety

Handout

TODAY’S JOURNEYTODAY’S JOURNEY

• Self-awarenessSelf-awareness

• IntuitionIntuition

• NOWNOW

• Self talkSelf talk

• Empathy and Empathy and listeninglistening

EXPLORING AND DEVELOPING EI SKILLSEXPLORING AND DEVELOPING EI SKILLS

• Allows us to:Allows us to:

• Motivate ourselvesMotivate ourselves

• Manage stressManage stress

• Resolve conflictResolve conflict

Highly sought after management skillsHighly sought after management skills

ANALOGY – GETTING IN SHAPEANALOGY – GETTING IN SHAPE

• Realization things could be betterRealization things could be better

• Decision to explore, experiment, and/or changeDecision to explore, experiment, and/or change

• Baby steps Baby steps

• Try a new skills = Discomfort (change is hard)Try a new skills = Discomfort (change is hard)

• A result! (Don’t forget to celebrate)A result! (Don’t forget to celebrate)

• Try another new skill = More discomfortTry another new skill = More discomfort

• More results! (More celebration!) More results! (More celebration!)

• Realization there is a different existence if we choose to work for itRealization there is a different existence if we choose to work for it

Imagine your emotions are your sixth senseBe

curious

EMOTIONEMOTION

Emotion, move, and motivate Emotion, move, and motivate share the same share the same Latin root = Latin root = emovareemovare – to move. – to move.

Emotions areEmotions are

•Strong feelings and that prepare the body for Strong feelings and that prepare the body for actionaction..

•Impulse to actImpulse to act

•EI skills allow you to direct impulsive behaviors in EI skills allow you to direct impulsive behaviors in a a self-valued and goal-directed manner.self-valued and goal-directed manner.Works CitedWorks Cited

Nelson, D. B., & Low, G. R. (2011). Nelson, D. B., & Low, G. R. (2011). Emotional Intelligence.Emotional Intelligence. Boston: Prentice Hall Boston: Prentice Hall

THE PHYSIOLOGY OF EMOTIONSTHE PHYSIOLOGY OF EMOTIONS• AmygdalaAmygdala – Center in the brain where – Center in the brain where emotionsemotions are stored. are stored.

• Every time memory is built Every time memory is built (including right (including right

now) now)

• Our cells build an Our cells build an emotional emotional

connection connection to the memory. to the memory.

•When we think about that When we think about that

memory memory again, the again, the

emotionemotion is reactivated and sent is reactivated and sent

throughout our bodies.throughout our bodies.

•EmotionsEmotions are are cellular signals cellular signals

that translate information into that translate information into

physical realityphysical reality. . • Mind and body are inseparable.Mind and body are inseparable.

• Example: MATHExample: MATH

Challenge:Challenge: Awareness and use of these signalsAwareness and use of these signals

•SO… WHAT ISSO… WHAT IS

Emotional Intelligence:Emotional Intelligence:

1. 1. Recognizing our own feelings Recognizing our own feelings (intrapersonal)(intrapersonal)

Recognizing the feelings of others Recognizing the feelings of others (interpersonal)(interpersonal)

Motivating ourselves Motivating ourselves and mand managing emotions well in anaging emotions well in

ourselves and in our relationships. ourselves and in our relationships. (Goleman 2000, p. 317)(Goleman 2000, p. 317)

2. The possession and use of the ability to integrate thinking, feeling, and behavior to achieve social tasks and outcomes valued in the host context and culture. (Bar-On & Parker, 2000, p. 32).

Handout

• Connection to Leadership?Connection to Leadership?

FROM THE BUSINESS SECTORFROM THE BUSINESS SECTOR

According to Talentsmart:According to Talentsmart:

•90% of top performers have high EI90% of top performers have high EI

•EI is responsible for 58% of job performanceEI is responsible for 58% of job performance

•People with high EI make $29,000 more annually than their People with high EI make $29,000 more annually than their

low EI counterpartslow EI counterparts

May 15, 2013 - Bloomberg BusinessWeek announces:May 15, 2013 - Bloomberg BusinessWeek announces:

Yale’s school of management MBA program began testing Yale’s school of management MBA program began testing

applicants for EI applicants for EI

FACTS ABOUT EIFACTS ABOUT EI

Men and women are generally Men and women are generally

EqualEqual in total emotional intelligencein total emotional intelligence

EIEI doesn’t meandoesn’t mean “being nice”. “being nice”. Nor does it mean Nor does it mean letting letting your feelings have your feelings have

free reinfree rein

EI EI can be learned can be learned and and enhancedenhanced with with

•MaturityMaturity

•ExperiencesExperiences

•ExercisesExercises

EI VS. IQEI VS. IQWHAT ARE THE ARGUMENTS? WHAT ARE THE ARGUMENTS?

•Some experts claim that EI…Some experts claim that EI…• Is more powerful than IQ Is more powerful than IQ •Matters twice as much as IQMatters twice as much as IQ• Or is the best predictor of success in Or is the best predictor of success in lifelife

• THOUGHTS?THOUGHTS?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=UBTlbO8Kto0

EI SKILLS RELATEDNESSEI SKILLS RELATEDNESS

EI skills work together and EI skills work together and

build on one another, build on one another,

beginning with self-beginning with self-

awareness.awareness.

Self-Awareness

Self-Regulation

Social Skills

SELF AWARENESSSELF AWARENESSTHREE ESSENTIAL COMPETENCIES:THREE ESSENTIAL COMPETENCIES:

1.1.Emotional AwarenessEmotional Awareness

• Recognize how emotions affect performanceRecognize how emotions affect performance

• Use values to guide decision making.Use values to guide decision making.

2.2.Accurate Self AssessmentAccurate Self Assessment

• Candid sense of strengths and limitationsCandid sense of strengths and limitations

• Clear vision of areas needing improvementClear vision of areas needing improvement

• Ability to learn from experience. Ability to learn from experience.

3.3.Self ConfidenceSelf Confidence • Courage that comes from certainty about our capabilities, values, and Courage that comes from certainty about our capabilities, values, and

goals.goals.

(Goleman 2000)(Goleman 2000)

1. EMOTIONAL AWARENESS1. EMOTIONAL AWARENESSRECOGNIZING ONE’S EMOTIONS AND THEIR EFFECTSRECOGNIZING ONE’S EMOTIONS AND THEIR EFFECTS

http://youtu.be/ME8ijLsj0Is

People with this competence:People with this competence:

• Know which emotions they’re feeling and Know which emotions they’re feeling and why.why.

• Realize the link between feelings and what they think, do, Realize the link between feelings and what they think, do, and say.and say.

• Recognize how feelings affect performance.Recognize how feelings affect performance.

• Have a guiding awareness of values and goalsHave a guiding awareness of values and goals(Goleman 2000, p. 54)(Goleman 2000, p. 54)

VALUES AND CONFLICTVALUES AND CONFLICT

When our emotions spike in conflict…When our emotions spike in conflict…

•It’s often a result of our values being challenged.It’s often a result of our values being challenged.

•Our Our emotionsemotions are related to our are related to our valuesvalues!!

•So when we’re dealing with conflicting values, So when we’re dealing with conflicting values,

we tend to react emotionally.we tend to react emotionally.

CAN YOU THINK OF A CONFLICT YOU’VECAN YOU THINK OF A CONFLICT YOU’VE

HAD THAT DIDN’T INVOLVE VALUES?HAD THAT DIDN’T INVOLVE VALUES?

2. ACCURATE SELF ASSESSMENT2. ACCURATE SELF ASSESSMENT

KNOWING ONE’S INNER RESOURCES, ABILITIES, AND LIMITSKNOWING ONE’S INNER RESOURCES, ABILITIES, AND LIMITS

This means you are:This means you are:

• Aware of strengths and weaknesses (self-regard)Aware of strengths and weaknesses (self-regard)

• Reflective, learning from experienceReflective, learning from experience

• Open to candid feedback, new perspectives, continuous Open to candid feedback, new perspectives, continuous learning, and self-developmentlearning, and self-development

• Able to show a sense of humor and perspectives about selfAble to show a sense of humor and perspectives about self((Goleman 2000, pp. 61-62)Goleman 2000, pp. 61-62)

3.SELF CONFIDENCE3.SELF CONFIDENCEA STRONG SENSE OF ONE’S SELF-WORTH AND CAPABILITIESA STRONG SENSE OF ONE’S SELF-WORTH AND CAPABILITIES

These people:These people:

• Present themselves with self-assurance; have “presence”Present themselves with self-assurance; have “presence”

• Voice views that are unpopular and go out on a limb for Voice views that are unpopular and go out on a limb for what’s rightwhat’s right

• Are decisive, able to make sound decisions despite Are decisive, able to make sound decisions despite uncertainties and pressuresuncertainties and pressures(Goleman 2000, p. 68)(Goleman 2000, p. 68)

BUILDING A FOUNDATIONBUILDING A FOUNDATION

SELF-AWARENESShttp://youtu.be/Xn4eGjRw_KM

Many assessments help us understand ourselves better.

Personal preference scale Handout

DEBRIEFDEBRIEF

• SafeSafe

• SimpleSimple

• InsightfulInsightful

1.1.Were you surprised by any of your answers?Were you surprised by any of your answers?

2.2.Are you pleased with your answers or do you tend to judge yourself?Are you pleased with your answers or do you tend to judge yourself?

3.3.Would your team(s) be surprised by your answers?Would your team(s) be surprised by your answers?

THE THE INSINS OF SELF-AWARENESS OF SELF-AWARENESS

Three important aspects of self-awarenessThree important aspects of self-awareness

•I – IntuitionI – Intuition

•N – NowN – Now

•S – Self-talkS – Self-talk

Handout

I - INTUITIONI - INTUITION

WHY? WHY?

It’s at the heart of self-awareness It’s at the heart of self-awareness

Self-awareness is the foundation for all other EI Self-awareness is the foundation for all other EI

competencies.competencies.(Goleman 2000)(Goleman 2000)

USING OUR “KNOWER”USING OUR “KNOWER”

•Literally a feelingLiterally a feeling

in the abdomen telling us:in the abdomen telling us:

“ “Something does/n’t feel Something does/n’t feel

right.right.””

• Any stories about intuition on the job?Any stories about intuition on the job?

QUICK FACTSQUICK FACTS

• Gut feeling – Referred to by scientists as a second brain Gut feeling – Referred to by scientists as a second brain

located in our abdomen.located in our abdomen.

• Aka – intuition, wisdomAka – intuition, wisdom

• Composed of millions of neurons.Composed of millions of neurons.

• Originates from the neural crest (same Originates from the neural crest (same

as our brain).as our brain).

• Beware – some say there are more!Beware – some say there are more!

• ““brain three —in the heart.” brain three —in the heart.” Cooper, R. K. (2001). The Other 90%. New York: Three Rivers Press.

LINKING INTUITION AND LOGICLINKING INTUITION AND LOGICEI EXPERTS SAY:EI EXPERTS SAY:

• ““An intuitive decision is nothing but a An intuitive decision is nothing but a subconscious subconscious logicallogical analysisanalysis.” .” (Goleman 2000, p. 54)(Goleman 2000, p. 54)

• It is “the capacity to sense messages from our It is “the capacity to sense messages from our internal store of emotional memory—internal store of emotional memory—our own our own reservoir of wisdom and judgmentreservoir of wisdom and judgment” ”

(2000, p. 54)(2000, p. 54)

Remember the

mind/body connection?

INTUITION

We need to learn to trust it and trust it often.

Think about a time your intuition told you something and you didn’t listen.

What stopped you?

Examples – Regrets, successes?

•When we don’t listen, it’s When we don’t listen, it’s usuallyusually

because we are trying to please because we are trying to please

others instead of ourselves.others instead of ourselves.

• Decision making comparison.Decision making comparison.

DECISION MAKING COMPARISONDECISION MAKING COMPARISON

• Practice making decisions with your intuition in various Practice making decisions with your intuition in various situations.situations.

• For one week, when making decisions write down your For one week, when making decisions write down your gut decision and then write down your rational decision. gut decision and then write down your rational decision.

• Your gut decision is almost always an immediate Your gut decision is almost always an immediate response.response.

• The rational usually follows after. The rational usually follows after.

• If the gut and rational decisions were different, write If the gut and rational decisions were different, write which one turned out better.which one turned out better.

• If they were the same, write down how you felt about If they were the same, write down how you felt about the results.the results.

Gordon, J. (2003). Energy Addict. New York: The Berkeley Publishing Group.

Handout

CHALLENGE CONTINUEDCHALLENGE CONTINUED

• This exercise will help you get in touch with your intuition for…This exercise will help you get in touch with your intuition for…

• Greater self-awarenessGreater self-awareness

• Learning to trust your gutLearning to trust your gut

N - NOWN - NOW

• An emotionally intelligent person lives in the present or “NOW”An emotionally intelligent person lives in the present or “NOW”

• The body is the physical example of NOWness.The body is the physical example of NOWness.

• It can’t leave the present. It can’t leave the present.

• Your mind and your heart can but the body is stuck in the present.Your mind and your heart can but the body is stuck in the present.

• Living in the “now” is often referred to as “mindfulness”Living in the “now” is often referred to as “mindfulness”

• Impairs our productivityImpairs our productivity

• Makes us unavailable for the time beingMakes us unavailable for the time being

• Diminishes ability to:Diminishes ability to:• Gather informationGather information• ListenListen• Understand Understand

• Signs of mindlessness:Signs of mindlessness:• Where did I leave my keys?Where did I leave my keys?• Did I remember to take my meds this morning?Did I remember to take my meds this morning?• Did I turn off the iron before I left the house?Did I turn off the iron before I left the house?

Riskin, L. L. (2004). Mindfulness: Foundational Training for Dispute Resolution. Riskin, L. L. (2004). Mindfulness: Foundational Training for Dispute Resolution. Journal of Legal EducationJournal of Legal Education, 79-90, 79-90..

MINDMINDLESSLESSNESS:NESS:

MINDFULNESSMINDFULNESSby LL. Riskin (2004) by LL. Riskin (2004) Journal of Legal EducationJournal of Legal Education

Mindfulness means:Mindfulness means:

• Being aware Being aware

• Moment to momentMoment to moment

• Without judgmentWithout judgment

• Of bodily perceptions, Of bodily perceptions,

thoughts, emotions, and thoughts, emotions, and

consciousness (Riskin, 2004)consciousness (Riskin, 2004)

Consider how living NOW helps address issues Consider how living NOW helps address issues in real time. Living NOW protects us from in real time. Living NOW protects us from living in the past (causing depression) or living in the past (causing depression) or future (causing fear or anxiety).future (causing fear or anxiety).

Tavistock

FAST FACTSFAST FACTSPAUSING ON THE PRESENTPAUSING ON THE PRESENT

• More than 250 medical centers worldwide now offer More than 250 medical centers worldwide now offer mindfulness-based therapies for mood and other disorders.mindfulness-based therapies for mood and other disorders.

Jha, A. P. (2013). Being in the Now. Jha, A. P. (2013). Being in the Now. Scientific American Mind: Behavior, Brain Science, InsightsScientific American Mind: Behavior, Brain Science, Insights , 26-33., 26-33.

• Mindfulness transforms your reactivity to catastrophic internal Mindfulness transforms your reactivity to catastrophic internal signals by turning down the volume on your amygdala and has signals by turning down the volume on your amygdala and has a regulating effect on the mind.a regulating effect on the mind.

Davidson, R. J., & Begley, S. (2012). Davidson, R. J., & Begley, S. (2012). The Emotional Life of Your Brain.The Emotional Life of Your Brain. New York: Plume. New York: Plume.

• Controlled breathing interrupts our physiological momentum Controlled breathing interrupts our physiological momentum which begins building during conflict and can lead to acting which begins building during conflict and can lead to acting impulsively. impulsively.

Hughes, M., & Bradford Terrell, J. (2012). Emotional Intelligence in Action. San Francisco: Pfeiffer.

BREATHING EXERCISEBREATHING EXERCISE

S – SELF-TALKS – SELF-TALK

TALKING TO YOURSELFTALKING TO YOURSELF

OUT LOUDOUT LOUDDO NOT BELIEVE NAYSAYERS WHO SAY YOUDO NOT BELIEVE NAYSAYERS WHO SAY YOU

ARE CRAZY IF YOU TALK TO YOURSELF!ARE CRAZY IF YOU TALK TO YOURSELF!

•““Talking out loud enhances your ability to think Talking out loud enhances your ability to think by stimulating the corpus callosum (our thinker) by stimulating the corpus callosum (our thinker) to function on a much higher level” (p. 112).to function on a much higher level” (p. 112).(Leaf, 2007, p. 112)(Leaf, 2007, p. 112)

SPEAK FOR YOURSELFSPEAK FOR YOURSELFJABR, & FERRIS. (2014, JANUARY/FEBRUARY). SPEAK FOR YOURSELF. SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN MIND, PP. 45-51.

SELF TALKSELF TALK

•We We depend on it depend on it to to solve problemssolve problems, , readread and and writewrite, , motivate ourselvesmotivate ourselves, , plan for the futureplan for the future, and , and learn from learn from our our mistakesmistakes..

•It’s used It’s used for self-regulationfor self-regulation: steering attention, : steering attention,

taming unruly emotions and proper etiquette.taming unruly emotions and proper etiquette.

•It’s a It’s a readily available source of motivation readily available source of motivation

and and confidenceconfidence. .

•It’s It’s most important purpose most important purpose is to help us is to help us maintain a sense of selfmaintain a sense of self in the in the every day, on-going narratives of our lives.every day, on-going narratives of our lives.

•Researchers suggest – Researchers suggest – to know yourself, you have to talk to yourselfto know yourself, you have to talk to yourself..• Helen Keller stated that before she learned language, she didn’t have a sense of Helen Keller stated that before she learned language, she didn’t have a sense of

self-awareness.self-awareness.

WORDWORD““The words you speak are electromagnetic life forces The words you speak are electromagnetic life forces

that come from a thought inside your brain and are that come from a thought inside your brain and are

influenced by your five senses.” influenced by your five senses.”

““They contain power and work hand in hand with your They contain power and work hand in hand with your

thought life, influencing the world around you and the thought life, influencing the world around you and the

circumstances of your life” circumstances of your life” (Leaf, 2008, p. 115).(Leaf, 2008, p. 115).

Leaf, C. D. (2008). Leaf, C. D. (2008). Who Switched Off My Brain?Who Switched Off My Brain? Dallas: Switch on Your Brain USA Inc. Dallas: Switch on Your Brain USA Inc.

SELF-TALK NEEDS TO BE:SELF-TALK NEEDS TO BE:

•POWERFULPOWERFUL•PERSONALPERSONAL•PRESENTPRESENT•POSITIVEPOSITIVEThis kind of self talk can change our outlook This kind of self talk can change our outlook and attitude!and attitude!

SELF-TALK EXERCISESELF-TALK EXERCISE

Handout

WHY ARE THE WORDS LEADER’S SPEAKWHY ARE THE WORDS LEADER’S SPEAKSO IMPORTANT?SO IMPORTANT?

In In Daring GreatlyDaring Greatly, Brene Brown states:, Brene Brown states:

•““The gap between what we say and what The gap between what we say and what we do creates disengagement.” we do creates disengagement.” (Brown, 2012, pp. 178-179)(Brown, 2012, pp. 178-179)

CAUTION!CAUTION!

•Personal to publicPersonal to public

•Integrate - our words must line up with what Integrate - our words must line up with what

our mind, heart, and gut know our mind, heart, and gut know

REVIEWREVIEW

What are the INS of self-awareness?What are the INS of self-awareness?

I - INTUITIONI - INTUITION

N - NOWN - NOW

S – SELF-TALKS – SELF-TALK

READY FOR A SELF-AWARENESS EXERCISE?READY FOR A SELF-AWARENESS EXERCISE?

• Please take out your phonePlease take out your phone

• Give it a quick check, lock it down or turn it off if there Give it a quick check, lock it down or turn it off if there

is highly confidential information available.is highly confidential information available.

• Now hand your phone to the neighbor on your right.Now hand your phone to the neighbor on your right.

• PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO HOW YOU’RE FEELING.PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO HOW YOU’RE FEELING.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?• Digital immigrants (32>) vs. digital natives (<32)Digital immigrants (32>) vs. digital natives (<32)

• New studies on digital natives showNew studies on digital natives show

the part of their brain that control compassion the part of their brain that control compassion

and empathy are underdeveloped due to tech use.and empathy are underdeveloped due to tech use.

• What is your hypothesis? What is your hypothesis?

• Studies indicate its due to lack of face timeStudies indicate its due to lack of face time

• Why are some people addicted to their phones?Why are some people addicted to their phones?

• Every text, e-mail, or call is a hit of dopamine – one of our happy Every text, e-mail, or call is a hit of dopamine – one of our happy

chemicalschemicals

EMOTIONAL AWARENESS EXERCISEEMOTIONAL AWARENESS EXERCISE

A. How are you feeling right now?A. How are you feeling right now?

• Are you Are you anxiousanxious, , relievedrelieved, , angryangry, etc.?, etc.?

B. Use your handout to identify:B. Use your handout to identify:

•At least 1 emotion you are feeling.At least 1 emotion you are feeling.

•Any physical sensations you’re Any physical sensations you’re

experiencing.experiencing. Handout

C. WHEN YOU’RE DONE, THANK YOUR NEIGHBOR FOR TAKING GOOD CARE OF YOUR PHONE AND POLITELY REQUEST IT BACK.

EMOTIONAL AWARENESS EXERCISE EMOTIONAL AWARENESS EXERCISE DEBRIEFDEBRIEF

1. Was this exercise easy or difficult?1. Was this exercise easy or difficult?

2.Is it easier to talk about certain emotions? Why?2.Is it easier to talk about certain emotions? Why?

3. Which emotion is hardest to talk about? 3. Which emotion is hardest to talk about?

A key aspect of emotional intelligence is having an emotional vocabulary.A key aspect of emotional intelligence is having an emotional vocabulary.

•This exercise was developed to elicit a reactionThis exercise was developed to elicit a reaction

However…However…•Are we Are we generallygenerally aware of our emotions? aware of our emotions?

LACK EMOTIONAL AWARENESSLACK EMOTIONAL AWARENESS

• ““Alexithymia” – psychiatric term for people Alexithymia” – psychiatric term for people

with a confused awareness of their own with a confused awareness of their own

feelings.feelings.

•Barriers and consequences - Barriers and consequences -

+ Busy schedules+ Busy schedules

+ Emotional oblivion+ Emotional oblivion

+ Ignoring messages our bodies are sending+ Ignoring messages our bodies are sending

= Chronic headaches, backaches, anxiety= Chronic headaches, backaches, anxiety

ALEXITHYMIA RESEARCH ALEXITHYMIA RESEARCH PARKER, J. D., TAYLOR, G. J., & BAGBY, R. M. (2001). THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN EMOTIONAL

INTELLIGENCE AND ALEXITHYMIA. PERSONALITY AND INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES, 107-115.Features of AlexithymiaFeatures of Alexithymia

•Difficulty identifying and describing Difficulty identifying and describing

subjective feelings and reading emotions subjective feelings and reading emotions

and facial expressions of othersand facial expressions of others

•Limited capacity for empathyLimited capacity for empathy

•Difficulty discriminating among different Difficulty discriminating among different

emotional statesemotional states

•Limited ability to think about and use Limited ability to think about and use

emotions to cope with stressful situationsemotions to cope with stressful situations

Research outcomes: Alexithymia is Research outcomes: Alexithymia is

associated with:associated with:

•Maladaptive defense and coping stylesMaladaptive defense and coping styles

•Vulnerability to stressVulnerability to stress

•Psychiatric disorders Psychiatric disorders

•Somatic illnesses related to stress Somatic illnesses related to stress

adjustmentadjustment

The study also indicates:The study also indicates:

•High emotional intelligence might be a High emotional intelligence might be a

protective factor for mental and physical protective factor for mental and physical

healthhealth

WHY IS IT IMPORTANT FOR LEADERS TO WHY IS IT IMPORTANT FOR LEADERS TO DEVELOP SELF-AWARENESS?DEVELOP SELF-AWARENESS?

MIRROR NEURONS MIRROR NEURONS First introduced in 1998 at “Toward a Science of Consciousness” First introduced in 1998 at “Toward a Science of Consciousness”

Conference, Tucson, Az. Conference, Tucson, Az.

Iacoboni, M. (2008). Iacoboni, M. (2008). Mirroring People: The new science of how we connect with others.Mirroring People: The new science of how we connect with others. New York: Farrar, Straus and New York: Farrar, Straus and

Giroux.Giroux.

MIRROR NEURONSMIRROR NEURONS

• Approximately 20% of our brain cells are Approximately 20% of our brain cells are

mirror neurons.mirror neurons.

• Babies are using them when they begin to walk, drink Babies are using them when they begin to walk, drink from a cup, use a fork.from a cup, use a fork.

• Help us navigate our day.Help us navigate our day.

• Explain why we dress like our friends, drive similar Explain why we dress like our friends, drive similar cars, join the same clubs, and have similar hobbies.cars, join the same clubs, and have similar hobbies.

• Bind us with each other, mentally and emotionally. Bind us with each other, mentally and emotionally. Iacoboni, M. (2008). Iacoboni, M. (2008). Mirroring People: The new science of how we connect with others.Mirroring People: The new science of how we connect with others.

New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux.New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

WeWe connect with othersconnect with others through through

our emotionsour emotions. . •Songs – Jeremiah was a bullfrogSongs – Jeremiah was a bullfrog

•BooksBooks

•MoviesMovies

•PoetryPoetry

•StorytellingStorytelling

EMOTIONS ARE CATCHYEMOTIONS ARE CATCHY

MIRROR NEURONS…MIRROR NEURONS…

• Are key in helping us Are key in helping us read read the world the world

around us.around us.

• Make sure that by seeing other’s Make sure that by seeing other’s

emotions, we emotions, we share share them.them.

• Are the foundation of Are the foundation of empathyempathy..• GREAT TRANSITION TO OUR NEXT TOPIC.GREAT TRANSITION TO OUR NEXT TOPIC.

Iacoboni, M. (2008). Iacoboni, M. (2008). Mirroring People: The new science of how we connect with others.Mirroring People: The new science of how we connect with others. New New

York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux.York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

CONFLICTCONFLICT

““CONFLICT IS THE ARROW POINTING CONFLICT IS THE ARROW POINTING

TO WHAT WE NEED TO LEARN MOST!”TO WHAT WE NEED TO LEARN MOST!”

-Kenneth Cloke--Kenneth Cloke-

04/11/23 59

ONE OF THE BEST WAYS TO ONE OF THE BEST WAYS TO APPROACH CONFLICT…APPROACH CONFLICT…

http://youtu.be/jYc6PmHI_Y8 Handout

EMPATHYEMPATHY

•Empathy - Being able to see the Empathy - Being able to see the situation situation from the standpoint of the from the standpoint of the otherother in order to help them in order to help them succeed.succeed.

HERE WE ARE

BACK AT

EMOTIONAL

CONNECTIONS!

EMPATHY IN THE WORKPLACEEMPATHY IN THE WORKPLACECOMPETENCIES:COMPETENCIES:

UNDERSTANDING OTHERSUNDERSTANDING OTHERS: Sensing others’ feelings : Sensing others’ feelings and perspectives, and taking an active interest in and perspectives, and taking an active interest in their concerns.their concerns.

DEVELOPING OTHERSDEVELOPING OTHERS: : Sensing other’s development needs and bolstering their abilities.

SERVICE ORIENTATION: Anticipating, recognizing, and meeting customers’ needs.

LEVERAGING DIVERSITY: Cultivating opportunities through different kinds of people

POLITICAL AWARENESS: Reading a group’s emotional currents and power relationships

(Goleman 2000)(Goleman 2000)

CRUCIAL KEY TO EMPATHYCRUCIAL KEY TO EMPATHY

LISTENING!

Further,

It’s myOpinio

nThat…

THINK ABOUT ITTHINK ABOUT IT

Name some professionals that are paid well to listen:Name some professionals that are paid well to listen:

•THERAPISTSTHERAPISTS

•COUNSELORSCOUNSELORS

•ATTORNEYSATTORNEYS

•MARRIAGE COUNSELORSMARRIAGE COUNSELORS

•JUDGESJUDGES

•SURGEONSSURGEONS

IS LISTENING EASY OR HARD?IS LISTENING EASY OR HARD?

LISTEN UP THE GAMELISTEN UP THE GAME

• Who is your Best communicator?Who is your Best communicator?

• INSTRUCTIONS: Draw what the instructor says inside the Listen Up box in INSTRUCTIONS: Draw what the instructor says inside the Listen Up box in

your handout!your handout!

• Audience: You MAY NOT ask questions.Audience: You MAY NOT ask questions.

• Instructor’s verbal description of the object:Instructor’s verbal description of the object:

• May not May not refer to real world objects, i.e., draw an “egg”refer to real world objects, i.e., draw an “egg”

• MayMay use technical terms such as “draw an oval in the center of your use technical terms such as “draw an oval in the center of your

page”page”

• May not May not say “draw a ‘V’’say “draw a ‘V’’

• MayMay say “Make a triangle pointing down, leaving off the top horizontal say “Make a triangle pointing down, leaving off the top horizontal

lineline””

Handout

LISTEN UP DEBRIEFLISTEN UP DEBRIEF

• What does this say about communication?What does this say about communication?

• What was the hardest part?What was the hardest part?

• Are you better at listening for facts or feelings?Are you better at listening for facts or feelings?

INFLUENCEINFLUENCE

Scientific American Mind Journal Scientific American Mind Journal – Nov/Dec. 2012– Nov/Dec. 2012

How to Use your Ears to Influence People How to Use your Ears to Influence People (Toni Rodriguez, p. 20) (Toni Rodriguez, p. 20)

Research study rated co-workers on: Research study rated co-workers on: InfluenceInfluence verbal expressionverbal expression listening behaviorslistening behaviors

ResultsResults: :

GOOD LISTENING GOOD LISTENING SKILLS SKILLS

HAD A STRONGER EFFECT HAD A STRONGER EFFECT

ON ON INFLUCENCEINFLUCENCE

THAN TALKING!THAN TALKING!

IT’S NOT ABOUT THE NAILIT’S NOT ABOUT THE NAIL

How is she feeling?How is she feeling?

•http://youtu.be/-4EDhdAHrOg

•I know it’s hard…I know it’s hard…

•But DON’T TRY TO SOLVE THE OTHER But DON’T TRY TO SOLVE THE OTHER PERSON’S PROBLEM!PERSON’S PROBLEM!

DIFFERENCE BETWEENDIFFERENCE BETWEENEMPATHY AND SYMPATHYEMPATHY AND SYMPATHY

EMPATHY EXERCISEEMPATHY EXERCISE

1. Think of a time someone was empathetic with you.1. Think of a time someone was empathetic with you.

2. What was the situation?2. What was the situation?

3. How did you know they were being empathetic?3. How did you know they were being empathetic?• Did they cry, listen, provide a need, etc.?Did they cry, listen, provide a need, etc.?

4. How did it make you feel?4. How did it make you feel?

I’ll go first…I’ll go first…

5. In groups of two or three, take turns answering questions 1-4.

BENEFITS OF EMPATHY IN CONFLICTBENEFITS OF EMPATHY IN CONFLICT

Makes contentious exchanges more Makes contentious exchanges more

collaborativecollaborative

Fosters resiliencyFosters resiliency

Opens lines of communication Opens lines of communication

Helps with flexibilityHelps with flexibility

The foundation of empathy is The foundation of empathy is

SELF-AWARENESS. We must know SELF-AWARENESS. We must know

ourselves before we know others. ourselves before we know others. Hughes, M., & Bradford Terrell, J. (2012). Hughes, M., & Bradford Terrell, J. (2012). Emotional Intelligence in Action.Emotional Intelligence in Action. San Francisco: Pfeiffer. San Francisco: Pfeiffer.

BENEFITS OF EMPATHY IN CONFLICTBENEFITS OF EMPATHY IN CONFLICT

ACCURATE COMMUNICATIONSACCURATE COMMUNICATIONS

SHIFTS BALANCE OF THE CONVERSATION SHIFTS BALANCE OF THE CONVERSATION

CREATES TRUSTCREATES TRUST

MAKES ADVICE MORE PERSUASIVEMAKES ADVICE MORE PERSUASIVEHughes, M., & Bradford Terrell, J. (2012). Hughes, M., & Bradford Terrell, J. (2012). Emotional Intelligence in Action.Emotional Intelligence in Action. San Francisco: Pfeiffer. San Francisco: Pfeiffer.

BUILDING BLOCKS TO EMPATHYBUILDING BLOCKS TO EMPATHY

Learn to read body language Learn to read body language

Attend to Attend to facial expressionsfacial expressions breathingbreathing posture posture and tonalityand tonality

Attempt to match his or her physical state in your Attempt to match his or her physical state in your own body.own body. ResonanceResonance MirroringMirroring

Hughes, M., & Bradford Terrell, J. (2012). Hughes, M., & Bradford Terrell, J. (2012). Emotional Intelligence in Action.Emotional Intelligence in Action. San Francisco: Pfeiffer. San Francisco: Pfeiffer.

PRACTICING EMPATHYPRACTICING EMPATHY Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

ASK: How would I feel in their situation?ASK: How would I feel in their situation?

Seek to understand the role of the other and the demands they Seek to understand the role of the other and the demands they

face.face.

INQUIREINQUIRE. .

If someone says something that isn’t completely clear, you say:If someone says something that isn’t completely clear, you say:

““That’s interesting; tell me more.”That’s interesting; tell me more.”

Open ended questionsOpen ended questions

Anything that will get them to expoundAnything that will get them to expound

Handout

•EIEI•Self-awarenessSelf-awareness• IntuitionIntuition•NowNow•Self-talk Self-talk

•Listening and EmpathyListening and Empathy

CONSIDER…CONSIDER…

Picking one of the Picking one of the INSINS. Work on it. Read literature. Develop it before moving to the . Work on it. Read literature. Develop it before moving to the next.next.

•INTUITIONINTUITION

•NOWNOW

•SELF-TALKSELF-TALK

Begin practicing listening skills by listening to others without interrupting.Begin practicing listening skills by listening to others without interrupting.

Begin practicing empathy skills with a simple statement such as “That sounds really Begin practicing empathy skills with a simple statement such as “That sounds really hard!”hard!”

Be kind and patient with yourself and others Be kind and patient with yourself and others during any change process. during any change process.

SUGGESTED READING LIST• People Skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflicts by Dr.

Robert Bolton (1979)

General communication skills including conflict management skills.

 

• Working with Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman (2000)

Emotional Intelligence in the workplace.

• What Every Body is Saying by Joe Navarro (2008)

Reading, interpreting, and understanding body language.

 

• What Happy People Know by Dan Baker, PhD (2003)

Explores concepts such as happiness and more.

Handout

Handout

BibliographyBar-On, R., & Parker, J. D. (2000). The Handbook of Emotional Intelligence. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.Brown, B. P. (2012). Daring Greatly. New York: Gotham Books.Cooper, R. K. (2001). The Other 90%. New York: Three Rivers Press.Davidson, R. J., & Begley, S. (2012). The Emotional Life of Your Brain. New York: Plume.Goleman, D. P. (2000). Working with Emotional Intelligence. New York: Bantam Books.Gordon, J. (2003). Energy Addict. New York: The Berkeley Publishing Group.Hughes, M., & Bradford Terrell, J. (2012). Emotional Intelligence in Action. San Francisco: Pfeiffer.Iacoboni, M. (2008). Mirroring People: The new science of how we connect with others. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux.Jabr, & Ferris. (2014, January/February). Speak for Yourself. Scientific American Mind, pp. 45-51.Jha, A. P. (2013). Being in the Now. Scientific American Mind: Behavior, Brain Science, Insights, 26-33.Leaf, C. D. (2008). Who Switched Off My Brain? Dallas: Switch on Your Brain USA Inc.Mayer, J. D., Salovey, P., & Caruso, D. R. (2004). Emotional Intelligence: Theory, Findings, and Implications. Psychological Inquiry, 197-215.Mills, L. B. (2009). A Meta-analysis of the Relationship Between Emotional Intelligence and Effective Leadership. Journal of Curriculum and Instruction, 22-38.Nelson, D. B., & Low, G. R. (2011). Emotional Intelligence. Boston: Prentice Hall .Parker, J. D., Taylor, G. J., & Bagby, R. M. (2001). The relationship between emotional intelligence and alexithymia. Personality and Individual Differences, 107-115.Riskin, L. L. (2004). Mindfulness: Foundational Training for Dispute Resolution. Journal of Legal Education, 79-90.

QUESTIONS?QUESTIONS?Feel free to contact me at:Feel free to contact me at:

II HEARHEART T

RESOLRESOLUUTIONTION

The EndThe End

Iheartresolution@gmail.com