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James Flaherty (Oxford, UK: Butterworth-Heinemann (third edition) 2010)
Each speech act has a different function. Each one warrants years of study, but we will briefly cover them here.
– “Will you…”– “I will..”
– “What if I do this, and…”– “I believe that…”
– “I think he is…”– “The world is flat.”
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Speaker, Listener, Future action, Conditions, Time, Sincerity
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To address the mutual concerns shared with requestors; to address the concerns
we share with other people.
To take all the necessary action, even if initially unknown, to fulfill the specified conditions.
Speaker, Listener, Future action, Conditions, Time, Sincerity
“I promise that I will keep the spending on the project within the allotted budget.”
“I will meet you at noon in the conference room to continue our conversation.”
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To build or strengthen a partnership of mutual benefit.
To fulfill the promises made and to be satisfied with what is provided by others in
compensation for the promise being fulfilled.
Speaker, Listener, Future action, Conditions, Time, Sincerity
“I offer to paint the outside of your house the color you picked by Sunday night for $1,500.”
“I will find a new VP of Operations for you by May 1st for a fee of $25,000.”
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To accurately describe a phenomenon.
To provide any necessary factors or elements underlying the description, including the reasoning behind them.
Words in a shared vocabulary that point to conditions surrounding the particular object,
person, event, or circumstance.
“The rock you brought in weighs 27 kilos and is made of 305 silicon, 60% iron, and 10% lead.”
“The stock price closed in Tokyo today at $32.00.”
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To provide an opinion or judgment on a given topic.
If asked to provide grounding, to reveal what was considered in coming to this
opinion or judgment.
Using widely accepted practices and languages in a given domain.
“After examining the statue, it is my opinion that it is a genuine Rodin.”
“I’ve looked through the financials, and in my opinion it is worth purchasing the stock.”
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To open up, close, or alter a possibility.
To take action consistent with what was said.
An authorized speaker; the specifics about what possibility is being opened, closed,
or altered; and in what way.
“I declare myself a candidate in the upcoming presidential election.”
“I’ve decided to dedicate my life to being a physician.”
In the world of commerce, friendship, and coaching, it is necessary to intentionally bring forward a working relationship.
Relationships cannot be forced. People must freely enter the mutuality of relationship.
Shared commitment is the basis for genuine partnership. We readily move through ambiguity and friction in order to fulfill commitment. As coaches, we are committed to the commitments of our clients.
An entire coaching program can be built around building the competencies for skillfully conducting a conversation for relationship.
Stay present, listen, participate, don’t judge, express curiosity.
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Assumes a background of relationship. Starts with: “What’s possible here?” “How could we address this.” Possibilities unfold when people suspend criticism and refrain from any
version of “yes, but…” Following someone’s idea out a few steps beyond what is already on the
table often leads to something new, as does going back into assumptions and perceptions.
Brainstorming is a form of conversation for possibilities. “What if…?” Successful conversations end with a follow-up plan or an action plan.
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Don’t skip Conversations for Relationship or Possibilities. Many, many, many Conversations for Action fall apart because people
attempt to conduct them based upon “roles” or “power.” Parents, teachers, bosses often fall into this mistake.
People included in the process are more committed to action. Not much chance of success without shared commitment and interest. Preparation Offer Negotiations Modifications Promise
Performance Satisfaction (or not) Ideas can be easy. Execution is not.
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and . You are What You Say (New York, NY: Crown Publishers, 2000).
. Coaching to the Human Soul (Volume 1) (Blackburn, Victoria, Australia: Newfield Australia, 2003).
. Making Contact (Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press, 1986).
. Intervention (Minneapolis, MN: Johnson Institute Books, 1986).
. You Just Don’t Understand (New York, NY: Ballantine Books, 1990).
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In this stage, both the client and the coach make explicit what they committed to accomplishing in the coaching program.
The commitment of one member is not sufficient.
Outcomes, mutual commitment, and potential hindrances should be discussed forthrightly.
You have done a good job describing the outcomes of a program when they are attractive to both parties and it is not obvious that they would occur anyway.
Remember the human will is not directly tied to the human intellect. Emotion fits between the two. Make contact with the emotional level.
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Listen very intently both to what the client is saying and to what the client is keeping silent about.
The mood should be one of openness and realistic viewing of possibilities (both positive and negative).
Do not sugarcoat, but do not diminish what is possible.
As a coach, you will know this process is complete when both you and the client know exactly what the outcomes are and what the commitment of each is to the program, and when both have a general idea about what it will take to achieve the outcomes.
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The coach asks – What could interrupt this coaching program for you? …How does coaching fit into the whole array of commitments you
already have in your life? …How will you respond when the program seems to be going too
slowly, or gets boring, or repetitious, or even seems pointless? The client asks – What are you willing to work through to have this
program succeed? What are you willing to give up? …What will discourage you? …Are you willing, at times, to be more committed than I am? …How many times can I fail before you abandon your commitment?
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What you say to your client is something that will allow her to make a new observation.
You will speak with her so that she can see something, or understand something, or appreciate something that she couldn’t before.
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Intervening in aimless complaining.
Responding to a request, how to do something.
Clarifying standards for performance, presentation.
Addressing the lack of phone etiquette in an otherwise cordial person.
Discontinuing the repetition of a simple mistake.
The client is not being open to input of others.
The client is not organized.
The client is overcommitting herself.
The client is acting timid and unassertive.
The client must be trained to install a complex piece of equipment.
Discovering one’s life purpose.
Beginning or ending a primary relationship.
Making long-term financial commitments.
Career change.
Raising children.
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Even a single conversation must have a large background if the products of coaching, ,
, and , are to be produced. Only when the relationship is in place, and you’ve done some
assessment, and you have observed an opening for coaching – only then are you in a position to approach your client to resolve a simple issue in a single conversation.
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Ask the client for permission to coach. Say in general what the outcomes could
be.
“What were you attempting to accomplish?” “Did it happen?” “How could you tell?”
“How did you decide what to do?” “How did you analyze the situation?” “What were you feeling at the time?”
Don’t try to solve the problem. Trust that the client will take the more
effective action as soon as he can see it. Help the client explore alternative actions.
Stay with steps one through four until you feel confident that each has been accomplished. Then ask your client, “What action will you
take?” And, “How will you be able to correct
yourself in the future to be consistent.
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Begin by discussing the opening for coaching you have observed. (Cells 33-35, Part One).
Formally establish the coaching relationship (Cells 9-11, Part Two). Demonstrate skill, competency and respect for the client. Understand client’s “way of observing.” (Assessment, Cells 37-47,
Part One). Assign a self-observation exercise (Appendix A, Cell 46, Part Three) Since the point of coaching is to alter the client’s “structure of
interpretation,” it is more important initially to work on observation than on action.
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Use an assessment model to better understand your client (Cells 37-47, Part One)
Write out a self-observation exercise to give to your client during the session. (Cells 2-4, 46, Part Three)
List three intended outcomes that could be achieved in the coaching program. Modify them as you go, with client input.
Consider what questions, concerns, or objections your potential client may have, and be prepared to address them.
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What openings for coaching have you seen? Is the client open to being coached? What could happen for the client?
What you will provide. What you ask of the client. Possible interruptions and hindrances. Agreement about outcomes (coach and client write these down).
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Give self-observation exercise. (e.g. “…for the next two weeks watch yourself very closely whenever you are doing a presentation or answering technical questions for somebody.”)
Answer questions/address concerns.
How you will communicate. How available you are. Schedule the next session.
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What do you intend to accomplish in this session? What is your view of how the program is progressing? Are there any
corrections to be made? What questions or concerns is your client likely to have, especially
regarding the new practices? What questions do you have for the client? Design a Practice for your client (Cells 6-10, 19, 47-48, Part Three)
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1. During this conversation, the learning from the observation exercise is put into action. It begins with the client reporting out.
2. This should be a follow-up of the conversations between sessions.3. Build on what your client reports and flesh out the observations.4. Review together the how observation, action, and outcomes are
connected. Keep listening to synthesize and understand.5. Acknowledge all positive results.
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6. Then discuss what new behavior your client could initiate that would bring about the outcomes.
7. Talk about new behavior; moving toward outcomes; building upon results so far.
8. What (new) competence will be necessary for the new behavior?9. Introduce new Practice (Cells 6-10, 19, 47-48, Part Three). Answer
questions and concerns.Integrate Practice into program and enroll client in doing newPractice.
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10.
The challenge now is to complete the program leaving enough structure and competence in place so that your client remains
and .– Client is convinced that no change has happened, or
that it won’t last.– Client feels/thinks that it’s only by your coaching that
competence will remain or outcomes will continue to happen.–There’s an edge of disappointment, despair,
resignation, or cynicism/skepticism, and maybe some accusation/antagonism directed at you. Stay open. Don’t defend.
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Report results of new practice. Progress on outcomes. What openings? What breakdowns?
Stay open to what client says. Remind client of Outcomes. Leave client self-directing and self/generating. Add observation exercises, practices or sessions as necessary. Begin program again if required.
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– in all domains, not only coaching topics. New possibilities for client: New relationships? New identity? New
conversations? New learnings for client: About self? About others? About work?
About becoming competent?
Addressing potential breakdowns. What to look for, what actions? Continuing to improve. In what? New practices?
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Type Three Conversations may be what you employ in coaching people outside of the work environment or with people with whom you have a profound relationship. The design elements are more intricate and probably will require more thinking on your part. But this additional work will more than justify itself in the depth and longevity of the changes brought about.
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Observable phenomena are changes that both the client and the coach can see and agree on.
Examples include speaking up more in meetings, initiating new programs, completing projects on time.
Being clear in your thinking, feeling better about yourself, and having more certainty are not observable phenomena.
.
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Ask yourself what the client must be in order to take this new action.
For example, the client must be when she is: interrupting a conversation; continuing to put off taking action; or when she has stopped listening, for example.
These observations become incorporated when they are repeated again and again.
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The greatest difficulty is in letting go of what is hindering learning. There may be ways of and acting that are . A period of observation may be necessary to determine what these
distinctions may be for a particular client.
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In order to bring about the outcomes of the program, the client will have to undo structures that are getting in the way.
For example, a client who is working on being able to listen better may have to give up the habit of working on his computer during conference calls.
Or flipping through his messages when a colleague is having a conversation with him.
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Invent, by declaration, an internal separation in yourself. Divide yourself into two persons: one who acts/reacts in life, and one who passively observes. Using the following questions , begin to observe
yourself. Observe quietly, passively, your internal states and what you show to the world. At the end of each day, review the day and what happened and how you
reacted. (Write notes so you can begin to notice patterns.)
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