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Training Up Dragons of Life!
Powerful Parenting for World Changers
Agenda
➔ Welcome
➔ Review of Our Ground Rules
➔ Check In
➔ Experiencing Our Situations◆ Our Role
◆ Beautiful Questions
◆ Practice Makes Perfect
◆ Engage & Express
Sessions 3-Experiencing our Situations Through Powerful
Questions
● Keep Confidentiality. (What’s said here stays here.)
● No Judgement● Let someone finish their thought
(don’t talk over each other)● No Yelling. No Criticism● Honor each other, Accept each other● No Fixing● No Advice unless it is asked for ● Tell only your own story● Be listening hearts with empathy and
compassion
Course Overview Where There Is No Vision
Learning to Encounter by Listening
Learning to Experience by Asking Questions
Learning to Engage by Making Decisions
Learning to Express by Supporting
Here and Now Check-in
What’s been going on in the last month?
Five minutes to share your family life joys and challenges in last month
Encounter
Goal is to create a space that the individual feels safe and accepted exactly as they are, where they are. Decrease fear, increase love, so that the best in them can be provoked.
➔ Acceptance◆ I am not you. You are not me.
◆ We are where we are
➔ Let go of offense, forgive.
➔ Believe in them!
To enter into a situation or circumstance with no pretense or judgment.
ExperienceThe primary goal is to help
our kids learn for themselves by asking questions as they walk through the situation. Where could they be?Directly living through a
situation as a basis of knowledge.
Our Current Paradigm for Experiencing
You child comes home with the following grades:
Algebra AHistory AEnglish FScience C
Which grade did your parents focus on?
75%Of parents stated they would focus on the F
Dualistic Thinking
Leads to Death of Possibilities
➔ Either/or◆ This is good, that is bad
◆ I am right, you are wrong
◆ All or nothing
➔ Focus on weaknesses, problems, what’s wrong
➔ Focus on overcoming
Holistic Thinking
Leads to Life-More Possibilities
➔ Being present to the situation with no value judgment.
◆ Reduce fear, increase love
➔ Focus on strengths, options, and solutions.
➔ Focus on being and becoming and what brings life.
Our RoleAs Parent (Coach)
➔ Acceptance◆ Unique and Distinct
Individuals
◆ We Are Where We Are
● Offense & Forgiveness
➔ Believe In Them
➔ Problem or Opportunity?◆ Whose Is it? Ownership
➔ Get Curious◆ Where could we be?
◆ What are all the possibilities? Beginner’s Mind/No Value Judgments
Beautiful QuestionsProvoke ~ Reveal ~ Motivate ~ Activate
Our Transformation Model & Beautiful Questions
Encounter-Provoking Questions-Where are we now? No judgment! Safe space.
➔ Open/Probing◆ Questions that let the individual lead
by allowing them to answer in any way they choose
➔ Asking Permission◆ Opens the door to entering a new
area or broaching a sensitive subject.
Our Transformation Model & Beautiful Questions
Experience-Revealing Questions. Where could we be? What’s going on in your heart?
➔ Revealing Questions◆ Questions that change viewpoint or
help get out of a box and think creatively.
➔ Ownership Questions◆ Questions that focus on taking
responsibility and being proactive in order to make things better.
➔ Direct Questions◆ Questions that cut to the heart of the
issue
Our Transformation Model & Beautiful Questions
Engage-Motivate. Where will we go?➔ Choosing an Agenda
◆ What to ask when starting a new change goal.
➔ Decision Making Questions◆ Questions to ask in a decision making
process.
Our Transformation Model & Beautiful Questions
Express-Activate. What are we going to do? Do it!
➔ Taking Action◆ Questions that turn ideas into
committed action steps➔ Life Purpose
◆ Questions that help people identify and pursue their purpose.
Beautiful Questions
Crafting Questions That Get To The Heart of the Matter
Open/Probing vs Closed
QuestionsSurface vs Getting to the
Heart
Closed Questions-Can only be answered with “yes” or “no.”
Open Questions-Questions that can’t be answered with a “yes” or “no” and allow the individual to answer in whatever way they want.
Converting Closed Questions
Closed
➔ Did the call to your uncle go well?
➔ Did that make you feel hurt?
➔ Do you want to take action on this option?
➔ Could you talk to someone about that?
➔ Is there a timeline for that project?
➔ Will that take long?
Open
➔ How did the call to your uncle go?
➔ How did that make you feel?
➔ What do you want to do about this?
➔ Who could you talk to about that?
➔ When do you want to finish this?
➔ How long will that take?
Open vs Closed Questions
Role Play
➔ Speaker-share a challenge
➔ Listener-ask only closed questions. (Yes or No answers)
➔ Reverse, only this time Listener ask only open questions?
No Solution-Oriented Questions
Solution Oriented Questions
➔ Closed Question➔ Proposing a solution in the form of a
question.➔ It asks for agreement with a
proposition- would you, could you, shouldn’t you.
➔ Subtract a few words from the front and you get a statement.
Examples➔ Could you find that information on
the Internet?
➔ How about if you took a class in that?
➔ Would it work if you gave both options and let her choose?
Replacing Solution-Oriented Questions with Open Questions
Solution-Oriented Questions
➔ Have you thought about sending her a card or some flowers to get back on her good side?
➔ Would it work to take a day off and finish your homework?
➔ Couldn’t you sell your Playstation and be done with it?
➔ If you'd take a continuing ed class, would that get you started?
Open Questions
➔ What could you do to get back on her good side?
➔ What would help you get your homework finished?
➔ What do you think the solution is with your Playstation?
➔ What’s the best way to get moving toward this goal?
Crafting Beautiful Open/Probing Questions
Goal
To help the individual fully explore, extend their thinking, and gather information on a given situation.
Basic strategy-Listen for the most important thing the individual is saying (emotions are good clues), then ask the individual a question that asks them to expand on that point.
Observation + Question
Characteristics
➔ Use the individual’s own words. ◆ Don’t paraphrase, inserting your own
thoughts
➔ Are succinct➔ Are neutral
Beautiful Probing
Questions
Scenario 1-The individual says, “I wish I could go to school and get something out of it. This drudgery is killing me.”
➔ “You said the drudgery at school is killing you. What at school feels like drudgery?” Or, “You said you wished you could get something out of school. Tell me some things you like and don’t like about school.
Scenario 2-”It’s been a difficult week. I guess I’ll just have to push through the disappointment again.”
➔ “You mentioned that it’s been a difficult week. What made it difficult?” Or, “You talked about pushing through your disappointment again. Say more about what’s going on there.”
Observation + Question
Beautiful Open/Probing Questions-Examples
➔ Tell me a little more about that.
➔ What do you think led up to this situation?
➔ When you think about that situation, what kind of feelings do you have?
➔ You mentioned that….Say more about that.
➔ When you said...what did you mean?
➔ What was most significant to you in this situation?
➔ What would be most important for us to focus on?
➔ How did that happen?
Practicing Beautiful Probing Questions
Speaker-Share a challenge you are facing.
Listener-Use the observation and question technique through the whole conversation.
Switch roles and repeat.
Debrief
Using Our Model to Ask Beautiful Questions
Encounter Probing, Open, Ownership Questions
➔ Where are we now? ◆ Describe the problem you are facing.◆ Give me some background-what led
up to this situation?◆ How might your actions have
contributed to the situation?◆ What’s most important for us to focus
on?◆ Since we can’t change the other
person, what could change about you that would make things better?
◆ Let’s say this is an opportunity to learn or grow something in you. What do you think that something could be?
Using Our Model to Ask Beautiful Questions
Experience Revealing, Permission Questions
➔ Where could we be?◆ What are all the options available to
you?◆ What are all the different possible
outcomes?◆ If you removed that limitation, then
what would you do?◆ If money, time resources, energy
wasn’t an issue, what would you do?◆ What worked for you in similar
situations in the past?◆ Put yourself in the other person’s
shoes-what can you see from their perspective?
◆ What would be the best possible outcome?
Personal Situation-Craft at least 5 questions that helps your kid encounter (where are we now?) and experience (where could we be?) a current situation.
Engage & Express
What was one “take away” from today’s session?
What’s one concrete action you will take to live it out?
Declare it! “I will…”
