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Divorce can be immensely stressful, emotionally difficult, and painful for everyone involved—especially for couples with young children–and co-parenting after divorce can be just as difficult. But it’s important for parents to take extra care to avoid letting their own grief cause harm to their kids. Here are some keys to successful co-parenting after your marriage has ended. 1. Communication is key. Even if you are no longer friendly with your ex, you need to learn how to be at least civil, especially in front of your kids, and you need to communicate effectively about matters relating to your children. It’s important that you establish a no-nonsense, business-like approach to communicating with your ex-spouse. Do not discuss old wounds, raise personal issues, or bring up hot-button topics. This is not about you, it’s about your kids. Be direct, avoid conflict and argument, and make requests rather than demands. A modicum of civility will go a long way to make this arrangement work smoothly for everyone. 2. Establish a routine. Routine is essential to children—in fact, they thrive on and crave it. It’s important that your children become comfortable and familiar with the arrangements you make. Be sure that they are aware of the custodial schedule, and be careful not to make arbitrary changes that could disrupt their routine. 3. Be consistent with your rules. Even though you are no longer together, it’s important for parents to still put up a united front for their kids. The rules for their behavior should be similar in either household, and you should not let them flaunt rules that you used to jointly enforce. Even if it personally pains you to agree with anything your ex says, it’s important that you both have the same ground rules for your kids. If you constantly contradict each other, your children may decide that there are no rules at all. Keep your kids out of conflicts with your ex. Don’t complain or speak negatively to your kids about your ex. If you need someone to confide in, talk to a friend or relative or therapist about it, not your children. Do not ask them about your ex’s life or activities, or ask them to spy for you. Don’t use them to deliver messages to your ex—you need to do that yourself. They should feel free to love the other parent without feeling they are in conflict with you. Be flexible, cooperative and willing to compromise. Things may not always go your way in regard to scheduling, and you may be tempted to make a fuss about this. Don’t, unless your ex does something egregiously inappropriate, like transporting your children across state lines without telling you, or refusing to deliver the kids to you on your appointed visitation day, or anything else that is in conflict with your court-mandated custodial arrangement. Be reasonable, keep your children’s interest uppermost in mind, and be willing to make small concessions in the interest of keeping the peace. This is not always easy to do, but it’s critical.
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A Guide to
Divorce is hard on everyone involved—especially couples with young children–and co-parenting after divorce can be just as difficult.
Here are some keys to successful co-parenting after your marriage has ended.
Communication is KeyEven if you are no longer friendly with your ex you
should at least be civil, especially in front of the kids.
Don’t:- discuss old wounds
- raise personal issues- bring up hot-button topics
Do:- Be direct
- Avoid conflict argument- Make requests, not demands
You may find it effective to establish a business-like approach to communicating with each other.
Establish a RoutineRoutine is essential to children—in fact, they
thrive on and crave it.
Be sure that they are aware of the custodial
schedule, and be careful not to make random changes that could
disrupt their routine.
It’s important that your children become
comfortable and familiar with the
arrangements you make.
Be Consistent Even though you are no longer together, it’s important for
parents to still put up a united front for their kids.
If you constantly contradict each other, your children may decide that there are no rules at all.
The rules for their behavior should be similar in both
households, and you shouldn’t let them flaunt rules that you
used to jointly enforce.
Keep the Kids out of Conflicts
If you need someone to confide in, talk to a friend, relative, or therapist
about it instead of your children.
They should feel free to love the other parent without feeling they are in conflict with you
Don’t complain or speak negatively to your kids about your ex
Be Flexible and Willing to Compromise
Things may not always go your way in regard to scheduling,
and you may be tempted to make a fuss about it, but
don’t…
Be reasonable, keep your children’s interest in mind, and be willing to compromise in order to keep the peace. This is not
always easy to do, but it is critical.
Don’t make it a big deal unless your ex does something that goes against your court-mandated custodial arrangement.
If you need legal advice pertaining to your custodial arrangements, don’t hesitate to call The Law Offices of
Lynda Hinkle today at:
(856) 227 – 7888 or visit us online at
www.lyndahinkle.com
We’ll be happy to provide a free consultati on on your legal matt er!
