August 2009 emirates woman 69

There are certain things i n l i f e t h a t re m a i n measures of happiness, br ing ing that added touch of perfection to our everyday lives.

From that fabulously fitting shoe, preferably high-tailing the name of Blahnik or Choo, to the rock that says ‘I love you’, today it seems we are all on the hunt for that perfect piece of happiness.

But somewhere along the line, perhaps between the 1950s housewife and the 1990s power woman, women all around the world developed a sense of wanting to have it all and, in turn, made perfection more than a measure of happiness – they made it a measure of themselves as a person.

PERFECTIONMYTH

the

Are you trying to be the perfect wife? Mother? Employee? Friend? Shannon Wylie discovers why the ‘Perfection Deception’ makes women miserable

feature/psychology

The occupation of just being female turned into being an A-grade mum, wife and entrepreneur all at once, not to mention the other things that one could classify themselves as in those few spare waking moments we have left in the day: friend, chef, superwoman?

But when did wanting to have it all turn into a constant battle? When did we start to wake up in the morning and decide that happiness was something that must be earned? Sure, it doesn’t grow on trees, but do we really need the perfect partner, job, house or life to measure our own worth?

Doctor Alice Domar, author, psychologist and executive director of the Domar Centre for Mind/Body Health in the United States, has undertaken many studies into the health and happiness of women. In her new book, Be Happy Without Being Perfect: How To Break Free From The Perfection Deception, Dr Alice examines why women constantly feel the need to want to do well when it comes to their job, family, friends, their home, body and everything in between.

“After years of exposure to completely unrealistic expectations being passed off as attainable, we create an image of what we should be, how our houses should look, how we should raise our children, how we should do our jobs,” she says. “We live in a pretty flawed world – who can blame us for wanting to make our little corner of it perfect?” But how perfect is too perfect?

Stacey Herbertson, an Australian fashion marketing executive, struggles on a daily basis with the idea of striving for that never-ending search for perfection, both in and out of the office and home.

“I expect to be the best and be perfect at everything I do,” the 25-year-old says. “My goals in life are to be successful, to look perfect, be happy and to have it all.”

Between living the high life in fashion and continuing further study, Stacey is highly focused on securing the perfect life. “I go to extremes with exercising and under eating when it comes to looking perfect and

Pho

tog

rAPh

y b

y L

ind

A r

ose

wA

LL w

ww

.Lin

dA

rose

wA

LL.c

om

“I expect to be the best and be perfect at everything I do. My goals in life are to be

successful, to look perfect, be happy and

to have it all.”

68 emirates woman August 2009

70 emirates woman August 2009 August 2009 emirates woman 71

better than us. Then there is competition in the workplace where survival of the fittest is inevitable.”

It would seem that no matter which direction we take in life there is a constant battle to maintain our ideal circumstances. But with these choices come some very serious consequences.

T h e p h y s i c a l h e a l t h o f perfectionists often leads to increased cortisol and stress hormones. These are fine in small amounts and are designed to protect us. However, over a long period of time, this self-induced stress is unhelpful and will often contribute to weakened immunit y. In the long ter m, constant worry and unrelenting high standards can lead to cardiovascular problems, especially if someone can’t keep up with the lifestyle they have set for themselves.

“Trying to be too perfect shows that someone is unhappy with themself or the things around them,” says Dr Melanie. “It also shows a sense of not feeling in control so they do things to supposedly give them that control. In the end, though, they

are never satisfied, never happy and have no idea how to live in the moment. This often results in their quality of life going out the window. They are like a mouse on a wheel but don’t know how to get off and appreciate the life that they do have.”

Kelly Grant, who set up home nine years ago in Bahrain, is someone who is learning to adjust to a life that allows her to work and enjoy her family. A full-time mother to son Noah, two, and daughter Jude, eleven months, wife, full-time student and professional, she says, “I don’t have it all, but certainly want it. When I was pregnant with my daughter I didn’t get to complete my university course. I still berate myself over it because I would be so much further along if I hadn’t [fallen pregnant].”

Behind the 31-year-old’s door there is a lot of planning, juggling and serious time management. “I have a calendar on the kitchen wall with time limits for everything. My husband laughs at me, but it works. Whenever I am cooking I am able to go over things and work things out in my head, my plan of attack. It’s all about perspective; if you think you can’t do it, you won’t be able to.”

Dr Alice says that whether women are striving for perfection in the home, at work, with friends, family or loved ones, there is a certain stage of realisation. She says women need to know that “you can be happier, yet it isn't always about being perfect”.

“You can take better care of yourself. You can feel healthier, more content, and more satisfied. These may sound like pie-in-the-sky goals, but you can achieve them far more easily than you realise,” she advises. And how does she suggest we do this? “You can be happier by re-framing your expectations and embracing an imperfect life. You can be happy without being perfect.” n

Be Happy Without Being Perfect: How To Break Free From The Perfection Deception by Dr Alice Domar is available at Kinokuniya Books, Dhs90. For more information on dealing with perfection contact Powwer Living, (04) 3411040 or Well Woman Clinic, (04) 3327117.

I spend all my money on the very best clothes and accessories to make sure I look the best.”

The problem Stacey and many others face is the constant spiral of dissatisfaction that comes with being a perfectionist. “Whenever I don’t reach my expectations I become emotionally depressed,” she says. “I avoid people, socialising and even going outside. In the past, my high expectations of myself have also affected my physical health. I became too skinny and would often not eat for up to 10 days at a time.”

So how does she maintain not only a hectic lifestyle, but perfectionist-induced plans? “I often have long term and short term goals, including daily goals that I write in a book,” she says. “I read or refer to them all day if I need to so I stay on track with what I want to achieve. This can often distract me from other things going on in my life and I become disinterested in anything but achieving my goals. I will never be happy until I am the best I can be.”

Ahlaam Ali, Lifestyle and Nutrition consultant at Powwer Living in Dubai, knows first hand the extremes women are willing to go to in their quest to combat being imperfect in a physical sense. “We get requests all the time from women who want to look like Hollywood and Bollywood stars,” she says. “These are the women who constantly look for new methods of looking younger, thinner, sexier and prettier. They will try all the procedures and will be the first to trial them as well.”

But the endless drive for perfection extends a long way past physical appearance. Belinda Silling, 32, admits that her need to excel in every facet of her life has left her not only exhausted, but bitter. “I work in a very competitive industry,” says the graphic designer. “I know that I’m only as good as my last design, so I spend every moment in the office trying to create something to blow my bosses away. I feel personally insulted when someone else is praised for their work and I read it as a message to me that I must work harder.” And things don’t get any easier when she signs off for the day. “I race home to have the children bathed before my husband gets home,” the mother of three admits. “We have a maid, but I know that my mother-in-law used to cook every night and I don’t want my husband to think I’m less than perfect as a wife. So, I do have dinner ready and on the table by the time he walks through the door in the evening and I won’t cook the same thing twice.” Even when dinner is served, Belinda laments, her day isn’t over. “While my husband is showering, I quickly phone my girlfriends to catch up on their days so they have no reason to think I’m anything less than the perfect friend.” And is she happy? “I’m sure I could be doing more,” she says.

The assumption that women need to be perfect often stems from a common thread, Dr Melanie Schlatter from the Well Woman Clinic, Dubai, notes. She explains that women will often say that what they are now is not good enough and not acceptable, so they feel they have to do more, be more, have more.

“From school where the pressure is on to get high grades, to competing for a place at the right university, we gain a sense that anything less than perfect is unacceptable,” says Dr Melanie. “We have friends around us who have more than us or who we feel are

feature/psychology

ALice domAr’s tiPs for A hAPPy ever AfterDistortion: All-or-nothing thinking

you look at everything in extremes so

that things are either good or bad, with

nothing in between.

Example: if you find yourself in the

slowest line at the supermarket you say,

“i always pick the wrong line.”

Tell yourself: “how nice to have a

few minutes with nothing to do and

nothing bothering me. i think i’ll read

a magazine.”

Distortion: Mental filter

believing you have to be the best,

otherwise you’re a failure.

Example: you miss one exercise

class out of 10 and you criticise

yourself for not being able to stick

to a workout plan.

Tell yourself: “i’m doing great because

i made it to 90 per cent of my classes.”

Distortion: ‘Should’ statements

Putting too much onus on your abilities

and managing realistic expectations.

Examples: you tell yourself: “i should

be able to keep the house looking

clean and neat all the time. it should

never be messy.”

Tell yourself: “maybe my house is

messy, but at least it’s clean.”

Distortion: Mind reading

Always thinking that the fault lies with

you, regardless of the situation.

Example: your partner, who’s usually

very sociable after dinner, says he wants

to be alone. you assume it’s because he

is annoyed with you.

Tell yourself: “i’ll ask him if we’re oK,

and if he says yes, i’ll assume he’s upset

about something that has nothing to do

with me. i can’t assume that i’m the only

person he gets annoyed with.”

Pho

tog

rAPh

y b

y L

ind

A r

ose

wA

LL w

ww

.Lin

dA

rose

wA

LL.c

om

“In the past, my high expectations

of myself have also affected my physical health.

I became too skinny and would

often not eat for up to 10 days at a time.”

106 emirates woman October 2009 October 2009 emirates woman 107

108 emirates woman October 2009 October 2009 emirates woman 109

o one seems to be able to get enough of Scarlett Johansson. The New Yorker who grew up in front of the camera and cemented her name in the Hollywood Hills is now more than ever making her mark in show business and there aren’t many who don’t want a piece of the action. But don’t label her merely a movie star with the usual cash cow qualities just yet. While she may be the subject of Woody Allen’s attention and an award

winning actress she has spread her glamorous reach to the world of fashion and music, too. Starring as the face of Dolce & Gabbana’s new make-up collection and honing her vocals as a blossoming musician, Ms Johansson isn’t about to disappear behind the curtains, like many a child star, anytime soon. With the spotlight firmly fixed on the modern-day Marilyn, 24-year-old Scarlett is embracing her new found success with a slow and steady salute to stardom.

Born November 22, 1984, to a Danish father and an American mother, Scarlett was the third out of four siblings to take to the stage alongside her twin brother, Hunter. “I never struggled with trying to figure out what it was I wanted to do or what made the sparks go for me. I always had that huge ‘laaa’ aspect to me.” And so Scarlett began her career aged nine in the feature film, North. While the movie didn’t skyrocket her career it certainly positioned her as one to watch. In 1996, only two years after hitting the big screen, Scarlett earned herself a nomination for an Independent Spirit Award for Best Lead Female in Manny & Lo. She had a few minor roles in If Lucy Fell, Home Alone 3 and Fall before being nominated again in 1998 for the Most Promising Newcomer in The Horse Whisperer. Ghost World was her next big hit in 2001 which saw her nominated for three Best Supporting Actress Awards. It was Lost in Translation, which won the Golden Globe for Best Motion Picture, however, that cemented her name as Hollywood hot property. The then 18-year-old, who played a 25-year-old opposite Bill Murray, took home the BAFTA Award for Best Actress in a Leading Role. Several critically acclaimed roles followed in Girl with a Pearl Earring, A Love Song for Bobby Long and Match Point which was her first lead role in a Woody Allen flick. Scarlett’s roles following The Nanny Diaries made sure her reputation was rich with success. She went on to share the screen with Natalie Portman and Eric Bana in The Other Boleyn Girl, and Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz in Vicki Christina Barcelona, before being cast in the all-star films He’s Just Not that Into You and Iron Man 2. With 30 movies strongly secured under her fashionable belt and a bright future on the acting horizon this classic beauty refocused her attentions and took to testing the waters in other areas.

With an obvious sense of style and a face for fashion, Scarlett took advantage of her ability to transform in front of the camera, becoming the face of Dolce and Gabbana’s new cosmetics collection.

She speaks of being able to “capture all of women’s graces. That to me, is what makes this campaign so special.” Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana reflect on this though and identify why they choose Scarlett as the face of their new cosmetics collection.

“She is a simple and objective young woman and she has her feet well planted on the ground, maybe because her success did not come all of a sudden, but she has built it up step by step. A little bit like it happened to us, we have never had a proper boom,” said Dolce & Gabbana.

Aside from Scarlett’s subtle approach to fame and fortune the designers identify this as being a perfect entry level for universal appeal. “Scarlett is a woman that women like. She is beautiful, but not perfect, she is glamorous because of her job, but in her everyday life she could easily resemble your girl next door,” says Domenico. Stefano continues with, “that’s what we like about her. She interprets a role and she is very good at it, but at the same time she manages to stay real.”

The collection itself symbolises a characteristic charm of modern make-up, striking and unforgettable. And from the campaign to the formulation of a brand, Scarlett screams success. “We have carefully chosen with whom we collaborate to develop the technical aspects of the products, but choosing Scarlett was an instinctive choice,” explains Stefano. While the men of the iconic label are undoubtedly fans of the starlet, don’t be mistaken for thinking she is their muse. “We do not have a muse. The time for muses is long gone,” says Stefano. “As far as we are concerned, we loved her being a strong woman with a very well-defined personality. She knows what she wants, but she does not take herself too seriously.” Domenico chimes “we immediately loved her being ironic as well as the way she plays being a young diva. One day femme fatale, the day after she’s the girl next door.”

IMA

GE

ROBE

RT B

ELLA

MY

110 emirates woman October 2009

Even Scarlett herself identifies with the importance of knowing who you are as a woman and enveloping that essence. So she says of being the face of Dolce & Gabbana The Make Up, “it’s a celebration of femininity. I enjoy being a girl. I like being feminine and celebrating that part of myself. Some girls are uncomfortable with being girls. They don’t know how to be in their bodies but that was never for me.” Scarlett even goes so far as to say that women shouldn’t be scared of embracing being able to have fun doing all things girly. “I think some girls are afraid of make-up because they don’t know how to apply it properly, so they just don’t wear it,” she says. “I always tell my friends that if the make-up doesn’t look good, you can always just wash it off.”

Scarlett certainly knows the importance of relating to a brand and Dolce and Gabbana quite clearly saw this trait. “We wanted to capture the essence of the glamour of Hollywood and at the same time we wanted to have a face with whom women could easily identify,” said Domenico. “Elegant, sophisticated, beautiful.” The inspiration is a mix of the modern Marilyn together with the Dolce&Gabbana woman, who is glamourous, confident and somewhat sensual.

Scarlett seems to be oozing Marilyn-esque appeal of late. She’s set to play the Hollywood star in My Week with Marilyn. While with those luscious lips, blonde bob, curvaceous body and blue eyes she may look a lot like Marilyn, does Scarlett relate to the famous actress? “Personally? No, no, no, no.” The film, which focuses on the making of The Prince and the Showgirl, will see Scarlett personify the vulnerable Ms Monroe. This is perhaps why Scarlett doesn’t associate with the actress herself, considering that off screen she is highly confident and self-possesed, which she attributes to her upbringing.

“My mother is a very confident woman. She’s beautiful and she always loved fixing herself up and wearing make-up and doing her hair. I wanted to be like her. And since nobody made me feel self-conscious, I was a confident kid.” Fortunately this allowed Scarlett to maintain a semi-structured life off camera as well as maintaining some form of normality at home. As far as Scarlett is concerned this means keeping her private life private which recently caused a media frenzy. After a whirlwind romance with Canadian actor Ryan Reynolds, Scarlett tied the knot in September last year which set the paparazzi and gossip queens’ tongues a-wagging. But as far as she is concerned it is nobody else’s business. “I guess I try to be under the radar. I’m not a flashy kind of person. I don’t walk around town in five-inch heels, I try and live as normal a life as possible.” Which in Scarlett’s eyes means not opening up about life and love as a celebrity. In the past she has been linked with fellow actor Josh Hartnett as well as Jack Antonoff. A member of the band Steel Train, Jack is notoriously known for his song Better Love, which is about pining for the actress. Rumours also surfaced about a relationship with musician Justin Timberlake, after she starred as his love interest in his What Goes Around Comes music video, but whom she refuses to admit any romantic connection with.

From musical men to making noise of her own, Scarlett has extended her range of talents to include budding singer. Her debut album Anywhere I Lay My Head was released last year to mixed reviews and failed to make an impression on the music scene. The collection of songs includes one original score and 10 covers of Tom Waits tunes with guest vocals by a number of musicians including David Bowie. So what made Scarlett decide to leap into music? “I had this golden opportunity to record and thought I would do maybe an album of standards, because I’m not a songwriter. I’m a vocalist.” Second time around she teamed up with Pete Yorn, an American pop singer to release her second album titled Break Up, and it seems that Josh Harnett was the catalyst for the album. The songs which were actually recorded in 2006 cast memories back on her time spent with the heart-throb. So with two albums under her belt the star reflects on the projects and whether it would be worthwhile to idly continue ambling down the music path. “I don’t think I’d do covers again, so it’d be a project that I have to dedicate myself to. I feel like that’s something for the future.”

With no signs of slowing down it seems inevitable that this highly talented musician, model and movie star is on track to becoming the next iconic name in Hollywood. “No, being an icon to me is something that comes from time and years, and I think I feel probably 50 years away from,” she pauses. “From being an icon. Hopefully!”

WR

ITTE

N A

ND

CO

MP

ILE

D B

Y S

hA

NN

ON

WY

LIE

AN

D A

NIT

A q

uA

DE

. Ph

OTO

S: A

fP P

hO

TO. g

ETT

Y IM

Ag

ES

Ever wondered how starlets manage to always look red carpet-ready? There are a few long lasting tips that will have you glowing for weeks. We check out the experts in the Middle East that can help you fake it.

Long live beauty

BEAUTY Insider knowledge

The seven-day glowBeing glamorously golden can be as much a part of a celebrity’s CV as their acting credentials. All you have to do is scan the red carpet. The best bit is you too can get a gorgeous glow that will set you in stead with the likes of Jennifer Aniston. But don’t be mistaken for thinking any old faux tan will do the trick, one false decision and you could very well be sporting the colour of a basketball.

Straight from the US, Fantasy Tan is one of the original and leading spray tans on the market. The bronzing mist is so good it is contracted by Disney, Sony and Universal Studios for their celebrities making it one of the hottest spray tan products available. Introduced to Pastels Salon, Dubai by Ferne Lategan, Fantasy Tan is leading the airbrushing trade in the city. “The difference is you can actually choose what colour you want. Most fake tans are available in medium to dark but with Fantasy Tan you can custom mix your own colour,”she explains. Lasting around seven days, the tan will be perfect for a light winter glow or a bronzed beach beauty look, whatever the season. Forget bottle sprays and while the hot summer sun may have retreated leaving a serious temptation to bake on the beach in the cooler light of day but in fact the search for that perfect golden tan has stopped at Pastels.www.pastels-salon.com

Month-long lashesPerhaps the only real secret to longer, thicker and curlier lashes are false ones. Forget mascaras,

Hollywood’s most glamorous know how to do it properly with the least amount of hassle and fuss but with maximum results. Think of Jennifer Lopez’s perfect batting lashes and Victoria Beckham’s

stunning stare. It’s no wonder these women constantly look perfect. All they do is wake up and walk out the door, with minimal make-up required. Voila. Yes, you can apply your own lashes, which leave

clumps of glue stuck to your lids and that only last one occasion but why bother? It’s amazing the difference false eyelashes can make to your appearance and Sisters Beauty Lounge in Dubai knows

how to make it happen. Their trained staff are able to create the lash factor you require. Not only does wearing false lashes open the eye, they also enhance your look from a washed out housewife to a

brazen beauty depending on the type of lash you get. Sisters Beauty Salon use Lash Perfect from the UK. The false eyelashes come in various colours and

lengths to suit any individual eye shape and colour. Individual lashes are adhered to your original lashes and for six weeks you’ll have perfect bat-worthy lids. That and you’ll notice a significant

decrease in the time you need to spend applying make-up. For a dramatic look the full fit is used starting at Dhs600 while a half fit starting at Dhs200 will ensure your lashes look

natural yet full of volume.www.sistersbeautylounge.com

Luminous skinHollywood blonde Kate Bosworth is known to have one of the most luminous complexions in Tinseltown – always treading the red carpet with a flawless face.

Everyone needs a helping hand when it comes to looking their best and the key is keeping skin in tip-top shape with regular visits to a skin professional.

Many of the social set and Bollywood stars have Dr Maria Khattar, from Dubai’s Aesthetica Clinic, on speed dial. She is the woman wonder acclaimed around town for reviving dull complexions and turning back the clock.

She appraises a client’s age and skin type and devises a plan to get them glowing, which can include treatments including peels and mesotherapy to help maintain a natural lustre.

For those who need a little more help with problem skin including open pores and pigmentation, she recommends fractional resurfacing lasers.

“I would recommend the Pixel xl by Alma lasers and RF Pixel which are a prime treatment for acne scars,” she says

While getting a helping hand from an expert is ideal, Dr Maria says the basics of a healthy lifestyle, good nutrition and proper hydration play a role in maintaining healthy, radiant looking skin as well. Contact Dr Maria at www.aesthetica.com

Luscious locks

Ever wondered how Katrina Kaif, Cheryl Cole or Heidi Klum always manage to have picture perfect hair in just the right shade? Maria Dowling knows their secrets.

A hairdresser for 21 years, Maria knows a thing or two about colour, and she delivers every time. Working from her salon in Dubai she continues to transform the looks and lifestyles of women with colour and style. That is if you can get in to see her. The rich and famous of Dubai have her on speed dial and the fashion crowd wait months for an appointment. But ask anyone who’s been there, it is well worth the wait.

The beauty of a good colourist is that they can recreate your whole look to perfection and this season the colours of choice are blonde or anything dark. If you’re not naturally these shades, it takes the work of a master hairdresser to maintain. Although colours don’t fade as fast, you won’t end up with rusty orange instead of that auburn redness you so richly desired and she’ll even match the correct shade of colour to your face. But don’t be fooled into thinking that a fresh dose of dye will fix all of your hair

dilemmas and have you looking like Nicole Kidman. “Looking after your

hair and scalp is as important as looking after your skin,” says Maria.

With winter encroaching and the tendency for hair to dry out it is vital to give your locks the nutrients they require.

Coming highly recommended by Maria Dowling are the Kerastase In-salon treatments designed to nourish and moisturise your hair as is the Panpuri Detox treatment which deeply cleanses and removes any build up of products. Your locks will be forever preened and lush.

www.mariadowling.com

47