And now a word from Allison MacFarlane, head of the United States Nuclear Regulatory

Commission.

Dear Friends,

I just want to reassure all of you that these three successful attempts at hacking our website is

nothing to concern yourselves with. You can sleep well at night knowing that no one is going

to get into our site computers and click that little box that says, "Turn off pumps to cooling

pool so that water heats up and we have an explosion, not a megaton kind of thing, just on

on-going little fire sending radioactive materials across the United States."

No. Don't worry. Be happy. I am working as every bit as seriously as the president is working

at solving little problems like where to store all the decades of nuclear waste we have

accumulated from our hundred reactors here in the U.S. and the retired reactor cores as well.

It seems those red and blue governors are equally selfish about not wanting nuclear waste

stored in their states. Just because we have lost control of our one and only underground

storage site in New Mexico which is still on fire doesn't mean there is no safe place on earth

to store nuclear waste. I am sure we can pay someone, maybe Indonesia, or I know, the rebels

who hold parts of Somalia--yes, I am sure we can negotiate with someone soon a happy

ending to our little problem of storing nuclear waste.

And as for that little box someone might check that sets off a nuclear incident so that we may

have to evacuate Los Angeles or New York City? I will tell you what I really believe deep

down inside and you will know you can trust me absolutely on this because I am so

convincing and charming when I speak, especially when I smile, "I truly in my heart of hearts

feel that if we just ignore these 'hypothetical problems' then they will not even exist."

That is all for today. I will keep you posted with my weekly radio broadcasts which have

been a lot of fun for me to do because I know the whole world loves the sound of my voice,

my word choices involving ordinary folksy conversation style diction and intonation patterns

with an occasional meaningful pause which indicates how intelligent I am. Why no one loves

to hear me speak as much as I love to hear me speak. And most of all I love to use pronouns

like "me" and "i." Every time I talk about myself in a speech, sometimes hundreds of little

"me, me, me," it makes me feel so good inside. I love my country. Where else can someone

rise from the ashes of of despair and become the voice hope for his people, his country, and

his world. Everything I do, I do it all for you. And as for those complaining that I play too

much golf since I have been appointed director of the NRC I just want to remind you that

even when a man is shaving he can be thinking about work and so in effect he is working.

And even playing a round of golf, trying to decide if today I should go for the iron or stick to

the driver or the wood when teeing off, even then I want you all to know how much the safety

of our great country is in my heart and in my thoughts.

And when I climb in that golf cart and hear that little electric motor humming to me as those

little wheels begin to spin and we lurch forward, I want you all to know that even then I have

got your back. That is all.

Allison MacFarlane, NRC director

http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2014/08/20/hackers-attack-nuclear-regulatory-

commission/?intcmp=latestnews