Embed Size (px)
Citation preview
Love and LogicLove and LogicKelley PeelKelley Peel
L & L vs. FrustrationL & L vs. Frustration
► Connecting kid Connecting kid behavior to behavior to consequenceconsequence
► Empathy allows Empathy allows consequence to do the consequence to do the teaching. teaching.
► Focus is on bad Focus is on bad decisiondecision
► Separating Separating consequence and consequence and behavior with either behavior with either warnings, second warnings, second chances, or a lot of chances, or a lot of anger. anger.
► Anger shifts focus from Anger shifts focus from behavior to parentbehavior to parent
Four Steps to ResponsibilityFour Steps to Responsibility
1.1. Give child a task he/she can handle.Give child a task he/she can handle.2.2. Hope the child “blows” it.Hope the child “blows” it.3.3. Let equal parts of empathy and Let equal parts of empathy and
consequence do the teaching.consequence do the teaching.4.4. Give the same task again.Give the same task again.
Give Task Child can HandleGive Task Child can Handle
►Builds responsibilityBuilds responsibility►Prepares children for the real worldPrepares children for the real world►Develops self-conceptDevelops self-concept
Hope that the Child “Blows” it…Hope that the Child “Blows” it…
►…….so the child has a learning experience .so the child has a learning experience when the price is small. when the price is small.
Let = Parts of Empathy & Let = Parts of Empathy & Consequences do the TeachingConsequences do the Teaching
►Empathy allows learning, rather than focus Empathy allows learning, rather than focus on adult angeron adult anger
►Empathy builds relationshipEmpathy builds relationship►Empathy stimulates thinkingEmpathy stimulates thinking►Consequences allow children to “own” Consequences allow children to “own”
problemproblem►Consequences are Real WorldConsequences are Real World
Anger:Anger:
► Child looks at adult, Child looks at adult, instead of decisioninstead of decision
Empathy & Empathy & Consequence:Consequence:
► Child looks at his/her Child looks at his/her life and his/her life and his/her decisionsdecisions
One-Liners said with CompassionOne-Liners said with Compassion
► ““Probably so.”Probably so.”► ““I know.”I know.”► ““Nice Try.”Nice Try.”► ““I’ll love you wherever you live.”I’ll love you wherever you live.”► ““I bet it feels that way.”I bet it feels that way.”► ““What do you think you’re going to do?What do you think you’re going to do?
One-Liners ContinuedOne-Liners Continued
► ““I don’t know. What do you think?”I don’t know. What do you think?”► ““Bummer. How sad.”Bummer. How sad.”► ““Thanks for sharing.”Thanks for sharing.”► ““That’s an option.”That’s an option.”► ““I bet that is true.”I bet that is true.”► ““I love you too much to argue.”I love you too much to argue.”
2 Guarantees Every Day2 Guarantees Every Day
We either get ourselves into a mess or We either get ourselves into a mess or someone else dumps a mess into our lives. someone else dumps a mess into our lives.
We need our kids to be solid in either We need our kids to be solid in either situation. situation.
►Message: “You’re smart and I know you can Message: “You’re smart and I know you can learn from your mistakes.”learn from your mistakes.”
►Communicates TRUST.Communicates TRUST.►Says: “YOU ARE CAPABLE.”Says: “YOU ARE CAPABLE.”
The Science of ControlThe Science of Control
When we share control, When we share control, we get our share.we get our share.
When we hoard the control, When we hoard the control, we soon lose it all. we soon lose it all.
We either give controlWe either give controlor the other personor the other person
takes it!takes it!
The Art of ControlThe Art of Control
I will always provide two alternatives, eitherI will always provide two alternatives, eitherof which will make me deliriously happy!of which will make me deliriously happy!
Magic PhrasesMagic Phrasesfor Stating Choicesfor Stating Choices
►What would be best for you…What would be best for you…
►Would you rather….Would you rather….
►Feel Free to…Feel Free to…
►You can either…..You can either…..
Consultant parents take good care of Consultant parents take good care of themselves in front of the kids…themselves in front of the kids…
► They never tell a kid what to do.They never tell a kid what to do.► They get better results by saying what They get better results by saying what they’rethey’re
going to do.going to do.► They offer choices and alternatives instead of They offer choices and alternatives instead of
orders. orders. ► When confronted with a problem, consultant When confronted with a problem, consultant
parents use meaningful actions and parents use meaningful actions and fewfew words. words. They wrap consequences in a loving blanket of They wrap consequences in a loving blanket of empathy. empathy.
Strategic Training Session: I will Strategic Training Session: I will conduct the training session whenconduct the training session when
►Time: I have the time.Time: I have the time.►Energy: I have the EnergyEnergy: I have the Energy►Support: I have someone to support my Support: I have someone to support my
actions.actions.►Rehearsal: I have rehearsed & can’t wait to Rehearsal: I have rehearsed & can’t wait to
practice my new technique. practice my new technique.
As soon as the child is able As soon as the child is able to suffer the consequences, to suffer the consequences,
he/she can make the he/she can make the decisions.decisions.
How to Destroy the Teaching Value How to Destroy the Teaching Value of a Logical Consequence of a Logical Consequence
► Say, “This will teach you a good lesson.”Say, “This will teach you a good lesson.”► Anger or disgustAnger or disgust► Explain the value of the consequenceExplain the value of the consequence► Moralize or threatenMoralize or threaten► Talk to muchTalk to much► Feel sorry and “give in.”Feel sorry and “give in.”► Contrive a consequence for the purpose of Contrive a consequence for the purpose of
“getting even.”“getting even.”
