11 Things Good Parents Don’t Do When

Raising Their Teens

1.

The first thing good parents don’t do is to convince their child that he or she is such a unique snowflake that their interests and

passions will take them wherever they want to go.  Good parents help their child to understand that they have to combine their passion with a certain amount of skill and a group of people

interested in both.

2.

Good parents don’t force their child onto an occupational path because of family tradition or for a desire for prestige.  Good

parents have done the research, looked at their own lives, and understand that, more likely than not, their child will have several

careers over their professional lifetime.  In fact, good parents make sure that their teens have a vocation, something outside the life of the mind. This will put them more in touch with how most of the

world lives and it may even give them a skill that will help them pay the bills or survive while they’re waiting to get tenure or

partnership.

3.

The third thing good parents don’t do is confuse their teen about the path to mastery and the role of failure. Good parents let their child know there will be several times along each path that they travel

where they will meet with failure. They will teach their child to regard and reframe failure as challenge and feedback. They will

teach them that happiness is fleeting but joy is not.

4.

. Good parents don’t teach their kids that micro-aggressions are real things. Good parents teach their kids that the world is made up of incredible, striving, interesting human beings. It doesn’t matter the geography, the profession, or the race - 12% of the people in any of these categories will be complete dirtbags. People will be curious, and people may come across as rude, but your teen’s job is to figure out why this person was placed in their path. Your teen's

job is to learn from this person. Your teen’s job is to be equally curious and possibly risk offending by asking about who other people are. If the conversation is cut off at the start, the bridges that need to be built will never gain support. If micro-aggressions had been a "thing"

35 years ago, I would have missed out on two of my closest friends.

5.

Good parents  do not pretend that the rest of the village does not exist. They take care of their own children and they also reach out to other teens who may not have anyone to turn to for guidance.

This is not only the kind thing to do but it will keep t safer. Societies survival may well depend on more parents observing this will.

6.

Good parents don’t let their children develop nature deficit disorder. Good parents bring their children out into nature so that their

children can experience better health and respect for the environment for more than an academic or political place.

7.

Good parents don’t allow their children to become sheep. They train their children to become shepherds or sheepdogs, whichever part of

that metaphor works better for me. Teddy Roosevelt's father told him that it was wonderful that he was good and kind.  His father followed with the advice that Teddy also needed to be physically

and mentally tough because many people would mock him and take advantage of his kindness and goodness. Good parents don’t teach

their children that it’s wrong to fight.

7a.

Bonus Tip for the parents of teen boys: The desire for big biceps does not equate to an unhealthy masculine identity. http://

www.thecollegefix.com/post/24488/

7b.

Bonus Tip for parents of teen girls: Teaching girls to defend themselves does not shift the responsibility to them for male

violence against females. Girls need to learn how to fight. Period.

8.

Good parents don’t make their kids feel so special that they kill their ability for empathy. 

9.

Good parents don’t teach their teens that politics and politicians are the answer to anything. Kim Jong-un is a politician - at the highest

level. Good parents teach their teens that they should strive to ensure their personal liberty and the liberty of those around them.

10.

. Good parents don’t insist that their child specialize. As the author Robert Heinlein stated, "Specialization is for insects." There are rare exceptions to this but see the first point above

about your child being a special snowflake.

11.

Good parents don’t use discipline as a verb.  They use it as a noun.