Success From the Inside-Out

Stafford Life Coaching [email protected]

Success From the Inside-Out

Stafford Life Coaching

Purpose • Passion • Self-Empowerment

Module #1


“In the school of life there are no

right or wrong answers,

only further learning opportunities.

All of the tests are open book,

open notes,

open mind and open heart.

And, it’s all self scoring!”

William Stafford


GUIDELINES FOR YOUR JOURNEY

1.Commitment to Self

•Physical exercise

•Mental stimulation•Emotional cleansing•Spiritual connection

2. Do more of what works and less of what doesn’t.

3. Use everything for your growth and learning.

4. Practice the art of inner peace.


Success From the Inside-Out Is:

• Heart Centered• Character based• Inside-Out

Approach to interpersonal effectiveness!


“People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Abraham

Lincoln


When you talk with someone do you:

Talk at them:(You talk, I run.)


Talk to you.-One direction-

I talk, you (pretend to) listen.(My mother used to give me, “A good talking to”.)


Talk with you.

(Inclusive-Together)


Take a deep, cleansing breath and relax

Remove distractions, as much as possible

Sit (or face) the other person directly, with an open body posture

Focus on listening as your first priority in the conversation

How to Prepare for "Active Listening”


ACTIVE LISTENINGWhen listening to the other person’s point of view, the following responses are often helpful:

What to Do How to Say It Encourage (Optional) the other person to share

his or her issues as fully as possible. "I want to understand what has upset you."

"I am interested in hearing your views/opinions on the matter."

Restate what you have heard, so you are both able to see what has been understood so far - it may be that the other person will then realize

that additional information is needed.

"What I heard you say is… Is that accurate?"“If I heard you correctly… Is that it?”

Validate the concerns of the other person, even if a solution is elusive at this time.

Expressing appreciation can be a very

powerful message if it is conveyed with

integrity and respect

"I really appreciate that we are talking about this issue."

“Thank you for sharing this with me."


Victim vs. Ownership

VICTIMWho Can I Blame?

I will try

I win – You lose

They

I have to

You make me feel…

OWNERSHIPWhat Can I Do/How can I help?

Yes I will or No I won’t

We all win or no deal(Team)

We

I choose to

My feelings are my responsibility


This is the way the voice in our head works.

gethavemake ($)

happy successful content

When I

then I will

be

(feel)


What is conflict?

Any situation in which your concerns or desires differ from those of another

person. Differences of opinion.


Conflict

• Conflict is a part of life• Leaders deal with conflict everyday• Skillful and creative conflict fosters

innovation and greater productivity


What Conflict Looks Like


Threatening postures and facial expressions


Argument

I’m right, you’re wrong


Verbal threats, attacks and abuse

• Name Calling• Put Downs• Blaming• Yelling


Physical acts of aggressionand abuse

• Hitting • Spitting


How Conflict Grows

• Lack of clarity or information• Lying & cheating• Bad information (lies/non-intentional)• Not listening• Drama


Four Behavior Patterns

(Not good or bad, right or wrong but too much of anything…) Not the only ways but these are a few of the more

common


Outer Behavior

Become conscious of your behavior. Become clear about the control

drama you learned as a child. Notice your behavior when you are under stress or anxious about something.


Bully – Intimidator

Belligerent, impatient, rigid, angry, intimidate or dominate others.

“My way or the highway.”

“I’m not the problem, you are.”


Bully - Interrogator

Suspicious of others, or feel they are not paying enough attention. Pick

on others, cross-exam.


Avoider

“I’ll think about it tomorrow.”

Unwilling to reveal yourself for fear of being judged.


Victim – “Poor Me.”

Always complaining and focusing on problems, hoping that others will

come to your rescue. Victim.


Four Behavior Patterns

Inner Struggles

“Underneath anger is hurt.”See the hurt, pain and suffering in the other person.

View them with empathy.


BULLY - Intimidator

• Fear of being controlled.• Fear of not enough.• No one notices me.• No one cares.• I have to do it all alone.• No one ever took care of me.

INNER STRUGGLES


Avoider

• I’m not sure I can survive.• I don’t trust myself; I’m afraid• I’ll be trapped and I won’t be able

to perform.• I don’t know what I feel.

INNER STRUGGLES


Victim

• I do so much, no one sees me.

• I don’t know how to get energy any other way.

• If I change, you won’t love me.

• You don’t really care about me.

• You need me, I need you.• I need recognition.

INNER STRUGGLES


Care-frontation

• Let Everyone Speak (Talking Stick Model)

• Don’t Take Things Personally

• Choose Your Battles

• Avoid Gossip/Negativity

• Use Active Listening

• Be Open to Compromise (Win Win or No Deal)

• Find a Mediator (Ask for assistance)


Care-frontation

I Care Enough About You (and the issue) to:

Listen-Reflect-Assist


“Creating a life beyond your dreams!”

• What do YOU want? • How can I experience more Joy?

• How can I be more Present? • Is there More to this life for me?

When we align our thoughts, emotions and actions with that highest part of ourselves, we are naturally filled with enthusiasm, purpose and meaning. Life becomes rich, full and joyous. We are in the "flow," a life with grace and ease.

To reach this higher level of existence we must actively work our process and come into alignment with our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects.

· Live each day to the fullest/Make each moment count

· Find the blessings in each life experience you encounter

· Step through your fear and become more balanced in all areas of your life

· Release limiting beliefs/judgments while learning the practice of Self-Forgiveness

· Feel free to be you and love unconditionally

Let the journey begin!


Bill is a national public speaker, author, seminar facilitator and has also been a featured guest on local radio and television programs. He assists others to unleash their creativity, improve business and personal relationships, and create lives of purpose, balance and authentic self-empowerment.

He combines a depth and wealth of experience and passion to his work with earned Master of Arts degrees in both Music Education and Spiritual Psychology. His unique style of compassionate acceptance, non-judgmental detachment and humor has been successful in inspiring and empowering individuals to lead more fulfilling heart centered lives.

Bill Stafford“Magnificent” is a choice!

To have Bill speak to your group or learn more about our programs:[email protected]

Self Improvement

Success From the Inside-Out