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The Marriage Dilemma:

The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

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In Islam, it’s no secret that parents are a direct gateway to Jannah for their children. As Parents, you possess infinite importance, and this is mentioned numerous times throughout the Qur’an and teachings of the Prophet SAW. However, with great power comes great responsibility, and as parents you have the great responsibility of ensuring that your children grow up to lead Islamic-orientated lives in order to preserve the Ummah. One of your main duties as a parent involves selecting spouses for your children so they may cultivate fulfilling and successful marriages Insha’Allah. Over the years, we’ve been fortunate enough to have seen hundreds of parents register with Pure Matrimony in the hope of finding their children suitable spouses. We understand that it’s a daunting task, but it is one that carries much reward. We’ve also spent a lot of time helping and educating parents on how to make this process easier, which is why we put together this report. We wanted to make parents fully aware of the issues and problems of finding a spouse for their children, plus we also wanted to help parents support their children in the right way, as the Prophet SAW advised. Unfortunately, marriage in Western societies is taking a back seat, as ‘co-habitation’ and having numerous partners is the norm. Alhamdulillah, Muslims have been blessed with a faith that not only emphasises the significance of marriage, but strongly encourages it more than any other religion.

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Page 1: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

The Marriage

Dilemma:

Page 2: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

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Page 3: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

INTRODuCTION

In Islam, it’s no secret that parents are a direct gateway to Jannah for their

children. As Parents, you possess infinite importance, and this is mentioned

numerous times throughout the Qur’an and teachings of the Prophet SAW.

However, with great power comes great responsibility, and as parents you

have the great responsibility of ensuring that your children grow up to lead

Islamic-orientated lives in order to preserve the Ummah. One of your main

duties as a parent involves selecting spouses for your children so they may

cultivate fulfilling and successful marriages Insha’Allah.

Over the years, we’ve been fortunate enough to have seen hundreds of

parents register with Pure Matrimony in the hope of finding their children

suitable spouses. We understand that it’s a daunting task, but it is one that

carries much reward.

We’ve also spent a lot of time helping and educating parents on how to make

this process easier, which is why we put together this report. We wanted to

make parents fully aware of the issues and problems of finding a spouse for

their children, plus we also wanted to help parents support their children in

the right way, as the Prophet SAW advised.

Unfortunately, marriage in Western societies is taking a back seat, as ‘co-

habitation’ and having numerous partners is the norm. Alhamdulillah, Muslims

have been blessed with a faith that not only emphasises the significance of

marriage, but strongly encourages it more than any other religion. The Prophet

Muhammad SAW likens the importance of marriage to having completing half

of one’s Deen, and describes the virtues of marriage in several passages of the

Qur’an:

"And among His signs is this; that He created for you mates from among

yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love

and mercy between your hearts. Verily in that are signs for those who

reflect." (Surah Al Rum, Chapter 30 Verse 21)

Page 4: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

The Prophet SAW himself married many times and also strongly encouraged others to marry. It has been reported that Prophet Muhammad SAW said:

“Do not delay in three things; 1) the offering of the obligatory prayer. 2) The offering of the funeral prayer when the deceased’s body is present. 3) The marriage of a woman when her couple is found.” (At-Tirmidhi)

However, despite the immense teachings and guidance given to us by the

Prophet SAW it is a common occurrence to see able individuals delay the

marriage process due to factors such as higher education and financial

instability. Moreover, it is quite alarming that parents have also encouraged

later marriages, in fear of expenses and other aspects. What’s rather

unfortunate is that sons and daughters have been waiting longer and growing

older before the decision is made to embark on the most beautiful and blessed

journey of their lives.

We at Pure Matrimony understand the difficulties that ensue when considering

marriage for your children. From financial difficulties to emotional

apprehension, many factors can prevent you from researching or taking active

steps towards considering marriage for your offspring.

However, we believe that the key to a successful parent – child relationship is

communication. Being open and honest with your children can help to make

the marriage process something to look forward to, rather than something to

be feared or dreaded. It will also help construct a realistic idea of what it

entails, subsequently helping to combat the very unrealistic expectations of

marriage you see in the media.

In this guide, we take a look at the most common problems being faced by

parents as well as the problems being faced by the youth of today and offer

practical solutions to dealing with the marriage crisis.

Page 5: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

The Problems Parents Face

Many parents want to support their children but feel at a loss as to how to do

this effectively. They will often go to their own network of friends and family to

see if there is a potential match for their children. If this fails, it becomes

stressful for parents who end up at the mercy of far-flung recommendations

and ‘strangers’.

Even worse, there are countless parents who unfortunately live in areas where

they are isolated from family and friends. These parents don't really have

access to Muslim communities and as such deeply struggle to find suitable

spouses for their children.

So what should parents who are facing this kind of problem do?

Look into alternative means - if there's no one suitable in your

immediate network of friends and family, then ask the local Imam to

help you.

Consider divorcees and reverts, since these are two groups of people

who really struggle to find spouses.

Marriage events are a good place to find some suitable prospects.

However, be aware that these can sometimes be more like cattle

markets especially if they are not organised properly. Never attend a

marriage event which does not have the proper Islamic environment in

place.

Increasingly parents are turning online to help find suitable spouses for

their children. There is absolutely no shame in this whatsoever, and this

can be an excellent way to see many different people without having to

get emotionally involved with any of them.

Please bear in mind one thing - not all Muslim matrimonial services are

the same! Many claim they are halal, but in actual fact they don't have

the necessary checks and balances in place to ensure that their services

really are halal. So what should you look for?

o Look for matrimonial services which take into account the proper

Islamic ethos

Page 6: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

o This includes not openly displaying pictures, since this only

encourages ‘window shopping’. I'm sure you would not want your

son or daughter to be on public display like this where anyone is

free to download their pictures and use as they will!

o Sites which do not have open chat rooms – one of the worst sins

that take place on matrimonial sites is flirtatious chatting which

can often lead to haram and zina

o Choose a site which has fully moderated discussions. The Prophet

SAW said that when a man and woman are alone together the

third person is Shaytan (Bukhari). Therefore, stick to matrimonial

services which ensure that discussion is monitored to prevent

fitnah

o As a parent (particularly if you are a father), your main source of

stress will be ensuring that your daughter is properly taken care

of. It's essential that when choosing a matrimonial service you

choose one that allows the addition of a Wali

o As a father, you'll have the natural intuition of knowing whether a

brother is genuine or not - almost like a security blanket. Use this

to your advantage and make sure you're involved with the

discussions at every step of the way

What Happens if your Child Falls in Love With Someone Inappropriate?

If your child falls in love with someone who you feel is completely

inappropriate for them, there are a few things you can do. Firstly, try and

speak to them and hear their side of the story – without getting angry or

raising your voice.

It's important that your child feels heard. Although they are not little any more,

parental instincts always kick in when we feel as if our children are under some

kind of stress or threat. It's completely natural, but not the way your child will

see it!

Always remember first and foremost that loving guidance is key. Your children

Page 7: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

may be adults and completely capable of making their own decisions, but

when it comes to love it's a different story altogether.

The saying that love is blind could not be truer. Usually in these circumstances

the one who is in love will fail to see reason or understand you and what you

have against the person they love.

So here are seven key strategies that will help you bridge that gap between

what is acceptable and what is not:

1. Be honest, open and respectful with your child - the more your child

understands why you don't approve of the person they have chosen, the

more likely they are to listen to you – provided you are not disrespectful

of their choice or disrespectful to them

2. Understand that your child will not accept your negativity towards the

one they love - so don't do it! If your child feels as if their future spouse

is being attacked, they will strongly oppose you. When this happens your

child will refuse to listen to you

3. Know your Islamic limits and rights - Islam doesn't allow you to force

your child into marriage. However, as your child’s parent, Islam gives you

certain rights to intervene if the person they are about to marry is

genuinely a very bad person...

Therefore, it's critical to understand the difference between not liking

someone because you just don't think they’re good enough and genuinely

having a concern based on hard facts. For example if your daughter wants to

marry a man who has a gambling problem then you are perfectly within your

rights not to approve the marriage.

If however you don't like the fact that the brother is not earning enough, or

you don't think he's handsome enough or even if he happens to be a revert or

divorcee, then this is no reason or basis to prevent the marriage. Much of this

comes down to overcoming your own prejudices.

Abû Hurayrah relates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "If a suitor

Page 8: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

approaches whose religion and character please you, then let him marry.

Otherwise, there will be a lot of immorality and corruption in the world."

[Sunan al-Tirmidhî (1084) – authenticated by al-Albânî]

The truth is if the brother or sister is of a sound character and is a good

practising Muslim, then you really should not prevent the marriage. One thing

to remember here is that brothers do not need their parents’ permission in

order to get married, but sisters always need the permission of their wali.

Please don't abuse the rights that Allah has given you.

It’s also worth mentioning here that Sheikh Muhammad b.`Uthaymîn says the

following:

‘If a woman's guardian prevents her from marrying a suitable partner of good religion and character, then her guardianship is transferred to the next in line for guardianship among her relatives. If all of her guardians – in succession – refuse, as is usually the case in these matters, then guardianship transfers to the Islamic judge who will facilitate the woman's marriage. It is the duty of the judge to get the woman married once the matter comes before him and he knows of her guardians' refusal. This is because the judge has general jurisdiction over the matter once the specific jurisdiction of her blood relatives is annulled.’ The jurists mention that if the wali repeatedly refuses a woman's qualified

suitors, his character is deemed sinful and this disqualifies his guardianship. In

fact, many scholars are of the opinion that the right of such a man to lead

others in prayer is nullified. Subhan’Allah! What a serious matter this is!

Some people whom Allah has entrusted with guardianship refuse to allow the

women under their care to marry qualified suitors. The problem is

compounded by the fact that many young women are too shy or scared to say

anything or to approach the Shariah courts.

Approaching the Shariah courts in this case will likewise be a warning to other

guardians who could abuse their authority.

Page 9: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

4. If there is genuine concern, then get tough – if for example, the person

that your child wants to marry is genuinely a bad person, then there are

a number of things that you can do to help situation.

a. Get the parents of the other person involved - this is crucial so you

can work out ways in which to deal with the situation

b. Do NOT get angry at the other parents or place the blame on them

or even tell them to control their son/daughter – doing so will

make matters worse

c. DELAY the marriage as MUCH as possible with the exception of

when you feel as if your child may commit zina. The hikmah

behind delaying the marriage is that as time goes on, the reality of

the situation will hopefully make your child want to back off

themselves

d. Involving the local imam or someone who your child respects and

will listen to – is a good way to get help if you feel you can’t

control the situation

e. Prevent your child from seeing this person as much as possible –

this includes speaking to them on the phone. Make your

boundaries clear of what is acceptable and what is not

5. Do your homework on the person your child wants to marry – this

means playing detective and finding out everything you can about them.

Ask their friends and the people that they work with what kind of

character this person possesses. Also ask about whether they are

genuinely a good person. Doing your homework will help both you and

your child make a more informed choice when it comes to marriage.

6. Seek counselling – it may be a good idea to get a counsellor involved if

you feel you are making very little progress with your child, and you

have no one else that can help. Sometimes counselling is an excellent

way to help your child understand exactly why they want to marry a bad

person in the first place.

What we mean by this is that sometimes it can be hard to let go of a

person that you are emotionally involved with. There have been many

Page 10: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

cases of children being emotionally manipulated to marry people that

they really don't want to. In any of these cases speaking with a

counsellor may be just the thing to help face your fears and continue on

a deeper understanding of the problem at hand.

7. Know when to back down – you may get to a point where you have

exhausted all options, but your child refuses to let go of the person they

want to marry. In this case if you suspect that your child will fall into sin,

then sometimes the only way forward is to back down and allow them to

make their own mistakes.

As hurtful as this may be, if you genuinely feel that your child will not let

go, and it's causing them distress and misery then it may be better to go

ahead and let them marry the person they want to.

In this situation it’s imperative that you involve the parents of the one

who wants to marry your child and come to some common terms. There

have been many cases of brothers and sisters who have wanted to

marry someone their parents would not approve of and those same

people have ended up either committing major sin or running away and

eloping.

In some rare and extreme cases, there have been cases of suicide which

in itself is a major, major sin. All of these are highly destructive and a

source of major sin. Allowing your child to marry is always better than

your child ruining their own reputation or yours or even taking their own

lives.

The Issue of Forced Marriages

Forced marriages are more common than you think. There’s a huge difference

between an arranged marriage and a forced marriage. Arranged marriages

always take place with the consent of both parties, whereas forced marriages

are where the child has no choice.

This is extremely common in families from the Asian subcontinent where

cultural expectations from extended family and friends can mean unrealistic

Page 11: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

expectations with regards to marriage. Unfortunately, the practice of staying

within the culture or limiting yourself to staying within your caste is not from

the Sunnah.

In many cases where families have extended families abroad, expectations of

helping these families come into play. These parents will selfishly marry their

children off to cousins or other family members abroad without consulting or

taking into account their children's wishes.

The first thing to realise here is that Islam gives your child a choice. That is

their divine right from Allah SWT - which no one including you as a parent

can take this away from your child.

Secondly you have to look at the bigger picture. What do you think would

happen if you push your children into marriages where they are deeply

unhappy?

The truth is these marriages rarely succeed, ending in divorce and separation.

If they then go on to have children, it's the children that suffer when parents

split apart. Islam is designed to hold the fabric of society together with mutual

love and respect. If two people are being brought together who really dislike

one another, then the reality of the situation is that marital breakdown will

occur at some point.

There are thousands of cases each year in the UK and in other Western

societies of children being given into foster care as a result of forced marriages.

This is appalling and completely unacceptable, since many of these children

will go into care with non-Muslim families.

Unfortunately in cases like these it's not just the parents of the children that

are held to account. Allah SWT will also hold the elders who pushed their

children into these marriages in the first place into account.

As harsh as it may sound, the Muslim Ummah becomes weak when situations

like this occur. Children forced into marriages will hate or resent their parents,

often abandoning them as they get older.

Page 12: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

But there is something that is a lot more serious than this. When you force

your child against their wishes to marry someone they don't want to, then in

reality their nikkah could be invalid.

In other words, your child would be in a haram relationship, and the sin of zina

would be upon you as parents. You should also be aware that children which

are born as a result of this haram relationship would be illegitimate - so the sin

of this would also fall on your head.

This is a very grave situation, and one that tens of thousands of parents

worldwide are in without even knowing it. Can you imagine standing before

the Almighty on the Day of Resurrection with such a huge sin on your head?

Even if you are a highly practising Muslim, this one sin can very easily drag you

into the hellfire.

So how can you stop this ever becoming a problem in your family?

Here's some tips:

Fear Allah and always ask your children for their permission when you

consider a spouse for them

Talk to your children about their goals and ambitions in life. It is your

duty as a parents to help them find someone who will help support their

goals

Remember that your children have a right to their own life. They should

never be blackmailed emotionally or forced to make decisions just to

please you

Parents should remember that they will be held to account for

everything that results from poor decisions they make about their

children

Parents should keep an open mind and help consult their children and

guide their children into making the right decisions. The right decisions

are not for you as a parent – rather what is right for your child

A big tip here is that you should respect your children so they will

respect you. Pushing your selfish needs on your children will actually

make them resent you

Page 13: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

Always think long-term - it's not about you. It's about your children who

have a right to live their own lives. You have lived your life, so give them

a chance to live life on their own terms in a halal relationship which is

brought about by mutual consent and is entered into with happiness

Problems Our Youth Face – Parents Take Note!

As parents, it can be sometimes be hard to recollect the difficulties that

unmarried youngsters can face within their day to day lives. With the rise of

the Internet, mobile phones and social interaction, fitna is more common place

than ever. Places like Facebook mean it’s now completely possible to speak to

strangers from across the world and form relationships from a distance.

Our youth are constantly battling their nafs and innate human instincts in

order to better their faith and their relationship with Allah. However, this is no

easy process, particularly when it comes to dealing with members of the

opposite gender.

Mixed gender schools and workplaces can often be a breeding ground for fitna.

Constant daily interaction with the opposite gender can allow for illicit

friendships to form, completely disregarding the Islamic method that was used

and loved in the time of the Prophet SAW.

These things can make it extremely difficult for the youth to stay on the

straight and narrow path. Therefore, in order to aid the Ummah in dealing with

these problems, the Prophet SAW advised that all those able to marry young,

should do so in order to gain control of one’s natural urges and to live a life

confined by the guideline of Islam.

"O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty." [Al-Bukhari]

Despite the golden advice given by the Prophet SAW there are still

miscommunications between parents and children in regard to marriage. As

parents, it makes sense to follow the tried and tested methods that was used

by generations before, such as arranged or assisted marriages.

Page 14: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

However, as we have already mentioned, this particular method can often be

abused, in the form of forced marriages, which can seriously harm the children

pushed into these farcical marriages.

There is a much more menacing prospect which is prevalent these days,

occurring in many Muslim homes, whereby young adults may find partners for

themselves which they know to be worthy, however their marriage is

prevented by their parents who refuse to accept it. As parents, you are

obviously a major part in deciding potential partners for your children, but, if

they do find someone for themselves, it helps to be open and accepting to the

idea, and approach such prospective marriages with an open mind.

Again, we have to stress that the Prophet SAW advised us that if your child has

sought a potential spouse whose Islamic principals are in line, and possesses a

good character, then you should accept their proposal.

"When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth." (Tirmidhi)

This should be regardless of culture or creed. Many parents are afraid to allow

their children to marry reverts of other cultures, though this should not be the

case. This will not only be in line with the teachings of the Prophet SAW but it

will also help the Revert society flourish and blend in with the existing Muslim

society, helping them to feel more accepted.

We understand that it may be difficult or that you might feel in yourself a little

out of your comfort zone to accept this, however, you need to realize a cold,

hard truth.

Remember that the Prophet SAW was the best of us and the ultimate example

- he married many women who could be considered as reverts to Islam. The

Prophet SAW himself was the first ever Muslim and his first wife Khadeeja RA

was the first ever revert to Islam.

Reverts are such a blessing – ask any family who has accepted them into their

homes! They are strong Muslims who have had to shun an entire way of life to

Page 15: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

accept Islam and leave all their desires behind – so why should they not be

fully embraced within our homes and our families?

To learn more about parental involvement in marriage, make sure you watch

our two webinars on ‘Marriage and Parents: A Recipe for Disaster or Success’

which can be found on the Pure Matrimony YouTube channel.

Recommendations When Choosing a Matrimonial Site

With literally dozens of new matrimonial services popping up daily, it’s hard to

choose the right service which is going to help maximise your safety. Sisters in

particular are always vulnerable and should never engage in conversations

with a potential spouse without her family knowing – and certainly never

without a wali.

We really cannot stress this enough! It’s about YOUR security, YOUR safety and

YOUR respect! If you don’t respect your own safety, then chances are the

other person won’t either!

As a practicing Muslim looking to get married, which sites should you be

looking for and which should you avoid?

Here’s our top tips:

Choose a matrimonial site which doesn’t display your photos publicly as

this instantly puts you at risk from bad characters and even stalkers!

Keep away from sites where the majority of the people on the site are

NOT practising. The truth is, many of these sites tout themselves as

being for Muslims, but are more like dating sites. You only need to take

one look at some of the pictures to see what we mean!

Avoid sites which don’t keep an eye on conversations! The Prophet SAW

said that when a man and woman are alone, the third person is always

shaytan (Bukhari), and this includes sites where men and women are

freely conversing with one another

Choose a matrimonial service which monitors all discussions and

interactions so there’s an additional layer of security for the members

Page 16: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

Stay clear from sites which don’t allow you to include your wali into

conversations, since this is a BIG cause of problems long term. It’s not

enough for your family to know you are looking to get married and have

registered with a site – your wali should absolutely be included in the

communications!

Is the site taking an active interest in helping you achieve your religious

duties? Are they helping to educate you? If not, then ask yourself the

TRUE value of the site. Marriage is not just about the nikkah, it’s about

STAYING together, avoiding haram and building a solid foundation for

future generations.

Choosing a matrimonial service should be straightforward process when you

know what to look for and more importantly what to avoid!

A site such as Pure Matrimony is perfect for practicing Muslims looking to get

married in a safe, halal way, and where security is the number one priority.

The Pure Matrimony website offers the following big benefits:

Private profiles - Communication is encouraged based on Islamic values,

personality and character rather than looks. You won’t catch any photos

on Pure Matrimony until you have established compatibility with a

prospective spouse. This has the big advantage of preventing ‘window

shopping’

Wali Support - Your wali can be included in all correspondences with

other members in real time, so they are fully involved in the process if

you want them to be. Apart from fulfilling an Islamic right, having a wali

can PREVENT you from becoming the victim of fraud online and is an

additional security layer for you

Enhanced Profile Moderation - Every profile is carefully checked to stop

time wasters and those looking for ‘fun’ or dating, so your imaan is

never compromised

Discussions are Monitored and moderated to ensure the safety of our

members and also because the Prophet SAW forbid us to be in seclusion

with members of the opposite gender. Keeping discussions monitored

means your safety isn’t compromised and you can search for a spouse

with confidence

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Shariah compliant - Endorsed by some of the largest Dawah

organisations and most respected Sheikhs in the West

Measurable Success - On average, three couples a week find their Pure

Match, and of these, two people EVERY week go on to get married

through Pure Matrimony

Regular webinars and education is provided to our community on many

marital and pre-marital issues

LEARN MORE ABOUT PURE MATRIMONY...

Let’s talk more about the points we covered above and explain a little more so

you can make an empowered choice as a parent and help your child find

someone suitable. And for your peace of mind, we’ll also explain more about

some of the rules we have on our site so you can join with or on behalf of your

child with confidence...

Pure Matrimony is a Matrimonial site with a difference! We are the World's

Largest Muslim Matrimonial Website Exclusively catering for Practising Single

Muslims. Our website has taken its inspiration from the Qur’anic verse

"women of purity are for men of purity and men of purity are for women of

purity" (Qur'an 24:26).

The aim of Pure Matrimony is to create an online environment in which we

attract only those Single Muslim profiles who take their Deen seriously thus

increasing the likelihood of compatibility. Our dedicated team of Moderators

ensure that members who have good Islamic etiquettes are allowed to join and

remain on the site. Furthermore, Pure Matrimony is backed by the World's

Largest Dawah Organisations in the West. So you could say we know a little

something about match making.

But here’s where Pure Matrimony is relevant for you. We’ve helped many

parents find suitable spouses for their children, plus because we stick strictly to

the Sunnah ordained by the Prophet SAW, we are trusted to deliver on our

promises of providing a safe and halal environment in accordance to the

Shariah.

Although many matrimonial sites have had bad press lately, Pure Matrimony is

significantly different in its approach to finding suitable spouses. With an array

Page 18: The Marriage Dilemma - A Guide for Parents according to Quran and Sunnah

of different features incorporated in the site to ensure it’s easy to use, parent

friendly and most importantly, halal, it’s easy to see why Pure Matrimony is

the site of choice for many practising Muslims.

There are many ways in which Pure Matrimony differs from the conventional

match making websites. First and foremost, we strongly encourage the

involvement of parents in the marriage process. When creating individual

profiles, females are encouraged to share the details of their wali. This will

often be father, guardian or even the local imam. Brothers even have the

option to contact the wali directly if they are interested in a sister, ensuring

that parents have a large input into making the ultimate decision.

Also, as a wali, you will have access to the active conversations that your

daughter is partaking in. This counts as a present third party, meaning that any

contact between your daughter and a potential is valid and more importantly,

complies with the Sunnah. Active conversations between potentials are also

viewed by external moderators, as the Prophet SAW mentioned that if a boy

and girl were left alone in seclusion, shaytan would be the third among them.

Pure Matrimony monitors the conversation to prevent shaytan from

interfering, and by allowing brothers and sisters to talk about inappropriate

matters unseen. This also helps us to weed out the non-genuine or

inappropriate members.

Pure Matrimony, also allows you as parents, to create profiles for your

children as long as they are aware and have given you consent to do so. This

enables you to vet potentials with your child and ultimately puts you in the

driving seat, enabling you to choose potentials that your child will admire but

that you will approve of also.

With easy to follow instructions, you’ll easily be able to create and account for

your child. You do not need advanced computing skills to navigate around the

site. Profiles are moderated by a team of administrators to check they are

clean, halal and appropriate. We take the privacy and security of our members

very seriously. By checking each profile manually, we eliminate those who are

looking for a ‘good time’ or reasons other than marriage. If Pure Matrimony

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admin come across content that is not of an honest Islamic nature, the profile

is banned.

Accounts can be suspended for a variety of reasons:

Breaching the site rules in your communications (e.g. by distributing

personal contact details before mutual compatibility had been

established, being rude or aggressive to another member, etc)

Opening multiple accounts - the duplicates will all be suspended

If we discover that you've deliberately misrepresented information on

your profile

Regular misuse of your account, e.g. by uploading inappropriate

photos, or making inappropriate statements within your profile

Not being qualified to register on the site (e.g. you may be under-age,

or a non-practising Muslim, etc)

This list is non-exhaustive. As a general rule, if we come across any

activity that is not befitting for a practising Muslim searching for a

marriage partner in a halal manner to engage in, we will take

appropriate action.

Therefore, the profiles present on Pure Matrimony are trust worthy and

legitimate and are also worth your consideration.

In order to ensure that any communication taking place is for the intention of

marriage and matrimony, there is an imposed limit on the amount active

conversations that an individual can partake in at any one time. We recognise

that members may be communicating with more than one member at a time

in the search for a marriage partner.

However, in order to ensure that our members are serious in their

communications, and aren't simply spamming other members, we've

implemented a limit as to how many conversations a user can be engaged in. If

attempts are made to open more conversation than this limit, then our

moderators are alerted. We encourage our members to complete their

conversations with those users with whom they're already engaged, rather

than pursuing other options.

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Also, in case you are worried about the reliability of profile photos used on the

website, we have put in place strict guideline that must be complied with in

regards to photos on display.

Profile photos have to meet the following criteria:

No sunglasses

Clear shot and not fuzzy or dark pictures

‘face-on’ shot and not a side shot

Must be a colour photo and not black and white

No third person in the shot unless it is a child

Close up photo only and not a distant shot

Unless the above criteria are met, there is a risk that the picture used will not

be an accurate representation of what the individual really looks like.

Uploading a photo is completely optional. However, you may find that your

profile generates less interest without photos, as many members find early

establishment of physical attraction very important in their search for a spouse

online. The Prophet SAW stressed the importance of being able to look upon

and potential partner as physical attraction to your partner may keep away the

path of fitna.

All these features make our website different from all the other ‘match

making’ websites out there at the moment. Pure matrimony can aid you as

parents in the often difficult search for spouses for you children, and though it

may seem that no one will be worthy of your child, marriage is an important

part of life and the Sunnah.

Parental input is welcome and valued here at Pure Matrimony. The

implementation of a wali into the system is a completely foreign concept to

traditional match making websites, but it is something we are passionate

about as complying with the Sunnah is our first and foremost concern. If

marriage truly represents half our Deen, then it must be done correctly and in

a method that is in compliance with Islam. We at Pure Matrimony can help you

do that Insha’Allah.

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Register today to help your son or daughter find their Pure Match at:

www.PureMatrimony.com and experience the Pure Matrimony difference.

May Allah SWT help you find a righteous spouse for your child ameen.

The Pure Matrimony Team