Conflict Happens

Dr. Gary Smalley

Keys to a Lasting Relationship

Learn to FIGHT WELL

CONFLICT is the gateway to INTIMACY

DATA

THOUGHTSOPINIONS

FEELINGS

INTIMACY

CONFLICT

Rules of EngagementMatthew 18:15-20

Rule #1Seek to RESTORE, not

REVILE

Be and welcome the little ones

Better to maim yourself than to keep out

the little ones

If a little sheep is lost, go after it!

If a “little one” sins against you…

Always forgive!

Rule #1Seek to RESTORE, not

REVILE

Rule #2Start PRIVATE,

not PUBLIC

15 “If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one.

Rule #2Start PRIVATE,

not PUBLIC

NO

GOSSI

P!!

Rule #3 Stay in COMMUNITY,

for COMMUNITY

16 But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church;

Rule #3 Stay in COMMUNITY,

for COMMUNITY

Rule #4 Don’t compromise standards

and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

“But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, ” (Ephesians 4:15, NRSV)

The Truth in Love

Truth without love is abuse, Love without truth is

enablement.

Rule #4 Don’t compromise standards

Rule #5 Grieve the loss of intimacy, but

always pursue restoration

let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

How did Jesus treat the Gentiles and Tax Collectors?

Rule #5 Grieve the loss of intimacy, but

always pursue restoration

Rule #6 be Jesus to the world

18 Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19

Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

Rule #6 be Jesus to the world