Right muppets! Listen carefully. D-E-F-E-N-D spells defend and although I am nearing superhuman levels, I’m mightily pissed off at some of your inability to defend. If you want me to stop busting your balls during the game and keep my blood pressure down, start getting it right……

But Daddy, I don’t understand the difference

between wing-backs and the traditional Italian Catenaccio

system.

If my daughter can do it, you muppets should be able to understand the basics of defending…

Hear me now! If go forward to the ball, you get back and cover! That means you baldy! That means you veggy! That means you old git! That means you paddy! Got it?

I will drop back and coverI will drop back and coverI will drop back and coverI will drop back and cover I will drop back and cover

Say it like you mean it

There is no defence for bad defending…There is no

defence for bad defending …There is no defence for bad

defending…

What is there no defence for?

You have been warned!