RELATIONAL RELATIONAL DIALECTICSDIALECTICS

Of Baxter and MontgomeryOf Baxter and Montgomery

Basic ApproachBasic Approach

Intimate relationships organized around Intimate relationships organized around the dynamic interplay of opposing the dynamic interplay of opposing tendenciestendencies

Interpersonal relationships are Interpersonal relationships are indeterminate processes of ongoing fluxindeterminate processes of ongoing flux

Relational dialectics highlights the Relational dialectics highlights the tensions in close personal tiestensions in close personal ties

ContradictionsContradictions

Contradiction is the dynamic interplay between Contradiction is the dynamic interplay between unified oppositionsunified oppositions

Tensions between intimacy and independenceTensions between intimacy and independence Bonding occurs through interdependence and Bonding occurs through interdependence and

dependence, yet people need personal spacedependence, yet people need personal space There is There is no ultimate resolutionno ultimate resolution Dialectical tension provides opportunity for Dialectical tension provides opportunity for

dialoguedialogue

Dialectic internal to the relationshipDialectic internal to the relationship

ClosenessCloseness, , certaintycertainty, , opennessopenness need to need to be balanced against be balanced against autonomyautonomy, , noveltynovelty, , privacyprivacy

Tension between connectedness Tension between connectedness (closeness) and separateness (autonomy) (closeness) and separateness (autonomy) is common to all relationships; if one axis is common to all relationships; if one axis wins, the relationship loseswins, the relationship loses

Dialectic between couple and Dialectic between couple and communitycommunity

Powerful dialectics includePowerful dialectics include Inclusion and Seclusion (social stimulation Inclusion and Seclusion (social stimulation

and support vs. privacy)and support vs. privacy) Conventionality and Uniqueness Conventionality and Uniqueness

(reproduction of relational patterns vs. needs (reproduction of relational patterns vs. needs of intimacy)of intimacy)

Revelation and ConcealmentRevelation and Concealment

Dealing with Contradictions (1-4)Dealing with Contradictions (1-4)

Denial (responding to one pole of dialectic) Denial (responding to one pole of dialectic) - not satisfying- not satisfying

Disorientation (helplessness) – Disorientation (helplessness) – dysfunctionaldysfunctional

Spiraling alteration between two polesSpiraling alteration between two poles

most common responsemost common response Segmentation (compartmentalization) of Segmentation (compartmentalization) of

activities between polesactivities between poles

Dealing with Contradictions (5-8)Dealing with Contradictions (5-8)

Balance (compromise strategy, but mutes the Balance (compromise strategy, but mutes the full force of the two poles); assumes that when full force of the two poles); assumes that when one party wins, the other losesone party wins, the other loses

Integration (partners respond simultaneously to Integration (partners respond simultaneously to opposing forces without dilution or delusion)opposing forces without dilution or delusion)

Recalibration (temporarily reframing so that tugs Recalibration (temporarily reframing so that tugs and pulls no longer seem oppositional)and pulls no longer seem oppositional)

Reaffirmation (acknowledgment that dialectical Reaffirmation (acknowledgment that dialectical tensions are ongoing)tensions are ongoing)

CritiqueCritique

Not a theory but a meta-theoretical perspective: is this a Not a theory but a meta-theoretical perspective: is this a falsifiable theory?falsifiable theory?

Potentially contradicts other theories which stress such Potentially contradicts other theories which stress such notions as shared meaning, warm communication, notions as shared meaning, warm communication, increasing certaintyincreasing certainty

Relationships perceived as very messy: each relational Relationships perceived as very messy: each relational force is in opposition to every other pole: separateness is force is in opposition to every other pole: separateness is in opposition to connectedness, openness, certaintyin opposition to connectedness, openness, certainty

Too heavy on anecdotal supportToo heavy on anecdotal support Requires that we listen to many voicesRequires that we listen to many voices Needs to deal with gender issues and expectations Needs to deal with gender issues and expectations

about gender behaviorabout gender behavior