Writing Killer Ad Copy

…and not getting arrested.

Warnings, Disclaimers and Legal Stuff

PPC tactics shared are not meant to be taken internally, inserted, for those with high blood pressure, respirator dependency, suffering from glaucoma or with sticks in various places.

Side effects may include: increased CTR & ROIs, disciplinary actions, high fives, explosive expletives and clicks.

If there’s mild discomfort…you’re on the right track!

And for crying out loud….use common sense.

*Note: Many copyrights and trademarks were trampled upon in this presentation.

Be More Aggressive

• Tell people what to do…with edge!

• Threaten their sexual orientation.

• Question their safety and security.

• Point out flaws in both their appearance and personality

• Ask them why they suck

Buy My Stuff NowHey You! Yeah, You.What Are You Waiting For?

IT Management SoftwareHey, IT Guy! Buy This Now.I Know Where You Live.

Buy MasterTools NowDon’t be a Wuss, Get a RealMan’s Tools and Get to Work.

Anti-Wrinkle CreamYou Don’t Have to Be Ugly. Fix it.So You Can Leave the House.

Kick Ass BackpacksYour Backpack is Old and Ugly.Buy a New Backpack Now!

Use Reverse Psychology• Your mom’s been doing it for years.

• Using reverse psychology never works.

• You’ll catch all those people that didn’t respond to the aggressive ad.

• Mind games are fun.

Being Lonely is BetterDating is Overrated, Even ifYour Soul Mate is Online Now.

Don’t Buy ShoesShoes Take Up Space, EvenWhen They’re on Sale.

Renting DVDs is LameDVD Rental Packages at $9.99 a monthIsn’t a Terrific Deal or Convenient.

Mysterious Bag of StuffYou Don’t Need it. At $5.I Pod Probably Isn’t In It.

Completely Useless Bike You Already Have an OK Bike.New Bikes are Never Fun!

POP QUIZ

1.) Reverse psychology:a.) never works b.) invented by Freud

c.) is for chumps d.) only works for your mom.

2.) An aggressive ad would:a.) exceed 70 characters b.) verbally punch you in the face

c.) not suck d.) tell people what to do

3.) Why is common sense important?a.) Thomas Paine knew his stuff b.) to avoid being fired

c.) to avoid prosecution d.) all of the above

Double and Triple Your Fun

• MSN lets you do whatever you want anyway.• People need repetition for the message to sink in.• Double your pleasure. Double your fun!• Remember the Head On commercials?• Mini Sirloin Burgers come in packs of 3.

Here Fishy FishyFreshwater & Saltwater AquariumMaintenance Made Easy.

Chug Chug Chug Get Some Beer in Your Mug!Shop Personalized Mugs Now.

Cars Cars Cars The movie, the toys, the shirts!We’ve got it all. Shop Now.

NBA NBAOfficially Licensed Team Cufflinks.Personalized Free, Save 10% Off!

Twinkle Twinkle Sparkly Rhinestone Cell PhoneKits. Lots of Designs, Ships Free!

Appeal to their Ego• Point out how everyone else is a loser.• Tell them how good looking they are.• Stretch the truth about their intelligence.• Notate that while already in shape, there’s no

such thing as being too much in shape.• Mention that they smell nice.

Barbell WeightsPump those Guns! There’s NoSuch Thing as a Bicep that’s Too Big

Glasses are for NerdsLaser Eye Surgery is for You.Don’t Be a Dork. Call Us Today!

Winners Eat at Dave’s Bring Your Winning Team In!Losers eat at Mc D’s.

Pretty People NeededAffordable Photography for GoodLooking People. No Uggos.

Smart Baby Clothes Enhance Your Baby’s Intelligence!Smart Looking Onesies & T-Shirts.

Use Guilt• Incite a sense of duty.• Mention that not buying from you makes small

children cry. Small orphan children.• Millions will go hungry!• Hundreds will die!• But a Snuggie will make everything all better.

Pants Don’t Fit?Stop Snacking, You’re Doing it toYourself. Free Trial Gym Pass.

4th of July Party Favors A Real American WouldShop at Dave’s Trinket Hut.

Donate to Our Cause Orphan Children Will DieWithout Your Support!

Vacuum Cleaners Mom Won’t Be Disappointed

In You. Money Back Guarantee.

Stuffed Animal Sale Remember that kid you made cry?Save on Super Soft Stuffed Animals!

POP QUIZ

1.) A guilty ad:a.) sells more Snuggies b.) is like doing charity work

c.) has to be sappy d.) preys on profitable insecurities

2.) To appeal to an ego:a.) ask your Id b.) do what Paris would do

c.) ask your SuperEgo d.) flatter, pander & stretch the truth

3.) The best repetitive ads:a.) mention sirloin burgers b.) pound it into the reader

c.) skirt editorial guidelines d.) all of the above

Using Sounds as Words

• It’s time we invoke senses in ads! Not just emotions like guilt, anger and shame.

• Smell-o-vision is on the horizon.• If they can hear it, they will come.• Snap, Crackle and Pop proved that it works.

Mmmm…CookiesCrispy, Crumbly Butter Cookies.Free Shipping on Orders of $25+

Drinking Glass SetsCrack! Smash. Tinkle.Replace Your Broken Glasses.

Slurp Your Soup Gourmet Canned Soups to beSlurped in the Comfort of Home.

Brake Shoes & Pads Avoid that Fingernail on ChalkboardSqueak, Eeek! Free Estimates.

Basketball Equipment Swish! Bounce & Slam DunkWith Officially Licensed Gear.

Write for Women

• Prey on insecurities and weaknesses.• Utilize that spending power. Shopaholic is about

a woman after all.• Pander to their needs.• They’re always right.• Show them you care.

She’s Just JealousProve it by Downloading theNewest & Hottest Ringtones!

Terry Cloth Track SuitsAre Always in Style. Don’tWaste Wearing Them at the Gym.

Avoid Wedding Disasters Get the Dress, the Tiara &the Swans. You Earned it.

Free eCards for HimHe’s an Idiot. Tell Him How Muchof an Idiot with a Free eCard!

Car Insurance Chocolate New Policies Get Free Chocolate!Call for a Free Quote Today.

Write Ads that Sound Dirty, but Aren’t.

• Buying toner is extremely boring. Spice it up! • Get that sale by making them laugh. • Appeal to the gutter minded.• Editorial Guidelines can shove it.• Finally, an outlet at work that enables you to showcase your

poet-like abilities.

Empty Toner Cartridges?Don’t Dip Into the Company Ink!Buy Toner Online. Ships Free.

Year End Surplus? Blow Your Budget in 3 Clicks.Avoid Budget Cuts & Restructure.

Weight Loss Drink Less Cushion for the Pushingwith Ultra-Slimmer Drinks!

Stimulating ExerciseTone & Strengthen Any Muscle.Money Back Guarantee.

Get Completely Screwed Screw Often, Hard & Accurately!Shop Phillips Screwdriver Kits.

POP QUIZ Answers

The answer is “D” for everything.