Hi. I’m back.

To give everyone fair warning, from here until the end of this generations arc the storyline and themes are going to be very much of an adult concepts variety. Or in MPAA terms, PG-13. There will be swearing, there will be tasteful nudity, there will be violence. This is the only warning you will get.

We’d left off with Drea leaving Onslow a little present, the helpful Dr. Knight’s head in a box. If that doesn’t spark any memories, I suggest going back and re-reading. You will be massively confused if you don’t.

So let’s go.

…

…

“It’s cleaned up,” Oz announced walking into the house with a disgusted expression on his face.

Burundi looked up from the table where she had positioned herself. “Thanks. I don’t think any of the rest of us would have been able to deal with the blood.”

“Yeah. Well, I didn’t like it much either. Next time get a maid.”

A chorus of “Oz” came from the room.

“Oh. Sorry. Onslow. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, I understand. It is all my fault.”

“Onslow, don’t say that,” Osaka soothed, rubbing her triplet’s back softly. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know what would happen. None of us did.”

“Narf! Osaka’s right, this isn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it is. I should have guessed Drea would find out about my and Dr. Knight’s plans and forced Dr. Knight to stay here. I just never thought, never guessed she would kill him.”

“I probably should have, though. We had made a great deal of progress on curing my beloved. We’d managed to bring the disease to a halt, although not quite reverse the damage. We were to start on possible cures today. Instead, I find myself yet again stranded without hope.”

“Not to rub it in your face, but why not just bring the guy back? I’m pretty sure we have a bone phone hanging around back at the water tower that isn’t being used. Why not just trot it on over here and resurrect the guy?”

“Egad, Oman! Brilliant. I’ll call Israel right now and have him bring the phone right over!”

“Aren’t you forgetting something, Orkney?”

“I don’t think so, Oman. I mean, we already have all of the maple syrup that we need.”

“Not that. The phone. Last time Dad-doo used it, he brought back that woman as a zombie. I’m sure that as desperate as Onslow is, he doesn’t want the one guy who’s been willing to help him missing all of the skills that made him helpful in the first place.”

“Oh yeah right. That could be a problem. I guess we should do a little research first, narf.”

“That’s probably smart,” Osaka muttered.

“But that still does not solve the main problem. What I am I going to do once we resurrect the doctor? We all know that Drea will find out. It would be most foolhardy of us to not expect this. But my beloved is in no condition to be moved and I do not know if any security system in the world would keep Drea out of here. This is not what I envisioned my life to be like when I was a child.”

“None of us envisioned this. This is supposed to be a happy place where anything can happen. Where anvils can rain from the sky and no one will get hurt. That’s the world that Dad-doo envisioned. That’s the world he showed to us and taught us to expect.”

“Yeah. Too bad PsychoMaid was watching CLAMP and not Carebears.”

“Oz!” Osaka scolded. “You’re not helping.”

“What? It’s true. We forgot that the animated world can be as violent as the real world. We’re just lucky that she didn’t decide to go all Heavy Metal on us.”

“Oz, narf.”

“Yeah.”

“Shut up.”

“No, Oz is right. We’ve been playing by one set of rules while Drea’s playing with another. One thing Dad-doo always taught us was if you don’t like the rules. Change them. Well, I say we change them right now. If Drea’s going to kill our friends, keep us sick, and gloat about it, I say that it is high time that we do the same. And while we’re at it, let’s kill the psycho bitch.”

“Frank!” most of the siblings exclaimed in shock.

“What? Did I say something mean? Well, too fucking bad. I meant it. Let’s kill her and be done with it.”

“That’s not an option, Frank,” Oz said quietly.

“Well, why the hell not?”

“Because heroes don’t kill the villain. They redeem him.”

“Well, I don’t know about you? But I’m sick of being the hero if it means that I have to live in fear of my family and friends dying. I say let’s forget about being a hero for a few moments and be a villain for a bit. Then once we’ve neutralized the threat, we can be redeemed and go back to being a hero. Win-win!”

“It doesn’t work that way, narf. You can’t just decide to be a hero while it’s convenient and then not be one when it isn’t. It’s an all or nothing deal.”

“That’s nice, Orkney. But I wasn’t really asking for your opinion. Onslow’s the one with the most to lose here. His opinion’s the one that matters. So what do you say, bro?”

“I—”

“He’s not going to do it,” Osaka interrupted.

“Yeah, narf! He’s going to be a good guy!”

“Dammit, both of you stop!”

“But—”

“No buts, Frank asked for my opinion and I am going to give it to him. Now please, let me elucidate him without your assistance!”

“As much as I want to lash out at Drea for everything she’s done, I don’t think I could bring myself to kill her. And it’s not because I used to care for her, it’s because if I lowered myself to that level I don’t think I could be the man my beloved and our family needs. Killing changes a person. And even if you have the best intentions at heart, you’re still taking a life. I’ve studied law, and there is a reason why the death penalty is so hard to enforce. If you kill someone, there is no second chance. No do over. You’re done. I’ve been the law. I don’t think I can bring myself to be a vigilante.”

“Well spoken, narf.”

“We’re back,” Star said sauntering through the door. “Are we interrupting anything?”

“Probably,” Doc drawled. “The next time you need a severed head disposed of remind me not to answer the phone. I know they say a good friend will help you hide the bodies, but I never thought I’d be taken up on the offer. Fricking Oklahoma.”

“Can we stop talking in the doorway? It’s freezing out here.”

“Sorry, Fuzzy.”

“So what did we miss?”

“Frank suggested the unsuggestable and Onslow said no,” Oz replied.

“You mind repeating that not in shorthand?”

“Later.”

“Thanks for doing that for me,” Onslow murmured. “I didn’t know who to turn to. The police are all in Drea’s pocket as are all of the NPCs. I just didn’t know who else to call.”

“Narf, that is what family is for.”

“You want to know what else family is for? Protecting each other. This was a fucking attack on our house and you’re kidding yourself if you think this is over.”

“I will not lower myself to that level. I refuse to.”

“Fine! But I reserve the right to say I told you so later. And if this affects my immediate family, I am not going forgive you for not dealing with the problem now!”

“I don’t know if I approve of this hard ass side of you or not. Part of me wants to kiss you and the other part wants to punch you in the face. It’s Onslow’s decision to make, not yours. It’s his family that is being affected.”

“But what if she comes after you or the kids?”

“When or if that happens, then I’ll kick her ass. Until that time, let Onslow deal with it his way. Besides I think we have company.”

“I don’t care if we’ve got company!”

“Even if it is me?”

“Hmph, especially if it is you. What are you doing here director-person. This is a family meeting and I don’t recall you being family.”

“Well, I kind of need to talk to you. All of you.”

“Please tell me you are here to help cure my beloved.”

“Yeah. About that. No.”

“Then why are you here. Frank as the right of it, this is a Warner Family meeting, and unless I have been misinformed, you are not a Warner.”

“No, you’re right. I’m not a Warner. But I am the embodiment of the real-life director person. The one in charge. The keeper of the rules. She who is playing this challenge.”

“Get on with it, Lark.”

“Right. Sorry about that, Doc. You know how I like to ramble. Anyway. How do I say this? Real!Lark, knows what you’re planning to do and wants to let you know that it won’t work.”

“What won’t work? Killing Drea, we know that already.”

“No, that might actually work, it’s the other thing that you were discussing.”

“What? Maple syrup? Narf! Don’t tell me the kids filled the pool with it again?”

“Orkney, please, your non sequitors are not appreciated at this time.”

“Sorry, Onslow.”

“Now, director-person, please enlighten us. What will not work?”

“Resurrecting the doctor. Each bone phone is a one-call shot – a burn phone to extend the metaphor. You get only one phone call with it. And unless you’ve got one stashed in your trousers, the only phone your family had was used by Yakko to get the required zombie. It’s useless now except as a paperweight or a doorstop.”

“And why didn’t we know about this before?”

“It wasn’t an issue before. Yakko knew what he needed to do, he and the Real!Lark never thought that you kids would run amok all over the challenge.”

“So you’re blaming me for all of this tragedy.”

“Do you want an honest answer?”

“I think I deserve that much.”

“Um, Onslow, you might not want to push at this, narf.”

“It’s okay, Orkney. This was something I’ve known was coming for a while. Honestly, yes, this is your fault. It’s yours, Liv’s, Oman’s, Frank’s, all of your fault. And it’s my fault too. I, meaning Lark, lets her sims decide for themselves on what they are going to do and who they are going to be. And sometimes that leads to some unintended consequences.”

“But how can you as our director, let all of these horrible things happen to us?”

“It’s because I love you.”

“That makes no sense!”

“Well, it’s true. Someone very wise once said ‘life is pain, anyone who says differently is selling something’ and for the most part that is true. You need the pain to give life meaning. Pain makes the sweet parts of life all that much more amazing. And if life were all happy puppy clowns pooping rainbows and chasing butterflies it’d get pretty boring after a while. Not mention full of brightly colored feces, but that’s neither here nor there. I love you, so I have to let you grow. I love you so I have to let you fall down and skin your knee from time to time. It doesn’t mean that your pain doesn’t hurt me and that I don’t love you. I mean we’re all parents here. It just means that I love you enough to let you stand on your own to succeed or fall as you choose. Does that make sense?”

“It makes perfect sense. It means that you are just as heartless as those doctors who refused to help my beloved. And it means that I don’t need to tolerate you in my house. Please leave!”

“Well, I tried. Can’t blame a girl for that.”

“I can and I do! Good day!”

“I do love you, Onslow. You and Liv. And I hate what you both are going through. But you’ve brought this on yourselves, through your actions and words. You have made the bed you are now lying in. I wish there was more I could do to help. But, I can’t. If you’ve got any more questions, you know how to reach me.”

“Rest assured, I shall not be calling on you.”

“I’ll still be listening.”

“I’ve let them know, Real!Lark. It went over about as well as expected. I’d also like to remind you that burning bushes work well as messengers as do angels with trumpets. You might want to look into that next time and save my eardrums.”

I’ll consider it noted.

“And on that note, I’d like to call an end to the Warner Family Emergency meeting! Since resurrecting the dead doctor is out of the question and Onslow won’t grow a pair. I think my work here is done. So if you all don’t mind, I have a final exam to take.”

~*~

Frank wasn’t quite telling the truth when he said he had a final exam to take. He’d have been more honest if he’d said he needed to study for his finals.

“Director-person!”

What?

“Can you please be quiet? I’m trying to study here.”

Oh, right. Sorry.

“I know I shouldn’t have put this off until last minute. But I had other things on my mind.”

And other people…

“You didn’t have to remind me. Now bugger off.”

Director-person commentary ceased, Frank finished his studying and ran to take his last final.

Which he aced, graduating summa cum laude.

“So that means we can have a party, right? I’m wearing my toga.”

“That’s nice. I’m thinking of wearing something a little less embarrassing.”

“This is not what I had in mind.”

Soon after, the guests began to arrive.

“Mary, come to see what horrible clothes I transition into?”

“Of course. And I also wish to congratulate you on completing your education.”

“Well, not all of it.”

“Oh?”

“I still haven’t gotten my lifetime want yet.”

“Why ever not? I thought college would be the time for those kind of indiscretions. My dearest Star informed me of this.”

“It is. But...”

“But what?”

“It doesn’t feel right giving that honor to some random person. I want the sim who fulfills my lifetime want to be special. Mean something to me more than just a cheap one night stand.”

“I believe I know what you mean.”

“Hello Big Uncontrollable Me, glad you could make it to the party.”

“What in the hell has come over you, France Warner?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know damn well what I mean! Talking about killing people like it’s just like killing a spider or squashing a bug. I’m just glad that Mum and Dad-doo aren’t here to see you acting like this. They’d be appalled.”

“You’re right they’d be appalled. They’d be appalled at the conditions the family is living under. We’re denied medical care, Oz. So what happens if one of us gets really sick or hurt or our kids? We’re just supposed to kiss and make it better? That’s bullshit. Then there’s the psycho maid running around killing people. Who knows, maybe she’s just getting started. Maybe one of us is next.”

“That doesn’t mean that killing her is the only option.”

“Then what are our options? Dropping an anvil on her head seems right out, which is probably what Dad-doo would have done. And she’s got the cops in her pocket. Hell, the entire NPC network is in her pocket all because Onslow wanted to Oman’s fiancée and decided to string along one of their members. So that means sending her to prison is out. Drea is a rabid dog and rabid dogs need to be put down. It is just that simple.”

“It’s not that simple. Drea, for all of her actions, is human. And that isn’t why I’m so against one of us killing her.”

“Then why are you so against it?”

“Because if one of us kills her that means that we’ve sunk to her level. There’s no coming back after you’ve killed someone. It changes you. Once you’ve done it, it become easier and you’re more likely to do it again. I know that all of the cartoons that we used to watch growing up portrays it as easy. Slay the dragon, save the girl. Kill the robot, save the planet. Obliterate the giant space monkey, save the galaxy. But that wasn’t real, this is.”

“So why do you care so much? It’s not like you’re going to be the one doing it. Hell, I’ll do it. I suggested it.”

“I know you’d do it and that’s what got me so scared. You’re more like me than any of our siblings. And If you can do it, what does that say about me? But that isn’t the biggest reason why I am so against you doing this.”

“Oh?”

“I don’t want to lose you, Frank. Not when you’ve finally figured yourself out, I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want your family to lose you. But most of all, I don’t want you to lose you.”

“Hmm… I see. Been practicing that speech long?”

“Ever since I last saw you at Onslow’s. Did it work?”

“I’m not going to kill her unless she directly threatens me and mine or unless Onslow asks me to. But if she goes after Star or the kids all bets are off.”

“I can live with that.”

“Good, you’re going to have to.”

“Now go tell our head of the family that you’re not going do anything stupid.”

“Who?”

“Orkney.”

“Oh yeah, right.”

“So Oz said you wanted to speak to me?”

“Narf! Oh yeah!”

“About what?”

“About rainbows! And ponies and itty-bitty rocks that float. You know, hero stuff, narf.”

“Hero stuff, huh?”

“I know, right. Brilliant stuff, narf!”

“Orkney, cut it out.”

“Cut what out, poit!”

“The silly dumb guy act. You could fool Mum, and you might have fooled the rest of our brothers and sisters, but you’ve never fooled me. You aren’t stupid. You aren’t as innocent as you appear. Drop it the act.”

“You’re so much like Oz.”

“Didn’t fool him either?”

“Not for a second.”

“Then why do you do this?”

“Onslow needed it. It may seem strange, but each of us has our role to play. Burundi’s the responsible one. Oman’s the handsome one. Osaka’s the nice one. I’m the weird one. There was nothing special about Onslow. He’s not as odd as me, as nice as Osaka, as good-looking as Oman, you get the picture. He thought the only way he’d get any attention was if he were the Smart One. So I let him be that. It didn’t matter to me so long as I could have a good time and my family was happy.”

“But why act like an idiot. You could have been the weird one without all of the ‘Poits’ and ‘Narfs.’”

“It started as a way to drive home the weirdness and well, it became a habit, narf!”

“Does Fuzzy know?”

“Probably. But she lets me get away with it because it makes her laugh. Never underestimate the power of laughter to win a woman’s heart.”

“So what did you want to talk to me about, briefly, there’s still something I have to do before I leave college.”

“Oz has talked to already, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re not going to do anything stupid, right?”

“Not unless Drea does something first.”

“Then we’re good. But remember one thing, if you step out of line, it’s my responsibility to stop you. And you know I’m a lot smarter than I look.”

“Fine. But if you’re going to be the head of the family then you need to act like it. Drea isn’t just Onslow’s problem and I hope it doesn’t take a burning bush for you to realize that. We may be the heroes. But even heroes have to do some pretty drastic things to prevent even worse things from happening.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“So, if we’re done. I need to do one last little thing.”

“Go for it, narf!”

“Archie Vetinari, you shall not keep my chicken from me. Bwahahaha!”

“Should we tell him that he’s cackling like a Bond villain?”

“Nay, it is best we not destroy all of his fantasies at once. Besides, my dearest Star is not here to partake in the destruction and I would not deny her the pleasure.”

“Smart lady.”

“Thank you.”

Chicken returned, it was time for Frank to finally take his first steps as a full time adult.

“I totally win the transition clothing wars! Woot!”

Appropriate outfit in place, Frank set off for Bluewater and his home with Star and the twins.

It was early morning by the time Frank actually got to the home that his mother had built for Star and him, he was tired and he wanted nothing more than to climb into bed and sleep.

He crept into the bedroom trying not to awaken Star when he saw another person lying next to her in the bed. He came to an abrupt halt, stumbling slightly.

The noise woke the other person. “Who’s there?” Mary’s voice called out.

“Um, it’s me,” Frank answered.

At his voice, Star woke up and slipped out of bed.

“Frank! You’re home!” Star crowed pulling him into her arms.

Taken aback, Frank really didn’t know what to say. “Uh…” came out of his mouth and he felt all of his intelligence slip away as Star rubbed himself up against him.

From the bed came a light laugh. “I think you’ve taken his breath away,” Mary said, a smile on her face.

“I like taking people’s breath away, it’s a nice change from when I was a teenager,” Star shot back. “I’m glad you’re home, Frank, if you didn’t get the idea from the rib crushing hug. I can give you another one if you weren’t clear on that.”

“No, no I got it,” Frank said smiling at the alien woman. “I’ve missed you too. It really sucks being in college when you would really rather be someplace else.”

“I get that. But you’re all done now.”

“I’m all done now.”

“Good, now you can be the one changing the diapers and cleaning the house while Mary and I goof off.”

Frank nodded. “It’s only fair.”

He took a step back. “So I see that Mary moved in,” he stated.

“You got a problem with that?” Star asked, a dangerous lilt to her voice.

“I don’t mind. So long that no one minds if my eyes stray a little. I mean you’ve got a great rack, Star. But Mary’s are fantastic!”

Mary started laughing at Frank’s crude comment. “See, I told you, my dear Star, that he wouldn’t be able to resist the two of us.”

“Yeah, you did. I owe you a diaper changing now.”

“So. How did this all happen?” Frank asked, tearing his eyes away from Mary’s bosom.

“The way it always does,” Star answered. “Single mom gets pissed off that her baby daddy isn’t there to help out with the midnight feedings then close family friend offers to move in to take up the slack because baby daddy can’t be bothered.”

“Now, Star, it really was not as bad as all that,” Mary protested. “What she’s neglected to mention is that I wanted to live with the two of you. It didn’t feel right the three of us being separate.”

“No, it didn’t,” Star agreed. “But that doesn’t let Frank off the hook for not being here to do his share.”

Frank winced. “I’m sorry. I tried to finish college as soon as I could.”

“I know,” Star answered.

“But know that doesn’t make up for me not being here, and I’m sorry.”

“You’re right it doesn’t, and sorry isn’t going to cut it.”

Mary turned to Star a pensive expression on her face. “And what do you think a fitting punishment would be?”

“You know, I hadn’t really given it much thought,” Star replied.

“The hell you say.”

“No comments from the peanut gallery, I’m conferring with Mary here,” Star shot toward Frank. “We could dress up in sexy clothing and give him a super hard on then leave him to his own devices.”

“Um, I’m a dude. Jacking off, just part of the normal routine,” Frank countered. “Although I should probably stop helping.”

“That would be the smart thing to do,” Star said. “But we didn’t pick you because you were smart. Any thoughts, Mistress Mary?”

“I do have one thought.”

“Oh?”

“I think we should just forgive him. He knows he’s in the wrong. Let him do whatever he feels she should to make it up to us.”

Star considered that for a moment. “And if he does nothing?”

“Then we follow through on your desire when you were giving birth. We roast his penis over an open flame.”

Frank blanched.

“Sounds good to me, Mary! What do you think, Frank? Think you can make it up to us?”

“When you’re holding my dick hostage, what kind of choice to I have?”

“None,” Star said gleefully.

“And Mary, I didn’t think you were the vindictive type.”

Mary laughed. “Oh, I’m not! I am quite the soul of sweetness. I just feel that the punishments should fit the crimes.”

“I see,” Frank mumbled. Then he glanced back and forth between Mary and Star. “So what were you two doing when I got here?”

“Sleeping, duh!”

“Just sleeping?” he asked archly.

“Well no,” Mary admitted. “Sometimes we cuddle and kiss and do other things. You’re not mad at us are you?”

Frank shook his head. “No, I’m not. I’m in love with you Star and I love Mary as well. I can see how you’d fall for each other. I guess what I really want to know is there a place for me here now.”

Star snorted. “Of course there is, you moron. So I love Mary, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. And the same’s true for her. Just because she’s grown to love me as a lover and not a friend doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t mind being with you as a lover as well.”

“Is that true?” Frank asked turning toward Mary?

“It is. I have grown to care for you both equally. Star is hot and passionate and I could feel myself consumed by her, while you are comfort and caring and I feel bathed in your love.”

“So now you both know what I felt like at the end of the challenge, don’t you?”

“Yeah, we do. But there’s one thing you’re forgetting. This isn’t a challenge and you don’t have to choose anyone,” Star said.

“In that case, I’ve got just one other question.”

“What?”

“Can I watch?”

“Oh Frank, you are such a little boy at times.”

“That he is,” Star agreed.

“But he’s our little boy.”

“Mmph!” Star agreed.

“So, bedtime?” Star asked.

Frank looked at the bed and then back up to Star. “Is there room for me?”

Mary reached forward a hand. “We’ll make room.”

And they did.

~*~

Across town, another family was just getting ready for a big day. First Cee watched to make sure that her five children got off to school safely, once again grateful to Kor for being a responsible boy.

Then she went from room to room, cleaning all of the things, including Gracie’s Womrat, George.

And all too soon, it was time to celebrate Cecily and Rowan’s birthday. Cee had invited everyone, and that’s who seemed to show up with one exception.

She scanned the crowd until she spotted him by the door, as if he was about to leave. She quickly blew out the candles for Rowan so that she could catch up with Oman.

The kids didn’t seem to notice, after all, there was cake and cake is always good.

“Oman, wait!” she called reaching out and catching his hand “You don’t need to go.”

Oman turned and flashed a quick smile. “I didn’t know if you wanted me to stay once the kids were grown up. Thanks for inviting me, it meant a lot.”

“I meant it, Oman. You don’t need to leave right away, I am certain that your children would like to see you and Kor has been asking about his Uncakor.”

“And what about you?” he asked.

“What about me?”

“Do you want me to stay?” he asked intently.

“Have I not just said that?” Cee asked, exasperated.

“No, you haven’t.”

He stepped closer. “I know the kids want me, but what about you?”

“What about me? This is not about me. It’s about you being responsible for your actions.”

“How can I prove to you that I’m not the man you think I am? I could grovel and beg and that wouldn’t solve anything. I could walk away and never see you again if that is what you wanted, even though it would tear my heart to shreds. Cee, more than anything I want to be with you and the kids. I don’t belong in my parents house, I don’t think ever did.”

Cee stepped back a pace. “Oh, Oman. That is very romantic, but you really haven’t done anything to show me you have changed.”

Oman tilted his head, visibly considering her words. “So you want actions, and not words.”

“I do.”

“Okay, go on a date with me. Just you and me and no kids. Let’s see if we still can connect without fighting. What do say?”

“I think it sounds like fun. But I get to choose what we do.”

“Fine.”

A look of pure mischief crossed her features. “I want to see one of these moving pictures. There is one on this book I read that looks like it will be most intriguing. It is called Dusk.”

“Cee, if you think that a Vampire movie is going to make me say no to the date, you don’t know how much I want to have you back. Heck, I’d go see all four of the movies with you if you wanted.”

“There are four movies?”

He nodded. “And I promise to take you to everyone, if you’ll let me.”

“It is a deal.”

“So when?”

“How does Friday sound?”

“Like a lifetime from now. But I’ll wait. I’ll wait forever for you, Cee,” Oman whispered pulling her to him.

She considered kissing him, but instead pulled him into a warm hug. “I’ll see you Friday.”

~*~

With the sleeping arrangements taken care of, Frank got started on the job of being a full time father. And he found that he didn’t mind diaper duty all that much, especially if diaper duty meant playing with the little girls he’d only heard about before.

Mary and Star also seemed to enjoy having Frank around to take care of the kids. It meant that they finally got to have some alone time.

It wasn’t long after Frank’s return that Mary started feeling a little out of sorts. She found herself unable to sleep at times while other times she was incredibly tired.

She also found the normal foods she liked unappetizing.

She was also much more irritable, with everyone, irrationally.

“It is most rude of you to prepare me an omelet and then not partake yourself in the same dish. It is most rude and unschooled of you. I would have thought you would have known better.”

“But I thought you liked omelets. It has fresh peppers and tomatoes in it.”

“Even more unchurlish that you do not share it with me.”

“Okay… I’ll put the leftover fish away and get an omelet,” Frank said warily.

“Mary, what’s wrong with you?” Star asked walking in from the other room where she could hear everything.

“Why would anything be wrong?” Mary countered defensively. “I just don’t think I should tolerate rude behavior.”

“And eating day-old fish is being rude?”

“It is!”

Star shrugged. “Doesn’t seem that rude to me. I mean I’d rather eat an omelet over stinky fish any day.”

“Oh Star! Everything is just so messed up!” Mary cried throwing herself into the other woman’s arms.

“Yes it is, what exactly is bugging you?”

“I do not know!”

“Is Frank really being that rude?”

“No, he has been most kind. I just do not know what is wrong with me lately.”

Star pulled away. “Well, you’re sure messing with baby boy’s head!”

“Oh I should apologize!”

“Pfft! Girl, if you aren’t messing with a guys head it just isn’t any fun.”

Mary and Star both giggled.

“I confess, my dear Star, that getting used to all of these new rules for behavior is most confusing.”

“But fun, it’s got to be fun otherwise why do it?”

“True.”

“Speaking of messing with the boy’s head, there’s something I think we should do.”

“Oh?”

“Girl, you need a makeover. That dress and hair may have been the hip thing in 1812 but now, it just singles you out and not in a good way.”

Mary looked down at her clothes. “I did not know that this was not acceptable.”

“It’s acceptable. Just not fashionable. A world of difference.”

“Then we must get to the dressmaker’s at once!”

Star smiled. “Why go to the dressmakers, when you have the internet? That and they don’t really have dressmaker’s anymore.”

“Oh. But then where shall I find proper raiment?”

“Follow me to the bedroom!”

“I shall find proper attire here? No offense, my dearest Star, but I do not see myself as the breeches wearing type.”

“Just look, and if you don’t find anything you like, then I’ll introduce you to the horror known as the Mall.”

“The Mall? Sounds ominous.”

“It is. And I’d like to avoid it at all costs.”

Mary gulped. “I’m sure I’ll find something appropriate.”

“How’s this?” Mary asked.

“I likey. Just enough boobage to be tempting and I get to admire your great legs.”

“It sounds like you picked this dress out for yourself, yet I know it is not your style.”

Star smiled. “How do you know I didn’t pick it out for me? Just because I’m not wearing it doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying it.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Check out what else is in there while Frank and I get ready for bed.”

“Am I supposed to wear this uncomfortable looking undergarment?”

“If you mean a bra, then yes,” Star replied.

“Or you could wear nothing. Free range boobies and all that. I wouldn’t mind that.”

“Frank?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

“So Mary, did you find everything you wanted?”

“For the most part, I will have to have Star show me this internet shopping mall so I might peruse the selections to see if there is anything else I might like better.”

“Then, why don’t you come to bed, Star and I are waiting for you. Oh and leave your clothes over there, you won’t need them.”

“I like the look, Mary,” Star said with a grin. “Naked is definitely a good look for you.”

“I could say the same thing about you,” Frank interjected.

“Of course you can.”

“What about me, do I look good naked.”

“Oh Frank, you’re a man. It’s not the same thing.”

Frank wiggled his eyebrows. “I’ll agree with you there!”

~*~

After the initial awkwardness of now having three adults in the house when before there were only two wore off a sort of comfortable companionship sprung up between the inhabitants. With each of them taking slightly skewed sleeping schedules to help take care of the kids and the house.

Unspoken between them was the fact that Drea was still out there and none of them really felt safe because of that.

By general consensus, Star continued to work as a Mad Scientist the house needed the money and the few hours that Star spent at work helped stave off any cabin fever.

While Mary painted amazing works of art inspired by the view through the upstairs window

Frank on the other hand, didn’t enjoy being a house husband all that much. To pass the time between diaper changes he tried writing an accounting of his time in the other universe. But it was harder than he thought and he found himself stymied for things to write about especially when recounting the chess dates. Cheating the woman you are wooing was all well and good for a cheap laugh, but it got old after a while.

It was almost a relief that the twins grew up the following night, he was running out of amusing anecdotes.

He didn’t have much time to think about his failtastic novel. Not when he had potty training to do.

Star even helped out when she was home although she vocally stated that she preferred kids when they were able to hold intelligent conversation. Preferably when they were in college.

Frank found himself more and more grateful that he had Mary around to help and he was suddenly aware of the problems that Star had gone through without him and felt a stab of guilt. He owed both of them a lot and he wasn’t really sure how to make it up to them.

Still, that didn’t mean he’d become a total pansy. He still liked playing pranks and messing around.

He was lucky that both Mary and star found his antics amusing. Even though they insisted that he be the one to clean up the mess, which he agreed to because it was only fair.

Then, as it does, the unexpected happened.

“So I told my assistant that a monkey could do the job better than he could. And the idiot dared me to prove it.”

“So what’d you do to him?”

“Me? I didn’t to a thing to the moron ass licker.”

“Okay, then what did the monkey do to him?”

“Nice catch, boy toy. I trained that monkey to do the job better and more efficiently than that moron and I even made the primate a hat saying ‘Will Work For Bananas.’ So guess what happened then?”

“Mary…” Frank said looking up.

Star looked confused for a moment then looked over to the woman waddling into the dining room. “What?”

“I have bit of a surprise for you.”

“I can see that,” Frank said blandly. “Take a seat. I’ll start cleaning up.”

“You do not have to,” Mary protested. “Cleaning up the dishes is my job since I am an awful cook.”

Frank smiled down at her. “It’s okay. I think I can let this slide. Besides, Star would kick my ass if I didn’t do something useful. Seeing as I likely put you in that state.”

“Maybe not,” Star said between mouthfuls.

“What?” Mary asked in shock and Frank slipped into the kitchen. “I thought that only men could get women pregnant!”

“Maybe where you’re from. The rules are a bit different here.”

“How different?”

“Really fucking different!” Frank called from the kitchen.

“Frank, let me do the explaining and you can do the cleaning!”

“Got it!”

“Well, where I come from there are potions that can make it so that same sex couples and get pregnant. Or even women getting men pregnant. It’s really weird but it can happen.”

“And here?” Mary asked.

“It’s even easier. This world is based on a cartoon and in cartoons anything can happen. You want males to get pregnant by other males? Done. You want females to get other females pregnant. Well, that can happen too.”

“I see. How long have you known this?”

“Pretty much since the beginning. Orikes, my creator, sat me down and went over a few things with me that Lark didn’t cover in her orientation.”

“Then that may explain it, my orientation was done by Temperance Chandler, you remember her, and not Cee since Cee was very busy and unable to leave her children unattended when I joined this universe.”

“So I’m guessing Tempe left things out.”

“She may not have, since most of what she said was very technical and confusing and then I was completely distracted by the strange metal man standing next to her.”

Star nodded. “I can see why that’d be distracting.”

“I know right!”

“Have you been hanging around De?”

Mary shook her head. “Not in this universe.”

The two ate in silence for a few moments.

Then suddenly Star blurted out anxiously, “Are you mad? That the baby might be mine?”

“Why are you asking this?”

“Because I love you, Mary and I’d be happy to have a baby with you. Especially if I don’t have to be the one to carry it, morning sickness sucks dead walrus balls.”

“What about me, Star?” Frank asked coming back from the kitchen.

“What about you? You know I love you, I’m not emotionally constipated like some people I know. It’s just that I love both of you and I don’t want Mary to be pressured into anything and well having a baby’s a big fucking deal. I should know!”

“So what do you want to do, Mary?” Frank asked taking a seat. “The baby could be mine or it could be Star’s we won’t know until it’s born.”

“Can I think about it?” Mary asked.

“You don’t want to get married?” Star asked.

“I didn’t say that. But to who? And what about the other of us. I have come to realize that we are better as a threesome than as a duo and I do not wish to change that.”

“So you aren’t going to leave us?”

Mary smiled. “Why would I do that when all that I love is right here?”

~*~

/End Part A

Mary did get her LTW to make $100,000 Simoleans. I did it the cheap way though. I bought and sold businesses until she got it. Seriously, she never rolled the want to get a job, unlike Frank or Star.

Speaking of Frank he is also permaplat now. Mary was his 20th Woohoo. In game and in story. Star was his first, Mary his last. Symmetry I likes it.

Thank to All of the simselves that let me use and abuse them (FuzzySpork, DrSupremeNerd, RegacyLady, OliveTheGreat to name a few.) And those creators who let me use their characters.

Also a thank you needs to go out to Peasant007 for her talking me down off of the ledge several times in the last year. Without her this story stood very little chance of getting updated ever again.

To Be Continued in Part B, whenever that is.