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Art of CompassionResponding to Grief, Loss
and Change
Dr. Janet Childs, AAETS-Diplomate
Bay Area Critical Incident Stress Management Team
Centre for Living with Dying program of Bill Wilson Center
What are Trauma & Stress?
OCCUPATIONAL
DELAYED
CUMULATIVE
ACUTE
TYPESOF
STRESS
Emotional trauma is similar to physical injury
Stress is the natural response to any
change or loss
Signs of Stress Response
Physical Symptoms
RelationshipIssues
Loss ofMeaning
Anger, Fear, Guilt, Sadness,
Loneliness
Isolation
Cascade Effect
Present loss is connected to past loss or crisis.
One loss perpetuates another.
All losses amplify each other creating a cascade effect.
A seemingly minor event can be the tipping/trigger point.
We can create a positive cascade.
Loss and change . . .
is a natural reaction.
involves reactions, thoughts, behaviors & feelings.
is social, physical, mental, spiritual & emotional.
knows no time.
has landmines.
comes in unpredictable waves.
Bay Area CISM
It is never too late to respond.
Dimensions of Change
Magnitude of Loss
Circle of Meaning
Spiral of reactions
Sensory, Time & Memory Triggers
Heart HotelBay Area CISM
PTSD now is PTSI
Can become PTG
Tending and Befriending*
OOC = Control
Isolation = Community
*Kelly McGonagal: The Upside of Stress
Heart Hotel
Everyone we love has a room in our heart hotel.
When they die or leave, no one can take their place in that room.
We can add rooms as we meet new people we wish to be in our heart.
Family Dynamics: Work and Home
Bay Area CISM
Judge each other on behaviors vs. feelings and
thoughts.
Each member has its own role and own loss.
Focus on individual experience, feelings and
needs.
Validate the strength of the family.
How to Support Others & Yourself: What is Needed
Bay Area CISM
Presence
Space
Listening
Acknowledgement
Honesty
Choice
Validation
Children, Youth and Loss
Honesty
Inclusion
Choice
Clarity
Information
Action steps
Basis of Support
Stay in the present moment.
Normalize grief/stress response.
Focus on most difficult issue RIGHT NOW.
Access what is needed RIGHT NOW.
No easy way over grief: Building the “New Normal.”
Bay Area CISM
Support for Illness and Loss
Honesty/ Information
Inclusion
Choice
Empowerment
Action Steps
Ability to support and be supported
Comfort
Circle of Meaning
People
Activities
Hopes & Dreams
Beliefs
Possessions
Internal Resources
The Village Within
Beliefs:
I will make a difference vs. I can make a difference by my presence
Who needs support/who can offer support
Action steps in community
Tools for Survival
Bay Area CISM
ACKNOWLEDGE
EXPRESS
ACT
RECONNECT
Remember as you walk forward….
Bay Area CISM
Be gentle with your own process.
What you do makes a difference in people’s lives.
We have today. Savor what’s good in your life
now.
Do something fun & life affirming for yourself in
the next 24 hours.
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