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7/30/2019 Nechama Comfort Presentation
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NechamahComfortCongregation Rinat Yisrael
May 5th, 2013
2013 Nechamah Comfort, Inc.
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Topics
What is infancy/pregnancy loss?
Understanding the grief
Phases of bereavement
The Jewish view
Family and community response
Nechamah
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What is Infancy/Pregnancy Loss?
Perinatal loss includes:
Miscarriage
Ectopic pregnancy
Medical interruption
Stillbirth
Newborn death
Twin or high order birth loss
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Understanding the Grief4
Grief is experienced in relation to the significance ofattachment. Pregnancy involves many levels ofattachment:
Planning the pregnancy
Confirming the pregnancy
Accepting the pregnancy
Feeling fetal movements
Accepting the fetus as an individual
Giving birth
Hearing seeing and touching the baby
Caring for the infant
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Understanding the Grief (cont)5
Infant/Pregnancy loss is different from other losses:
The loss is usually sudden and unexpected
The way our culture expects us to handle the loss
When we lose older family member or friends, we haveconcrete memories and mementos of their lives
With infancy/pregnancy loss, we have unfulfilled dreams,hopes, and what ifs
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Understanding the Grief (cont)6
Things you may experience or notice in othersexperiencing grief:
Physical signs fatigue, lost or increased appetite, sleepproblems, headaches, restlessness
Emotional denial, guilt, anger, depression, sadness, sense offailure
Social withdrawal from normal activity, isolation
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Phases of Bereavement7
Four phases of bereavement:
1. Shock and numbness
2. Searching and yearning
3. Disorientation
4. Reorganization and resolution
The stages dont necessarily happen in order
Not everyone experiences all stages Everyone experiences bereavement on their own
timeline
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Phases of Bereavement (cont)8
Four tasks of mourning:
1. Accept the reality of the loss
2.Work through the pain of grief
3.Adjust to an environment without the baby
4.Find a place for the babys memory and move on with life
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The Jewish View9
Spiritual effects that may result from a loss:
questioning of your core beliefs
searching for the meaning of the loss
changing the level of your involvement in religious life
anger with God
longing for a sense of connectedness and community, or
distancing oneself from the community
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The Jewish View (cont)10
Guidelines for infancy/pregnancy loss differ amongRabbis and communities.
Things to consider in any Jewish loss situation: hospital remembrances
naming preparation and burial
shiva
memory objects
yahrtzeit -memorial
yizkor
It is very important to consider the parents feelings inthese matters and present all options to them
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Family and Community Response11
Each family member deals with this grief in theirown way
Family dynamics determine the way each family
member responds Extended family may not be able be support the
parents as fully as the parents would wish
Because there is typically no formal shiva, many
members of the community have not known how toreact to the grieving family
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Family and Community Response (cont)12
When your friend or family member is grieving,dont: dominate conversations
use clichs: I know how you feel, at least you have other
children, you can always have another, at least you reallydidnt know your baby, this only happens to people who canhandle it, its a test from God and God only tests people Heloves, youll see the baby when Mashiach comes
passjudgment: you should be feeling better by now
avoid the couple because you are personally uncomfortable change the subject if they want to talk about the baby
give legal or medical advice, or suggest they had bad care
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Family and Community Response (cont)13
When your friend or family member is grieving, do:
reach out to them and acknowledge their loss
talk with mothers and fathers, siblings, and grandparents
allow them to express their feelings without passing judgment
Refer to the baby by name if they have named the baby
contact them when you say you will
understand if theydont come to your significant life events
ask about the funeral if there was one
Allow for silence
remember they may grieve at significant milestones
be genuine and caring
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Family and Community Response (cont)14
Take cues from the family as to how members of thecommunity should react:
visitors vs. privacy
providing meals
help with other children
It is helpful if the community has a trained facilitator to dealwith families for example, the Rabbi or Rebbetzin, a localsocial worker, or someone experienced with loss
Remember it is never too late to express yourfeelings to a family about the loss of their baby
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Nechamah15
Nechamah is a non-profit organization dedicated tohelping those who have experienced infant andpregnancy loss at any time in their lives. services to family members, clergy, members of the community, and
medical personnel immediate attention at the time of the loss to answer questions and
offer support
individual counseling
support groups
Jewish community awareness
guidance available to Rabbis and Rebbitzens
help in developing support groups in other communities and Israel
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Questions?16
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THANK YOU!17
Visit the Nechamah website at:
www.nechamahcomfort.org
To contact Reva Judas:
phone: 201 692 9302 email: nechamacomfort@gmail.com
Please help by making a donation toNechamah Inc.
All donations are 100% tax deductible. Donations can be mailed to:
642 Maitland Ave., Teaneck, NJ 07666
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