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Peregrine Falcon
The peregrine falcon is the fastest animal in the world, travelling at a startling 60mph when stationary.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
105cm87%93%44%
Mute Swan
Mute swans are made of glass and can’t actually swim; it is just an optical illusion.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
220cm68%23%89%
Canada Goose
Canada geese all come from Spain and have an intense animosity for the American continents.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
165cm44%39%78%
Shelduck
Shelducks are the only duck in the world to have shells.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
120cm50%8%19%
the fabulous baldmonkeyseenabird cut-out-and-keep
BIRD TRUMPS
Mandarin Duck
Mandarin ducks eat nothing but the chinese hoisin berry from which the popular sauce is made.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
70cm68%22%7%
Teal
Teals are like seals. But spelt slightly different.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
61cm35%47%82%
Tufted Duck
Tufted ducks get their tufts specially tufted at a salon in Basingstoke.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
70cm36%64%68%
Pheasant
Bob Monkhouse once told a joke about a pheasant.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
80cm27%89%69%
Rules:If you don’t know the rules for top trumps already,
there is something wrong with you.
Little Grebe
The little grebe is the slightly smaller cousin of the absolutely-massive grebe.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
43cm28%43%41%
Great Crested Grebe
The great crested grebe ain’t all that great really.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
88cm57%50%19%
Cormorant
Cormorants exist on a diet of nothing but korma and ants.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
145cm75%60%58%
Little Egret
Little egretses are the dullest animals in the British Isles.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
97cm43%19%25%
Why not cut out all the cards, put them in an old fag packet and give it to a loved one as a cheap
Christmas present?
Grey Heron
You can f it 45 grey herons on the back seat of a Mini.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
185cm71%21%92%
Common Buzzard
Common buzzards are so common that they drink tea without sticking their littlef inger out.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
120cm80%54%65%
Kestrel
Kestrels are the only animal, other than humans, to use pencils and calculus.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
73cm91%88%96%
Coot
Coots have very ugly babies. More ugly even than the BTO’s lies about bearded tits.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
75cm27%73%72%
All the pictures used on these Bird Trumps are taken from the sitebaldmonkeyseenabird.wordpress.com
which explains why they are so very much better thananything anyone else has ever done.
Oystercatcher
Oystercatchers hate the bureaucracy of circuses.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
83cm61%38%51%
Avocet
The oldest man in the world, Haslet O’Hara once accidently squashed an avocet with his mechanical arm.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
72cm74%12%3%
Turnstone
A turnstone will never knowingly nest inside a church. This is because turnstones used evil Satanic evolution to do existing.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
47cm29%15%42%
Curlew
Monks use curlews to keep that bald bit in the middle of their scalp free from crumbs and other debris.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
90cm74%22%20%
For Travel Bird Trumps, try printing the cards at 50%.On VERY thin paper.
Black-Headed Gull
Black-headed gulls have no knees and, therefore, are unable to use ladders.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
105cm39%76%85%
Great Black-Backed Gull
Great black-backed gulls actually are great.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
160cm74%93%80%
Swift
Swifts are the only birds which are unable to f ly.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
46cm18%80%33%
Kingf isher
All kingf ishers are female and, technically, should be called queenf ishers.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
25cm48%84%13%
It is a science-fact that only the pure of heart can ever win in Top Trump style games.
And Bruce Forsyth.
Common Tern
I once saw a common tern f ly into a post-box and steal all the stamps.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
89cm48%50%55%
Feral Pigeon
Guns ‘n’ Roses singer Axelle Rosé keeps feral pigeons as a hobby. This is a mistake as a hobby is a completely different bird.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
67cm32%89%99%
Great Spotted Woodpecker
You can catch yourself a pet great spotted woodpecker by carrying a plank of wood coated in strong adhesive.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
37cm53%56%23%
Swallow
Swallows are afraid of sunlight.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
34cm13%83%25%
Bird Trumps is a Christmas gift to the plebs frombaldmonkeyseenabird.wordpress.com
Yellow Wagtail
Yellow wagtails are so called because they all evaded conscription in the Second World War.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
25cm23%36%9%
Robin
Robins only have red breasts because they are allergic to feathers, which bring them out in a rash.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
21cm13%47%97%
Wheatear
Wheatears always cheat at boardgames on the last day of term.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
29cm21%30%29%
Whitethroat
During the last general strike, whitethroats all painted their throats green.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
21cm16%73%19%
Bird Trumps is a great game for birdwatchersto play with their friends.
Except that birdwatchers don’t have friends.Not ones they like, anyway.
Sedge Warbler
Sedge warblers love to eat small mammals called sedges. Which is why sedges are endangered and you have never seen one.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
19cm21%26%15%
Bearded Tit
Bearded tits do not exist and were only invented so really really dull people could make really really obvious “puns”.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
17cm2%3%0%
Long-Tailed Tit
The tail feather of a long-tailed tit is larger than three popes laid end-to-end.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
18cm4%4%60%
Jay
Jays are nothing more than camp magpies.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
55cm28%70%6%
There are no owls in Bird Trumps.This is because, technically owls are not birds.
They are legumes.
Rook
If you try to use a real rook to play chess you get banned from the chess olympics.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
90cm79%23%74%
Magpie
One for sorrow, two for joy, three for a job in an off ice, four for a different job in an off ice, f ive for an emergency. Fact.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
55cm72%19%63%
House Sparrow
Houses were accidently invented by the industrious house sparrow.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
21cm5%6%96%
Greenf inch
Greenf inches sometimes look grumpy. This is because they have gout. On account of they eat nothing but steak and brandy f lavour Trill.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
26cm11%85%77%
the fabulous baldmonkeyseenabird cut-out-and-keep
BIRD TRUMPS
Goldf inch
If you crush a goldf inch, you will discover its blood is pure gold.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
23cm9%25%60%
Corn Bunting
No corn bunting has ever made it past level f ive on Tetris.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
29cm26%33%51%
Osprey
An osprey has seven legs, just in case.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
155cm83%66%37%
Redshank
The redshank gets its name from being a communist. And living exclusively in Shanklin on the Isle of Wight.
wingspan:
beak evilness:
eye beadiness:
probability ofexistence:
49cm65%16%47%
HANDY HINT:When cutting out the Bird Trump cards, try not to stab a horse with
your scissors.Or a relative.
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