160330 edanz hiroshima

Hiroshima Retreat

30 March 2016

Andrew Jackson, PhD Alan Purvis

Author Retreat: Effectively Communicating Your Research

Section 1

Simple language

Simple language

Nature’s guide to authors:

Nature is an international journal covering all the sciences. Contributions should therefore be written clearly and simply so that they are accessible to readers in other disciplines and to readers for whom English is not their first language.

www.nature.com/nature/authors/gta/index.html#a4

“I should use complex words to make my writing more impressive.”

Simple language

To ascertain the efficaciousness of the program, we interrogated the participants upon completion.

Simple language

Simple language

To ascertain the efficaciousness of the program, we interrogated the participants upon completion.

To determine the success of the program, we questioned the participants upon completion.

Simple language

Simple language Complex words to avoid

Prefer Enough Clear Determine Begin Try Very Size Keep Enough End Use

Avoid Adequate Apparent Ascertain Commence Endeavor Exceedingly Magnitude* Retain Sufficient Terminate* Utilization *OK in certain fields (magnitude of earthquakes, to terminate gene expression)

Simple language

Avoid At a concentration of 2 g/L At a temperature of 37C At a wavelength of 340 nm In order to In the first place Four in number Green color Subsequent to Prior to

Prefer At 2 g/L At 37C At 340 nm To First Four Green After Before

Unnecessary words

Simple language

In the first place, in order to determine the critical point of the material, we incubated it at a

temperature of 95°C until it became black in color.

In the first place, in order to determine the critical point of the material, we incubated it at a

temperature of 95°C until it became black in color.

28 words

Unnecessary words

Simple language

“A number of studies have shown that the charged group...”

“...as described in our previous study.”

“...at a flow rate of 1.0 mL/min.”

“As a matter of fact, such a low-temperature reaction…”

“That is another reason why, we believe…”

“It is well known that most of the intense diffraction peaks...”

Unnecessary words

“A number of studies have shown that the charged group...”

“...as described previously in our previous study.”

“...at a flow rate of 1.0 mL/min.”

“As a matter of fact, such a This low-temperature reaction…”

“That is another reason why Therefore, we believe…”

“It is well known that most of the intense diffraction peaks...”

Simple language Use strong verbs

…estimation?

…decision?

…confirmation?

We made a…

Subject Verb

Still no idea what this sentence is about!

Simple language

Avoid nominalizations

Use strong verbs instead of converting a verb into a noun

Estimate Estimation

Decide Decision

Assess Assessment

We made a/an… We conducted a/an…

Extra, weak verb

We decided… Clear, short, and direct

Use strong verbs

Section 2

Active voice

Customer Service Active voice Active voice

Sentences written in the active voice are:

simple direct clear easy to read

The mechanisms regulating substrate rigidity were investigated.

Passive

We investigated the mechanisms regulating substrate rigidity.

Active

Customer Service Active voice Active voice is preferred

“Use the active voice when it is less wordy and more direct than the passive”.

“Use the active voice rather than the passive voice…”.

“As a matter of style, passive voice is typically, but not always, inferior to active voice”.

“In general, authors should use the active voice…”

ACS Style Guide

APA Style

Chicago Style Guide

AMA Style

“Use active voice. The use of active rather than passive voice produces clearer, more concise writing”

SPE Style

“Wherever possible, use active verbs that demonstrate what is being done and who is doing it…”

ASCE Style

“Use active voice by default; research shows readers comprehend it more quickly than passive voice…”

IEEE

Customer Service Active voice

Readers expect…

old/given/familiar information to appear first new information to appear last

An increasing number of people are relying on medical information sources that they find on the Internet. Hence, governments could conduct public campaigns to promote healthy lifestyles via online media.

The Internet is being used as a source of medical information by an increasing number of people. Hence, online media campaigns could be used by governments to promote healthy lifestyles among the public. (or… Hence, the public could benefit greatly if governments used online campaigns to promote healthy lifestyles.)

When to use passive voice

A. The rigidity of the scaffold increased after UV-O3 treatment.

B. The catalytic activities were investigated before and after surface modification.

Active or passive voice

C. Manufacturing increased after the introduction of the new assembly line.

D. Manufacturing was increased by the introduction of the new assembly line.

Active or passive voice

Common mistakes

Section 3

Coverage and Staffing Plan

Common mistakes

A B

Describe relationships

(a) A is 4 times larger than B (b) A is 4-fold larger than B (c) A is 4 times as large as B

Which of these statements are correct?

Coverage and Staffing Plan

Common mistakes

A B

Describe relationships

(a) B is 4 times smaller than A (b) B is 75% smaller than A (c) B is 25% the size of A

Which of these statements are correct?

Coverage and Staffing Plan

Common mistakes

Pronouns: this, that, these, those, they, it

Clarify Pronouns

“Titania (TiO2) has been extensively investigated because of its practical prosperities for a diverse range of applications including pigments, photocatalysts, solar cells... It has three primary polymorphs in nature…”

“Titania (TiO2) has been extensively investigated because of its practical prosperities for a diverse range of applications including pigments, photocatalysts, solar cells... TiO2 has three primary polymorphs in nature…”

?

Coverage and Staffing Plan

Common mistakes

Respectively is used for corresponding list items

The two values were 143 and 21, respectively.

The values for groups A and B were 143 and 21, respectively.

The two values were 143 and 21.

Using respectively

Coverage and Staffing Plan

Common mistakes

Compared with is for similar things

The surface area of the catalyst was reduced compared to the previous catalyst.

The surface area of the catalyst was reduced compared with that of the previous catalyst.

The surface area of the catalyst was lower than that of the previous catalyst.

Make clear comparisons

The surface area of the catalyst was reduced compared with the surface area of the previous catalyst.

Coverage and Staffing Plan

Common mistakes

Due to means “caused by” or “attributable to”

Due to the overly difficult test, most participants failed.

Owing to the overly difficult test,… Because the test was too difficult,…

The high failure rate was due to the test’s difficulty.

Use “due to” correctly

Coverage and Staffing Plan

Common mistakes

Use time words clearly

While many people read e-books, some still prefer real books.

Although/Whereas many people read e-books, some still prefer real books.

The patient had no appetite since he had eaten breakfast.

The patient had no appetite because he had eaten breakfast.

The plants were harvested as they flowered.

The plants were harvested because they had / when they flowered.

Discussing limitations

Section 4

Discussing limitations

Describe limitations and negative results

Why?

Reporting transparency

• Allows complete evaluation of your study • Prevents others from repeating those experiments • Allows others to modify those experiments • Prevents funding agencies from wasting money

Data repositories

Writing the middle of your Discussion

Discussing limitations

Readers focus at the end of the sentence to determine what is important.

1. You deserve the funding, but the study design is not perfect.

Which sentence suggests that you

will get funding?

2. The study design is not perfect, but you deserve the funding.

Sentence and paragraph structure

Stress position

Discussing limitations

The study design is not perfect, but you deserve the

funding. The grant will be awarded in two stages.

Stress position

Topic position

The topic position introduces the idea of the current sentence

The stress position also introduces the topic of the next sentence (useful for explanations and processes)

Sentence and paragraph structure

Discussing limitations

The local government has been striving to introduce Information and Communication Technology (ICT) in education. In college science education, technology was introduced through the ICT-Connect-TED project. The program aimed at improving the quality of lecturers through the use of ICT. ICT-Connect-TED recently provided computers and a networking infrastructure to selected tertiary colleges.

idea idea idea idea

Topic link

sentence

Adapted from: Kafyulilo et al. Educ Inf Technol. 5 May 2015; DOI 10.1007/s10639-015-9398-0

Linking your ideas

Discussing limitations

Readers use sentence structure to determine emphasis

• Stress position • Main clause vs. subordinate clause • Clause length

Useful in the Discussion Vary emphasis of your interpretations

Contrasting ideas

Discussing limitations Contrasting ideas

Main vs. subordinate clause

Although the study design is not perfect, you deserve funding.

Subordinate Main

Linking word

• Although • Even though • While • Whereas

Subordinate clauses say 2 things:

• Idea may not be important • There is a contrasting idea coming

Discussing limitations Discussing limitations

Although this study was limited by its small sample size, our results demonstrate that people using customizable news aggregation pages give high user experience scores.

Although our results demonstrate that page customization is useful, the study was limited by its small sample size.

Bad news = Subordinate clause at the start

Bad news = Main clause in stress position

Bad news = Subordinate clause at start Good news = LONG main clause in stress position

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Andrew Jackson: ajackson@edanzgroup.com Alan Purvis: apurvis@edanzgroup.com

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