Write tighterstc twincitiesworkshop

Write Tight (er)

Marcia Riefer Johnston@MarciaRJohnston

Sept. 9, 2014

A Fast, Pain-Free Technique for Creating Concise, Compelling,

Less-Costly Copy

@MarciaRJohnston Write Tight(er) HowToWriteEverything.com

What does conciseness mean (and not mean)?

How much difference can conciseness make?

How does conciseness help me sell?

How can I write more concisely?

Fast, !pain-free technique

WORKSHOP

Three-minute (mock) video

Minimalism

Concise means “minimal.”

Concise means “minimal.”Not short.

“Cut me a short string.”

“Cut me a short string.” Huh?

“Cut me a short string.”

Make text (like string) as long as needed.

Make text, like string, as long as needed. @MarciaRJohnston

Not robospeak.

Push button.

Not robospeak.

Push button. Push the button.

Not robospeak.

Keep the the.

Push button. Push the button.

Not gutted for mobile.

Don’t think, “Smartphone users won’t need that.”

They will.

Example

No discussion board?

Example

No calendar?

Example

Concise ≠!Gutted

No calendar?

Example

Minimal.

Enough to meet your audiences’ needs

Minimal.

Enough to accomplish your purpose

Minimal.

No more

Minimal.

No more No less

Write Tight(er): A Fast, Pain-Free

Technique for Creating Concise, Compelling,

Less-Costly Copy

Audience needs:!“What’s in it for me?”

Less-Costly Copy

My purpose:!Get you here

Less-Costly Copy

No more

Less-Costly Copy

No more No less

Less-Costly Copy

“Measured usability was dramatically higher for the concise version [of the website]—58% better.”!!

Nielsen Norman Group!www.nngroup.com/articles/

how-users-read-on-the-web

Small screens

Translation costs

Small screens

Translation costs

Readability

Small screens

Translation costs

Readability

Think !usability, engagement.

Write Tight (er)

“But I already write concisely.”This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.

This is your toothbrush when it’s ready to replace. The blue bristles have turned half white.

Readers want this.

Especially if you translate.

Philips Sonicare™ toothbrush

“But my stuff isn’t translated.”

Get ready!

How much can a word cost?

You may be needing a loan.

How much can a word cost?words6

You may need a loan.

words6

5 words

words6

5 words

words6

5 words

1 word

words6

5 words

1 word

Translation cost (or savings):

words6

5 words

1 word

words6

5 words

1 word

words6

5 words

1 word

1 sentence, 1 language

$ 0.25

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 1 language

$ 0.25

* the size of a Harry Potter novel

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 25 languages

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

$ 62,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

$ 62,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

a word? How so?

Close enough

a word? How so?

Close enough

Varies with the language

a word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database)

a word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word

a word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word

Full price

a word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match Full price

a word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match Full price

Pay less

a word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match “perfect” match

Full price

Pay less

a word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match “perfect” match

You still pay!

Full price

Pay less

Whether or not you translate,

whatever size your page or screen,

you owe it to yourself to ask …

How can I write!more concisely?

Dump these words!*

Dump these words!**unless you need them

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact that

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjust

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order to

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbial

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particular

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiage

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiageany other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch

be-verbs

are be-verbs

has beenwasam

are be-verbs

will be

has beenwasam

are be-verbs

isbe will have

been being

will be

has beenwasam

are be-verbs

be-verb. Any form of the verb to be—namely, am, are, be, been, being, is, was, and were—whether used as an auxiliary verb or as a main verb.

—Bryan Garner!Garner’s Modern American Usage

Start seeing be-verbs! @MarciaRJohnston

See be-verbs.

Now available

Start seeing be-verbs.HowToWriteEverything.com

Barbara Beresford, Minneapolis

Examples

“Bias tape has the advantage of being able to be applied smoothly around curves as well as straight.”

The fix might not be self-evident.

You have to think.

(Not too painful.)

“A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful.”

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful.”

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Audit logs are proof that no data breach !has occurred.

Our team wants to be predictive.

What does the team

want to do?

Skydiving was fun.

What happened?

Use be-verbs when they serve a purpose.

“Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.”!

—Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon

“Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.”!

—Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon

www.hemingwayapp.com

What it is is…

“What was found was that access points on maps were not reflective or accurate for where they are.”

“ There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things

that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things

we don’t know we don’t know.”!(attributed to a one-time US secretary of defense)

We don’t know diddly—

We don’t know diddly—except to avoid (most) be-verbs.

Be-verbs are everywhere. See? @MarciaRJohnston

See be-verbs.

-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)

Jane fully expects a big publisher to snap up her first novel.

We hope that people will actively participate.

Please listen carefully to the following choices so that we can immediately direct your call to the appropriate person.

Mahatma Gandhi truly changed the world.

@MarciaRJohnston Write Tight(er) HowToWriteEverything.comHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)!-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)!

@MarciaRJohnston Write Tight(er) HowToWriteEverything.comHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)!-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)!

very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)

Fred likes his toast very dry.

Fred likes his toast so dry.

Fred likes such dry toast.

Exception:the doge meme

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)!-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)!very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)!

not, no (& other negative words)

Do not use negative phrasing.

If you want viewers to focus on something, do not show faces looking away from it.

(This image is from an eye-tracking study by James Breeze!as cited in Garr Reynolds’s book Presentation Zen.)

If you want viewers to focus on something, do not show faces looking away from it.

(This image is from an eye-tracking study by James Breeze!as cited in Garr Reynolds’s book Presentation Zen.)

The Oregon Ducks have not lost a “Civil War” game to their archrivals, the Beavers, in seven years.

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)!-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)!very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)!not, no (& other negative words)!

the fact that

Given the fact that Joan understood topic-based writing, everyone went to her with questions.

Concept Task Reference

Given the fact that Joan understood topic-based writing, everyone went to her with questions.

Concept Task Reference

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)!-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)!very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)!not, no (& other negative words)!the fact that!

It's just that I just say just a lot. I just have the habit, so it’s just hard to stop saying it.

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)!-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)!very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)!not, no (& other negative words)!the fact that!just!

begin to, try to, tend to, in order to

Michael Noer handed the six-year-old the tablet. With no instruction, and never having seen a computer, the boy began to swipe the screen, launch apps, and play a pinball game.

Try to focus on breathing.

“Stop trying to hit me, and hit me.”!—Morpheus to Neo

“Do or do not. There is no try.”!

—Yoda

“Do or do not. There is no try.”!

—Yoda

“When our tools don’t work, we tend to blame ourselves for being too stupid or not reading the manual or having too fat fingers.”!

—Lev Grossman, Time

“When our tools don’t work, we tend to blame ourselves for being too stupid or not reading the manual or having too fat fingers.”!

—Lev Grossman, Time

In order to divert 34,000 tons of food scraps from landfills, Portland created a curbside-pickup program for compostable waste.

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)!-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)!very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)!not, no (& other negative words)!the fact that!just!begin to, try to, tend to, in order to

period of time

Jones and Caruthers have worked here for a long period of time.

Sketch by Brian Poulsen. Used with permission.

Jones and Caruthers have worked here for a long period of time.

Sketch by Brian Poulsen. Used with permission.

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)!-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)!very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)!not, no (& other negative words)!the fact that!just!begin to, try to, tend to, in order to!period of time

in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)

In light of my lack of cash, we stopped at an ATM.

Since…

In spite of his poor health, Samuel attended his niece’s graduation.

Since…

Despite…

I prefer that TV in terms of cost.

Since…

Despite…

Since…

Despite…

Since…

Despite…

…that cheaper TV.

“The word of is, in anything other than small doses, among the surest indications of flabby writing.”!

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)!-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)!very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)!not, no (& other negative words)!the fact that!just!begin to, try to, tend to, in order to!period of time!in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)

proverbial

The proverbial needle in the haystack

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)!-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)!very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)!not, no (& other negative words)!the fact that!just!begin to, try to, tend to, in order to!period of time!in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)!proverbial

different (as in many different, 36 different)

Our company understands the pros and cons of all these different technologies.

Steve Jobs’s name appears on 212 different Apple patents.

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)!-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)!very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)!not, no (& other negative words)!the fact that!just!begin to, try to, tend to, in order to!period of time!in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)!proverbial!different (as in many different, 36 different)

particular

Google’s CEO, Eric Schmidt, has a particular belief that Android’s open platform leads to more options and more consumer choice.

While Lady Gaga’s particular sense of style puzzles many, millions of fans say that her affirming theme of bravery and kindness has changed their lives.

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)!-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)!very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)!not, no (& other negative words)!the fact that!just!begin to, try to, tend to, in order to!period of time!in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)!proverbial!different (as in many different, 36 different)!particular

verbiage

We’ll throw some verbiage in there.

Want to make this technique even faster?

Try this.

This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.

Bet you didn’t miss the headline I deleted.

It’s mind-boggling to consider !what TIGHTENING that !

dramatic would do to!IMPROVES KEYWORD DENSITY.

Adjectives • absolutely certain, absolutely essential, absolutely

guaranteed, completely necessary, totally sure!• bald-headed!• best ever, first ever!• blue in color, few in number, long in duration, nubbly in

texture, round in shape, slovenly in appearance, short in height, slow in speed, small in size, tall in stature!

• booked solid!• exact same, same exact, same identical!• filled to capacity!• incredible to believe, visible to the eye, warm to the touch

Nouns • actual experience, actual fact!• added bonus!• advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,

advance reservations, advance warning!• all-time favorite, all-time record!• alternative choice!• anonymous stranger!• annual anniversary!• armed gunman!• artificial prosthesis!• autobiography of her own life, biography of his life

Nouns • actual experience, actual fact!• added bonus!• advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,

advance reservations, advance warning!• all-time favorite, all-time record!• alternative choice!• anonymous stranger!• annual anniversary!• armed gunman!• artificial prosthesis!• autobiography of her own life, biography of his life

And that’s just!the a’s.

Verbs • add an additional!• aid and abet, cease and desist, pick and choose!• allow you to be able to!• always include!• ask the question!• assemble together, attach together, blend together,

collaborate together, combine together, confer together, connect together, cooperate together, fuse together, gather together, join together, integrate together, meet together, merge together, mingle together, mix together, pool together, share together, splice together

Odds and Ends

• 6 a.m. in the morning, 10 p.m. in the evening, twelve noon, twelve midnight

• and etc.

• ATM machine, GOP party, GRE exam, HIV virus, ISBN number, LCD display, PIN number, RAM memory, UPC code—and my favorite: Please RSVP

www.HowToWriteEverything.com/Annals-of-Redundancy-Annals/

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