How can

we listen better?

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http://smartblogs.com/leadership/2014/11/07/become-a-great-listener/

If we were supposed to talk more than we listen, we would have two tongues and one ear.

Mark Twain

Question # 1: What were you taught to be: A listener or a speaker? Question # 2: What do you value most: Listening or speaking?Question # 3: In your next conversation, what goal will you set for what to listen for?Question # 4: What do you think about repeating what you heard the person say?Question # 5: How can we show more empathy? Question # 6: How can we ask more and better questions?Question # 7: How can we avoid to interrupt?Question # 8: How can we stop doing other things when listening to a person? Question # 9: How important is it for you to have eye contact with the person you listen to?Question # 10: How do we listen to a person’s body language?Question # 11: What do you think about taking notes about what you hear?Question # 12: What can we do to put away preconceptions?

Question # 1

What were you taught to be: A listener or a speaker?

Some of us may have had early experiences in life where we were taught to be listeners instead of speakers.

Some of us were taught that it was weak to listen, that we need to speak up.

https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-really-listen-to-your-employees

Further inspiration

http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/personality-16100233

Question # 2

What do you value most: Listening or speaking?

Further inspiration

http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/questions-to-discover-your-values

Question # 3

In your next conversation, what goal will you setfor what to listen for?

Before the talking begins, skilled learners mentally review what they already know about the subject.

Then they set a goal for what to listen for.

http://blogs.kqed.org/mindshift/2013/10/ready-to-learn-the-key-is-listening-with-intention/

http://www.fastcompany.com/3038222/4-habits-of-good-listeners

Question # 1What is the purpose of the interaction?

Question # 2What do you think you can learn?

2 questions to ask yourself

Question # 4

What do you think about repeating what you heard

the person say?

Person AIt’s impossible to work like this!

Person BWhat I hear is / if I understand you correctly, you find it difficult to work in these conditions.

Adapted fromKofman, Fred: Conscious Business, p. 157-158.

Adopting words, body postures, positions

and movements that are similar to the speaker will allow the speaker to relax and

open up more.

Sourceshttp://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic_listening/http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Listener

The listener does not have to agree with the speaker - he or she must simply repeat what he/she thinks the speaker said.

This enables the speaker to find out whether

the listener really understood. Sourceshttp://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/treatment/activel.htmhttp://sinekpartners.typepad.com/refocus/2010/06/there-is-a-difference-between-listening-and-waiting-for-your-turn-to---speak-just-because-someone-can-hear-doesnt-mean-t.htmlhttp://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.htmlhttp://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2013/07/practical_tips_for_overcoming_r.html

Question # 5

How can we show more empathy?

When you’ve had a long day and your partner is talking through his or her stresses, it’s tempting to let your partner know just how much bigger and more important your own issues are. That only creates tension.

Learn to simply listen and offer help to your partner.

http://blogs.hbr.org/2014/01/how-couples-can-cope-with-professional-stress/

Try to understand the other person’s mindsetand to relate to her / him as she / he speaks, reassuring him that you empathize what she / he is saying.

http://www.inc.com/tom-searcy/how-to-be-a-better-listener.html

There has to be a certain humilityto listen well.

Kevin Sharer

https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/Governance/Leadership/Why_Im_a_listener_Amgen_CEO_Kevin_Sharer_2956

Ability to pay attention

Need to be rightKofman, Fred: Conscious Business, p. 156.

Further inspiration

http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/social-competence

Question # 6

How can we ask more and better questions?

Examples of questions Can you tell me more about that? What does that really mean? How do you feel about it? How do you think that will go?

Sourceshttp://leaderchat.org/2012/09/03/3-tips-for-better-listening-and-the-one-attitude-that-makes-all-the-difference/http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2013/03/for_real_influence_use_level_f.html

By asking questions you draw other people in and engage them.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1195123/how_to_be_a_brilliant_conversationalist.html?cat=41

Ask questions from a position of curiosity.

http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/transform/dialog.htm

Aggressive communication

Effectivecommunication

Passive communication

Giving answers. Asking clarifying, open, and specific questions help people to, for example:

feel good.

think.

Not saying anything.

Types of questions

http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/question-types

Question # 7

How can weavoid to interrupt?

Be mindful that a pause, even a long one, does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished.

Let the speaker continue in their own time.

http://smartblogs.com/leadership/2014/11/07/become-a-great-listener/

http://leadershipfreak.wordpress.com/2013/03/21/the-secret-and-power-of-listening/

Closing your mouth

Silence can buy you time to think.

http://www.fastcompany.com/3038222/4-habits-of-good-listeners

Silence can be one of the most

powerful forms of communication.

http://blogs.hbr.org/2014/01/how-couples-can-cope-with-professional-stress/

http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/empathic_listening/http://www.inc.com/tom-searcy/how-to-be-a-better-listener.html

Working on not to interrupt.

When you interrupt, or when you plunge in too quickly to make yourself heard, you are

behaving impatiently.

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131217202348-46951391-the-art-of-listening

Question # 8

How can we stop doing other things when

listening to a person?

Listen. That means don’t multitask.

I’m not just talking about doing email, surfing the web, or creating a grocery list. Thinking about what you’re going to say next counts as multitasking. Simply focus on what the other person is saying.

http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.html

The human mind is unable to genuinely

focus on 2 activities at once.

Visible learning and the science of how we learn, location 2500.https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/769046140

The moment you remove your attention from a

task, you can expect no meaningful learning or skill development to take place.

Visible learning and the science of how we learn, location 2500.https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/769046140

You can’t pick up on facial expressions if your gaze is down at your phone.

https://hbr.org/2015/01/how-to-really-listen-to-your-employees

Question # 9

How important is it for you to have eye contact with the

person you listen to?

Dominant communication

Effectivecommunication

Passive communication

Starring.

Body leaning backwards.

Pointing finger.

Eye contact.

Body facing the person.

Open hands.

No eye contact.

Closed, sunk down body.

No use of hands.

Eye contact helps develop trust.

Addis, Scott: Body language. Actions speak louder than words.Rough Notes, July 2008.

Some people may avoid eye contact because they are shy. they were taught it was disrespectful to have

eye contact with superiors.

Clark, Thomas: Sharing the importance of attentive listening skills. Journal of Management Education, April 1999.

Sclavi, Marianella: The role of play and humor in creative conflict management.Negotiation Journal, April 2008.

In the Korean culture, it is considered a sign of extreme disrespect for a young person, especially a woman, to look straight into the eyes of an older person.

Question # 10

How do we listen toa person’s body language?

Voice

38%

Body

language

55% impact

Use of words

7% impact

Sourceshttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Albert_Mehrabianhttp://blog.doubleslash.de/richtige-kommunikation-im-softwareprojekt/

When we remain silent, we improve the

odds that we’ll spot nonverbal cues we

might have missed otherwise.

https://www.mckinseyquarterly.com/Governance/Leadership/The_executives_guide_to_better_listening_2931

Nonverbal cues could indicate what the speaker isn't saying. Often what she is not saying is as important as what she is.

http://web.hbr.org/email/archive/managementtip.php?date=012810

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The body always tells the truth.

http://www.bodieslanguage.com/

Question # 11

What do you think about taking notes about what

you hear?

http://www.slideshare.net/jahroy13/the-art-of-listening-2834432http://pss.sagepub.com/content/early/2014/04/22/0956797614524581.abstract

When taking notes, consider asking for permission.

Once you write it down,

you’ve put it in your brain.

http://barongroup.com/images/Are_you_listening.pdf

Further inspiration

http://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/the-brain-40297493

Question # 12

What can we do toput away preconceptions?

People can listen 3 – 5 times faster than they can talk.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4153/is_4_60/ai_106863366/http://www.inc.com/tom-searcy/how-to-be-a-better-listener.html

Because a listener can listen at a faster rate than most speakers talk, there is a

tendency to evaluate too quickly.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m4153/is_4_60/ai_106863366/

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Instead of judging a person you listen to, judge yourself: An idea might not strike you immediately, but if you give it time, and a little

thought, the idea could surprise you.

https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131217202348-46951391-the-art-of-listening

Further inspiration

http://www.7cupsoftea.com/http://blogs.hbr.org/bregman/2011/10/how-to-really-listen.htmlhttp://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htmhttp://www.slideshare.net/frankcalberg/social-competencehttp://www.slideshare.net/jahroy13/the-art-of-listening-2834432http://www.ted.com/talks/julian_treasure_5_ways_to_listen_better.htmlhttp://online.wsj.com/articles/tuning-in-how-to-listen-better-1406070727http://youtu.be/cSohjlYQI2Ahttp://youtu.be/NjUic9WqLrg

Thank you for your interest. For further inspiration and personalized services, please feel welcome to visit http://www.frankcalberg.com

Have a great day.